"This. Sucks." Jake said to no one in particular.

"What?" Said one of the nearby banana guards.

"Nothin'."

"I'm sorry, can you repeat that? It's hard to hear you through the glass." The banana guard had come closer, and was now leaning the side of his head against the glass window of Jake's cell. If he were in any other jail, he would've thought the guards were making fun of him, but he'd been to the candy kingdom enough times to know that these guys were just… like that.

"I! Said! Nothing!" Jake yelled back at him. "I was just talking to myself!"

"OH! OKAY!" The banana yelled back even louder, and then turned back around as if the exchange hadn't happened.

Jake groaned and fell back, letting his body collapse into a puddle on the floor. This really sucked - he was sure that if he got caught, the guards would put him in a regular, barred jail cell, and he'd be able to slip out easily as soon as they were distracted. Even if they recognized him, they were simply too dumb to realize that trying to contain a shapeshifter with metal bars would be a bad idea.

So it was pretty shocking when they instead took him past the regular cells and tossed him in this one - the whole thing was made of heavily reinforced glass, and from the smell of it, there were probably some magic-cancelling enchantments on it too. Either the banana guards were more competent than Jake thought they were, or…

"Good afternoon, Jake."

…Or someone far smarter was pulling the strings.

"Princess!" Jake quickly got his body back in its normal state and stood up. Sure enough, standing outside his cell was none other than Princess Bubblegum in her usual pink dress. Her usual friendly smile, however, was absent, replaced with a look of stern disapproval.

Now or never, Jake thought. He put his hands up against the glass and gave PB his best innocent puppydog look. "Princess, please, you gotta believe me! I dunno what's going on, but I didn't do anything, I swear!"

PB continued to look unimpressed. "Jake, I have surveillance cameras set up in every corner of the Candy Kingdom. Every street, every house, every bleeping alleyway. So unless you have a good explanation for the footage I have of a dog matching your description trying to cut a bike chain in broad daylight, I'm gonna have to call bull on that one."

Butts. "What's that prove, huh? There's plenty of yellow dogs around!"

She rolled her eyes. "Plenty of yellow dogs who can magic their hand into a bolt cutter?"

"This is circumstantial evidence!" Jake shouted, getting desperate, "I demand a lawyer!"

"Jake," the princess sighed, "I'm not going to put you in prison."

Jake didn't let his guard down. He squinted at her, and asked, "Why not?"

She nodded at the banana guards, and they walked off down the hall, leaving the two alone. PB sat criss-cross on the floor, and, now eye level with Jake, said, "Jake, I've known you since you were a kid. Heck, you still are a kid."

"You don't look that much older than me." Jake grumbled. The princess either didn't hear him, or chose to ignore him as she continued.

"...And I know you're a good kid. I've seen the way you care about Finn and the rest of your family. So seeing you doing this kinda junk just has me worried, y'know? I don't want you going down that kinda path, and I'm sure your parents don't, either."

Jake resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He couldn't explain himself to the princess, any more than he could explain himself to his parents, or Jermaine, or especially Finn. None of them would understand - understand that the systems in the world were whacked-out bananas, that laws were only made to serve the guys on top, that stuff like stealing and loitering and vandalism was only as wrong as the people in charge said it was. It was bunk, and he had decided long ago that he wasn't going to conform to a society like that.

Still, he had to get out of here. "Princess, I'm sorry," Jake said, hugging his knees and looking down at the floor, trying to seem as pathetic as possible. "You're right, I really donked up. I guess I've been hanging out with the wrong crowd, or whatever. I swear, from now on I'll respect the law, and this won't ever happen again." He glanced up. The princess seemed to be mulling over what he'd said, but after a moment, she smiled.

"That's what I like to hear," she said, standing. She pushed a few buttons on the wall beside Jake's cell, and a glass panel slid into the floor, creating a door through which the dog cautiously stepped out. PB began walking down the dungeon hall, past the other cells, and Jake followed.

"Thanks, Princess Bubblegum," he said. "...So, uh, you're not gonna tell my parents about this, are you?"

"Nah," she replied, "I'm officially letting you off with a warning. But," they had reached a door at the end of the hallway, and here the princess turned around and stared intensely at Jake, "You won't be getting a third chance. If I catch you donkin' up the Candy Kingdom again, your parents will be the least of your worries. Got it?"

