Flashback: Hallie's POV

Despite the muggy warmth of the air outside, Mr. Maypenny's cabin felt cold to the rain-soaked couple that had just entered it. They quickly set about building a fire in the fireplace and putting a pot of coffee on to brew.

"I'm sure Mr. Maypenny won't mind," Bill Regan assured his young companion in the kitchen. "He'll probably want a cup for himself, when he gets back."

"I thought you didn't like coffee," Hallie Belden suddenly stated as she pulled down a few mugs from the cupboard.

The red haired man blushed at being caught in his chivalry.

"Well, I…I drink it…"

"But, you don't really like it," Hallie finished for him. She felt good knowing that Bill would drink something he didn't like just to help her feel comfortable.

"It's not my favorite. But, hey, it's warm."

Hallie smiled to herself at his basic logic. Truly, his simplicity was one of the things that had made him so endearing to her lately. She appreciated the way he didn't analyze the world too much. And, she found it refreshing that he focused on the functional purpose for things, rather than obsess about superficial appearances. Hallie preferred functional over flashy any day.

"So, um…where is he, anyway?" She asked, suddenly feeling nervous about her new feelings for Bill. "I mean, Mr. Maypenny, of course."

"Believe it or not, he's out shopping. You remember his nephew, David, right? Well, his birthday is coming up, and Mr. M. wanted to send him something special. I'm sure he'll get tired of the whole process soon enough and be back. He really hates going to town."

Hallie wasn't sure she wanted Mr. Maypenny to show up anytime soon. She wanted to have time to tell Bill what she'd tried to tell him earlier that night. Before she got angry and stormed off alone. Before she'd foolishly gone into a fault trench in the dark and twisted her foot. Before Bill had ridden out to rescue her like a knight on horseback and swept her off her feet.

"Come on," Regan broke through her thoughts. "Let's go call your aunt and uncle and let 'em know you're alright."

After Hallie casually explained the situation to her family and secretly prayed that the stormy rain would continue long enough for her to have an excuse to talk alone with Bill, the coffee was ready in the kitchen. The two young people wasted no time in settling down by the fire with their mugs.

"Thank you for coming for me," Hallie said softly.

"You're welcome," Regan smiled.

"I…I'm sorry I got so mad at you."

"I guess I'm pretty thick sometimes, because…honestly, I…I'm not sure why you got so worked up. Care to explain?"

It was Hallie's turn to blush.

"Um…which time?" She asked sheepishly.

"Well, let's start with the first time you got mad at me tonight. Out by my apartment steps."

His handsome grin had her feeling all mixed up, and what she wanted to explain to him was too important to misspeak, so she avoided his gaze for a moment in order to calm her nerves that she might say what she wanted to say.

"Okay. As you may recall, you were about to brush me off and tell me that we couldn't be together. But, I was trying to tell you something very important."

"About you and Dan, right?" Regan sobered as he seemed to remember what she'd said about her physical encounters with his deceased nephew. "You said the two of you almost went too far once."

Hallie nodded. She didn't want to go into that, right now. But, she was glad she had told him about it.

Now to tell him the really bad stuff, Hallie thought miserably.

"Hallie," he broke into her thoughts. "I…I wasn't trying to brush you off, you know, it's just that…"

"I know," Hallie interrupted, "I get it. You don't want to get fired. I realized that when I was storming off in the woods. But, it had almost seemed like…I don't know…like you didn't even want to give us a chance. Like I wasn't worth the fight because I was telling you some stuff that made me look a little…um…like…um…like a floozy."

"Oh come on, Hallie. What are you talking about? You? A floozy?"

He put his mug down and moved closer to her.

"So, you almost went too far once. That's okay. It doesn't make you trash, and it doesn't make me see you any differently." He suddenly shifted in his place and Hallie could tell he was getting nervous, now. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you this but…um…I'm kind of not pure and perfect myself."

His revelation actually did make Hallie feel somewhat better.

"Who was the girl?" she asked shyly. "Joan?"

"Well…honestly…"

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I do want to. I want to tell you everything about me." He blushed and looked down at his big hands, which were hanging off the edges of his knees. "It happened when I was a teenager. One of the guys I grew up with in the orphanage kind of…set me up with her. It was one of those blind dates…um…sure things."

