Sharon welcomed the silence. It was the first time in weeks she'd felt some relief. Her conversation had gone better than she'd hoped. He'd at least taken the paperwork and left. They hadn't gotten into a screaming match. He hadn't accused her of trying to trap him, and she felt like in time, he would sign the papers. At least, she hoped he would.
After she closed, the door, Sharon walked back to her desk and sat down at it. She just sat and let her mind wander in the silence. The hard part was over. Ironic, the hard part, in her opinion, was telling Andy about the pregnancy. She had the rest of her life now with another child, and this, she saw as being the hard part.
Sharon took a deep breath, and as she let it out, she cracked. The tears started to flow, and she started to cry. Her cry turned to an almost uncontrollable sob quickly. She'd been holding this in for weeks, and while she hadn't planned to cry, it was needed. She was just glad she'd held it together while he'd been at the condo. She let herself cry. Her life was now forever changing. Yes, she'd love the baby. She already did, even if this was not in her plans.
The last few months had been just so out of character for her, and she was now hitting her rock bottom, or she had. After years and years of marriage to Jack, she'd finally broken. She'd had enough of his behavior. He'd called her one night a few months ago, drunk, of course, and he'd started telling her about all the women he'd been sleeping with, and the list had been long, extremely long. Sharon had thought about hanging up the phone and not listening to his rant, but in the end, she'd listened. She'd listened to every single word as he described the women and where and when he'd seen the women. He was in one of his sappy moods, one where he felt the need to confess his love for her and apologize for all he'd done. In that, he'd decided to confess each woman, and there had been more than she could count. Some he named, and others, he admitted to only knowing them by description. Some had been one-night stands, and others, he'd dated for weeks or months. It sickened her the first one he told her about had been a woman while on their honeymoon. That had stung. She remembered him leaving their hotel for a couple hours, and when he'd returned, he had told her he'd gone for a run-back when he was a runner. Instead, he'd gone to the bar, in his running gear, and he'd instantly found a woman. He admitted the two had disappeared to her room, and then he'd come back to Sharon. All of that, she just couldn't take it, and when Jack finally hung up the phone that night, Sharon made a decision. She was going to live her life, more of a carefree life. And, she had, but now, it had come back to haunt her. Sharon, the woman who had tried to raise her kids, work, and just do the right thing, was now paying for her carelessness. It just didn't seem fair, but her growing baby couldn't be blamed for her mistakes.
She dabbed her eyes with the tissue, sure her makeup was running everywhere now. She didn't care, though, not tonight. She was alone, and really, she would be alone from now on, and she was okay with that. It was almost a welcome relief after years married to Jack. Sharon just needed Andy to sign the papers, and she would be free and clear of the men who had help create her children. Jack had the papers, and she really had a feeling he'd sign the papers. After his infidelity admission, she'd written him a letter, detailing a lot of what he had told her, basically the proof that he'd called. She'd filed that away, ready to be attached to the divorce paperwork. It had been sent off this week to him, and she really felt he'd sign and let her go. Her lawyer, her friend, Gavin, was prepared to fight, and one way or another, she was going to have this baby and raise it as a single mother, not attached to any man. She needed to do it. She wanted to be alone.
Alone. Sharon sighed as she ran her hand over her small rounded belly area. This baby was already making himself or herself known and had only been in Sharon's life now a few months. She was 14 weeks along, just about three and a half months into this. She had replayed the events of New Year's Eve in her mind and just had a gut feeling that is when this had all happened, not that it couldn't have happened one of the other nights when they'd been on the road. The two had been pretty careful, but obviously not careful enough. It didn't matter now. The bottom line was she'd started the whole thing with Andy, and while he'd been willing, she'd started it, and they'd created a baby. The baby had come as a surprise to her, and really, she hadn't suspected it for a few weeks. It wasn't until she fell asleep at her desk the first week of February she really started to analyze things. She'd spent the end of January feeling under the weather, but she'd figured with it being winter, she was probably just sick. Different ailments had been circulating her department, and she figured the tiredness and occasional nausea was just from that. However, when she fell asleep at her desk in the middle of the afternoon, she decided to see her doctor. Still, then, it didn't occur to her to see if she was pregnant; she still suspected she was going through menopause and just off in her overall health because of that. She booked an appointment, and that was still two days away. It wasn't until the morning of the appointment, she woke up, slightly sick to her stomach, and it dawned on her she could be pregnant. She threw up that morning, really, she figured from nerves and not morning sickness. She'd not been that sick, just nauseous some, which was also new. She hadn't experienced that with Emily or Ricky. That morning, the day of her appointment, she sat outside a drug store and just couldn't go inside. Yes, she knew she should buy a pregnancy test and face the music, but she couldn't do it. Instead, she went to her appointment with her suspicions, and she let the doctor's office confirm it. She was pregnant.
