Donum Deae – Prank War

Midgar -1995

Oh this was too perfect! Stepping into the SOLDIER / Turk lounge a sixteen year old Sephiroth could not keep the evil smirk from crossing his face. This was a once in the lifetime opportunity and there was no way in sweet Shiva's fine ass was he going to pass up this chance!

At one of the farthest booth tables' long silk like black hair could just be seen laying over the edge of the bench seat. People could be seen moving around the table staring in awe and taking pictures of this very rare sight.

Moving up himself Sephiroth smiled seeing his niisan was passed out cold, his arm thrown up over his eyes and snoring just slightly. Now while it was not exactly uncommon to see a SOLDIER or Turk passed out in their chair or bench in the break room it was who exactly was passed out that made it such a spectacle.

Tseng the young commander of the Turks and Sephiroth's adopted niisan was a man that almost never let his guard down; to see him here passed out with his guard down was the opportunity of a life time.

"How out is he?" Sephiroth turned his attention to one of the 2nd class SOLDIER that had been in the break room the longest. "Like a mako light bulb in a Nibelheim snow storm." Damn that was OUT oh this was way too perfect. Reaching into his 1st class uniform Sephiroth withdrew a red sharpie he had stolen from Lazard's office that morning.

Making sure that he kept as silent and light handed as possible the young recently promoted General proceeded to do his nasty deeds to the unconscious Turk.

Jerking awake the Turk quickly sat up, steel toned black eyes quickly scanning the break room. He can't believe that he fell asleep out in public; this last mission had wiped him out, honestly he should have just gone home being as tired as he was. Rubbing his eyes Tseng yawned widely trying to get his sleep fogged brain to start working once more, he needed to get down to his office and start on that report before Veld had his head. He had set himself up for disaster when he started making sure to turn all reports in well before they were due and now that is what Veld expected of him. Grabbing his now stone cold coffee he left the break room heading down for his "office" to try and get that report done.

He used the term office loosely since it wasn't really a true office, but simply a show for the public. His real office was at least a good twenty stories below the Shinra building, but being second in command of the Turks he had a "public" office that he used during the weekdays when he was required to be in the public eye. Honestly he hated that office, he hated being the in the public eye, always had since he was a young child, but that was neither here nor there.

"Sir look out!" a hard body slammed into his own sending him and his stone cold coffee to the ground. A very undignified squeak left Tseng's throat as he was slammed into the ground. Groaning the SIC Turk turned as best he could looking up at MA who was staring down at him in confusion. "MA…what in Leviathans great name are you doing?" the massive ex detective from Costa del Sol actually flushed some and pulled himself up offering his hand to the man he had just tackled. "Sorry Sir, thought I saw something."

Taking the offered hand Tseng allowed himself to be pulled up, his hands unconsciously dusting himself off. Thankfully when he had fallen his coffee had gone the other way and so he was dry.

Finishing dusting himself off Tseng looked to his Turk seeing he was smirking now, "What?" MA shook his head, "sorry sir, won't happen again." Utterly confused now Tseng watched his large Turk walk off returning to what he had been prior, 'WTF?' shrugging it off for the moment Tseng continued on his way.

He had only made it another corner before he was tackled once more by another one of his Turks, this time it was Cissnei. The newest Turk to their group simply giggled after apologizing and continuing on her merry way.

By the time he had reached his office he had been tackled a grand total of four times by random Turks; to say that he wasn't exactly in the best of moods right now would have been an understatement. He had just stepped foot into the main lobby of the Turks public office when he felt another body slam into him. 'Oh for fucks sake!' pushing himself up onto his elbows Tseng turned glaring darkly at the large dark skinned Turk above him. "Do I have this giant 'tackle me' sign on my back today?" Rude pushed himself up absently adjusting his tie. "Sir, it looked like you had a sniper dot on your forehead"

Blinking Tseng pushed himself onto his ass, "a sniper dot?" Rude nodded and pointed towards where he normally had his birthmark, "your dot is red." Jumping onto his feet Tseng raced over to where Shotgun had a compact mirror open and ripped it from her fingers. Ignoring her shriek of outrage he turned away raising he mirror to his forehead a very dark growl intimidating from his throat.

