Sometimes, there are moments in our lives when all the puzzle pieces of the past align themselves for one brief glimpse at true happiness. And everyone involved in the picture is genuinely at peace.
For Daniel Mangan Regan, such a moment came when he attended his cousin Katie's wedding.
Of course, the whole event didn't exactly start out that way…
"Mom!" Fiona Regan cried out in frustration as she followed her mother into the living room. "This is the exact same outfit you let me wear to the mother-daughter tea last spring, and you said absolutely nothing about the neckline back then. Why can't I wear it to the wedding today?" She held up the shimmery garments in her hands and raised her eyebrows at the women who had stopped and turned to face her.
"Because last year you didn't have anything but neck to show," her mother Hallie said with a knowing grin. "I'm sorry, but it just isn't appropriate, Fiona. Besides, I thought we already decided you would wear your dress from the end-of-the-year party at school."
"No, you decided I should wear that dress again. I wanted a new purple number I saw hanging in the window at Sweet and Sassy downtown."
"You must be trying to look like the twins," Daniel said, turning on the couch to look back over his shoulder at his sister. "Are Laura and Lydia going to be wearing purple today or something?"
"That just shows what you know," Fiona cast a saucy look at her older brother as she folded her arms across her chest and walked around to the front of the sofa to flop down beside him. "I never even asked them what they plan to wear."
"Oh, Fiona," Hallie laughed. "What does it matter? You're all bridesmaids. You're just going to have to change your clothes the minute we get to the church anyway, you know."
"Yeah, but I don't have to keep that dress on all day and night," Fiona reasoned. "Once the pictures are finished, I plan to get rid of that hideous thing Katie chose for me and enjoy myself at the country club in something a little more… my style."
Daniel couldn't resist the opportunity to tease his sister. She had left herself wide open for it.
"You mean…you actually have a style?" he asked. He held up his hands in front of his eyes as if he were framing her up artistically, then he shook his head and whistled in disbelief. The goofy gesture actually made for great protection in front of his face as Fiona shied a throw pillow at him.
"Well, it's a lot better than the one you've got," she teased back. "I have no idea what Ashley sees in your rumpled up caveman look. You now, there is such a thing as an iron, Daniel. You should try using one once in a while."
Daniel could see his mother shaking her head at them as he and Fiona began childishly making faces at one another, pretending to poke each other in the ribs the way they used to when they were younger.
"Oh, you're just jealous," Daniel said, pointing to his chest and smiling up to the ceiling proudly. "I'm a chick magnet, and you know it."
Fiona snickered and stuck her tongue out at him. "You wish," she scoffed. Then, she got up and followed her mother's retreating back as it disappeared into the kitchen, all the while shaking the spangled fabric she still carried in her hands. "Come on, Mom!" She wailed as she left the room. "Please?"
Daniel, left alone on the couch, burst into gales at his sister's words. Fiona never gave up easily. He knew that. But, his mother wasn't one to back down either. This was going to be a long battle. Of that he was certain. Of course, he knew who would win in the end. Hallie would. He just couldn't understand why Fiona hadn't figured that out, yet. He and their brother Will had learned that hard lesson years ago.
BRRRIIINNNGGG!
"I'll get it!" Fiona's excited shriek told Daniel that the ringing of the telephone was exactly what she had been hoping to hear. The fifteen year old quickly flew back into the room, grabbed up the cordless phone on the end table, and began talking the moment she had the item to her ear.
But the girl's shoulders suddenly sagged in disappointment when she figured out the call wasn't for her.
Why did she even think it would be? Daniel wondered to himself, amused. All of our friends call us on our cell phones.
He started to get up, completely expecting Fiona to send him after their mother, when the girl with the phone surprisingly stopped him and held the device out for him to take it.
"It's for you," she said, rolling her eyes. "I think it's Ashley's mom."
Daniel's chest tightened. There could be only one reason his girlfriend's mother would be calling him at home like this.
