A blanket of breakfast foods wave over our noses. Pancakes, bacon and eggs. I'm seated in front of Noah, whose eyes look alive and animated as always. They turn to look out the window, which isn't exactly the prettiest sight: just broken windows and busy streets. But it's wondrous to him - it's adventure.
"So," I begin. "I've managed to get my eyes on a particular blueprint you and Donnie have been working on." He smiles and raises his eyebrows. "So are you planning on telling me?"
"Hm..." Noah says, leaning forward. "That would be breaking the rules Donnie and I both agreed on."
"What are the rules?"
"I can't tell you."
"Why not?" I whine.
He chuckles. "Because that's one of the rules."
I groan. "How am I supposed to point out when you're breaking a rule if I don't even know what the rules are?" I complain, crossing my arms.
He laughs, and crosses his arms too, mimicking my pose.
"I guess you'll just have to survive," he replies with a grin.
After we finish our food at the restaurant, Noah and I decide to take a walk. We walk everywhere. Through the park, around the block, around another block, around the park again, through all the shops, we walk. Whenever there's a silence, one of us takes advantage of that silence and cracks a cheesy joke that usually triggers another conversation.
"Okay, okay...this one is good. Why did the mushroom go to the party?" I ask.
"Hm..." He pretends to think. "I don't know." But he grins. We've both heard this joke too many times.
"Because he was a fungi!" I begin laughing.
Noah laughs and shakes his head.
"Haven't we passed that tree like six times now?" I ask.
"Probably. It's getting late; we should probably get you home. We can't have you sleeping in too late tomorrow."
"You're right," I agree. "I can't afford to miss another day at the Headquarters."
"I'm sure you can't miss that much in a day," Noah says, shaking his head.
"You'd be surprised. Just missing an hour can be the difference between boring and hectic. It's either nothing is happening except breathing, or everything is happening at once. There's no in between," I say.
"Wow," Noah mutters. "It must be difficult. How does Benj take it? He's so young."
"He's not that young," I defend, shaking my head. "He's fourteen, Noah." There is a silence. "I was younger than him when we started this whole thing."
"I still can't believe that," he mumbles. "I have so many memories with your family. Your dad was like a second father to me."
Noah used to come over all the time when we were younger.
"Yeah...my dad's a good guy. He's just in a state of mind right now where he doesn't know that," I say, and I'm surprised at how even and reasonable my voice sounds. It had taken me years and years, but I have finally managed to be able to talk about him and be okay.
"What would you do if...I don't know...he came back?" He quickly adds, "You don't need to answer, really. I'm just curious. Have you thought about it?" I think for a while.
I like talking about Dad-I just don't like thinking about him. Often times I can talk about him without thinking of him, because he and I were so close. Some things were just like second-nature, like how he'd make our whole family breakfast on Saturdays, and how he treated my mother like a queen. Or how he'd always let Benjamin watch him mow the lawn, but never let him near the lawnmower.
But with things like this, I can't think about it. I can't bother with the "what ifs".
"I don't know...I don't really want to think about that right now." We arrive at my apartment complex, and head up the stairs. I unlock the door and push the door open. The air is warm and lights are off. I flick them on and turn to Noah.
"It was awesome spending the day with you. And iHop was the perfect place. Brought back lot's of memories," I say, smiling.
He nods. "Anytime. It was great, Lexi." He pauses. "You're great." Before I know it, he's slightly leaned in. He places his hand on my cheek softly and his lips brush against mine. My heart jumps, but not in joy. In surprise.
Noah is kissing me. Why is Noah kissing me? I gently kiss back but then pull away after a few seconds. I don't like Noah like that...why am I kissing him? I take in a breath and his eyes stare into mine. I feel slightly uncomfortable. He's my best friend; not my lover. He isn't even really my best friend anymore. He's my childhood best friend.
I don't know what to say, and I think he knows that.
"I'll see you tomorrow, right? I'll probably be at the lair working with Donnie on that blueprint I'm not allowed to tell you about." He embraces me and waves as he walks out the door.
I bite my lip and let out a breath. What just happened? And why do I feel like it's almost completely normal?
"I gotta see Leo..." I mumble, grabbing my cell phone and shutting off the lights again.
LEO'S POV:
I hate myself. Why did I do that? Why did I follow her home when I saw her and Noah walking? Why can't I just keep to myself and stay in my own business?
Noah kissed her. I don't know what to think. I'm surprised and I'm heartbroken. I know that Lexi doesn't like Noah like that, but when I saw him kiss her, a single thought blew through my mind: what if that kiss changes everything? I want to stay and see what she does to respond, but part of me doesn't want to know.
Why is it so hard for me? Because I'm a mutant. Lexi would never want me as anything more than a friend.
I feel angry. Angry at Lexi...angry at Noah...angry at myself. Why does she have to be so confusing? One moment she's giving a sign that she might like me, and the next, she's kissing Noah.
I enter the lair and head straight past my family. Some are reading the newspaper (Splinter), or playing video games (Mikey), or sleeping on the couch (Raph). I find Donnie in the kitchen, screwing in the last screw to the refrigerator.
"So how was your little walk, Fearless?" Mikey teases, not tearing his eyes from the screen. "Did you run into your love?"
I set my jaw and try to keep my face void of all emotion.
Donnie places a few of the screwdrivers back into his box and shuts it, which causes a loud sound. It wakes up Raph.
"Whoa, where's the fire?" he mutters.
Donnie laughs sheepishly. "Sorry about that."
Raph glances over at me, looks away, and then does a double-take.
