Dreams
"Cas!" Dean shouted. He rushed over to Cas's side as the angel's eyes slid closed. He grabbed his hands. "Cas, Cas come on man."
"Relax, Dean." Rowena said. She mixed a few items in a bowl.
"Relax!" He snapped. He looked up at her rage coursed through at her calm face. "You want me to relax?" He demanded
"Yes because shouting won't help poor dearie." She said as she looked at him and held his gaze. "Dean, he's going to be fine." She pointed at Cas. "Now I'm going to keep working on the spell and you hold his hand and let him know you're here and don't get worked up."
Dean gave her a dirty look but he knew she was right, not that he would admit it. He took Cas's hand and ran his fingers over his knuckles. He had seen Cas get zonked when his grace was weakened but that didn't make it any easier. He studied the other man's face. He took in the stubble and the light pout of his lips. He stroked Cas's cheek.
"You two are really sweet on each other." Rowena teased. She spoke some words for the spell and mixed in more ingredients.
"Mind you're business." Dean grumbled. He was annoyed with Rowena but if she could help Cas he would keep his anger in check.
"Don't get offended Dean." She poured in something else and the bowl grew. "I'm just a little jealous is all." She said with a smirk. She walked over to Cas bowl in hand. "Excuse me," she said as she eased Dean away from Cas. She spoke more words under her breathe her hands hovered above his body.
Dean glared at her some more. Briefly he thought about how she had used Cas once and how she could easily do it again. But somehow deep down he knew that Rowena was trying to help for whatever reason. "Why are you helping us?"
She looked over at him and flashed a smile that made him nervous but kept chanting. She placed her hands on Cas's face and Dean felt a surge of jealousy. Her fingers traced his jaw bone as she kept doing the spell. Her hands settled on his forehead and Dean saw light go from her hand to his hand. "And that's it." Her hand lingered longer than he wanted and she patted his cheek. "To answer your question, I want to help." She looked at him smiling a forced smile.
Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh please." He looked at Cas. "Is he going to be okay?"
She moved away from the bed with a shrug. "I've helped heal a few people with that spell its usually worked." She looked down at Cas. "The spell should help him recover faster."
"But he's an angel can you heal his grace."
"Well," She shrugged. "We shall see dear." She started packing her witch craft material back up.
"Rather know now…" He mumbled as he returned to Cas's side.
"The power of love should heal him." She said with a smirk
Dean rolled his eyes and took Cas's hand. He didn't like the idea that Cas put himself at risk for him. He couldn't imagine life without Cas, he had been there before when he Cas was gone and he didn't want to repeat that ever again. He squeezed his hand.
Rowena had everything gathered. "Well my work here is done. I'm going to catch me a bus out of town." She slung her bag over her shoulder. "If you need me just call me I'll come and help." She smiled as she turned around and left out of the room.
Dean heard the Bunker door open moments later. He hoped she didn't take anything important on her way out but decided Cas was more important. "Cas… buddy I wish you hadn't done something so stupid." He brought his hand up to his mouth and gave it a soft kiss. "I need you man. I need you more than anyone I have needed before. I can't," He choked while he spoke. "Cas," He felt his eyes tear up. "Damn Dean stop." He said to himself. "He's been weak before you know he can get better." He felt the hand in his twitch. "Cas?" He asked. He looked at the other man's face. He's dark blue eyes slowly opened.
"Dean?" He groaned.
"Cas!" He let go of his hand. "I," He felt tears drop on his cheek. "You're okay man…. How are you?"
He shook his head. "I feel like I got hit by a truck." He sat up in bed and Dean slung his arms around him in a hug.
Dean chuckled. "I figured getting hit by a truck wouldn't hurt an angel." He let go of him and Cas shook his head.
"Realistically no, but I thought I would use a human phrase. Did I use it correctly?"
He laughed. "Yes Cas you did."
He ran his hands through his already messy hair. "I got a headache, and everything hurts."
Dean smacked the side of Cas's face gently. "What the hell were you thinking? You could have died getting in my head like that."
Cas frowned at him. "I was saving you Dean. It was the only choice I had."
"Rowena was coming to help though, and you knew that but you took a risk anyways. What do you think would have happened if you died?"
He shrugged. "Sam said that she wanted me to wake you up it was the only thing I could think of." He frowned again. "We need to call Sam."
"No Cas we need to talk about this then we call Sam."
He glared at him. "Dean… we," he shook his head. "Call your brother then we shall talk, okay?"
Dean was ready to argue but if Cas had called Sam when he was unconscious then they did need to tell them everything was okay or else he would worry. "Fine Cas, I'll call Sam." He got up and pulled out his phone. "Then you and I are talking."
He walked out of the room and left Cas in bed. He went through his contacts and clicked on Sam's name.
"Hello?" Sam said on the second ring.
