Part IV

TARA

The next day I felt as if I were still walking in a dream. Simple things like going to the market other menial errands are now enjoyable, and I am no longer going through the motions of life. Eric pulls me into a heady trance, letting the love flow through me quicker than a fire in the dry wood. He wanted me to be his girl. He could have any girl he wanted, here or at his college, yet he wanted me. I was the person he could talk to and truly be himself around. We had a true connection, one that's rarely found in people that are so young and different from one another. Perhaps that's why we mesh so well, maybe the saying is true and opposites really do attract.

I toyed with my phone, debating whether to send Eric a message. I wasn't sure of what to say, I just felt the urge to reach out. I didn't turn him down flat like my heart was telling me too. I just couldn't break his heart; I'd be breaking my own heart in the process. But I knew better, I couldn't give him what he wanted. There was no way I could give my virginity knowing that we were destined for different paths. I know I want love, but I also want to stand on my own feet. I want a relationship where we are a "we" and two separate "I's." It's like sitting on a teeter-totter; when you first get on, it's a little scary, but you have to trust the other person won't let you crash to the ground—that they won't jump off.

It's inevitable, Eric will jump off...

He has a full ride to college and even if he didn't the Northman's are loaded, so he will end up doing things I can only dream of. Me on the other hand, I was lucky to get my first full year at UNO paid, but I have no idea what I will do if I am not approved for additional loans for the following year. I'll be working full-time and applying for grants and loans nonstop. Eric and I won't have time for one another. Soon, he'll meet someone and forget all about me.

I had made my way across to Main Street toward the spot where I parked, head down and focused on retrieving my car keys from the inner pocket pouch when I bumped into someone coming the other way, both of us nearly falling flat on our asses.

"Oh damn, I'm so sorry," I said, then adjusted myself and we both crouched to pick up my dropped shopping bags.

"Tara Mae!"

I looked up from my bags and gawked in surprise.

"Sookie...I was not watching where I was going..." I said apologetically while trying to achieve a firmer grasp on the bags in my hands.

"Neither was I..." Her ruby lips parted as she smiled, she is looking flawlessly coiffed in her yellow sundress, sleek blonde hair, tanned skin, her face beautifully made up. I, on the other hand, was not particularly looking my best. I had just run out of the house, throwing a ball cap on my head, an old Bon Temps t-shirt, cut off jogging short and flip-flops.

"No worries, no damage was done to my cans of green beans." I chuckled despite my state, this was strange, I've never seen Sookie or any of the Stackhouse's at the Save-A-Lot, usually Mrs. Stackhouse at the farmers market downtown.

"Girlfriend, I heard Pam's party was da bomb dot com!" She clapped her hands together and rolled her neck with a little squeal. I hated when she talked like that, it seemed so unnatural, like she was talking that way on my behalf.

"Yeah, it was one of her better ones," I replied, really wanting to get going, my bags were getting heavier by the minute.

"Jason said he lost you sometime during the party." She huffed and crinkled her nose. "Did you ditch my brother for another?" She let out a ridiculously fake laugh. I unlocked the doors to mom's old station wagon and set my bags in the back seat; all the while, wondering where she was going with this.

"Jason said he lost me?" I crinkled my nose, mimicking her expression.

"Yeah, he said someone saw you leave with Eric." She said sounding like a tabloid reporter spilling a salacious tidbit.

"Really?" I replied mockingly, I knew damn well that was a lie, no one, especially Jason gives a rat's ass where I go or what I do, she must have seen us herself at some point. "Well, he must have been looking for me in Crystal's mouth, because that's the last place I saw him when I went searching for his ass."

"I understand," she nodded, "So Eric took pity on you..."

"What...?" Just like that, my dream world had been shattered and in an instant, I felt my blood begin to boil, "Took pity on me...?" I repeated, she knew I was pissed, she wanted to piss me off and that pissed me off!

"Of course, why else would he waste his time?" She scoffed rolling her eyes, her head giving an involuntary shake. "Curiosity perhaps..."

"Listen here Sookie," I said her name like it was poison, but I was careful not to yell, I didn't want people to notice when I knock this bitch out. "Eric and I talked for almost an hour; he... We flirted with each other and then he took me home, we even went on a picnic date yesterday." The mention of the date got to her; I got the pleasure of watching her smile dry faster than wisps of smoke dissipating after a candle flame has been snuffed out, "So you're wrong - dead wrong."

"Oh no, I'm not, Eric is bored, at this point, he's likely to try anything... well, you are a prime example" She crossed her arms, looking at me as if she'd witnessed something shameful. "His standards seemed to have lowered though."

"And here I thought you were better than the ignorant fuck-twat, racist pieces of shit who live in this bumfuck town, I guess I was wrong," I uncurled my fist that had involuntarily coiled. No, I would not punch her, I subdued the burning rage that hissed through my body like deathly poison, screeching a demanded release in the form of unwanted violence. Instead, I yanked open the car door, slid into the seat and pulled the door shut with such force, I thought it would break the window.

