Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
AN : 101 belongs to Hermione Is My Role Model.. Also thank-you to my readers and Reviewers.
Dumbledore had once again sent letters to his students and the new letter was slightly longer than previous letters, but the students didn't mind.
Dear Students,
Before I get into the rules I'd like to thank the Golden Trio for their gift.
They got me a puppy, I've named him Bob.
101. Professor McGonagall is adamant that you stop trying to set her up with Mrs Norris.
For one thing, Mrs Norris is a cat (and being an Animagus does not make Minerva a cat, half cat or anything to do with cats). For another, she strongly dislikes Mrs Norris (but don't tell Mr Filch.)
102. Screaming "I want my mummy" is not the correct response when asked "Why is your hair blue?, Mister Weasley".
Professor McGonagall never did find out why his hair was blue.
103. Madam Pomfrey does not torture her patients and it is wrong to say she does.
Poppy was really upset when she heard that certain students were saying she tortures her patients.
104. I have never been to the moon, but if I do go I will inform the Weasley twins.
I didn't want to put this as a rule, but the twins bugged me non-stop until I gave in and said I would make it a rule.
105. Not allowed to juggle lemons during potions.
105a. Not allowed to juggle anything during potions.
105b. Not allowed to juggle lemons or anything else in lessons.
You can however juggle lemons or other non dangerous things in your time.
106. The board of governors won't give permission for a casino to be opened up at Hogwarts.
I tried, I really did, but it was a flat out no.
107. The Wizarding has not been invaded by aliens and no student is to send letters to members of the public saying it has.
This comes from the ministry.
108. The World won't end if Professor Snape doesn't buy you a pony.
Yes, I am certain of this.
109. Harry Potter doesn't want to hug Draco Malfoy and nobody is to force him to.
110. No student is to bug Professor Snape until he cracks.
Leave Severus alone for a while.
111. Getting me a puppy will make forgive you for breaking into my private quarters and stealing my socks.
What can say puppies are cute.
112. No student is allowed to say they saw Lucius Malfoy doing Death Eater things when they haven't.
If you do see him do death eater stuff such as killing people and losing a fight against teenagers contact me immediately.
113. I cannot shoot lasers out of my eyes.
I wish I was able to.
114. Not allowed to fix a Qudditch match.
I don't care how much money you've bet on Hufflepuff winning.
115. The Forbidden Forrest does not have a theme park hidden in it.
It was wrong to tell first years that it has.
116. Professor Snape likes the Batman pajamas he was sent, So the jokes on you.
Yep, what was meant to annoy has brought joy.
117. "A goat broke in and flooded the great hall" is not the most logical explanation as to how the great hall got flooded.
118. Professor McGonagall does not appreciate being woken up at five in the morning because you wanted to tell her about your broken toe nail.
Minerva is not a morning person.
119. Throwing Professor Flitwick a birthday party was nice thing to do, but it isn't his birthday for six months.
120. Running screaming "Snape wants to kill me and then eat the flesh from my bones" will result in detention.
Severus is not a homicidal cannibal.
121. Nobody is to ask why I'm wearing a hat made out of fruit.
Mind your own business.
122. Luna Lovegood is not allowed to write to Mad Eye Moody telling him about Nargles.
I'm sorry Miss Lovegood, but Alistair is paranoid enough.
123. Fred Weasley is not George Weasleys lawyer.
123a. George Weasley is not Fred Weasleys Lawyer.
124. These following excuses are no longer accepted as to why you wrote to Voldemort,
"I wanted to tell him about my day"
"Because I was lonely"
"I thought if I befriended Voldemort he might be less psychotic"
"I was possessed by the ghost of his mother"
"I needed advice on my love life"
"Professor McGonagall is in love with him and I wanted to get them together"
Just stop writing to Voldemort.
125. I don't need or want an army of flying monkeys.
I do however need a new hat.
126. Nobody is telling their parents about the furniture trying to eat them.
It was a one time freak occurrence and will never happen again.
127. Unicorns are not ponies and you are not to call them ponies.
128. The Weasley twins are forbidden from eating anything with sugar in before bedtime.
This comes from your dorm mates.
129. Going to class is not optional.
No, it shouldn't be.
130. Not allowed to send howlers to Bellatrix Lestrange because you were bored.
You shouldn't be sending Bellatrix Lestrange howlers even when you're not bored.
Sincerely Albus Dumbledore.