Wow! Hallie thought. I didn't know Regan even knew what a "sure thing" was.

She felt her own face growing flushed at the thought of what he might have looked like as a teenager. She imagined him as a broader, red-haired version of Dan. Her curiosity was peaked. Before she could stop herself, Hallie asked about his intimate encounter.

"Was it…good?"

"Hallie Belden!" Regan's eyes widened in shock.

She couldn't help but laugh at his prudish response.

"I'm not a child. We can discuss this. That is…if you're not too embarrassed."

He obviously was embarrassed, but he just chuckled along with her and shook his head.

"Well…it was…um…kind of…okay. Alright, look. I'm a guy, and so yes…it was good. It could have been the worst experience in the world, but as a guy, it would still be good for me." He laughed again. "I can't believe we're talking about this."

"Why not? I mean, we have kissed and all. I think it's something I should know about you. Did you ever see her again?"

In the firelight, Hallie could see the regret in his eyes.

"I tried to ask her out again, but…she didn't seem all that interested. To tell you the truth, I don't even remember her name. I'm pretty horrible, huh?"

"No. Not at all." Hallie moved closer to him and sipped her coffee. "I think you're something special."

They sat in silence for a minute, each contemplating what to say next.

"So…uh…why did you get mad at me on the way here? When you jumped down off the horse and nearly scared me to death," Bill questioned.

"I scared you?"

"Yeah, you scared me. I thought you were about to get trampled. It was a pretty crazy stunt you pulled. You realize that don't you?"

"Maybe not. I'm really not that good with a horse, remember?" She thought back to that moment in the forest, but she didn't remember him being frightened. "You seemed more mad than scared to me. Is all your huffing and puffing a cover up for your insecurities? You get mad whenever you get scared?"

Bill seemed taken aback.

"Wow," he said thoughtfully, "I…I never thought about it that way. I guess I always thought it was my Irish temper. But, maybe…maybe there's something to that."

His green eyes locked on to hers for a moment before he continued on in a smooth, deep voice that stirred up butterflies in Hallie's stomach.

"And maybe you, dear lady, do the same thing by changing the subject. You never answered my question. Why did you get mad at me on the way here?"

"Because I could tell you didn't want to be alone with me," Hallie said quietly.

She knew she had him figured out through and through, and it seemed to shake him up a little.

"Only in order to protect you, Hallie. You have to believe that. But, you thought it was because of what you told me about you and Dan, didn't you?" He asked gently.

Hmm. He's got me pretty figured out, too, she marveled.

"Partly because of that, and partly because…well…there's more. And, it's something I never even told Dan."

"Then, maybe you shouldn't tell me, either."

"No. I want to tell you. I don't want to make the same mistakes with you that I made with Dan. I want…a fresh start."

Hallie could see that Regan was waiting for her to continue, so she took a deep breath and tried to think of the best way to tell him about what happened with Luke. She wondered what damage it could do now.

He's already scared of what everyone else might think. This couldn't possibly make things any worse.

"Look," she started. "I did something that I…well…I'm not proud of. And, despite how horrible it was, I can't say I totally regret it. Because, see…it…um…it saved Dan's life. For the time, anyway. And…it sort of …bought me a little protection, too."

Suddenly, she felt sick. She hadn't eaten any dinner, and the hot coffee hitting her empty stomach didn't help the nausea that always accompanied her thoughts about Luke. As she fought off the disgusting feeling, Regan reached over and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Hallie, are you alright? You look really pale."

"I'm fine. Thank you. I…"

She looked up into his worried gaze and immediately wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms. He was so strong and safe. Maybe it wasn't the proper thing to do, but it was all she could think about.

And, he must have sensed it, too.

Before she could say another word, he quickly took the mug from her hands, placed it on the end table, and pulled her close.

"This must be pretty bad, huh?" He whispered against her ear. "You…um…you look very upset."

"Just hold me, please," Hallie murmured. She could feel herself trembling.

"Whatever it is, I'm here, okay? I won't…judge you. You can tell me." His voice was soothing and kind.