"Hey man, I'm awake."
"Oh thank God." He said his voice sounded relived. "What about Cas?"
"He's fine too. He's trip in my brain space wore him out but Rowena used some healing spell. He woke up a few minutes ago…"
"Are you okay?"
Dean walked further away from Cas's room and wondered how far he had to go to get out of his ear shot. "No… not really… he," He shook his head. "Sam it was… He could have died you know." He sighed.
"I know he told us. He could have gotten trapped in your mind… he took a big chance. I didn't know he's grace was that weak."
"He's still recovering from what happened with Metatron I think. I guess he didn't get as much grace back as we had thought." He looked at the floor. "Him risking it all… I don't know if I can handle this."
"It's hard Dean… love is hard." Sam's voice was full of regret. "Dean you should talk to Cas about it. Let him know how this made you feel."
"I know… I know Sammy. He wanted me to tell you we were okay before we talked. Listen where are you, once Cas is at full strength we will come along," But something interrupted him.
"I am at the full strength I can be."
He looked over his shoulder to see Cas standing there wearing what he called the holy tax accountant outfit. "Cas," He started.
The other man pointed at him. "Finish up with Sam okay." He walked past him.
"Apparently Cas is good to go, so where are you Sam." Dean said. Sam gave him the address and Dean hung up and went to find Cas. "Cas!" He called
"In the library."
Dean walked in the library and Cas was sitting at the table shuffling some books. "Listen it's at least a couple hours' drive to Sam so… are you good to go?"
Cas nodded. "Are you, Dean?"
"I think so and how about you Cas?"
Cas looked at the books and frowned. "I believe so Dean… apparently Rowena's spell healed up my grace enough to function." He looked up at Dean.
"Well maybe you should stay and rest a bit more," He started
"No!" Cas shouted and it actually made Dean jump a little. "I may not be completely healed but I'm healed enough to help." Dean seen him clench his jaw. "Please Dean… don't leave me. I can help, I want to help, let me help please."
"Cas," He laid his hand on his shoulder. "I'm not saying you can't help."
To Dean he looked hurt. He clinched his fists. "Don't pity me." He whispered.
"Look Cas," Dean started. "I know you're upset, I heard what that creature in my head said to you… and you. Look let's go we'll talk on the way to Sam okay. I got questions and we both need to vent." He held out his hand. "Give me your keys."
He looked at his hand and frowned. "You want to drive my truck?"
"Sam has baby and I think you need to rest."
He shot him a dirty look then pulled out the keys to his truck and laid them in Dean's hand.
"Let's go."
The silence was heavy in the old truck. Dean didn't know how to start the conversation. He was never good at heart to hearts that was Sam's thing and Cas well, Cas was never much of a talker. Dean usually enjoyed Cas's silence he could usually sit in a room and just exist in the silence and Dean would be happy. He looked around and seen the cassette hanging out of the tape player. He decided he needed to make Cas a few more tapes as he pushed in the current one. Led Zeppelin filled the void in the truck as Dean continued to try to think of what to say to Cas.
"So you remember everything that happened in your head?" Cas asked his voice sounded unsure and ashamed.
Dean nodded. "Yeah I… I do Cas. Does it bother you?"
"I… you heard things I'd rather you not know."
"You mean about the angels?" He asked as he eased the truck down the road. The truck handled way different than the Impala rough and bumpy. He didn't care for it, Sam really needed to get his own car so he wouldn't have to share baby with him.
"Yes…" He said his voice dropped reminding Dean of a kicked puppy. "Dean," But he cut him off.
"So my question is, are all the angels in heaven going to come down on me because we are dating?" He wanted to lighten the mood but he was actually curious.
"No, no I don't think so." He shook his head. "Heaven is currently hunting for Kelly as well. The Nephilim is major concern. Angels they as you know some of them think humans are beneath them and being with one in any capacity is strange to them."
"Any capacity?"
"Being friends to a human is odd to them but being a couple is even stranger." He sighed he focused his attention outside of the window.
Dean seen it but tried not to focus on it as he was driving, after all he couldn't check out Cas and drive.
"There's rules against it… mostly because of Nephilim."
"So they won't rain heaven on us because we can't make a baby?"
He nodded. "I believe so, we lack the proper um equipment to make a Nephilim so chances are they will not care what we do, but," he hesitated. "Either way they would not approve. It would be best not to worry about them, I can never go back to heaven and once they realize this they will defiantly never let me come back."
"Cas you," He shook his head. "You gave up heaven to be with me?" He couldn't believe it how could Cas do something so stupid and yet… it was almost romantic.
"Dean, they have a right to be angry with me. I've done so much wrong, I've hurt so many of my own kind… after Rowena cast that spell on me and I reached out for help they tried to kill me. They, my own kind hates me. Nothing I can say will change their mind and I know that now."
