Chapter 9: M'Baku's Tale, Part Two
"Are the scones spiked with poison?" Hedy Wolfe enters the kitchen of Tuttle Mansion.
Howard the Duck hops half-way to the ceiling. He did not expect anyone to sneak-up on him, and he certainly did not expect anyone to announce his sneaky activities. The Duck fetches his chef's hat from the floor, and he un-ruffles his feathers.
Howard huffs, "Jesus, Tara, you are some spook!"
Shapeshifter Tara Tam transforms from Hedy Wolfe to Tara. "Apologies," Howard's assistant offers, "But, how are our laced pastries progressing? I promised to serve them in the parlor soon."
The anthropomorph opens the oven, "They are baked golden brown and delicately drizzled with quack-rare from Duckworld."
"Here on Earth, we say curare," Tara contributes.
"Well, either way, it is a powerful paralytic that should even enfeeble a Man-Ape," Howard uses hotpads, "Try not to have Mr. Z eat too many treats, though. Age has enfeebled him as is, and I would not want our sweets stopping his dark heart."
"Yeah, we wouldn't want cardiac arrest to take a decrepit crime-boss," Tam quips, "His actual end should be much worse."
The Duck waves a downy digit, "We are heroes, Tara."
Scoffing, Tara swipes piling pastries onto a plate. She expresses, "I am glad to conclude this wild goose chase, Howard. Over the last month, we have seen neither hide nor hair of Grim Reaper."
"Well, sometimes, an explosion can destroy both hide and hair," the bird banters, "And, Eric Williams might have died in one."
"Do you want to bet on that?" asks Tam.
"No, the Lethal Legion tends to last, especially the group's leader," Howard the Duck's bill pecks at cookiesheet crumbs, "Back at our Brooklyn office, Biggs the Cyber-Cat did some on-line research. Grim Reaper has been supposedly offed often. And, when someone does actually off him, someone else usually brings him back. Black Talon or Nekra tend to resurrect Eric Williams."
Tara lifts the plate, "Yeah, and when Williams goes missing, others apparently put on the funny costume. Hellcat encountered an able ersatz Grim Reaper in New Orleans."
Howard opens some cooking sherry, "Well, Hellcat at least encountered a Grim Reaper. Our ally Stingray looked for Grim Reaper in Block Island Sound, where Mandrill reported Williams disappeared. Stingray found scraps of a submarine—but not of a supervillain."
Tara pivots toward the exit, "Well, we too have searched high and low, Duck. I just hope that Grim Reaper does not show-up here today by some marvelous coincidence."
"We veteran superheroes know to expect such," Howard slurps sherry, "Don't worry. Around this mansion, our assembled group has seven good guys to take down two or three baddies: Man-Ape, elderly Mr. Z, and 'terrible' Minnie Tuttle. Even a surprise Grim guest shouldn't give us any more trouble than the thug cook that Spider-Woman k. when we took over the kitchen." Howard indicates the bound and gagged goon on the floor.
"Spider-Woman and Porcupine have been useful to us," Tara enters the hallway, "They gave us a mission when we couldn't find Williams. They simply let us join them when they tracked Man-Ape to New England."
"Let us be useful to them," states Tam's boss.
Tam walks toward the parlor. Tara becomes Hedy as she saunters.
Howard the Duck sets aside the sherry and lights a cigar on the gas range. He smokes to settle his nerves before things go down. On the floor, "Stymie" Schmidt stirs. The hoodlum stares up at Howard. Ever a little rude, the Duck taps some stogie ash down upon Stymie's scalp. The Ideahive sleuth snickers. It figures that Mr. Z would hire a lowlife such as Stewart Schmidt. Stymie has been a career flunky for the likes of the Fixer (the small-time gangster, not the supervillain) and Trump (the d-list supervillain not the a.u. MODOK). In public records, Biggs the Cyber-Cat found out everything about this loser who went from habitual Hell's Kitchen troublemaker to Tuttle's kitchen head. The small hero smacks Stymie alongside the head and strolls into the scullery. The sideroom contains some item that Howard stowed. Howard the Duck opens a cupboard and removes the equipment. He takes the gear into the adjacent room.