Something's happened to Ashley.
The boy took the phone, fearing that his girlfriend might be suffering a relapse of her leukemia. He waited until his sister left the room before he took a breath to speak.
"Um…Hello?" He stammered. A wave of relief swept over him when he heard his girlfriend's voice on the other line.
"Daniel? Hey. You sound funny. Is everything okay?"
"Oh, yeah, yeah. Just fine. More than just fine, actually." Daniel sighed. "You kinda scared me for a minute there. Fiona thought you were your mom on the line, and I was a little worried…"
"You were worried? How do you think I feel? I've been trying to reach you on your cell phone all morning. Is it turned off?"
Daniel checked the phone in his pocket and blushed when he realized he had forgotten to charge the battery.
"Uh…yeah. I guess the battery's kind of…dead. Sorry." He could hear Ashley give a sigh as big as the one he gave.
"Well…so long as you're not stuck out in the woods somewhere with your leg caught in a trap…" she said with a nervous giggle.
"And, you're not back in the hospital with another case of pneumonia or anything," he teased her.
"Then, I guess we're all good…" they both said together at the same time.
Laughter filled the phone lines as both of them cracked up over how in sync they had become. This wasn't the first time they had found themselves finishing each other's sentences.
"So…are you getting ready for our big date this afternoon?" Daniel asked after a while. "It's going to be something fancy. I'll be all dressed up and everything.
Ashley hesitated. "Well…" The way she paused for a moment told Daniel that something was, indeed, amiss. "Actually, Daniel…about me going along with you to Katie's wedding…"
"What? Are you not going to be able to come, now?" He felt himself growing uneasy again.
"I…I'm really sorry. I am. I promise you I really wanted to go. It's just that…well…my mom does these fundraisers for the hospital programs that help us out with all my bills, and…see…"
"Yeah, I know. It's okay, Ash. I understand," Daniel interrupted, trying not to sound as hurt as he felt. "Don't worry about it." He could sense she was starting to tear up and wanted to stop her before she started bawling on the line. He couldn't stand it if she cried. "Seriously…don't even feel bad. I'll be…really busy with all my family and everything, anyway." He didn't know what else to say. She was the one cancelling on him, but he was the one feeling badly about it.
"Daniel, honestly, I had no idea they were going to call her up this morning and expect us to drop everything for a telethon. I promise. I wouldn't even go along with this if it weren't going to be the biggest event this program will have this year. Please don't be mad at me." She gulped down a sob and sniffed loudly in his ear. "Please."
His heart melted.
"It's okay," he said gently. "I'm not mad at you. How could I be? You're the only person who laughs at my jokes."
He could sense the girl was smiling now through her tears.
"We both know that's not true," she said, sniffing softly. "Nick laughs at them, too."
"Well…the one or two he actually gets…" they giggled as they both blurted out the rest of the sentence at the same time.
"Oh my gosh; I love you," Daniel said at last. He held his breath, afraid he had been too forward with his feelings. It wasn't the first time he had said this to her, but it was the first time it had slipped out in general conversation like that. Somehow, it had felt natural. Easy, almost. And yet, it felt a little bit scary, too.
"I love you, too," Ashley whispered back. They shared a beat of silence as the two of them reveled in their relationship for a moment. Then, Ashley started speaking again about the telethon. "So…um...maybe it will be easier for you to forgive me if I tell you…I'm going to be on T.V., huh?"
"You mean like one of those things on the public broadcasting channel?" Daniel laughed, imagining the sandy haired girl talking on the telephone in front of millions of viewers while a spokesperson with big hair went on and on about the importance of research for stopping childhood illnesses. He started feeling a little proud of her. "Are you going to have to wear one of those headsets and answer ringing lines all day?" He asked.
"Not exactly," Ashley said with a chuckle. "They want to do an interview and show some pictures of me when I was going through chemo." She paused and sighed nervously. "I'm really kind of nervous about it, if you want to know the truth."