Without moving from his arms, she drew a ragged breath and blurted it out.

"I slept with Luke."

She felt him stiffen up as he held her, and she fought the urge to pull away from him.

He's just shocked. That's all. He won't reject me. I know it. He said he wouldn't judge me. He's not mad, he's just shocked.

After a few moments of tense silence, Bill slowly pulled back to look down in her eyes, and Hallie was suddenly frightened of the stormy look he was giving her.

"You…you should have told him, you know. Dan would have wanted to know about this."

"I know. But, honestly…I just…I couldn't. I'm so sorry…I…"

Regan quickly hopped up and spun away from her to pace a little bit back toward the kitchen area.

"Please don't be mad at me," Hallie said timidly.

"Mad at you?" Bill spat out as he turned back toward her. "I'm not mad at you. I'm…I'm wishing I could get my hands on Luke…that little…no good…" He clenched his fists and brought them down hard against his thighs with an angry growl. Then, he quickly stalked back to where she was sitting in front of the hearth and knelt down in front of her.

"Oh my God, Hallie, please tell me you told the police about this when they found you guys in the Inn."

"No, I…I didn't. It wasn't…like that. It wasn't rape. I…I went with him…willingly."

"To save Dan. You said so yourself. Oh my God…why didn't you tell anybody? Hallie, he threatened to kill the two of you, so you allowed it…but that's still rape!"

"No. It…it didn't exactly happen that way." Hallie was feeling lower than ever.

"Then, tell me how it happened, okay? Because this…this isn't sounding so good…" Bill shot up and away from her again to resume his frustrated pacing. He was wringing his hands and shaking his head furiously.

Hallie could feel her body trembling more violently now. She crossed her arms around herself and tried not to rock back in forth like a pathetic, little child.

"They…they were planning to kill him, and I overheard them. It wasn't a joke, Regan. They were going to do it. They had already decided where to hide his body. Luke said Dan had betrayed them for the last time and he…he knew too much…they had to get rid of him. I panicked. I knew I had to do something, so I pulled Luke aside, and I bargained with him to save Dan. But, I wasn't even thinking about what the others were planning to do to me after they got rid of Dan. I swear it! I didn't do it to save myself! Please believe me. Luke was the one who promised me that none of the others would touch me. That part of the deal was his idea, not mine. I swear! I didn't do it to save myself."

Bill looked at her as if she'd ripped his heart out.

"Oh, Hallie, I know it wasn't your fault…that's not what I'm saying…it's just…" He fell down in front of her again and swiftly pulled her into his lap. "Oh my God, you've lived with this all these years. And you were just…just a kid! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He must have hurt you. He did, didn't he? Oh, Hallie you should have told someone."

She broke down against him, sobbing uncontrollably into his chest.

"No," she choked out. "That was part of the deal. I promised I wouldn't tell the cops."

"Oh, Hallie," he groaned mournfully.

She could feel him shuddering a little as if he were crying, too, and it made her feel even more guilty.

"It's okay," she managed after a while, "I'm the one who chose to go through with it… to save Dan. Sure, it was…somewhat…horrible, and I still have nightmares sometimes, but… it gave me more time with Dan, so I…I can't completely regret it. Just…just don't hate me for it, okay, Bill? I don't think I could stand that."

He held her at arm's length and she could see the tears in his emerald eyes.

"I could never hate you. I …I love you. Do you hear me? I love you." He kissed her roughly.

Hallie suddenly felt as if her heart would explode from the intensity of this passion that was now passing between them. She was so overwhelmed she could do nothing more than kiss him back until they were both emotionally drained and breathless.

"Listen," he suddenly pulled back and gave her shoulders a quick shake, "I don't think any less of you because of this. Got that? I…understand everything now. I know why you were angry with me earlier. But, I love you, and you are worth fighting for. I promise. I'll fight for us, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered.

He pulled her into his chest again and held her tightly. His touch and his words did a lot to settle her growing fears. They sat like that for a long time before Hallie finally pulled away and led them to the sofa where they could sit more comfortably.

"Am I the only one who knows about this?" Bill asked after a while.