"Dude, what happened?" Raph mutters. "Ya look like ya just punched somebody."
"Ooh...did you? Come on, Leo, tell us the truth here!" Mikey grins.
I sigh and shake my head. "No...I didn't. I'm just...um..." I can't find the right word. How can I explain to them that I had followed Lexi home because I didn't trust Noah and then saw them kiss? How do I tell them that without sounding nosy or overprotective? And without sounding jealous?
I can't.
"Angry? Upset?" Don guesses.
I shake my head. "No...just..." I still can't find the right word.
"Frustrated? Tired?" Raph tries.
I shake my head again. "No, just let me think..."
"Furious? Flabbergasted?" Mikey asks, and I let it all out.
"No!" I exclaim, putting my hands to my head. "I don't know, okay? Stop guessing, guys!" As soon as I say that, Lexi walks through the doors of the lair.
"Hey Lexa," Raph greets. "Ya look tired. Wow, you and Fearless both." Lexi glances over at me and gives a half-hearted smile.
"You too, Leo? Why are you tired?" She does look tired. This Lexi is completely different than the lively one I saw walking home with Noah. Her curly blonde hair has been pulled into a low-bun, which is something she does when she's stressed or trying to concentrate.
"Um...it's a long story..." I try to search for anything in her eyes that may communicate that she liked the kiss with Noah. But all I can see is exhaustion. She collapses onto the couch and puts her head in her hands.
"What happened, Lex?" Mikey asks, pausing his game. "Who do we need to beat up?"
"No, no, Mikey..." she begins. "It's just that..." She pauses. "I spent the day with Noah."
"Oh, how's he doing?" Donnie asks.
"He's fine. We had a nice day. We went to iHop and then walked around for a while. Then he walked me to my apartment...and then...he...um..." She pauses again. "He kissed me."
I can tell by the sound of her voice that it's not only awkward saying it to us, but she doesn't really know how to explain it. We're all silent. Donnie and Raph glance at me to see my reaction. I quickly stare at the floor.
"Ooh...I know why Leo came in all down in the dumps..." Mikey realizes.
Raph stomps on Mikey's foot.
"OUCH!" Mikey shrieks.
"Oh sorry, was that your foot?" he asks, faking an apologetic voice. "I didn't know."
Mikey glares at Raph and rubs his foot. "You know," he begins. "I feel like you did that on purpose."
"Okay, okay, calm down everyone," Don begins, turning to Lexi. "So...did you...um...like it?"
"It was a nice kiss and everything," she sighs. "But it was just so weird! I didn't want to be rude or anything, but..." she trails. "You know I don't like him like that. I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep him wondering if I like him or not, but I don't want to just bluntly be like 'Sorry, I don't like you, so go find someone else.'"
"I can see how that could be confusing," Don says. "I think you should wait a while and if he does it again, tell him. Don't do it mercilessly though; don't break is heart." Part of me kind of just gets annoyed at the fact that she hasn't thought about telling me whether or not she likes me, just to set it all straight. Then again, I haven't spontaneously kissed her.
"Or you could just go out with Leo," Mikey suggests, earning another foot stomp from Raph.
"OW! Okay, now you're just doing that on purpose!"
"Ya don't say," Raph responds. "Look, Lexa, I know that this may be awkward between the two of ya, but try not to break his heart. We all know ya don't like him like that. But don't be all awkward around him because of it."
"I know. I know," she says. "Thank you for the advice." Her phone buzzes. "Oh...it's Noah. He said my jacket fell out of my purse on the walk home. He's bringing it back to my place. I'd better go." My heart falls. With a quick wave, she's gone.
"Do you guys think Noah and Lexi are gonna become...a thing?" Mikey asks.
"I don't know, Mikey." Donnie glances over at me. I stare back at Donnie and we stand like that for a few minutes. There's a silence in the lair besides the default music of Mikey's video game.
"They would look kind of good together," Mikey says quietly. "I don't wanna make you feel bad, Leo. But I don't know...if she did like him back, they would be a cute couple. They already know everything about each other." I want to defend myself and saw that so do I, but I know Mikey is right. Lexi and Noah grew up together.
Except for the last five years. I think for a minute. Five years is a lot...and since Noah wasn't there for her in those five years, I was able to replace him. A sense of satisfaction fills me for a moment, but then I frown. Replace.
Have I replaced Noah? Is that all I am? A replacement?
No...I can't be. I know lot's of things I'm positive Noah doesn't. But do I really? Noah now knows about the Headquarters, the Shredder, my brothers and I...do I really have anything to share with Lexi that he doesn't know about?
Us. My feelings for her. Our Lexi and Leo show. Our memories. Our friendship. Those are things he could never replace. But still...I feel a pang of heart-break when I remember that at this moment, Lexi is heading home to see Noah again. I don't know if he'll kiss her again or if she'll tell him she doesn't feel that way or if she'll change her mind and decide that she does. That's what scares me: I don't know.
I set my jaw and shut the refrigerator (which I have opened while thinking). I shut it with bit more force than I'd meant. As I'm storming down the hall, I hear the common sound of our refrigerator falling apart. I hear Donnie groan.
"Aw, I just fixed that!"
A/N: Aww poor Donnie...always having to clean up the messes his brothers tend to make amidst their emotional roller-coasters.
So I bet you were expecting Leo confessed his feelings, given the title. Hahah oops sorry so clearly that didn't happen(': But I can promise that it will be happening in this book, and sooner than you might think!
Thank you for reading!(: