HE'S MY BROTHER

Chapter Six - Report Card

Christophe Pelletier was a man on a mission. Some time ago, while having a casual conversation with Sir Topham Hatt up at the Sodor Steamworks, he'd remarked that Lammergeier was proving to be a bit temperamental on top of being high-spirited and hard-working, and that it'd be important to get him the right sort of full-time crew to continue getting the best out of him. Sir Topham had laughed, commented that it was a shame he already had a full-time job otherwise he'd enjoy taking on Lammergeier himself, then concluded with the suggestion that he'd appreciate it if Christophe would take on the job of finding that perfect crew himself…no hurry, of course. The little engineer, surprised and a little relieved, had promised to do his best. His volunteering to accompany Lammergeier up to Ulfstead to assess his behaviour as a potential tourist engine for himself had only been step one of his search. After that, he'd promised himself to give it a rest for a full month to let Lammergeier show what he was like under routine working conditions, before picking his crew's brains for further insight. Since he already knew Lammergeier's current regular crew, Denise and Pierre, so well, he anticipated that step two would therefore be easy and productive. It also helped that he happened to live with them.

His eventual Lammergeier-report-card meeting took place on an evening when all three of them were scheduled to be off the following day and good spirits and cooperation were therefore somewhat ensured. Christophe hadn't actually heard much about Lammergeier since his Ulfstead debut, from his friends or anyone else. But then they were always pretty busy, the three of them, busy enough that the weeks sometimes seemed to fly by. He knew that the Doyons were still driving both Henry and Lammergeier and seemed to be doing so cheerfully, and that in itself seemed to bode well for the subject of their meeting as Christophe settled himself that night into his favourite seat and regarded his two sources slash witnesses slash snitches.

"Okay! Time to get this interrogation started," Christophe announced from his comfy armchair. "I need to know all about Lammergeier and nothing but Lammergeier and how he's been doing. All the dope, terrific or horrific. Thrill me or alarm me, I don't care which."

"Oh boy," Denise remarked, grinning. "This should be fun." She was already snuggled against her husband's side on the old couch they both favoured and they'd pulled the only other seat in the little living room, another less comfy armchair with a truly hideous flower-patterned fabric surface, close enough to serve as a footrest for Pierre's outstretched legs. He looked just as amused as his wife, his mustache lying askew over his faint smirk.

"You want the good news first or the bad news?" he asked.

"The good news. I'm already in a good mood. Let me hang onto that a while longer."

"All right. That one's easy. As a worker, I don't think we can fault him…can we, hon?"

He looked to Denise, who shook her head in the affirmative.

"He's absolutely right," she agreed. "First class working engine. The way he was during his trial period? Still the same. Works like a fiend. Never complains. Does any job. That's actually one of the most impressive things about him, and Adi too—they've got terrific work ethics. You'd think they'd be a little picky about what jobs they do, given their backgrounds, but they aren't. They're more like Henry than Gordon or James that way. Henry'll do anything too."

"He doesn't shunt, though," Pierre said. "Lammergeier does."

"Say what?"

"Oh, it's true! The local engines at Brendam Docks got way behind once while we were waiting for them to put together a train for us. Lammergeier asked if he could have a shot at shunting it together himself while we waited and I said sure, why not? And you know what? He wasn't half-bad at it! A lot slower than a regular shunter, of course, and I had to be careful backing him over the points, but hey! At least he was willing to try. He'd rather shunt than wait, that's for sure."

"Interesting… And no more sneaky…co-piloting, I presume."

"Never. Not since that day with Sir Topham in the cab. In fact, that's the other great thing about him. He gives himself over one hundred percent when he works and he's sooo quick and responsive, just a real pleasure to handle, even more so than Adi, I have to admit. Lammergeier's just a touch more sensitive to the controls. Never anticipates either. Always waits for his commands. But that's when he's in his work mode. He seems almost like a different loco then sometimes."

"It's when he seems most…normal, too," Pierre continued. "A couple of times I've gone in front of him to uncouple trucks or beds, whatever he's been pushing, and I'll usually give him a pat and a kind word, a "good fellow" or a "well done"…something like that, it's pretty automatic on my part. You look at his face at moments like that and he's always got a little smile and looks pleased to have his work acknowledged, the same as if it were Henry or just about any other engine we've driven. It's the closest I ever see him get to having a really warm expression."

"Yeah, they're few and far between…" sighed Denise.

Both Doyons went silent at that point. Christophe waited. And waited some more. "So…that's it? All the good stuff?" he finally prompted.