"I'm just being honest!" Her face was like molten lava, her eyes popped, her words were spat out with the ferocity and rapidity of machine gunfire. "He's never going to be serious with something like you." She screamed at me as I yanked the car-clutch in gear and slammed on the gas pedal.

ERIC

An empty ache resonated in my chest as I watched her walk away that day.

At dinner, my thoughts were consumed with Tara, and her voice played in my head like a sweet melody, her sweet smile, was like the sun, eager to shine its brilliant light.

I was overtaken, I couldn't focus, I only took in pieces of the conversation that was happening in the here and now.

Mom asked me about hygiene in the dorms and lectured me about meningitis; dad told horrible frat jokes and reminisced on wild drunken parties with his fraternity. Pam complained about her steak and sent back everything except the buttered rolls. My replies and reactions were aloof at best.

I excused myself to the restroom; I needed some air; my parents don't mean to be but they can be overbearing when they really care.

"Eric!" I heard a familiar voice call out to me.

"Hi, Sookie." I turned to face her in the small hallway that leads to the restrooms. In a shocking twist, she crashed into me, wrapping her arms around my waist squeezing me in a big 'I miss you' hug. I didn't hug her back; I found the entire situation uncomfortable. I'd broken up with her via text. It was cold and cruel, but I had my reasons. I always figured, she'd never want to see me, let alone speak to me again. I prayed she didn't have a knife or gun in that little purse she was holding.

"You look good big boy! I always liked the color blue on you." She chuckled and it reminded me of why I dumped her. She could never be herself, everything was always a show, even when no one was around. She always smiled with that fake smile of hers; she always thought that life would be easier that way. To be kind to others, compliment them while in reality, all she wanted to do was the opposite. She was a total phony.

"Thanks, uh... I," I began, but before I could finish, she cut me off.

"Your parents are boring you and I just broke up with Ben, so let's get the heck outta here!"

"What?" I couldn't believe what I just heard. She's obviously been watching me, and everybody knows a scorned bitch does better research than the FBI. So, no doubt she knows about Tara.

"Let's ditch this place, take me, home baby!" She shamelessly rubbed herself against me like a cat in heat and I quickly backed away; she had the world hiding behind her fake smile. Every smile that lit up her features was the wrong sort.

"No... I've got to go..." I stepped back using my backside, I pushed the door open to the men's restroom. I almost bumped into a man as he was leaving. I rushed to the sink, ran my hand under the faucet and threw some water on my face. As I dried my face and hands with a paper towel, I gazed at my reflection. My eyes show a serious kind of distress, more than a hint of disgust.

"Eric darling!" Sookie rushes in, "I know there is no way you just turned me down."

I was trapped; I felt like I've just been buried alive and I had no choice but to dig myself out.

"Sookie, I'm sorry for breaking up with you the way I did, but it's over between us and I am not going anywhere with you." I let out a deep breath, unable to meet her eyes. But at least I said it if only I could disappear right now.

"I don't fucking believe it!" She screamed, "You're choosing that ugly nappy-headed, thing over me?"

I couldn't believe what I just heard, she's degrading Tara, instead of owning up to her constant infidelity, her habitual lies, and the systematic manipulation that tore apart my lifelong friendship with Bill. I looked at her and instantly felt my ears getting hot with anger. I glare at her then spat out. "Don't you talk about Tara that way!"

"Stop acting like Tara is our equal, I know you're liberal and all, but let's not be delusional!" She laughs only adding fuel to my wrath.

"Downing her to make yourself feel superior shows how ignorant you really are!" Our voices rose above the sacred silence.

"Oh, please, I am just being honest...You look like a fool kissing that dusty little ghetto-monkey!", her face brightened, just a tone lighter than my own crimson.

"You are an extremely stupid girl. Aren't you?"

I didn't wait for her to answer, she was stupid as well as delusional. Instead, I rushed past her, if she had not moved, I would have knocked her ass over.

"Eric," I bumped into Pam just as I stepped into the hall...God her timing is the worst..."What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm leaving, tell mom and dad, I'll see them later."

"What the fuck Eric, we are in the middle of dinner- you can't just leave." She gave me a puzzled look, "Where are you going, how will you get there, remember, you didn't even drive...?"

A man walked past us and into the men's room and that's when Sookie emerged. Her eyes, red-rimmed, and staring daggers into me.

"Sookie!" Pam roared with laughter. "Are you boo-whooing because you're not the center of Eric's universe anymore?"

"Fuck you- lesbo!" Sookie yelled, storming towards the dining area. I'm sure Ben is still waiting there for her.

I walked towards the back exit, just before I pulled the door handle, Pam shouted out.

"Just so you know, this is not the first time I've seen Slutty Stackhouse promenading out of the men's room. Just ask Sam Merlotte."

I knew about the older guy Sam, I know about them all, and I moved on a long time ago. I'm actually thankful. Without Sookie, I would never know the difference between a girl and a woman.

Right now, I need my woman...