Sharon could still hear that statement in her head, "Sharon, the test confirmed you are pregnant. Congratulations." Congratulations. Wow, if only she could be excited about this. Actually, she was starting to get excited about this new baby, but it was quite the adjustment. She hadn't been that day, now almost seven weeks ago. That day, her doctor had discussed getting her in with her OB right away, and the next week, she found herself staring at an ultrasound machine and the first images of her baby. Her baby. Yes, she was set on doing this alone. Andy had made it clear he didn't want children the first time around, had been a lousy father, and he still had a terrible relationship with his kids. She didn't want that now. She didn't want to share her precious baby with a man she barely knew and one who didn't want children. Yes, she was fine with this. She'd raise her baby alone.
Recently, she'd started to think about that, being alone, these last couple of weeks. It had taken a few weeks for the shock to wear off as she realized that indeed, she was carrying a baby. The little peanut, as she liked to think of the baby, started to grow and make himself or herself visible before she even hit the three-month mark. Sharon remembered stomping her feet and throwing a small fit as she tried to squeeze into pants. Even her bras didn't fit, and that really made her mad. She fought it for a few days, but then she started to just trash her closet. She still hadn't done anything about that. Her closet was a mess, and she had a huge pile on the floor of everything that didn't fit, and sadly, as the peanut continued to grow, so would that pile. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do with all those clothing because she had a sinking feeling the things may never fit again. This was her third baby, and she was 47. Her body wouldn't bounce back; she knew it. Sure, she might, MIGHT, lose the baby weight, but she knew that even with her other two, even without the weight, her body shape had changed. She was almost depressed to think that some, if not many or all, of the clothing currently occupying her closet floor might not fit her ever again. It was hard to see the light, or see that one-day things would fit, when she was months from that being any sort of reality.
So, as everything was starting to hit her-raising the baby alone, being alone, and then, her clothing not fitting her anymore-she decided to get out of town. The kids needed to be told, and she didn't want to do that over the phone. She hadn't lied to Andy when he'd come looking for her on Valentine's Day. She wasn't interested that night, mostly because she was so utterly exhausted due to the peanut growing inside, that the last thing she wanted to do was fool around with Andy. She knew from past pregnancies there was a time and place for that, even during pregnancy, and right now, she wasn't feeling it. She didn't want anyone touching her body. The peanut had already invaded and taken it over. Besides that, it was Andy, and after what had happened, she was done with him. She would have a lifetime reminder of Andy.
The kids had been shocked. Both had automatically assumed Jack had wormed his way into her life, and when she'd come clean with them that the baby's father was NOT Jack, they had been even more stunned. She wasn't thrilled with explaining to them the circumstances of the baby's conception, but she told them it had been just a fling and would be breaking off any legal obligations with the baby's father. She hadn't named him to the kids, even though both had begged her for that information. It wasn't necessary because ultimately, Andy would not be the baby's father. She'd have her paperwork, and the baby would be hers and hers alone.
Alone. Sharon sighed as she ran her hand over the baby again. The house was quiet. She glanced at the clock and saw it was now after 1:00 in the morning. She'd been sitting here, her mind wandering for hours now. She shifted and realized how uncomfortable she was. She really needed to get to bed. She was really trying to get enough rest for the baby. She loved this baby, and what she was doing, asking Andy to terminate his rights, was for the good of the baby. She knew it was something she had to do.