They looked at each other. "Um. Pretty much," Denise concluded. "Like Pierre said, you can't really fault him. Not when he's working. But when he's not…"

Christophe couldn't help smiling at the sour frown she suddenly adopted. "Is this my bad news coming up?" he asked, more amused than fearful, given the silly face she was pulling. "Do I need to brace myself?"

"No. More like promise not to get mad at me or laugh—I'm not sure which is more appropriate. Okay! The first bad thing that's happened which you need to know about is that right after we went up to Ulfstead last month, Adi and Lammergeier had a terrific fight and it was sort of about me."

"You?" He sounded doubtful.

"Yeah, me. You remember how when we got back that weekend, you and Pierre and the other guys went on ahead to the Happy Hound and I stayed behind to schmooze with Adler before catching up with you later?"

"Sure." Now he sounded more confused than doubtful.

"Well, I guess Adi never told Lammergeier anything about our little visits and he kind of freaked out when he saw us leaving. The Canucks filled him in none too gently and later on he must've overheard Adi and me saying our good byes, including a couple of, er, affectionate exchanges, and he was NOT happy about it. He did have the decency to wait until he and Adi were alone together in the sheds the next day and then lit into him about how he now knew what was going on between us, and how wrong it was, and how Adi should be saving his love for other engines and not a blasted human, and how he was a complete idiot for trusting me because I was just using him and et cetera et cetera. So, there you go. I almost caused a train derailment, of the emotional kind."

Christophe's response to this final bizarre confession was one of sheer astonishment. And to think he'd thought he'd heard it all!

"But…but he likes you!" he exclaimed.

"I know!" Denise agreed with a pained smile. "And Adi called him on it. Apparently, Lammergeier got red as a beet, shouted back that he needed me to drive him, aaannnd it carried on from there, with many harsh words and lots more yelling involved. The end result's that they're still talking, but only as long as it's strictly business. Anything of a personal nature, including me, is a verboten topic right now."

Christophe was still trying to wrap his head around what he'd just heard. "Good God… This can't be because he's…jealous. Is it?"

The woman flapped her hand in the negative and grinned again.

"Oh please! It couldn't possibly be anything so mundane as that for our dear Mister Lammergeier," she laughed. "No. His beef is with all of us, all us humans. None of us are to be trusted and we're all treacherous and horrid at heart and Adi's a naïve fool for not seeing it."

"Wha-at? Where the holy bejesus is that coming from?" Christophe asked, quite flabbergasted.

"No idea. But you know what? I believe him. I really do. It does explain a few things…"

She looked to Pierre at that point, who gave her a squeeze and said, "We'd better tell him all of it."

"All of it?" Christophe echoed. "Oh oh. Do I want to hear this?"

"Yes you do," Denise asserted. She settled herself more comfortably against Pierre's side, looking rather gleeful. "First, you know how engines can relax their faces when we wash them, so that the surfaces go from hard and protective to yielding and warm, almost like flesh?" she asked.

"Sure. It lets them feel a lot more," Christophe replied, still mystified.

"Well, Lammergeier never relaxes. Never ever. I thought he was just being leery of me at first—even Henry was anxious about letting me handle him initially—but he hasn't changed since the day I first cleaned his face in that French scrapyard. The weird thing is that he does like being groomed. He's proud of his looks, like most of them are, and he always closes his eyes and sighs and seems to appreciate what I do for him. But it's all business with him, like I'm his flipping hairdresser or something. The only difference is that I don't get a tip at the end of it."

Pierre suddenly chuckled. "What's wrong with my eyebrow?" he said.

"Oh cripes!" Denise exclaimed in response to her husband's prodding. "That's another thing about him that's weird. He's the first engine I've ever met who does NOT like being fussed over, not even a little. You know how they all have favourite spots on their faces which they like to have rubbed or scritched or whatever, right? Well, early on, at the end of a wash while drying him, I tried stroking his eyebrows—Adi's fond of that—just to show him a bit of affection and that I wanted to be friends. I got in about three licks before his eyes suddenly popped wide open and he asked, in this really snotty tone, 'What's wrong with my eyebrow? You keep trying to smooth it down. Is something the matter with it?'"

"I thought you were going to slap him," Pierre said, still chortling.

"Well, honestly! What a jerk! Anyway, that was the last time I bothered Mister Lammergeier with any unnecessary personal attention while washing his face. At least I know now why he won't relax for me. He doesn't trust me. He doesn't trust me, and he doesn't respect me. BUT—he needs me to drive him. That's something, I guess."

Christophe was shaking his head. "Actually, that's rather…sad. And yet he does seem to like you…"

Denise flashed back a tight grin. "I think, in light of what Pierre and I know now and have seen for ourselves, that it's far more likely that Lammergeier's just been sucking up to me the whole time the same way he ingratiates himself with everyone he figures he needs to be on good terms with in order to make his life easier. You warned me about that way back on the same day we took him out of the steamworks for the first time, and you were right. We both saw how he deceived Sir Topham Hatt later on."

