Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
AN: 202&203 belongs to Hermione Is My Role Model. 204&204a. Belongs to Bob. The idea for 208&208a belongs to Here's7to6never5growing4up.
Also a massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers.
Dear students,
Bright purple robes with pineapples on really look great on me.
197. Not allowed to do anything that will require staff and students alike to need therapy for the rest of their lives.
I serious about this rule being obeyed.
198. When somebody says "Pass the salt, please?" they mean pass the salt, Not launch yourself across the table and scream at them.
199. Poking people with spoons is not funny.
Especially when you continually do it for two hours.
200. Stop writing to Voldemort suggesting ways he can kill me and Harry Potter.
200a. Just stop writing to Voldemort.
Especially if it is just to tell him about cheese.
201. Harry Potter is not allowed to threaten to join Voldemort because I wouldn't buy everyone at Hogwarts a pony.
201a. Draco Malfoy is not allowed to threaten to join my side because Voldemort won't let him have a unicorn.
Nobody is to switch sides until they are certain which side is going to win.
202. Nobody is to kidnap Fang and threaten to hold him hostage until Hagrid agrees to dye his hair pink, wear a leotard and dance ballet in the middle of the Great Hall.
Although it was amusing, it really was quite cruel, and Professors McGonagall, Snape,Flitwick and Sprout inform me that they are now scarred for life by this incident.
203. Professor Flitwick is not the love child of a Borrower and a Hobbit.
He is deeply offended by your insinuations,and would also like to point out that he is also not the love child of Tinkerbell, a dwarf, an Oompa Loompa, a Munchkin, one of Santa's elves or a pixie by the way, he's part-goblin. Just so you know.
204. You are not allowed to send Molly Weasley howlers. She doesn't appreciate them.
204a. You cannot use the excuse that you were giving her a taste of her own medicine.
205. Nobody wants to know why Professor Snape is now afraid of crayons.
Even if they do the Weasley twins are not allowed to tell anybody.
206. Nobody is to write home to their parents begging them to come and take them home as everybody at Hogwarts is insane and you fear for your safety.
Not everyone is insane.
207. Hermione Granger is to stop sending very dark and disturbing threatening letters to Peter Pettigrew.
This is an order, not a request.
208. The Weasley twins are to stop going around in Dalek costumes and saying "EXTERMINATE! "EXTERMINATE!.
It was amusing at first, but now it is just annoying.
208a. Hermione Granger is to stop wearing a Weeping Angel costume and is to remove the Life sized toy Tardis from the Great Hall.
I do admire the effort that was put into making the costumes and the Tardis, but I can't have students running amok.
209. No student is allowed to stand on a table and start shouting "Kill the Zombies", then sit down and act as if they didn't do anything.
210. Stop having fundraiser for things that Hogwarts doesn't need.
Things such as,
A new roof.
Jet skis
Ponies.
Gambling funds.
Axes to kill zombies with.
Just stop having fundraisers.
211. Professor Snape is not secretly in love with Voldemort and he will hex the next person who says that he is.
You have been warned.
212. I am not helping anybody to break into the ministry to steal the Minster of Magic's pet goldfish.
Fudge doesn't have a pet goldfish.
Sincerely Albus Dumbledore.