Matthew Belden's flashback continued…
"Matt, dear? Is everything alright in there?" Madeleine Wheeler's fragile voice now came timidly from the dark hallway. She and Honey were huddled together a few feet from the door, clearly uncertain about whether or not they should enter.
"It's…it's alright. Everything is fine. But, stay where you are. There's broken glass on the floor in here."
"Oh, Daddy, what happened?" Honey whimpered.
"Dan was having a bad dream and knocked over his water. It's nothing to worry about. Go back to bed now, love. Jim and I have it taken care of."
As if the little family discussion somehow managed to pull Dan from his trance, the dark haired teen shivered into complete consciousness and held his injured knuckles up in front of his face, trying to make sense of his situation.
"I…I'm sorry," he stammered, looking around frantically. "I…must have been dreaming…and…I…didn't know what I was doing…"
"It's alright, Dan. We know you didn't mean any harm." Jim whispered from close beside him.
"Jim's right, Danny. It was just an accident." Honey's sweet voice from the hall did a lot to calm the young man. Matt could see the muscles in his arms, shoulders, and neck beginning to relax.
"Come on, Honey," Mrs. Wheeler pulled her daughter away gently. "It's best to let your father handle this. Try to get some rest, Daniel," she called back as they retreated.
"Uh…thank you…Honey…Mrs. Wheeler…uh...I'm sorry I woke you…" Dan's confusion appeared to be melting away more and more with each phrase, but Matthew could tell it was a struggle for him to hold such polite conversation while his mind was still filled with lingering terrors from his dream. The teen continued to stare at the blood on his right hand, furiously blinking back tears that were threatening to well up.
Sensing Dan's embarrassment and need for space, Jim slowly moved away from his friend and busied himself with cleaning up the broken glass. He gave his father a knowing glance.
"I'll get this all cleaned up, Dad, if you…um…want to take a look at Dan's hand."
Matt knew he had to do this carefully, so he took his time in moving to sit closer to the youth on the bed. "You're not going to deliver me a right hook like you did that glass, are you?" He teased.
"Oh no sir," Dan's voice held a chuckle mixed with guilt. "I'm so sorry."
"Nonsense! Please don't mention it again. What's done is done. Now, let's see those cuts, shall we?"
He was pleased that Dan didn't flinch this time, but quickly surrendered his hand trustingly.
"It doesn't look like any glass got down in the cuts anywhere," Matt said, finally satisfied that the boy wasn't seriously hurt. "There must still be some alcohol pads and bandages in the bag we brought back from the hospital. Why don't you just lie back and try to rest for a minute while I go and get it?"
"Thank you," Dan whispered.
It was a simple response, but it meant a great deal to Matthew.
No protests; no attempts to do it for himself. He's finally allowing me to take care of him.
Before long, Matthew was back with the supplies he needed to clean and bandage Dan's cut knuckles.
Jim had already finished his task of clearing away the debris from the shattered glass and was now sitting in the bedside chair, trying hard not to fall asleep.
"I've got this, Jim. You can go on up to bed," Matt said, getting straight to work on Dan's hand.
"Are you sure?" Jim hesitated again. He looked at Dan to make sure his friend didn't need him to stay.
"Don't worry about me, Jim. I'm fine now," Dan assured him.
"Well…alright. But, if you want to talk about it in the morning…you know I'm here."
"I know. Thanks. And…I'm…I'm glad you were here tonight. I mean…I know you can…understand."
"Anytime, Mangan. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
I'm glad Jim was here, too, Matt thought humbly as he finished wrapping Dan's hand. I don't think I could have held Dan back all by myself. He was determined to fight, this time.
"There now, Champ" he said when he'd finished. "Your boxing hand's good enough for a rematch. Only this time, since you beat the water glass, you're going to have to move up to heavyweight status and take on the lemonade pitcher."
Dan gave an embarrassed groan. "I thought you said not to mention it again."
"I said for you not to mention it again. I never said I couldn't remind you of it from time to time."
"Oh, great. Just one more expense for you and Uncle Bill to argue about," Dan groaned again.
"Now, I was just kidding, Dan. Let's forget all about that silly old glass. And anything else that might be troubling you tonight. Come on," he helped the young man pull the covers up over his legs, "you just lie back down here and get yourself a good night's sleep."
But, Dan almost seemed afraid to go back to sleep at that moment.
"Thank you, sir, but…I think…I might sit up…for just a bit," he said softly.
"I understand, son. Is there anything I can get for you? Shall I turn on the television in here?"
"No, thank you. But…um…could you…stay with me…for a while? I still feel…"
"Say no more," Matt exclaimed, eager to please. "How about I break out my latest box of chocolates? Come on…you know you can't say no to chocolate!"
Dan's weak body forced a grin on his tired lips.
"Well…since you twisted my arm…"
"Hah! You're just going to love this new batch, I've gotta tell you. Wait right here."
Matt flew to his office to get the latest imports, feeling grateful that his catnap earlier had given him enough energy to be ready for a late night chocolate fest.
