Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

AN: 216, 217&218 belongs to HallowRain8587. 219 belongs to carrie76. 223, 224, 225&226 belongs to Here's7to6never5growing4up.Also a massive thank-you to my reviewers.

Dear students,

I have long suspected that many of you are crazy, but I am now certain many of you completely with doubt crazy.

213. Professor Snape will not brew a poisonous potion to help you get rid of Umbridge once and for all.

I'm going to take that request as a joke.

214. Hermione Granger is not to make a list of poisons that cannot be traced nor, is she to send the list to other students.

215. Students cannot refuse to eat, wash or go to class, because they are protesting against the idiots at the ministry.

You've made your point, but I would appreciate it if the protesting stopped now.

216. Professor McGonagall is not in love with Jamie Fraiser.

Jamie Frasier is married to Claire and those characters belong to Diana Gabaldon.

217. Professor McGonagall is not old enough to have helped Bonnie Prince Charlie over the sea to Skye.

Just stop those rumors about the Jacobite Rebellion. I am not even that old.

218. O levels in Charms does not necesserily mean you are charming.

Just because his mother was a Prince and he got an O in Charms doesn't make Professor Snape Prince Charming. Although he is mildly amused by the thought involved here, he is not available to kiss sleeping Princesses.

219. No student is to break into the kitchens and steal all colanders from the House Elves to protect themselves from spaghetti monsters.

The House Elves are attached to their cooking essentials and it upsets them when you take things they need to cook dinner with.

220. There is no such thing as a demonic pineapple.

200a. You cannot create a demonic pineapple.

221. Killing Umbridge probably would bring the four houses together, but you are not allowed to kill, hurt or send her detailed letters on ways you'd like to see her perish.

Sorry, but I don't want to see any of you go to Azkaban over Umbridge.

222. The following excuses are not accepted as to why you didn't turn up to class,

You hate Umbridge and would rather eat your own feet then go to her lesson.

Your parents sent you a detailed letter of your conception and you were to traumatized to attend class.

You were getting pizza.

You just couldn't be bothered.

223. Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger are not allowed to dress up as Toph and Katara from Avatar the last airbender.

It would have been okay if you hadn't tried to drown the Slytherins in a giant swimming pool.

224. The Weasley twins are to stop giving Hermione books that will make her cry.

I'm sorry, but do you remember Allegiant. The Great Hall still isn't fully repaired.

225. Harry Potter is to stop dressing up as the tenth doctor then start flirting with girls.

This is for your protection Harry. One of those girls might kidnap you and never let you go.

226. Hermione Granger is to stop crying about the ninth doctor, Rose Tyler, Donna Noble, the tenth doctor, River Song, Amy Pond, and Rory Williams.

If it helps, I can recommend a therapist.

227. There is no "Wear underpants on your head day".

No, I am not creating one either.

228. No student is to fill the Great Hall up with toads.

Even if it is meant as a gesture to make Umbridge to feel more at home.

229. Not allowed to attempt to bribe me with cookies.

I do not take bribes.

Sincrely Albus Dumbledore