Daniel was suddenly very proud of her.
"Nah! Don't be! You'll be great. I just know it." He could tell she was torn between being with him at the wedding and taking this big step in her post-illness life, so he decided to make it easier on her. "And, if you really want to make up for missing our date," he said with a sly grin, "you could slip in a commercial for our riding therapy group when you talk about your recovery period. HEART could really use a good plug."
"Oh, Daniel," Ashley said enthusiastically, "That's a great idea!"
The two of them spent the next thirty minutes talking about all the ways Ashley could help the organization that had brought them together, and then it was time for both of them to go.
"I really did want to be there with you today," Ashley assured Daniel before she hung up. "I promise I did."
"I know," Daniel said with a sigh. "Maybe we can talk later tonight."
He felt an odd mixture of excitement and disappointment after he finished saying goodbye and hung up the phone. It must have shown on his face, for Hallie took a double look at him and stopped to ask him about it as she started to pass him on her way in from the kitchen.
"What's the matter, Daniel? Is everything all right with you and Ashley?"
"Fine, Mom. We're good. She just…can't come today." He could tell she understood when he didn't talk about the issue any further. That was something he loved about her. She didn't press him when it mattered most to him to have his space.
"Well…all right, dear," Hallie said softly. She put a comforting arm around his shoulders, gave him a brief squeeze, and kissed his cheek gently. "That just means you'll have to save me a dance at the reception."
"Sure thing, Mom."
Later that afternoon, at the reception…
Daniel sat quietly at a lone table by the patio of the Sleepyside Country Club's grand ballroom and watched the wedding guests gliding across the dance floor. Two by two they drifted by him, smiling and chatting happily as the newlyweds swayed slowly in the middle of the room.
I wonder if Ashley and I will be out there like that, someday, he thought to himself.
"Hey, whachya' starin' at?"
Plopping down beside Daniel and nearly spilling a cup of punch precariously perched on top of two small plates of finger foods, Nick Belden interrupted his older cousin's musings with his standard brand of social awkwardness.
"Nothing much, Nick. Just watching everyone dancing. How 'bout you? Think you found yourself enough to eat, there?"
The ironically skinny boy lifted up one eyebrow and grinned.
"For now," he joked. "You ought to go and get some food, too."
"No thanks," Daniel laughed. "I've already had all I want." He glanced over at the younger teen who had already stuffed his mouth with cheese straws and wedding cake. The scene was all too familiar.
"Good grief," Daniel teased, "slow down! You eat like Uncle Mart."
"I'll take that as a compliment," Nick retorted. He chewed his food loudly in Daniel's direction after the older boy admonished him to keep his mouth closed while he ate, and then the two fell into a few moments of comfortable silence. After some time, Nick had devoured all the contents of one plate and was shifting things around in front of him to start on the next.
"Use a napkin," Daniel instructed with mock irritation. He pretended to be annoyed whenever Nick followed him around and pestered him, but secretly, he loved the attention. He found it good for his ego that Nick often chose to spend time with him instead of his own brother, Matt.
Speaking of Matt…
"So…I hear Matt's looking at NYU, huh?" Daniel asked now, casually fingering the edge of the tablecloth scraping his thigh and trying not to sound too interested. "Scouts came out to see him at practice last week?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. They did. Dad said Matt wasn't too excited about it much, though."
Daniel tilted his head to the side in confusion. That was news to him.
"He did? Hmmm. Why not? I heard Matt was all but signed up already for a full ride."
"Nah," Nick snorted. He shoved another carrot stick in his mouth, took a rather loud bite out of it, and then kicked back the last of his punch. "He's still holding out for the football program to call him back. The baseball people aren't talking as much money." Crunching loudly, the younger boy picked up a bit of celery he had already chewed on and poked it at Daniel. "You know if it comes down to a choice in sports, Danny, Matt's always gonna choose football."