His birthmark had been colored in red making it indeed look like the laser from a sniper rifle. It hadn't been like that when he had gotten back to Shinra, so it must have been during the time he was passed out at the table.

"Rude, review the tapes of the break room while I was there.. find out who the prankster is."

Knowing it was better to just do as his boss said instead of arguing with him Rude quickly stood and left for the "bat cave" where all the surveillance for Shinra was kept. Both men already had a sneaking suspicion on who was the prankster but he needed to be a 100% sure before extracting his revenge.

Three weeks had gone by since the dot incident; simply hearing about Tseng being tackled would still send the young teen into a fit of giggles. Because it had been done in sharpie the red dot had remained where it was for a good week and a half; and it would seem that Tseng was none the wiser about who had done it.

Throwing his towel into the dirty hamper bin Sephiroth moved out of his bedroom ready to start a new day. Granted he didn't exactly want to be doing what he was, no one told him that this job came with this much damn paperwork! He was a SOLDIER not a fucking desk jockey, that's what Directors were paid for.. not generals, but he had no choice in the matter.

Pulling his uniform on he grimaced at this horrible outfit, why couldn't he wear a suit like everyone else in Shinra? Why did he have to wear this stupid black military outfit? You know he might just have to start a little rebellion and start wearing his own uniform, what was the worst they were going to do fire him? HA! He could only wish!

Jogging down to the SOLDIER floor a small frown crossed his face noticing that people were sending him odd looks. While this was normal among new SOLDIER and recruits, from his own men this was strange. What did he have something on his face from breakfast that he didn't know about?

Sephiroth absently ran a hand long his mouth and inspected his hands, no..they were clean..wait..

Turning his hand over he saw a very long bright electric blue strand of hair laying across the black cuff of his uniform. It stood out in great contrast with the black that his sharp eyes noticed it instantly.

Plucking it off his uniform he examined it, surely he would have noticed walking past someone with bright electric blue hair, so where had it…

Sephiroth eyes instantly widened in horror and quickly grabbed a chunk of his mid back length hair and could only stare in a dumb sort of shocked horror at the batch of brilliant electric neon blue strands in his hand.

His hair.. his beautiful hair was blue!

Who could do such a thing to him? He was a very light sleeper anyone that had come in to do this he would have woken up. The only way someone could have done that was.. He growled low, only one man knew how to get into his apartment and fuck with his stuff without anyone noticing. He also had a motive; Tseng was the only man he knew of that could take months to retaliate against a prank.

"Tseng you Wutai SOB…"

Oh he was so getting him back for this, this..this meant war!

BANG!

Groaning Tseng didn't even look up from where he had his head on his desk. Gun shots while common normally in the Turk office, especially around the dreaded time of the month where it seemed like all female Turks PMSed all at once, was even more common over the past three days.

He had no idea what was going on, and frankly he was too damn exhausted to care. For the past three days he had an almost constant headache right behind his eyes; eyes for which he could hardly keep open. And he wasn't the only one, most of his fellow Turks were like that, and tempers were on an all time high and fuses on an all time low.

Not picking his head off the table the SIC Turk reached out blindly for the mug he knew was there somewhere on his desk. Feeling the cold ceramic slipping from his fingers he cursed quite loudly hearing the ear piercing crash of ceramic on a solid wood floor.

Pushing himself reluctantly from his leather computer chair he absently looked at the shattered mug and slowly spreading brown liquid that had been within it. "Fuck.. me.." Groaning he pulled himself out of his office ducking instinctually as a shot rang out clipping the door frame right where his head had been. Without even looking where the shot had come from he pulled his own 1911 from its holster at his hip and fired, smirking as he heard a squeal of someone just barely dodging it.

Almost dragging himself into the small break room inside the Turks office area he flumped in against the counter hand blindly reaching up into the cupboard above his head for a new mug. Feeling something that shouldn't be up there he frowned and looked up, his hand pulling out a metal like bag that normally housed coffee.

