It hadn't dawned on them that Sharon may not have started her job. She wasn't at work; the university told them she wasn't starting until after the holidays. In all of Andy's rush to find Sharon, he hadn't considered that. It made sense, though. She'd moved to get herself situated before starting work. After the two left the campus building, they sat in Andy's car, almost dumbfounded.
"So, she's here somewhere, but she's not at work," he sighed. Of course, the university wouldn't give out any of her information, and they weren't pressing that either.
"Any other ideas?" Provenza frowned as he looked at him. "This town isn't that big, but it's big enough. Not a bad place, honestly, if I must admit. Flynn, your daughter could do worse than to grow up here."
"She could grow up without me, thinking I'm a total dirt bag, which is what I am! How did I not see this before? What was I thinking?" Andy started to yell, now getting more and more frustrated.
Provenza glanced at him, "I'm not sure where to start. As far as the what were you thinking-let's start with sleeping with the captain. That was a really dumb idea. Signing away the kid, I know I joked about it, but then, I did caution you about that. I know you regret it, but as I have also said, Flynn, she might not let you anywhere near the kid."
"Yeah, well, I can't even find her to see her," he gestured to Provenza. "I'm not thinking very well! I mean, let's look at this for once," he threw up his hands. "I probably would have come rushing here the moment I figured it out, but at least you made me collect myself and my thoughts. Even that, I didn't do well enough. I still didn't think it through and now, she's not even at work!"
"At least you found where she's working," he nodded to him. "You could always come back here after the semester starts. I know that's not the best, but it's at least something. You know she's here, and the kid is safe. You have her work email and can start there."
"Yeah," Andy sighed as he let out a long breath. "I know. I just messed up so badly. It makes me sick. I told you I'm not sleeping. I didn't sleep last night."
"Very aware," Provenza told him. "I was sleeping in the bed next to you. You tossed and turned all night long. I don't ever think I've checked out of a motel before 7:00AM, and considering some of the ahh, guests I've stayed with in said rooms, that's saying a lot."
"I'm terrified, nervous, anxious, scared, excited, and probably ever other emotion you can imagine," Andy said and ran his hand through his hair. "I don't know what to do."
"I do," Provenza looked at his watch. "It's now just after noon. We've been all over the campus, visited her department, and we've hit a dead end for now. Let's get some food. I'm starving. You even had me eating my breakfast in a to go fashion in the car. I am ready to sit down and get some lunch. You can eat too, and we can reassess our plan."
"Fine," Andy raised his hand and gave in, not that he had much of a choice. Provenza was still driving Andy's car, after telling Andy that he was in no shape to drive. Andy had been silent much of the drive, and when he wasn't, he seemed to be almost yelling in frustration. He was a mess.
Provenza started to drive off campus and drove toward the main downtown area. Flagstaff was big enough to have choices for lunch, but it wasn't a large city. Andy just looked around at the scenery, noting the snow-covered mountains all around and the pine trees. It felt very different from Los Angeles, almost like a world away from Los Angeles. He could already feel the slower pace of life, mixed with the college atmosphere, and he liked it. He could see why Sharon had chosen this town; it didn't have the same desert feel a lot of Arizona had. Still, Andy shook his head, shocked that she had picked up and left behind her life in Los Angeles to start over here. He just never saw it coming.
The two found a spot for lunch, a small diner, and both were quiet while they ate. Provenza continually eyed Andy, waiting for him to speak. Provenza was still in the middle of his bacon cheeseburger when Andy put down his fork and looked to him.
"I'm not sure what to do next," he frowned.
Provenza nodded, "I figured as much. Look, it's mid-afternoon now. Sure, we could drive all the way home today, but we could also just collect ourselves, get a room here for the night, and think. We know she's here, and you can always come back in another month. You could leave a message for her at the school too. You've been hasty in most of your decisions, so I'm going to be the voice of reason," he chuckled and rolled his eyes. "I say since we are already here, we stay the night, and then, tomorrow, we can drive back home. It did get you out of town, and you know Hannah and the captain are okay here."
Andy nodded and looked down at his salad. He stared at it a few moments before looking back up at Provenza. "Fine," he nodded again. " I'm still only getting one room. We can share."
Provenza raised his hands in defense, and the men continued with their lunch. After lunch, Andy took his keys, and the two men drove around, inquiring about a room for later in the day. One of the local hotels had plenty of rooms and even let them check in early. Once they were situated in their room, Provenza took the remote and stretched out on the bed.
"Are you taking a nap?" Andy asked.
Provenza shrugged, "Someone didn't let me get enough beauty sleep. I'm tired. I know you aren't going to sleep, but I'd like to do so."