Daniel felt his stomach tighten. He didn't like being called Danny any more than he liked the idea of his best friend, his closest cousin in fact, taking over his dream of going to NYU on a football scholarship. It felt a little like a stab in the back, especially after the way Matt had always talked about playing baseball instead.
Yet, who was he to begrudge Matt this experience? After all, Matt was already a senior and Daniel still had two more years of high school. Even if the accident with the poacher's trap hadn't put an end to Daniel's football career, Matt's decision to choose football over baseball wouldn't be a big deal. It wasn't like they were competing for same scholarship. Daniel realized he was being a selfish idiot. He decided to be happy for his cousin, no matter what, and tried not to let his hurt feelings show when Matt Belden came over to the table later with his date.
"Hey, bros," Matt greeted, pulling out a chair for the girl on his arm. "You remember Mya, right?"
"Sure. Nice to see you again," Daniel offered politely. Nick, suddenly looking like a deer in headlights, stopped eating and waved shyly as everyone else settled down to continue to watch the awkward attempts at the Macarena that were happening out on the dance floor.
"Smart choice to sit out on this one," Matt said, pointing at his parents as they and every other middle-aged person in the room made fools of themselves. "I can't believe this was ever a thing."
"It's n-n-ot as dumb as the dab," Nick stuttered out. He cast a nervous glance at Mya and then promptly lowered his eyes. All manner of confidence he had earlier was now lost.
Poor Nick, Daniel silently observed. If he could only learn to chill out around new people.
"Maybe," Mya said with a laugh, "but you have to admit, it's a lot more entertaining to watch." The pretty brown-haired girl cast a shy glance at Daniel and asked, "Where's Ashley? Aren't you two still together?"
"Oh yeah," Daniel insisted. "We're still together. She just had something she had to do today. A fundraiser for a program that helps other kids with cancer." He tried not to let his disappointment show as Maya nodded and smiled encouragingly at him. "It's kind of important."
Then, as quickly as Mya had given her full attention to Daniel, she immediately switched her focus onto something else completely.
"Oh, look! How cute! Have you ever seen anything so adorable?"
The girl beside Matt was pointing across the room at the baby in Bobby Belden's arms – a boy, no more than a few months old and dressed in a tuxedo themed onesie, who was loudly cooing and giggling as his father swayed him playfully to the music. Who couldn't smile at something like that?
"Yeah," Matt agreed smiling. "That's our new cousin, Robbie. He's great, isn't he?"
"Awww!" Mya squealed. "I wish my little brother was that cute."
"I know the feeling," Matt snickered, poking his sibling gently in the ribs.
"Hey," Nick griped."
"At least you have a little brother to pick on," Daniel said, coming to Nick's rescue. "Poor Nickie and I are the little brothers in our families. It's not always easy being the runt of the litter."
"I heard that," Nick agreed, surprised that Daniel had taken his side against Matt, for once. "It's especially hard when your big brother is such a bully." He jabbed back at Matt playfully but missed.
"Well…" Daniel said quickly, "I wouldn't exactly call Will a bully. Just a typical big brother. Of course, I know I wouldn't know where I'd be without him. He's the best."
"So?" Matt asked expectantly, looking over at Nick. "What do you say?"
"About what?" Crumbs from another piece of wedding cake escaped the corners of Nick's mouth as he spoke, and Mya had to cover up her mouth to keep from laughing out loud at the younger teen's comical response.
"This is the part where you say something nice about me being your brother," Matt insisted.
The uncharacteristic belch that accidently escaped Nick's lips and the horrified face he made afterwards sent the other three young people at the table into uncontrollable fits of laughter. It was so well timed as to have been Nick's intended response, even though it was clearly not what the boy had wanted to say.
"I believe that says it all," Daniel teased, and everyone had another good laugh that continued on until Daniel's sister Fiona and their cousins Lauren, and Lydia Belden sashayed over to them, smiling and giggling as equally loudly in their matching bridesmaids dresses.
