Disclaimer : I do not own Harry Potter.
AN: 291&291a belong to Lolerator.
292. Belongs to Hermione Is My Role Model. 295, 296, 297, 298, 299, 300.300a and 301 belong to SkyeElf. 304& 305 belongs to HallowRain8587.
Also a massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers.
Dear Students,
It'd be awesome if you could crossbreed a dragon with giant.
287. Not allowed to tell your parents, Umbridge, the press, Voldemort or anybody else that I helped you break into ministry.
When I agreed to help certain individuals break into the ministry so, they could flood it with cola, it was under the agreement that nobody knew I helped you.
288. Stop breaking into my office and stealing my lemon drops.
I know who it is and if you do it again, I'll make you sit in a room with Umbridge for an hour.
Imagine an hour of that annoying giggling.
289. An android did not break into Hogwarts and draw a moustache on the Fat Lady's portrait.
290. You are all forbidden from giving Professor Snape love potion so, he'll marry Umbridge.
No matter what Severus has done wrong in the past, he doesn't deserve to be married to Umbridge.
291. You are not allowed to send Bellatrix Lestrange and Voldemort love potions.
291a. you are not allowed to send anyone love potions.
Although I am curious as to how the supposed greatest dark wizard of all time fell for your trick, thinking about those two being romantic is a disturbing thought.
292. "Oopsie-Whoopsie I did a Poopsie" is not a spell, nor are you allowed to turn it into one and use it on your fellow students or on Hogwarts property.
It is six weeks since the incident involving the Weasley twins and this spell, and Miss Parkinson and Mr Malfoy are still in the hospital wing (more from trauma than anything else) and Mr Filch is still trying to get rid of all the poo in the dungeons. Not funny, boys.
Although, seeing Mr Malfoy covered head to foot in faeces was rather amusing...
293. Not allowed to slap someone because they dislike Stargate.
293a. Not allowed to slap anyone because they dislike Dr who.
293b. Not allowed to anybody for any reason.
294. Not allowed to make up a song about Lucius Malfoy.
294a. Not allowed to sing the already existing song about Lucius.
That song is both, annoying and disturbing.
295. Not allowed to set your friends up on a romantic date with Mrs Norris.
296. Not allowed to fill the Slytherin common rooms with plush lions or to fill the Gryffindor common rooms with live snakes.
You two are STILL fighting off the results of your sister's bat-bogey hex.
297. Not allowed to carry your pet owl/rat/cat/toad with you everywhere because they are your soul.
298. Not allowed to drag your mattress to the Great Hall and sleep there in fear of missing an exam.
Honestly, the position we found you and your cat in was just strange - WHY was he sleeping on your patella?.
299. Not allowed to sleep in the Potions class either, the rhino horn and elephant ears should've been lesson enough the first time.
300. The Hufflepuff house should stop growing medical marijuana for extra credit.
300a. Not allowed to put it in the
bread or cookies.
301. You should also please go back to wearing your wizarding robes and get rid of those overalls.
302. Not allowed to organize a student strike because Professor McGonagall wouldn't sing you a lullaby.
I've told you all that the time to strike is next week when the board of governors are here and then you can blame it all Umbridge.
303. Not allowed to tell anyone I am encouraging you to go on a student strike and blame it Umbridge.
304. Whoever absconded with the teacher's Twister game should return it to the Teacher's Lounge (hint, hint Fred, George, Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione) before the teacher's meeting at 4 and there will be no repercussions.
No you cannot play with us-teachers need a break from the students.
305. The rumor that copies of the N.E.W.T.s are available on line are untrue. There is no wifi access in Hogwarts and if there were there is no electiricity.
You just need to read the books in the library and learn the stuff.
Sincerely Albus Dumbledore.