Instead of getting up to go to bed, Sharon leaned back in her chair and folded her hands over the small mound on her stomach. Soon, in a few weeks, she would be able to feel the baby kick. She smiled at that, the thought that the little peanut was growing more and more each day, getting strong and stronger. She'd started tracking baby websites again, reading about the developmental milestones each week. She didn't plan on a baby at this stage of her life, but it was exciting while scary. She had testing the next few weeks regarding the baby, and some of that was scary too. She'd opted out of the amnio and a couple of other tests that were offered to her in the weeks to come. The amnio, in particular, was not without risk, even though a slight one, and she just didn't want to risk anything right now. She would love this baby no matter what. She did already. Yes, she was going to take precautions and was already seeing her doctor every two weeks, mostly to check her blood pressure, but she didn't want anything like large needles poking her that could harm the baby. So far, things were okay. She would have another big ultrasound somewhere between 18 and 20 weeks, depending on when it could be scheduled. Then, she was still debating on finding out the sex of the baby. While she wanted to know, she also liked the idea of the surprise. That was still not decided. For now, something she did need to decide was work. One of the things she needed to do, sooner than later, was figure out her future. She and the baby would be a team. Sharon wanted to give her all to this baby and felt like her job at the LAPD would not allow her that. She'd raised two kids while working at the LAPD. That was a different time, and she had been younger. Now, she oversaw an entire division, and that carried a tremendous amount of responsibility. It would continue to require long hours, odd hours, and weekends. It would be hard for her to make time for the baby. Could she do it? Absolutely. She could if she had to do that, BUT she didn't want that. At this point in her life, she didn't want to continue running a division, being a police officer, when she had an infant at home relying on her for everything. It was time for a drastic change, one she'd even thought about before the baby was conceived, and she believed the time was coming. She wanted to retire. She was coming to grips that there was more to life than her demanding job at the LAPD. She wanted to be happy, and even in her job, she wasn't always happy. She loved her job, but she didn't deal with the best of people. She hated that and was about ready to find something else to do. She and the baby would have a very different lifestyle compared to when she had raised Emily and Ricky. It was what she wanted.
Retire. She sighed as she thought about it and rubbed her hand over that small mound. Retiring wasn't a new thought; she'd even mentioned it to Andy in their cross-country drive. That was before the peanut too, and since she'd found out about her pregnancy, she'd started to think about her future. Retirement was starting to sound good. Now that she'd told Andy about the baby, she could really focus on what she wanted to do with her future. Retirement. The baby was coming sometime around September, all dependent on her health. She'd have maternity leave, and after that, she wanted to have a plan in place. Sharon wasn't sure she even wanted to return to the LAPD after having the baby, and if that was the case, she needed a plan, and she needed one now. She reached to her file drawer and opened it where she pulled out her last pay statement. She looked at the box with her leave, and she nodded to herself, pleased that she had always been one to save leave. She rarely used any, and when she did, it was usually to visit one or both kids. Now, she had a lot of time to use, and that was going to come in handy with this pregnancy. She needed to take more time away to rest and relax. Her baby's health could be at stake if she didn't; her doctor had told her that much. She nodded again at the days of leave she had. She was in good shape there. Her eyes drifted to her pay. She was also in good shape there. She'd have a good retirement, and with that, she could find another job, possibly something more relaxing. Sharon put the paper away again and looked around the condo, her home. She didn't know what she planned to do about the condo yet. Yes, she and the baby could be comfortable here. She just wasn't sure she wanted to stay in Los Angeles and in the condo. Her eyes darted around the room and landed on her couch, the very couch where she believed the peanut had been conceived. Yes, she wasn't sure she wanted that thought in her mind all the time as well. Perhaps, the condo would go too, along with Jack, Andy, and the LAPD. One thing was certain-things were changing.
Sharon stood and stretched, now irritated with herself she had stayed up so long. She sighed, thinking over her night and hoping things were going to start to improve for her. Right now, she was hungry, and she had found herself craving ice cream again as she had with Ricky's pregnancy. She had not with Emily, and that had her wondering if she was having a boy. Yes, she'd have a bowl-a big bowl-of ice cream. Her pants didn't fit, but she'd bought new ones earlier in the day. She'd feed the peanut and get some sleep, hopeful that tomorrow would bring a packet of signed papers.