Jake gulped. "L-l-loud and clear, ma'am."

"Good." She opened the door, leading him into an office, where a couple banana guards watched security footage and ticked away at computers. PB took a bag from a drawer and handed it to Jake. "Here's your stuff. Say hi to Finn and the others for me, will you?" She was back to her smiley, bubbly self, no trace of the cold, commanding presence who had threatened him just a moment ago.

Man, Jake thought, not for the first time, this lady is so weird.

As he departed from the kingdom, Jake heard his phone buzz from inside his bag, and he fished it out to see about a dozen missed calls from Tiffany, and one text from Gareth that read, 'pls answer tiff, hes being super annoying'. Chuckling, Jake called back.

"Jaaaaake!" Tiffany picked up on the first ring, and Jake had to hold his phone away from his ear as the kid screeched into the receiver. "Where've you been, brother? I called you like, a billion times!"

"You didn't get caught, did you?" Two synchronized voiced chimed in. The phone must've been on speaker.

"How dare you!" Tiffany yelled, "Jake would never let himself get caught! Right, Jake?"

"No way," Jake said, grinning. "It was a close one, but I weaseled my way outta it, cause Jakey's always got a plan. But, uh… we should probably stay away from the Candy Kingdom for a while. Just to be on the safe side."

Jake stopped by the hideout on the way home to check in on his crew. "Welcome back, Jake." the flying lettuce brothers greeted him when he entered, without looking up from their card game. On the other side of the table was Gareth, who had long since reluctantly conceded that the twins be allowed to play together as one unit.

Jake thought back to when he first formed his motley little gang. It had started out as just him, Gareth, and the lettuce bros, all three of whom he'd met at school a good year or so ago. They started out with petty, small things - graffiti, pranks, loitering - but eventually, their repertoire grew into much bigger thefts and cons, and they were growing still.

A bit later had come Moniker. Jake met her at a shop when she caught him trying to steal card wars decks, and it had been love at first sight. She wasn't an 'official' member of their crew, since she refused to engage in any of their criminal activities, but they all liked having her around. She was cool. In the present, Jake walked over to his girlfriend and put an arm around her.

"Hey, babe!" She said, "I'm glad you didn't get arrested, woulda sucked if you had to miss the big tournament next week."

"Baby, you know there ain't nothing that can keep Jakey away from card wars." She giggled, and he kissed her. From the corner, Tiffany gagged.

Right. Tiffany, their newest member. He was a bit of a mystery; About a month ago, Jake had come across him being chased by cops in the Grocery Kingdom, and had helped him get away. Turned out Tiffany was a runaway, and had been stealing food to survive. He would never say why he ran away from home, nor how old he was, though if Jake had to guess, he'd say no older than 9 or 10. Not much older than Finn, and with blond hair to boot, which was probably why Jake ended up taking pity on the kid, and offered him to join his crew. The others were against it at first, but it turned out Tiffany was good. Really good. More than good enough to make up for his, well… slightly unhinged demeanor.

Jake said his goodbyes, and after agreeing on the next meeting time, finally headed home.

The lights were off in all the windows, and Jake sighed with relief as he unlocked the door and stepped inside.

"You're home late." Jake started so badly he almost hit his head on the doorframe, and turned to see Jermaine sitting on the couch, reading a book by candlelight.

"And you're up late," Jake retorted. "Globbit, dude, you scared me."

Jermaine sighed and closed his book. "Jake, be real with me for a sec," he said, patting the seat beside him. Jake continued standing. He just wanted to go to bed. When Jermaine saw that Jake wasn't moving, he simply continued, "You're always out late, your grades suck even worse than usual, you ditch school half the time - are you doing stuff I should know about?"

"Pssh, what are you, Dad?" Jake said. "I was just hangin' out with friends man, that's all. Mind your own business." Without waiting for an answer, Jake stretched himself over the stairs, knowing his brothers eyes were following him as he went.

Finn, thankfully, was asleep when Jake entered their room. He noticed the book on the floor beside Finn's bed: 'Tales of The Legendary Hero Billy'.

"Crap," whispered Jake, "I was supposed to read this to you, wasn't I?" He picked up the book and put it on the bedside table, then crawled into his own bed. Before falling asleep, he looked at the sleeping form of his little human brother, and said "I'll make it up to you, Finn. Promise."