He opened the richly decorated box in his hands as he was stepping back into Dan's room.
"Try one of these, Dan. They're drizzled in fudge."
He took one of the candies for himself before passing the box to the young man in the bed.
"Thanks, Mr. Wheeler," Dan whispered. "…for everything."
"You know you are more than welcome, Daniel."
He took the box as Dan offered it back to him, placed it on the nightstand, and sat down in the bedside chair to taste his treat. He looked up and noticed Dan's face was suddenly drawn in thought.
"I feel guilty sometimes, when I know that Mr. Maypenny is all alone at home without me…but…I sure appreciate you taking care of me like this…" Dan gave Matt a sad smile and took a bite of his candy.
"Will you stop with the same old grateful orphan speech?" Matt teased. "It makes the chocolates taste bad." He had learned to keep the mood light after one of Dan's episodes. Whether he was having a bout of nausea or a terrifying nightmare, Dan's ability to remain positive afterward often affected his physical recovery time.
"Mmmm. It didn't make these chocolates taste bad," Dan purred between bites. "That's the stuff! Where did you get these?"
"They're Swiss. Pretty good, huh? Hey, you know what I said before. As soon as we get you well again, I'm going to take us all to Europe and show you where some of our favorite chocolates are made. We'll take the Bobwhites with us, your Uncle Bill, why…I wonder if we could even talk old Mr. Maypenny into going, too."
"Not likely!" Dan snorted, gaining strength from the sugar in the treat. "I'll bet he's never flown in a plane in his entire life."
Matt smiled at the idea. "Oh Dan, I think you'd be surprised if you knew all the details of that man's life."
"I know what he wants me to know," Dan's voice was soft. "I guess we're a lot alike in that way."
The two men sat quietly for a while, each reflecting on his own special relationship with the old gamekeeper who lived at the heart of the preserve, when Matt decided he should probably offer Dan a chance to talk about his nightmare.
"You…uh…scared me earlier when I heard you screaming. I thought you'd seen a ghost or something."
The youth gave an embarrassed grimace. "Sorry about that."
"Want to talk about it?"
"What's to tell? It was another dream about…the gang. You've…you've seen me have them before, I'm sure."
"Well, put your mind at ease. Luke's in jail where he can't hurt you. So, you don't have to worry about that anymore. You're safe, now."
"You know," Dan suddenly looked agitated, "I don't even think it was really about that, this time…I mean…about Luke specifically." He twisted his bandaged hand in the bed clothes covering his legs. "I think, maybe…if I want to be honest about it, I probably had that dream right now because I'm…I'm worried about Hallie."
"Hallie?" Matthew wasn't sure he completely understood.
"See…the thing about that dream …what made it so scary was… I knew she was in danger, and…I… I couldn't protect her. I was outnumbered. She was so scared…and there was nothing I could do to stop it." Dan bit his lip and stared mournfully down at his hands in his lap. He picked at the bedspread for a moment, grabbed a fistful of the flowery covering with an exasperated sigh, and then squeezed the cloth as if he were getting a grip on his thoughts by gripping it so tightly. When his frustration seemed to be under control, he continued in a voice husky with emotion.
"It was…kind of like… the way the situation is with her now. She's really scared of losing me…but it's all out of my hands. There's nothing I can do."
Matthew marveled at Dan's selflessness.
After all he's been through, he's worried about her.
"I just…I just wish what was happening to me right now didn't affect her so much," Dan continued. "I want her…to…to go on with her life and be happy. I don't want her to have any regrets when she looks back and thinks about me…" He paused for a minute and then mumbled, "…after I'm gone."
"Don't talk like that!" Matt snapped out more angrily than he'd intended. "You're not going to die, Dan Mangan. You're going to beat this! Look at you, why…you're already a hundred times stronger than you were before the surgery. And your hair's already grown back, too. "
"Sir, it's okay. I know the truth. You…don't have to try to fool me. And, you don't have to keep promising me future trips around the world to give me hope or make me forget what's happening. Don't get me wrong. It's a lot of fun, and I really love sharing this kind of time with you, but let's face it…I'm dying."
"No, you're not!" Matthew stood up defiantly like a spoiled child. "How can you say that?"
"Because it's true. And…I know you must believe it, too, or else…you wouldn't be working so hard to make me and everyone else believe otherwise. Look…I've read the doctor's reports, sir. Just as you have. And…I've seen you…praying over them in your office. You and I both know, if it weren't for you taking such good care of me…I'd have been gone long before now."
Matt suddenly felt a cold chill take over his spine. He could sense the bitter taste of bile in the back of his throat.
"That's…that's just not true," he managed to whisper through his discomfort.
Keep it together, Matt, he scolded himself. This kid needs you to be strong. You've gotta have more faith if he's ever going to have a chance to survive…
"I know that look." Dan's voice broke into his thoughts. "And I know the feelings that go along with it, too. I know because it's exactly how I felt when I realized my mother wasn't going to make it. I thought I had to keep my chin up and never let anybody know that I knew the truth. I thought I could make the last of her life better for her if I never let on…"
"But… but you let those doctors cut you open and…and…suffered all that radiation…why? Why did you go through with all of this if you knew…if you knew it was all just a big waste of time?" Matt couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Because all the people who love me didn't see it that way. To them, it was something else they could do to make it better. I had to give them that."
Matt stared at the young man in front of him with new understanding.
It was the first time he'd ever actually seen Dan for who he was: a truly strong and selfless person. How different the calm and confident person before him now was compared with the trembling figure that he and Jim had held on to earlier.
"A minute ago you were terrified of a dream, but now…you aren't scared one wit about facing death. You're quite a man, Dan Mangan."
The tears he had been trying all evening to hold back slipped silently from Dan's eyes now.
"That means…a lot to me, sir. Especially…for you to…see me as…a man." He gave Matt a smile that tore his heart. "But, you're wrong about one thing, Mr. Wheeler. I am…a little bit scared."
Oh Lord, please no. Not now. Please don't let him be scared, now. Not after he's been so brave.
"Don't get me wrong," Dan continued on quietly. "It's not that I'm scared for myself, really. It's thinking about what's going to happen to Uncle Bill and Hallie that scares me most. Like I said, I get worried about her being so scared. And, Uncle Bill…well…he's already put his whole life on hold since I came to Sleepyside. I mean, nothing personal, but…he can't be your stable groom forever. How's he ever going to get married and support a wife doing that?"
Matt chuckled through his own tears.
"Now, you shouldn't worry too much about all of that. You know Bill's got his own timing. He'll get around to all of that eventually."
"But, what if he doesn't? What if my death becomes just another excuse for him to put off dealing with his insecurities? You and I both know unless someone gives him a good push in the right direction, he'll never get off his duff and go after his dreams."
Again, Matt was amazed at this young man's insight and wisdom.
"I guess I never really thought much about Bill's future before," Matt admitted. "I probably would have just been content to let him stay here forever, if you hadn't said anything about it."
"See what I mean?" The two men laughed, and then when Dan had regained some composure, he looked up with pleading eyes. "So…I need for you to promise me something. Please, Mr. Wheeler. I'm sorry to ask one more thing on top of all you've already done, but…it would make all of this so much easier for me."
"Anything, Danny," Matt said gently. And he meant it. He stopped trying to hide his tears and sat down close again beside the bed.
"I know there's nothing you can do about my concerns for Hallie. I suppose she'll stay out in Idaho, and I'll just have to go on faith that Trixie will keep her on track."
"Oh boy, you do have something to worry about if you think those two will get along long enough to keep each other straight," Matt couldn't help but tease.
Dan smirked in agreement. "But, at least they have each other. See, that's the thing. Hallie has parents, and brothers, and all the Beldens living here…but…well…where Uncle Bill is concerned… You're all he has."
The reality of that statement hit Matthew like a ton of bricks. It was the first time he'd ever realized how important he was to his employee.
"Please don't let him give up his dream of starting his own horse ranch, just because I won't be there to help him run it. Make him do it. Tell him, it's what I wanted."
"But, why don't you just tell him yourself?"
"Because I can't let him know I'm dying until it's too late. I can't let him live with that kind of knowledge the way I did. I'm sorry. I know I've put that burden on you, but…I can't do that to him. Let him believe I'm going to make it…all the way up to the end. Please. Can…can you promise me that?"
"I promise." Matt blubbered as he broke down. He sobbed quietly for a moment and then couldn't keep his distance anymore. He moved to sit beside Dan on the bed and pulled him into a fatherly embrace. He could feel the younger man's body shuddering as he also wept. They stayed that way for a little while. Pouring out their griefs and fears on each other's shoulders.
Later, after the pair had talked some more and found some peace with all that had been said, Matt turned back at the door before leaving to let Dan get some sleep.
"Dan, I really wasn't just making up false hopes when I told you I'd take you to Europe. I promise you. Why, we could even go tomorrow, if you want. I could get a private jet, and…"
Dan's laughter interrupted him.
"No,no,no. It's alright, sir. Really. Maybe, before the surgery, I would have taken you up on that. But, honestly, I just don't think I could make the trip, now. Besides, you're already giving me the one thing I really want. I need to know Uncle Bill will be alright when I'm gone."
"I promise you. I'll keep up with Bill like he was one of my own. No matter where he goes, I'll look out for him."
"Nothing fancy, of course. No Swiss chocolates or private jet rides, or anything," Dan teased.
"Of course not. We wouldn't want it all going to that big head of his, would we?" Matt sniffed. He couldn't stop thinking he was the one getting the blessing out of this promise, not Dan. "You're a good person, Dan. And…and…Maddie and I care a lot about you. We love you. I hope you'll always remember that."
"Yes, sir. Um…Mr. Wheeler?"
"Yes?"
"I love you, too."
Matt never knew a person's heart could soar and break at the same time.
"Good night, Dan. I'll…I'll see you in the morning."
"Good night, sir."