Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
It didn't matter what house the students were in they all waited eagerly for the next letter from Dumbledore.
Some students just wanted to see the wacky things they had done made into a rule and other students just enjoyed reading the rules with their friends.
Which is why when the letter arrived the students read instead of sleeping.
Dear students,
Before I get on to the rules I want to take this time to congratulate Fred and George Weasley for breaking the record for getting the most detentions in a month.
31. Turning up to potions naked will result in detention and a letter home to your parents.
I worry about the sanity of my students.
32. Screaming during potions will not create world peace and claiming that will, just gets house points taken.
It amazes me it took two hundred points taken from Ravenclaw before the student backed down.
33. No lesson at Hogwarts requires any student or Professor to sacrifice a goat.
I don't know who has been telling first years this, but it stops now.
34. Not allowed to have a poker tournament during Charms.
34a. Not allowed to have a poker tournament during any lesson.
All poker tournaments are to be held every other Thursday in the Great Hall.
35. "I love peanut butter sandwiches" is not the correct response when asked "What are you doing with that axe?"
35a. No student is allowed to have an axe whether they love peanut butter sandwiches or not.
36. Miss Granger is not allowed to threaten to punch Mister Malfoy, so hard his ancestors will feel it.
I know Mister Malfoy annoys some of you, but violence is not the answer.
37. Professor McGonagall is to be addressed as Professor McGonagall or Professor.
Not Minnie, Kitty, Super Ninja Kitty or McGonagall the awesome.
This doesn't come from me, but from Professor McGonagall.
38. No student is to question my sanity in front of the ministry or the press, but are allowed to among themselves.
I am not crazy. I am slightly eccentric.
39. The Weasley twins are forbidden from giving relationship advice to anyone.
This comes from the request of several female students who'd prefer it if you didn't give their boyfriends advice.
40. No student is allowed to reenact anything they saw in a film.
Especially if that film is Silence of the lambs.
41. Harry Potter does not have the power to smite anybody and if he did he wouldn't be allowed to use that power to smite other students.
It'd be kind of cool if Mister Potter did have that power.
42. Traumatizing first years is not accepted as a hobby.
42a. Stalking Professor Snape is also not accepted as a hobby.
I suggest taking up painting or playing a sport as an appropriate hobby.
43. Writing "Professor McGonagall is the best head of house" outside Professor Snape's classroom in big red letters is not considered art.
Professor McGonagall was touched by the that gesture, but Professor Snape wasn't and neither was Filch when he spent hours cleaning it off.
44. No student is to put these following people as their greatest influences in life,
Lord Voldemort.
Bellatrix Lestrange.
The Weasley twins.
The Marauders.
Trust me it looks bad when you apply for a job.
45. Not allowed to write to the ministry calling them a bunch of morons who couldn't pick their nose without Lucius Malfoy's permission.
I agree with the statement, but that doesn't make it okay to say even if it is true.
Sincerely Albus Dumbledore.
A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers.