A/N: A/U (Jason/Eric/Tara)

Humor/Fluff (Ao3 has the alternate version with Jason/Pam/Tara)

Song: Because I got High By Afroman

I was gonna go to work but then I got high
I just got a new promotion but I got high
Now I'm selling dope and I know why
'Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high-I

Eric was taken aback by the urgent knock on his door precisely at the cusp twilight. He didn't bother covering his nude body as he sped to the door and opened it. He was even more surprised to see Jason Stackhouse, dressed in his ridiculous police uniform, one hand on his holster the other on his hip.

"Where's Tara?" Jason demanded, casting his eyes any and everywhere but on Northman and his gracious plenty.

Where in the hell do you look when a naked ass vampire is standing right in front of you with his Johnson all out?

Stackhouse thought to himself.

"Miss Thornton is in my bed quite satisfied," Eric answered smugly.

"I'll believe it when I see it - vampire, now let me in."

Eric said nothing and stepped to the side allowing Jason to enter his mansion.

"TAAAARAAA!"Jason yelped, "TARA, YOU HERE?"

"Stop yelling and proceed downstairs," Eric ordered.

Jason reached the bottom of the stairs and entered Eric's lair.

The young man scanned the vast chamber. The spacious room was dimly lit with white large candles, set atop tall golden candle pillars.

The room is dominated by a large four-poster bed in chestnut, with deep red canopies and a matching coverlet.

His lovely young friend lay peacefully in the middle of the bed submerged in an ocean of crimson and onyx satin sheets. Her raven mane splayed out around her head.

"Tara..."

Jason sighed in relief when her doe eyes slowly fluttered open; her face marred with confusion.

He rushed over to the bed and sat beside her.

"Tara..."Jason cocked his head to the side. "You still alive?" He whispered.

"Jason, what are you doing here?"

She was expecting to wake up to a handsome blonde, but not this handsome blonde.

"I-I was just checking on ya." He answered, not looking at her face; his eyes were fixated on her chest.

The sheet had slid down and one of her dark and lovely breasts were peeking out.

She quickly covered her perky tits and Jason was instantly snapped out of his trace.

"Well, as you can see I'm fine...still human - still alive." Tara was touched that Jason cared enough to check on her, but she also knew, that he knew she could take care of herself.

So there must be another reason for his visit.

"I'm curious Mr. Stackhouse, how was my blood?" Eric sauntered down the stairs.

In haste, Jason turned to address him and was thankful Eric had a robe, even if the robe did remind him of Hugh Heffner. "It's been a long time since I've given that amount of blood."

Tara knew right then, that's what Jason was really there for.

He's still a damn V addict.

Tara said to herself, she was angrier than a wet cat.

"Uh, well the dream was fuckin weird," he muttered his answer, "but everything else was great -really great."

He could feel Tara's eyes burning a hole in the back of his head.

Cautiously, he turned back to look at her.

With a perfect arched eyebrow, full lips tightly pierced and her arms folded firmly across her chest; she had her signature fool- you- crazy scowl.

Jason respectfully stood from the bed.

"Jason Eugene Stackhouse, get the hell outta here!" The dark-skinned beauty piped. "Go buy you all the beers you can drink- all the joints you can smoke and call it a night."

"I didn't mean no harm." Too desperate to be embarrassed, Jason saw himself to the door and just as he was about to start the cruiser he heard a whoosh noise.

Eric was standing beside him, his eicy gaze, peering into the car.

"Don't you dare hurt Tara... vampire..." he scowled, unflinching at Eric's intimidating presence.

"I don't take well to idol threats human", Eric hissed and his fangs leaped forward.

Jason gasped as he stifled a scream of terror.

"However, I assure you Tara is enjoying herself." The vampire growled as he bit into his own wrist, "Hurry Stackhouse..." He rasped, while gently shoving his wrist towards Jason's mouth, "...Tara will soon realize it is taking too long to make her cosmopolitan."

The tan blond did not hesitate and eagerly began to suckle the pale blonde's wrist.

Eric watched in amusement as Jason's pupils underwent full dilatation.

Jason reclined back into the seat and let out a blissful moan; "Oh...ohhh, yeah..." the effects of the magical elixir are immediate.

After a moment, he licked his lips, started the car and finally met Eric's hypnotic gaze.

The tall vampire smirked jubilantly at the simple-minded human.

"You do make the best martinis," Jason recalled his V-induced dream as he put police cruiser in drive and sped off.