"What have we here?" Howard the Duck asks Schmidt who starts sweating.
A short distance away. "What have we here?" M'Baku asks. His huge hand palms a picture frame.
Taken from a bookshelf, the frame contains an old newspaper clipping, quite yellowed. In a faded pic, Battling Jack Murdock and teenaged Ben Grimm pose with gloves up at a Yancy Street Boys Club. A blind kid sits serenely on the ring steps behind them. The caption reads "It is clobbering time". The Thing is much more famous than prizefighter Battling Jack now, and M'Baku ponders how one never knows where one goes in life. Murdock died years ago by the Fixer's hand (the small-time gangster, not the supervillain), and his legend faded. Grimm lived to become a colossus and wonder among men and the idol of millions.
"You never know in life," WC seemingly knows the Wankandan's thoughts, "Ben Grimm went from s***ty circumstances to fantastic ones beyond most f***ing imaginations."
"Well said," M'Baku comments glibly.
WC continues, "My boy Wilbur, Jr. gave me that collectible when I got out of prison. Junior wanted me to know that I could rise again just as pugilist Murdock often had to. Just as Grimm rose when he flew all of the way from lower Manhattan to the farthest reaches of the cosmos."
Unexpectedly, Senior drools. Abashed, he clears spittle with his fingers. M'Baku notices that the nurse present does not caringly clean his charge any. Rather, Del reaches into a doctor's bag for something likely not a wipe.
WC continues again, "However, I did not need the stupid motivational gift. Vengeance already drove me. It drove me every day in prison and every day until Laslo Pevely died. The Terror was going to pay for ruining my life. Pevely cost a Tuttle his freedom and reputation, and an immigrant's son does not do that to a New England blue blood.
That f***ing cur cost me my family. When I got out, my dear daughter Virginia lived across the country in Centerville, California, and she had a girl Hedy whom I hardly knew. Junior's kid Minnie lived here on Cape Cod. But, she was a stranger—until Junior died and Minnie needed money and a home.
Fortunately, Tuttles have always been good at making money. And, fortunately, I personally have always been good at conspiracy to commit murder. So, even a convicted felon could make back his fortune. He need only get his hands dirty as a money launderer, antiquities smuggler, pornographer, university regent, and financial advisor. Eventually, I amassed enough money for a hit on that horrid Hungarian."
"You knew that you would get your shot," Nurse Del comments.
"Yeah, something like that," Tuttle grins toothlessly.
"I knew that you would get your shot too," the nurse lifts the medical bag. For a moment, the confused invalid wonders whether he has forgotten about a B-12 or testosterone injection.
The bag drops. The nurse discharges a gun through his patient's old head. The silvery semi-auto sends sanguine stuff and cerebrum over fine furnishing. Skull smoking, wicked WC Tuttle drops dead. Mr. Z lies expressionless on expensive Kurdish carpet, and M'Baku stands expressionless over his corpse.
Across the room, "Hedy Wolfe" stands shocked upon witnessing the whacking of her "grandfather". And, within Hedy's head, Tara Tam wonders what the hell that she should do now. The aspiring amateur hero dumbly gapes aghast.
Grabbing her arm, Man-Ape gets Tara's attention, "Hey, wench, are those scones warm? If so, Chief M'Baku of the Jabari tribe would like you to feed him a few before I deal with you, the dead guy, and Deadshot Del, the duplicitous assassin."
Unexpectedly, a shot shatters the plate and scatters the scones.
"You ruined my snack!" Man-Ape snarls.
Del explains, "She likely doped them to incapacitate you. I would have, and I am the Enforcer, famous hitman."
"Who?" Man-Ape imitates an owl.
''The Enforcer," Mike Nero waves his "famous" silver pistol.
"Scourge's first victim?" M'Baku asks.
"No! I'm that guy's nephew," Nero states, "Now, let's kill Hedy like you did her cousin upstairs."
Gasping, Hedy impotently kicks off her high heels at the Enforcer. She turns to run. As she turns, Tara Tam turns into her true form too. Just maybe, the remarkable transformation will distract the deadly duo and buy her a second. Just maybe, it will startle M'Baku into releasing his strong grip. But, M'Baku just jerks her from the floor and scrapes her across the room's low ceiling. He slams Tara down through the loveseat's top into its interior. Steel springs provide a harsh, uneven, and unpleasant landing.