"Quick," Lauren said dramatically, "Hide us! Gradmoms is showing everyone pictures she took of Grandpa in a bathing suit."
"Grandpa in a bathing suit?" Matt cried out, shocked. "Are you serious? I mean…does he even own such a thing?"
"He does," Lydia nodded. "Believe it or not." She wiped tears from her eyes and sighed as if she had been laughing for years. "I know old people go hog wild and wear the craziest things when they go on a cruise to Hawaii, but…I never thought in a million years Peter Belden would wear a bathing suit out in public."
"P-p-please don't tell me it's a Speedo," Nick stammered, causing everyone to give in to riotous gales once more.
"Woah…woah…hold on, now," Daniel laughed. "Let's be real here. We all know it's not a Speedo. The man doesn't ever even where shorts." He sat for a minute, thinking how frightfully pale his great uncle's legs might actually be and then added quickly, "…It's not a Speedo…right?"
"Of course, not," Lydia replied, swiping Daniel's shoulder gently. "We're not talking about Poppa, here."
More laughter erupted as Matt quickly stepped in to explain to Mya why everyone thought Lydia's response was so funny.
"My other grandfather, my mom's dad, you know…the one the doorman was calling Mr. Wheeler, is well…not nearly as shy as my brother."
"Oh, I see," Mya giggled. Then, she turned to flash a brilliant smile at everyone standing around the table. "You are all so funny together. I wish I had such a big family."
"Yeah, it's a real blast all right," Fiona snorted. "But, you haven't met us all, yet. Come on. We'll introduce you to Matt's sister Maddie. She was too shy to be one of Katie's bridesmaids during the service, but she's here at the reception. Let's go look for her."
"Great idea," Lauren snickered. "We'll have a good reason for not stopping if Grandmoms tries to corner us again with more Hawaii photos."
Daniel watched the gaggle of girls as they left, proud that his sister had first taken charge of making Mya feel welcome. He didn't always tell her so, but…he was as equally grateful for her as he was for Will. He felt bad for teasing her so much that morning.
He was about to ask Matt to tell him all about the NYU scout's visit when suddenly he saw his mother standing off to the side of the ballroom. She looked stunned and almost frightened. Daniel's heart seized up in his chest as he realized that her frozen expression was in response to the next song that had come up on the DJ's playlist. It was a haunting tune, very slow, and it seemed to have arrested the attention of everyone in the room so completely that no one seemed to even be breathing.
"What's wrong," Nick whispered, sensing the change in everyone's mood. "What's happening."
"I think that's the song your mom was supposed to play at Dan Mangan's funeral," Matt said quietly to Daniel. "I mean…your father's funeral…" He gave his cousin a sympathetic nod. "My dad once told me she had learned to play it on the guitar. Apparently, Dan loved it and wanted her to play it at his funeral, but…when it came time…"
"She couldn't do it," Daniel finished for him. His heart ached at having never been told this important detail about his parents. Not because he felt left out of the loop but because he could see how long his mother had suffered over it. He wondered if he should go to her, try to comfort her, but Katie Frayne Kensington, upon hearing the song and seeing Hallie's reaction to it, had already flown across the room to take up the older woman's hands in hers.
"Oh, Hallie, I'm so sorry," Katie insisted, nearly in tears. "I…I…don't remember this being on the list of songs the coordinator showed us. I'm so sorry. If I'd known it was on there, I never would have approved it. I'll…I'll tell them to turn it off… I promise. I'll…"
"No," Hallie blurted out. "It's okay. Really… I'm fine. It's…okay. I…I want you to play it." She dropped Katie's hands and gave her cousin's daughter a shaky smile. "Really. It's okay. I'm ready to hear it, now."
Daniel realized that his father had already signaled for the DJ to cut the music before he could even begin to make out any of the words that had been said. There was a deafening silence for a few moments as the poor wedding coordinator worked with the soundman frantically to select a new tune.
