Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
AN: 282, 282a & 282b belongs Chihori Anigma. 283, 284 & 285 belongs to a massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers.
Dear Students,
If a day went by and one of you weren't sent to my office, I'd think the world was about to come an end.
273. Professor Snape is not in love with Bellatrix Lestrange and the next student who says that he is, will be in serious trouble.
274. Don't eat or drink anything handed to you by the Weasley twins.
Go ask Neville Longbottom what happens when you eat or drink anything from the twins.
275. Harry Potter is to stop accusing Professor Sprout of stealing his socks.
Professor Sprout has never stolen Harry Potter's socks.
276. Not allowed to take a chicken to detention.
276a. Not allowed to take a chicken to class.
276b. Not allowed to fill up your dorm room with chickens.
276c. Not allowed to have a chicken.
Your new obsession with taking a chicken everywhere is weird.
278. The following things will result in detention,
Drawing the Dark Mark on sleeping students arms.
Screaming "Die Vampire Pickles" in the middle of charms.
Setting fire to your desk.
Covering your common room in garlic.
Waking Professor McGonagall up at two in the morning, because you wanted advice on what hat to wear.
279. No student has the power to expel other students.
Even if the student you wanted to expel is super annoying.
280. Not allowed to write to Voldemort requesting he makes his Death Eaters sing songs from Phantom of the Opera.
I've told you more than once, STOP WRITING TO VOLDEMORT.
281. An invisible psycho duck did not fill the Hufflepuff common room with bees.
Invisible Psycho ducks do not exist.
282. Not allowed to say 'stickely-fickely poo' suddenly in Transfiguraton class.
282a. Students are not allowed to say 'stickely-fickely poo' suddenly in any class.
282b. Students are not allowed to say random stuff suddenly in any class.
If you feel the urge to say something random raise your hand and wait into you are given permission before speaking.
283. We will not be resorting in the cause of house unity.
You were sorted as first years, you stay where you were sorted.
284. We will not change houses according to the first letter of your last name, although if the sorting hat ever wears out we will take into consideration the suggestion of A-F in Hufflepuff, G-M in Slytherin, N-S in Gryffindor, and T-Z in Ravenclaw.
Seems as fair as anything.
285. Whoever suggested muggle games for game night and brought only 1 Twister, needs to rethink.
You need at least 8 Twisters with the number of students here and the teachers also need one.
286. Not allowed to make it rain flower petals.
I don't care if you were trying to be spontaneous to impress somebody you like.
Sincerely Albus Dumbledore.