"Yeah…" Christophe sighed. "I've never seen anything like that before. I still don't know what to think of it. I've seen engines refuse commands before, of course. I've also seen them pretend to be tired or sick to get out of work and a host of other evasions. But those sorts of things are always patently obvious. This wasn't. If Denise and I hadn't already had some familiarity with how he drove and didn't know that Sir Topham was too unpractised to do well with a high-powered engine, Lammergeier might have fooled us too…he was that subtle about it, you should have seen it, Pierre."

"I wish I had."

"He didn't have a bit of remorse about it afterwards, either," Denise added. "No shame, nothing. He thought he'd done something good!"

"Well, he kind of did. Did something good for himself, I have to admit. Sir Topham's still asking about how his 'Lambchop' is doing whenever he sees me," said Christophe.

They all fell silent for a moment. The little engineer was starting to feel somewhat worried. This business with Lammergeier was branching out into territories he didn't like at all.

"Has Adi told you anything more about his brother being so distrustful of people?" he asked Denise. "Has he always been like this or is it new?" Her response this time was hesitant…reluctant, almost. "Look, I know you don't want to betray your friend's confidence," he was quick to add, "but he is a locomotive, not human, and this is rather serious."

Denise sighed. "I know, I'm just…collating in my head, I guess. And yeah, it is new, as far as Adler can tell. He started noticing that Lammergeier didn't like having people around—well, people besides us, I mean—as soon as he moved down to Knapford. He pulls stupid, rude stuff like refusing to talk and gets these looks sometimes… I guess he's blown up a few times besides this last one, too, and Adi can't figure out why, but in retrospect it's always something to do with humans and locos interacting that sets him off. Lammergeier's careful, though. He never says anything to anyone but Adi and he's never overtly hostile, but his attitude's gotten bad enough that the other engines in the shed have noticed even so."

"I'm not surprised," said Christophe. "It's the wrong shed to be living in for an engine who dislikes people." He laughed suddenly, with grim humour. "So what does Lammergeier make of Justin's je t'aime routine when you walk into the yard sometimes?"

Denise grinned back, her own good humour restored. Justin thought nothing of yelling "I love you, my dear!" at her sometimes by way of a greeting, after which the other two Canadians would typically follow up with some variant of "me too!". They even pulled the same stunt with Pierre, although Justin would at least drop the "my dear" when yelling at him…it was all just part of their effusive, lovable personalities. "I imagine he hates it," she said in response to Christophe's query, "but knows better than to say anything. Can you picture what would happen if he did say something? Justin would probably try to psychoanalyze him."

"Might do him good… But this isn't funny, not really. I confess I'm getting concerned here. I've never heard of an engine developing a dislike for the entire human race later on in its life. Being a crank, sure, but not outright distrusting all of us. It's completely contrary to their innate natures."

"Engines can be traumatized, though, right?" Pierre asked. "Maybe something happened to him and he blames people for it."

"Wouldn't matter. Even if he did suffer some trauma that was human-inflicted, he'd only blame any people directly involved, not everybody. Locomotives don't think quite like humans do. It's more cut and dried for them, less complex. And they're far more resilient and forgiving. Adi's a good example. He may have been pretty messed up on a personal level when he got to us, but it never interfered with his ability to work because engines are more instinct-driven, or driven by their innate hard-wired programming, more like, than we are. He also never lost his faith and trust in humans, even though we were the direct cause of all the miseries he suffered, and that's exactly how they're supposed to be, to keep wanting to please us and trusting in us to look after them and tell them what to do, no matter what. It's the only way we can stay safe around such powerful machines while still allowing them a degree of free will."

"It can fail sometimes, though, their programming…can't it?" said Denise.

"Yes, but it's very rare. I've still only ever seen it those two times, the one who woke up crazy right in the shop and that loco we got in from the States who tried to kill the fitter. That's not a bad record given that I've dealt with thousands of engines over the years. The big question now is, where does Lammergeier fit into the spectrum? Is he also just messed up and are his feelings transitory, or is something more serious going on with him?"

The woman had started looking down at her lap. Pierre lifted the hand on the arm he had around her and started twiddling with a bit of her hair, distracting himself. Neither of them looked happy.

"You're the ones who know him best by now," Christophe said, more quietly. "Thoughts?"

Pierre spoke first, although he was clearly reluctant. "He's not a mean engine. He always works hard for us and seems to like doing so. I think, under normal circumstances, he's safe enough…"

"But?" He looked from one to the other of them. "Please. I need to know."