"No. I told Trixie once. While Dan was still very sick. We agreed that it would have killed him if he found out, so she promised she wouldn't say anything. And, then, one time I…sort of …freaked out on Brian and had to…tell him a few details. But, he doesn't know the whole story."

"What do you mean, you freaked out on him?"

Hallie hung her head, fearing another breakdown. She fought it off and tried to choose the right words to say so that she wouldn't reveal how very terrified she'd actually been that night.

"It was late one night at Crabapple Farm, and I had been having a nightmare about…you know…what I did with Luke…and I had gone to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I was coming out into the hall at the same time Brian was trying to come in…when…"

"When he startled you and you freaked out on him?"

"Yeah. Something like that." Hallie gave a little laugh. "He bugged me for over an hour about my reaction. I gotta hand it to him, he wasn't going to leave me alone until I told him what was up."

"And what did you tell him?"

Hallie sighed. "He could tell someone had scared me…you know…in that way…and so, I had to make sure he understood it wasn't Dan. I just told him my first…lover…so to speak…who Dan knew but didn't know I'd been with…hadn't exactly been gentle with me. And I told him I was scared of Dan finding out. That was all I said. It wasn't a lie. I just didn't tell him… everything."

"Hmph! This could be bad," Regan said with a shake of his head.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on. Think about it. You told Brian you had a scary sexual experience with someone Dan knew. When he finds out about us being together now, what do you think he's naturally going to assume?"

"Oh, please," Hallie said with a laugh, "Brian never jumps to conclusions. That's Trixie's department."

"Still, I have a sinking suspicion that he'll think it was me."

"Well, we'll know when he finds out about us." Hallie tried to think positively.

"Yeah…about that," Bill said slowly. "How are we gonna do this? I mean, how do you plan to tell everyone about us? I would like to avoid being strung up by your family…if that's at all possible."

Hallie sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Well, I actually think my parents already expect this. I mean, they pretty much know how I feel about you."

"And, they're okay with that?" Bill seemed surprised.

"I think after seeing the depression I went through…you know, when Dan passed…they're happy anytime I just get out of bed in the morning. For me to fall in love again is…a bonus. They already know how much we support each other. Trust me. They'll be okay with it."

"But Trixie's folks won't be, will they? I'm almost ten years older than you are."

Again Hallie sighed.

"I think it will take some time for them to get used to the idea. At least, for Uncle Peter, anyway. Aunt Helen is an old softie. I don't think she'll freak out for too long. It's Trixie I worry about. She's definitely not going to like it."

She sat up and gave him a smile before continuing on.

"How about we only tell Aunt Helen and Uncle Peter for now? Let's let them get comfortable with it, and then we can tell the others."

"Okay, but I have to tell Matt, too. Mr. Wheeler is like family, and…well, he needs to know. In fact, I need to tell him tonight."

"Should I come with you when you talk to him?"

"No. I think I should do it alone. But, we should go together to talk to your aunt and uncle." Bill stood up and went to the window. "Looks like the rain has let up. We could go now and talk to them when I drop you off."

"Or…we could stay here a little bit longer and…talk some more," Hallie said with a wag of her eyebrows.

"And risk Mr. Maypenny walking in on us? Honestly, Hallie, I don't think he's someone who needs to know about us first. It might be too much for him, right now."

"That's true. His health has really gone down fast since we lost Dan." She suddenly felt the familiar pang of grief in her chest, and she knew from the look on his face that Bill was feeling it, too.

"I'll bet he's laughing at us, right now," Bill said, crossing the room to sit down beside her again.

"Yeah. And wondering why it took us so long to figure out that we're good together."

"We are, aren't we?" Bill put his arm around her and gave her temple a quick kiss. "We're two mixed up messes of grief and guilt, but we make a pretty good team."

Hallie laughed. "A mixed up messy team. Ah, don't worry. We'll be okay. Time solves everything. Besides, it's like we're getting a second chance. And, Dan, of all people, would have appreciated that."

Regan pulled her close. She could feel the steady rhythm of his heart beating in his chest and the vibration of his deep voice as he spoke over her head.

"God, yes," he agreed.