"Get stuffed, you shapeshifting sneak!" M'Baku insults.
In her back, Tara feels intruding metal. In her bones, Tam feels the terrific impact. Before passing out, the wolf in Wolfe's clothing hits a panic button hidden on her person. Her six companions should extricate her really soon. Just maybe, they will save the intrepid, hurt heroine.
Two thousand feet away, She-Hulk sees the distress signal on her tablet. She signals Spider-Woman down the shore. Instantly, Spider-Woman springs from the high elm and sprints for the mansion. Before following, She-Hulk sends hastily Stingray and Hellcat a message. They are to bring the boat closer to the cape, but they are not to land. Rather, Walter Newell and Patsy Walker are to maintain a look-out on the operation's eastern perimeter. Spider-Woman and She-Hulk have got the situation in the house—unless the heroines become damsels-in-distress. Then, Newell and Walker should come running.
In the house, plucky Howard the Duck pops into the parlor. He is a small alien with a huge raygun, a device acquired from Cleveland's Dynatechnics. Quite bad-ass, the quacker doesn't even hesitate before blowing huge M'Baku through the parlor's wide window. The blast rockets the criminal three football fields westward.
Brambles and tree branches buffet and abuse M'Baku flying through them. He bounces and tumbles over hard November soil before coming to rest. In the woods, Porcupine's peepers go wide. Roger Gocking got Tara Tam's alert, but he had not expected trouble to come to him about twenty feet away. Porcupine bravely rushes the Man-Ape.
But then, Grim Reaper drops from a bough above. Porcupine stops. Reaper strikes an electric bolt into gawking Gocking's chest, and the scintillating sustained arc shakes Porcupine and his needles like a rattle. With a crunch, the scrub drops into the fallen autumn foliage.
Grim Reaper turns to M'Baku and grins. Man-Ape growls back and beats his chest.
The Lethal Leader brandishes his big blade, "Your fun is over, usurper! I have foiled death, so prepare to meet your fate as dead meat!" Grim Reaper swishes his scythe.
M'Baku sniffs contemptuously, "I see that your face and physique are funny. You're a phony. The real Eric Williams really is fish food at fifteen fathoms."
"Forsooth, I am back on my feet and neither a phantasm nor facsimile," the returned Reaper insists.
"In fact, you are a fraud," M'Baku asserts arms crossed, "Fair warning. You can either flee from here or have to unfortunately fight M'Baku, the mighty Man-Ape. Fear me. I have torn punks like you to pieces—literally."
Right wing raised, Grim Reaper crackles coruscating current through his armament. Through gritted teeth, he growls, "Pshaw! I think I'll fry me some Ape!"
"I think I'll flay me some Reaper!" the pongid polypheme flexes full, formidable flesh and forms fists.
"Not if I fillet you first, f***face!" Reaper flips M'Baku the phalange.
"Fat chance, I'll flatten you and fling you like feces far from this forest, fool!" the furry fury foams at the mouth.
Fire flashes in four eyes. Two gazes fix. Nostrils flare. Skin flushes. Feelings foment, and brows (i.e. foreheads) fume. (Perhaps, two asses flatulate). And, forthwith, the furious foes fly forward to fight.
To the east, Howard the Duck howls like Tarzan, the King of the Apes, having banished M'Baku through a bay window. The good fowl boldly brandishes his blaster high and pounds a victory dance around the parlor. Unimpressed, Enforcer simply shoots the gun aside, from Howard's hand. The assassin aims his semi-auto between the animal adventurer's eyes.
"Heh-heh-heh. I'm going duck hunting," Enforcer imitates a cartoon.
Instantly, Howard nimbly ducks down and flies forward. Before Nero can react, the 2' 7" blur seizes his wrist and chops the firearm free from his hand. "I know quack-fu!" declares the Duck.
Hopping back, Howard takes the crane stance. Feeling a little foolish, Enforcer takes a fighting position as well. And, well, a tumult ensues.
Above the parlor, Spider-Woman silently slips into a second-story window. Beneath her, the heroine hears a fight occurring. Around her, a Wakandan reprobate's possessions lie strewn about, and a dead woman lies sprawled on the bed. Spider-Woman hopes—for M'Baku's sake-that the brute did not "take" the woman before killing her. But, under any circumstances, Spider-Woman will be an Avenger. M'Baku will pay for murdering old men such as Laslo and women such as Minnie.
Leapfrogging the two-story manor, She-Hulk sensationally lands in the residence's west yard, outside of the parlor. She intends to turn around, assess Tara and Howard's situation, and enter any fray in the Tuttle place.
But, before Shulkie moves, a boom sounds behind her. From the woods, M'Baku flies as though shot by a cannon. In a ball, Man-Ape strikes the green earth near She-Hulk. He grunts, groans, and grimaces in the indented ground. The Jade Giantess approaches the crater. To her surprise, she spots several substantial stab wounds in M'Baku's tough hide.
"Hey, you've been stabbed. How did that happen?" She-Hulk probes.
"Kind of like this," M'Baku answers.
The Wakandan huntsman hurls a knife from his belt. He purloined the adamantium letter opener earlier while chatting up an unobservant old man. Coming in, the object resembles a child's sparkly pinwheel, and Shulkie expects it to bounce off like a toy. Instead, the unstoppable blade does to She-Hulk's impenetrable skin what an exceptional scythe did to M'Baku's façade. She gasps when stabbed.
But, sans hesitation, She-Hulk swipes out the surprise sticker and flings the stiletto all the way into Cape Cod Bay, two miles away. Scarlet streams from squared shoulder to clenched fist.
"Prick," She-Hulk snarls, "Get up and fight."
Snickering, M'Baku stays reclined, "Don't you want to know who sent me across the sky just now? It was not that putz Porcupine. I assure you."
She-Hulk stomps to Man-Ape. By him, she slams her foot down unreservedly. The savage groundstrike pops-up the pongid pug. She-Hulk punches M'Baku right back into the hole.
"Okay, beside me, who else has messed you up today?" she asks.
Maltreated M'Baku points. The Grim Reaper races forward with his jumbo razor held high. He jeers, "M'Baku, you fink, you failed to fell me. Your flailing fins and flurry of feet were utterly ineffective against my awful arm."
"I'faith, I should have tossed that dagger at you," M'Baku acknowledges, "Adamantium could have severed steel from an irritating adversary. But, oh well, I'll just have to rip your arm off instead."
Grim Reaper stops short of M'Baku, "Actually, you may have the armed arm."
Unexpectedly, Reaper fires the prosthetic from his person into the sky. She-Hulk sees that this Reaper has a right hand, and she suspects that this Reaper is the Reaper who Hellcat encountered in New Orleans. She has only seconds to contemplate anything, however.
The odd projectile returns to earth, and it simply sticks upright in the ground. She-Hulk and M'Baku look at the loaded long lawndart. She-Hulk and M'Baku wonder what occurs now. . . . .
Two minutes earlier, Enforcer dons a silver and blue costume in the house. He dons a silver mask similar to one stored on Commander Kraken's destroyed sub. Howard the Duck lies unconscious on the parlor floor. Sometimes, the bigger opponent beats the brave bird in a brawl. Enforcer considers killing Howard. But, Mike Nero remembers that the Duck once had the giblets to run for U.S. President on a lark. In Enforcer's opinion, we need more clownish candidates like that. So, the hitman simply holsters his two handguns to his hips, and he steps into the hallway.
Turning left, Enforcer treks toward the abode's foyer and front door. Outside the door, there is a Man-Ape. And, the assassin came all the way here to eliminate him. Nero strokes his sidearm and smiles.
Suddenly, Spider-Woman snipes Enforcer from the winder stairs overlooking the foyer. Her venom-blast knocks him on his ass. The heroine hops over the railing ready to fight this foe appareled as her old enemy. Enforcer stands, and she slugs him. He staggers, seeing spots. Spider-Woman slaps him—twice.
Miffed, Enforcer draws and cocks both pistols. . . . .