"Uh…okay," the DJ stammered out into the microphone in front of him. "Sorry about that. We are um…going to go with another oldie but goodie…"
But, Hallie wasn't having it. She determinedly marched right up to the DJ's table and waved her hands in front of him to get his attention.
"No. Please. Don't do that," she begged. "Please. I don't want Katie and Ryan's reception ruined because of me." She turned and locked eyes with Bill Regan who had just moved to stand beside her. "Play that song, please. I promise. It will be okay."
Trixie Frayne stepped up behind Hallie and placed a hand on her cousin's shoulder. "Are you certain," she whispered.
Hallie smiled, reaching out to clasp both Trixie and Bill's hands with each of her own.
"Yes," she confirmed quietly. "It's okay." She pulled them both out onto the dance floor with her. "It's time," she decided.
And, then the song began to play…
Name your price
A ticket to paradise
I can't stay here anymore
And I've looked high and low
I've been from shore to shore to shore
If there's a short cut I'd have found it
But there's no easy way around it
Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all, set us free
Love is the answer
Daniel listened to the words. He wondered if Dan had liked this song long before he knew he was dying. They seemed to match everything Daniel had learned about his father during the period of his illness. The boy tried to put himself in his birth father's position and felt his stomach knot up with emotion when heard the next part that said,
Who knows why
Someday we all must die
We're all homeless boys and girls
And we are never heard
It's such a lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely world
People turn their heads and walk on by
Tell me, is it worth just another try?
Dan had been a homeless orphan when he came to Sleepyside. Had he related best to that part of the lyrics? Daniel felt his eyes welling up with tears as he watched his mother swaying slowly side to side on the dance floor in a group huddle with her husband and all the old Bobwhites of the Glen who had gathered around her in love.
Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer (let it shine)
Shine on us all, set us free
Love is the answer (you know the answer is love)
Yes, Daniel thought, watching them. Love really is the answer. That was what Dan believed in, and that was what he left behind.
Tell me, are we alive, or just a dying planet?
What are the chances?
Ask the man in your heart for the answers
At this particular point in the song, Daniel's eyes met Bobby Belden's from across the room, and he was amazed to see Bobby grasping a new cross around his neck. The two shared a knowing glance before Bobby lifted his eyes heavenward in response to the next part of the song. The once proud atheist had finally let the man with all the answers into his heart, and he understood what it was that had made Dan so at peace with his final fate.
And when you feel afraid, love one another
When you've lost your way, love one another
When you're all alone, love one another
When you're far from home, love one another
When you're down and out, love one another
All your hope's run out, love one another
When you need a friend, love one another
When you're near the end, love
We got to love, we got to love one another
By this time, Daniel could not help but to join the chorus of the room that had erupted in loud singing of the refrain "love one another." He rose from his chair, letting his own tears flow freely, and ran to embrace his mother. He could feel her trembling in his arms as she sang softly into his ear.
Light of the world, you got to shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all (know that love can save the day)
Set us free
Love is the answer
(Just give it, just one more chance)
Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer (love, love, love)
Shine on us all, set us free
Love is the answer
(Lord, you just can't let it stop, Lord)
Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all, set us free
The strong scent of peppermint and pine needles suddenly engulfed Daniel, and he knew in an instant that it was the presence of his birth father. He clung to Hallie and Bill, certain that something incredibly powerful and wonderful had happened to all of them that night. As quickly as the scent had come, it was gone, and the song ended in a roaring round of applause from everyone on the dance floor.
Dan Mangan had given them one last goodbye.
As for his son Daniel, the boy came to realize that in that place, his parents, their friends, and all their relatives had finally found the peace and comfort they had been seeking for so long. They had finally given themselves permission to let go.
It was in that realization that Daniel received the greatest gift of his father's legacy, the answer to all the questions he had or would ever ask.
Love.
Love is the answer.
The End