Frowning more at the fact it was empty and in the wrong spot he turned it over seeing the label on the front. "Mideel roast..decaf.." a very low growl issued from his throat. No wonder everyone was on edge, Turks lived off caffeine, they didn't have blood systems they had caffeine systems.

Every single one of his Turks were going through caffeine withdrawals, himself included. Setting the bag on the counter he slowly counted backwards; so Sephiroth wanted to play this way huh..well..the cardinal rule of Shinra. You NEVER touch a Turks coffee…

Verdot after years of playing Director of the Turks had learned to come to expect everything from his men. Most of Shinra SOLDIER included viewed the Turks as cold and calculating, a group that shouldn't be trusted. In actuality the Turk office was known as the Shinra daycare because all of them when not on missions were some of the largest children on the planet.

Water guns were stashed around the office alongside paintball guns and it was not uncommon for a fight to break out and half of the office was now waterproofed and the other half was covered in different colors of paint.

Reno had set up a few dart boards up in the middle of the office and up in the official Turk lounge there was old pinball machines and actual arcade games. It was not uncommon to walk in during lunch and find Tseng and Reno going head to head on space invaders.

He knew it was only a matter of time when he found out why, after a mission he had returned to find his office shot up and a bunch of cranky caffeine deprived Turks, that they would retaliate.

So when Veld moved up to the SOLDIER floor to speak with Lazard he was not surprised at all too find Reno and Tseng both standing in the hallway outside the main break room of the SOLDIER floor, video camera in hand when they both should have been prepping for a mission.

Sighing softly he moved over to his men and leaned up against the wall. "Were you two not supposed to be prepping for a mission?"

"We are yo." Reno looked over smirking brightly, "we have actually been done for a while.. we're just waiting on our SOLDIER."

Oh lord, what did these two do to the SOLDIER? As if to answer his question he heard a loud screech followed the thunder of quick footfalls. He barely had time to register a black and silver blur shooting past him; blinking he looked down the hall seeing long silver hair flying around the corner.

"What did you do…"

Tseng who was still recording reached into his pocket pulling out an empty foil bag. Taking it Veld felt like groaning, leave it to Tseng to think of this as retaliation.

Wutai grown Shinigami espresso, one of the strongest espresso's on the market, a single small cup was enough to wind up even the most Jenova enhanced SOLDIER. The bag was small, but it was also empty and you only needed a very small amount in a coffee maker to make strong shit. "How much did you use?"

"Entire bag in one pot… and nine pots have it in it." Tseng shut the camera off a very evil smirk on his face. Groaning Veld turned and headed back for his own office; if Tseng was correct that would mean that nearly every member of SOLDIER would have had a cup, and probably their normal XL size mug cup full.

Walking back to his office he ducked to the side avoiding a silver and crimson blur as the two shot past, one reciting what he could only assume was LOVELESS in a very fast voice.

This was going to be a very long day.

To say that President Shinra was shocked would have been an understatement to out shine all understatements. While granted he didn't pay much attention to anything other than women and money, it still came as a great shock when he was presented with exactly what had caused the massive explosion that rocked Shinra tower yesterday.

He had expected to get a report back from his Turks that some terrorist group got in or that the weapons department fucked up again. Never in all his days would he have believed that SOLDIER blew up the Turk office in retaliation for the Turk's flooding and freezing the SOLDIER floor into a indoor ice arena.

Picking up a picture he frowned darkly seeing several of his higher ranking SOLDIER sliding across the frozen hallway on their asses looking like they were having the time of their life.

That little endeavor while it seemed to have amused the SOLDIERs to no end had cost thousands of gil to repair the water damage of the entire floor. But that was nothing compared to the amount of gil it was going to take to repair the Turk's office.

Someone had set explosives up in the office and had completely blown it out of the water. Shinra property plus personal property of the Turks that had to be replaced.

And all of this… because Sephiroth colored the dot on Tseng's forehead red….

AN: WOO this only took me three weeks to write… holy shit writers block sucks! So if you reviewed already on the AN you won't be able to review until the next chapter which is posted along side this one but please make sure to review.