"Angels are dicks." Dean grumbled
"Dean I am an angel remember."
"How could I forget that? I'm the one leading a rouge angel down the path of no return. Cas are you sure you want this?"
"This what?" Cas asked and Dean could sense him tilt his head.
"This relationship, Cas, we can," He hesitated gripped the steering wheel tight and looked at the gas gage. Soon they would need gas. "Cas we don't have to do this… I can't sit here and let you just toss out your future for me. I am nothing, Cas. I'm not even a half way decent person. I drink too much, I'm an unhealthy eater, and you know what I can be an ass on the best days. Surely you don't want to give up heaven for some lowlife like me."
"Don't say things like that Dean." He's voice sounded hurt. "You're an amazing person you helped me see that…. That there is more to life than following orders. You gave me… a new life Dean. Free will something that everyone should have… even if you can be an assbutt I still love you."
As if right on que Whole Lotta Love started to play. Dean smiled to himself. "Cas love is complicated, it can be painful that's why there is so many love songs out there. I've never, dude I have never really had a long term relationship other than Lisa so… I'm worried I'm going to mess this up."
Cas turned up the music slightly which made Dean smile.
"Tuning me out?" Dean asked
"No I like this song. Dean you have more experience than me. My closest encounter with love ended in me getting stabbed."
Dean started to look for a gas station. This truck used too much gas. "Good glad you like this song." Dean didn't really think about how he put a love song on the tape for Cas but it was also one of his favorite Zeppelin songs. "Plus that encounter with April wasn't love. You were horny and looking to get some. There's a difference. Trust me." He turned into a gas station and parked at a pump.
"I'll go and pay for gas want anything?" Cas asked as he undid his seat belt.
"I can go for something to eat."
The other man nodded as he left.
Dean started to put gas in the truck. He was glad to finally talk to Cas. Sure he still felt bad about it but at least they were talking. He filled the truck up and Cas came out of the station with a bag in his hand.
They got back in the truck and he handed him the bag. "There wasn't pie but I got you a candy bar."
Dean smiled and took the bag seeing about four bars in there. "What did you do go Trick or Treating in there?"
He tilted his head. "No I purchased them."
He shook his head and started the truck. It roared to life and they continued on up the road. "I'm sorry about… making you feel weak."
The angel bit his lip. "Dean,"
"I didn't realize that… that I hurt your feelings so much. I mean there's more to you than you're powers to me. That being said no more unnecessary risks okay. I'll still love you even if you can't do anything."
"Before when I lost my powers you called me a baby in a trench coat."
"And I'm sorry about that. I didn't know that it would upset you that bad." He turned up the music some and tightened his grip. "Cas I care about you I have for a long time I just… if you feel worthless just talk to me about it. I don't want you to do stupid shit just to prove that you can do it. And I'm not just talking about your little road trip in my head I mean all the stupid shit."
"So you think what I do is stupid?"
"No Cas, I understand now why you do it. You're getting careless, you think you're useless which is why you do dumb shit like say yes to Lucifer."
He sighed. "Dean…" He looked down at his hands. "After the fall my powers have been weakened. I can't fly anymore, which is why I have the truck, I can't time travel either, I was honestly surprised I could enter your dreams but… that will probably be the last time I will be able to do it. Dean what if… what if I become human what then?"
Dean remembered how End World Cas was so depressed because he was human, hell even after Cas lost his grace he could tell the angel turned human was sad. "If you're asking if I will still love you then the answer is yes. Cas it doesn't matter to me if you're powerful or weak I care about you. And I mean it Cas." He reached out and took Cas's hand. "I love you Castiel, strong, weak which ever I love you and I will still love you."
Cas gave a weak smile. "I know Dean." He squeezed his hand.
"And I mean it. Come what may you and I will get through it. I don't care if you're not human,"
"I don't care that you are human." He said with a smirk
"Or a walking talking radio wave or whatever you are, or a badass or a baby in a trench coat. As long as you keep being Cas I will still love you." Dean thought he heard Cas choke back a sob. He didn't peruse it.
"Dean you are very kind to me." He's voice was quite. "Even though you can be abrasive."
Dean smiled. "We are almost there Cas."
"Good."
He kept going and Cas remained quite. He stole a glance and seen the angel had nodded off and his head was resting against the window. "Poor Cas." He whispered. He knew his grace was still recharging. At least maybe he would be fully recharged by the time they got to Sam. He turned down the music so Cas could sleep peacefully. He's heart swelled listening to the man lightly snore as he slept. He was glad he was getting rest. He turned on the interstate and headed to Sam. He yawned. They kill this witch everything would be fine. He looked over at the sleeping Cas he's heart felt heavy because he knew once this was done he would go back on the hunt for Kelly. He knew Cas had to but it still hurt. He sighed he had to keep going he had to keep going for both of them.