"Fine," Andy waved at him. "I'm going to go out, maybe get a cup of coffee and just sit. I have a lot to think about right now."
"Find us a place to get dinner, Flynn," Provenza waved at him. "Don't get yourself into trouble, and don't do anything stupid, not that there is much difference in either of those things," he chuckled. "Chat it up with a local and find me a steak for dinner."
Andy raised his eyes at Provenza, "You had a burger for lunch."
"Your point?" Provenza eyed him.
"Whatever," Andy waved him off as he glanced around the room again. "I'll be back later. Enjoy your afternoon nap," he smirked.
Andy left Provenza, both men knowing Andy needed some time to just catch his breath and think. He drove around the town more, hoping for some clarity. It was a cute town, completely different from the concrete jungle of L.A., and he could almost feel himself relaxing the longer he was there. He drove around the campus again, trying to imagine Sharon working as a professor, or lecturer-whatever the school was calling her. He still couldn't quite see it, but obviously, she could. He imagined Hannah going to daycare somewhere nearby, and the more he did that, the more he got sick to his stomach. He could see his daughter growing up without him, and now, that just made him sick. The reality of what he'd done, what he'd signed away, was hitting him harder and harder, minute by minute. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore, and he turned the car toward the downtown area, intent on getting a cup of coffee and sitting.
It didn't take him long to find a small coffee shop, and after he found a parking spot, he walked to the shop and stepped inside. He nodded to himself at the atmosphere. There were college kids everywhere, some studying in groups, some talking to each other, and some studying alone. This was the place to be, off campus, at least. Most had out laptops, and he chuckled to himself at how times had changed as he walked out the counter.
"I'd just like a cup of black coffee," he told the barista, and after paying for it, he found a lone table in the front corner. He definitely stuck out here in the middle of the afternoon, the old guy in the middle of college students, but he didn't mind. The coffee was bitter going down, but right now, that almost fit his mood. He continued to sit and stare out the windows for over an hour, long after his coffee had gone cold. He thought a lot about his life, about all the mistakes he had made. It was almost ironic that in trying to get himself together, finally, he'd made the biggest mistake of all by allowing Hannah to slip away from him. Yes, he knew the circumstances in which she'd entered the world didn't boast for a happy little family, but still, she was his, and he'd easily let her go. Andy realized he'd been so focused on his mistakes of the past-of being a deadbeat drunk, that he'd completely ignored the idea that while no longer drinking, signing away Hannah was a different kind of deadbeat.
"Need a refill?" Andy looked up and saw a gentleman, older than himself, standing there with a pot of coffee. As Andy glanced around, he noted a lot of the students had left. His watch told him he'd been here over an hour and a half.
"Umm, yeah, thanks," he said as he glanced into his cup. "I guess I drank it all."
The older man nodded and filled his cup, "Normally, I don't do refills. All these younger ones do these mixed drinks, full of cream, sugar, caramel, whatever," he waved his hand. "It's not often anymore someone wants just a cup of black coffee. That's how I was raised, and I still only drink it. Anyway, it looked like you could use it. You've been sitting here staring off for awhile."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Andy said as he started to collect his things to leave.
"No," the man shook his head and gestured for Andy to stay. "I didn't mean you had to leave. I just noticed you could use a refill. Long day, I guess. Hope whatever is on your mind clears up."
"Thanks," Andy said as he nodded. "Appreciate it. I'm passing through town. I just have a lot on my plate, kind of a mess. Nice place here," he nodded around to it. "I'm going to finish this and get going. My buddy and I are going to dinner soon."
"Stay as long as you like," he told Andy. "Have a good one," he said.
"You too," Andy nodded to him. The man walked away, and Andy turned back to look out the window. It was getting later into the afternoon, and he needed to find Provenza. The cooler air was refreshing, and he was enjoying the snow on other ground. When he'd driven around earlier, he'd noted a lot more snow on the mountains, and he'd heard some of the students commenting on the temperature dropping later in the week. Snow, he remembered, was something Sharon said she enjoyed. He tried to envision his little Hannah in snow, but that was harder to envision because he really didn't know what Hannah looked like. He tried to picture her as a small Nicole, but in the picture Sharon had sent him, he could see more Sharon in her. He hoped she looked more like Sharon and less like himself. Nicole looked like Sandra, which was also a good thing. Now, he could do with Hannah having more of his personality, at least in some areas. Sharon was a control freak; she was crazy smart, but she was too controlling. In his perfect world, Hannah would look just like Sharon and have a combined personality, taking in his laid back personality with Sharon's intelligence. Hannah wouldn't have his addictive tendencies, nor would she have Sharon's sense of control. He groaned at the thought, because there was no way to avoid that mess, not all of it. He and Sharon might have created the perfect storm in Hannah, a totally controlling addict. He really wanted to be part of Hannah's life, and the more he thought about his sweet baby girl, the more he just wanted to find Sharon. He sighed again and looked outside. Snowflakes were starting to fall again. Winter was settling in here, this sleepy college town up in the mountains of Arizona. It was almost hard to believe, snow in Arizona, but it was true. Hannah would be celebrating her first Christmas soon, not that she'd know it. All he wanted now for Christmas was to see his daughter and have a conversation with Sharon. It wasn't looking like he'd get his wish.
With a resigning sigh, he stood and nodded to the older gentleman again, "Thanks for the coffee." He returned the cup, as it was a coffee shop that used real mugs. The man waved at Andy.
"Have a good day. Stop back anytime," he told him as Andy stepped outside. Andy waved again and started walking.
Andy pulled his coat tighter and started to his car. Provenza would be ready for dinner; Andy was just ready for bed. He wasn't sure if he'd come up with a plan, but he did know he was exhausted. Andy didn't know if he'd sleep tonight, but somehow, it felt comforting to know he was at least in the same town as his daughter and Sharon. Oddly, he wanted to see both of them, not just Hannah, but Sharon too. Provenza had suggested Andy had clouded feelings about Sharon, and Andy knew Provenza was right.
By mid-morning the next day, the men were ready to head for Los Angeles. They had a long drive and work the next day. The night before, Provenza had found a steakhouse for dinner, courtesy of a recommendation from the hotel clerk, and the two had stayed in the restaurant for almost two hours eating and talking. Andy's soup and salad had tasted like cardboard, but he had a feeling some of that was due to his mind being focused on other things. Back at the hotel, the men had slept well, even Andy. For the first time in a long time, he'd actually slept. In fact, Provenza had gotten up, showered, and was ready for the day before Andy stirred. It had been a restful sleep too, and he was feeling much better.
"Let's grab a cup of coffee for the road," Andy looked over at Provenza. Andy was driving today, and Provenza was already eating a bag of peanuts as they pulled out of the hotel parking lot.
Provenza glanced at him, "The hotel coffee was terrible. We aren't going back inside for that."
"No!" Andy exclaimed. "I want to go to the coffee shop I found yesterday. Owner," Andy smiled, "he was nice. It was a decent cup of coffee. We have a long drive, and the last thing I want is stale, truck-stop coffee all day."
"You don't have to convince me," Provenza said as he dropped a handful of peanuts down beside the seat onto the floor of the car.
"I thought you weren't eating in my car," Andy stated and looked at Provenza, who just frowned back at Andy.
Provenza shoved another handful into his mouth, as three fell to the floor. He shook his head, "No, the deal was I wouldn't eat tacos in your new car. I'm eating peanuts."
"Let's not eat in the car, okay?" Andy asked. "It's new. You are making a mess like a kid."
"I'm not agreeing to that. I am agreeing to coffee. I need something to wash down these salty peanuts," he smirked.
Andy made his way to the coffee shop. It was on the way out of town, so it wasn't out of the way for them to stop. He found a parking spot easily, and the two started toward the shop.
"I'm going to be glad to get back to California," Provenza stated as he stepped through the slush on the street. "I'm not a snow guy. Give me beaches, girls in bikinis, and I'm fine. I don't do well with the snow look."
"I don't mind it," Andy shrugged. "Now, I'm not sure I would want to live in it, but it's refreshing. I just wish I was here under different circumstances."
"This had better be a good cup of coffee to get me out in this snow slush," Provenza grumbled.
"Relax," Andy said as they reached the door. He opened it, and Provenza stepped inside. The two looked around and found several college students again.
"It was like this yesterday, full of college kids," Andy told him. "It's a nice little shop."
"Ahh, you've returned," the two were startled as they looked to the counter. The man Andy had spoken to the day before was standing there smiling at them.
"Hi," Andy nodded. "My buddy and I are on our way out of town. We could use a couple of cups for the road."
"Yes," the man nodded and continued, "black coffee?"
"I'll take a cream and sugar for mine," Provenza told him. "Thanks."
Andy pulled out some money and pushed it across the counter. "Just keep the change too," he smiled. The man nodded and started to work on their cups o coffee. While they waited, they stepped to the side. Provenza walked over to the board on the wall, advertising businesses, rooms for rent, and other similar things, and Andy just looked around at the place. The two were quiet while they waited. Suddenly, Andy's eyes grew wide.
"Provenza!" Andy smacked his arm, as he called to him in almost a panic. He pointed across the street and gestured, "Is that Sharon?"