Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

AN: 261 & 262 belongs to Hermione Is My Role Model. 265 & 266 belong to ArtemisFowlIsAmazing. 268, 269 & 270 belong to Here's7to6never5growing4up. Also a massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers.

Dear Students,

I am beginning to think that Fudge has it in for me and that Voldemort doesn't like me, this is just vibe I've been getting lately.

258. No one to ask Mister Potter why he has a bag full elastic bands, whipped cream and a ninja outfit.

The answer will traumatize you for life.

259. Not allowed to make the house elves perform "It's a hard knock life" in the Great Hall.

259a. Not allowed to blackmail Harry Potter into joining the house elves to sing "It's a hard knock life".

260. Not allowed to send copies of these rules to your parents, to the press or to Voldemort to prove that the students of Hogwarts are more insane than his Death Eaters.

Just stop sending the rules to others, okay.

261. You are not allowed to use Mrs Norris as a Bludger.

That's just cruelty to animals, and whoever decided to do it is very fortunate they haven't been expelled...yet.

262. Draco Malfoy does not appreciate being turned into a ferret and bounced around the Great Hall like the fake Moody did.

I'm watching you, Fred and George...

263. Students are not allowed to sulk because I won't let them blow up Hogwarts.

264. Not allowed to steal all of the pillows from Hogwarts and then send them to Bellatrix Lestrange.

264a. When asked why you sent Bellatrix Lestrange a lot of pillows you are not to say, "I was bored and it seemed a good idea at the time".

I swear I've talked to you all about sending things to Bellatrix before.

265. You are not allowed to 'ship' any of the staff members together.

265a. Or any of the students together.

Anyone in general.

Harry and Draco did not appreciate whoever ran around yelling, "Drarry!" in the Great Hall yesterday.

266. Students, or staff members, are not allowed to spoil any of Ms. Granger's books for her.

I have enough complaints as it is...

267. No student is to sneak into my personal quarters, hide in my bedroom closet and wait until I am asleep then jump out and shout "BOO".

You're lucky I didn't hex you in my half asleep state.

268. Will all muggle-borns when you see any Ravenclaws because you think they are Erudite.

269. Will the Gryffindors stop hijacking the train then jumping off of it because you are trying to show your Dauntless.

270. Will all hatstalls and near hatstalls quit bragging about their Divergence.

271. Not allowed to stand in the middle of the Great Hall and start screaming "Zombies ate my underpants".

Unless Zombies did actually eat your underpants.

272. Not allowed to tell first years that at the end of the year one of them is going to have to fight me, to the death.

Sincerely Albus Dumbledore.