"Yeah…okay," Denise, still looking quite unhappy, finally said. "You're right. You should know. The bad thing about Lammergeier right now is that I'm pretty sure if someone ever mistreated him or abused him or even just lost their temper and smacked him for no reason, he might…I suspect…retaliate. I'm sorry, but I really think he would. I've even thought about whether he's safe for me to get up on a few times…he just gets so impatient sometimes and then he gets these nasty expressions…"

"Like a gardener discovering a fresh rat hole under his garden shed," Pierre expanded. "Not a murderous look or even all that angry, just cold and calculating, like he's thinking about whether he should set some traps or get some poison…that kind of a look."

"It's never directed at his passengers if he's pulling coaches or anything like that and he won't do it when we're right there with him. But people who are holding him up or that he thinks are interfering with him…he hates that. We've caught him staring at strangers or station workers a few times when he thought we couldn't see his face and it always looked like he wished they would just vanish off the face of the Earth, permanently…" She trailed off, tried her best to shrug within her husband's comforting hug. "Sorry," she said again.

"No no, this is what I need to hear," Christophe assured her. He pulled thoughtfully at his chin, pursing his lips. "And now that I have, the other big question becomes...what to do about turning his attitude around? You two are the big problem engine enthusiasts. What would you do with a loco like Lammergeier?"

"Put him to work full-time," said Pierre at once. "That's when he's at his best."

"Yeah, work him hard all day, every day," Denise chimed in. "And when you put him away in the evenings and he's good and tired, take advantage of that to give him lots of attention, groom him well, get him all polished up and shining, lots of praise and petting, whatever he'll allow. I think once he gets his own crew and stays occupied all day and they're persistent about always being kind to him and making sure he's comfortable and tended to when he rests, that he might well start coming around and thinking humans aren't so bad after all. Right now he's got way too much time to think about how we're all just treacherous scum who'll let him down in the end, or whatever nutty beliefs he has when he thinks about us. It's not good for that engine to just work half-days. I think it makes him feel neglected, and he doesn't deal well with that."

She paused for a few moments to reconsider what she'd just said and then added, "Or bring in a couple of mean old Prussian railroaders to take charge and kick his tender halfway into his smokebox…I dunno…" A chuckle escaped her. "Okay, I kid. I still think kindness is the way to go. And lots of work. He's not an engine who can just sit idle and be happy about it."

"And whoever you get will have to be patient," said Pierre. "A crew that really loves engines. That'll be more important than actual experience or ability with this one."

"I hear you," Christophe replied, nodding and tugging at his chin again. He eyed his friends, his expression becoming speculative. "I don't suppose you two would consider—"

"No," the other man interrupted at once, his voice firm. "Henry comes first. He's like our son."

"Okay okay…it was worth a shot. Could the two of you at least hang on for a while yet, as is? It's going to take me some time to look at everybody on the spares list."

"Take as long as you need. Pierre and I actually like working with two engines…adds variety. We wouldn't mind keeping Lammergeier on forever if he were thriving, but…he's not. He needs more work. And his own crew, all to himself."

"Sure. Don't worry, I'll get someone good."

"I hope so…" With the serious part of their meeting winding down and her objective opinions voiced, Denise found herself getting a little emotional again. "You guys are probably going to laugh at me," she said, "but I feel bad for him…Lammergeier, I mean. There's something…needy about him. Needy and sad. He's not doing well at making friends. I don't think he even has any except for Adi, and Adi's all but fed up with him right now. It's like there's something eating at him all the time, getting in his way. And he won't confide in anybody…it's really frustrating."

Christophe sighed. "I know…and you'll notice I'm not laughing, not at all. It is a puzzle, what's going on with this one. And thanks for being frank about it. It'll help me in coming up with a solution."

"I'm glad you think there is one," said Pierre.

"Oh! There always is. It just takes a bit of work sometimes. Now, who's up for supper over at the Happy Hound? My treat? I'm feeling the need to drown my responsibilities for a while and I'm guessing that you're no more interested in cooking tonight and cleaning up afterwards than I am…am I right?"

"One hundred percent right," Pierre agreed, sounding instantly cheerful.

"No argument here," his wife chipped in, starting to uncurl herself. She straightened out fully, got up off the couch, and put out her hand to help Pierre. "Hey! Do you think the Hound's got any lamb or mutton on the menu? I feel like eating some lamb chops now in honour of you-know-who."

"Mean, Denise…"

Still chuckling, the three friends got their coats and Christophe checked through his wallet to make sure he had enough money on hand. Afterwards, they all left together, to enjoy a late meal at their favourite tavern and forget all about directing the lives and fates of temperamental locomotives, at least for a little while.

to be continued...