He sat at the table and cupped his glass of iced tea as he looked around the room. He didn't think he'd been to a nicer funeral, and while that sounded odd, it was true. Susan, or Sue, to everyone, Sharon's mother, was very well loved. She had been a good wife, mother, and friend. That was evident; he'd heard many people say that all morning. The room was still very full, filled with mostly friends from the area. The tables were occupied, and people were talking. Andy was sitting there, at his table in the back, just observing. He'd sat with a few people who had known Sharon's parents from the retirement complex. Gavin had sat with him for the luncheon part, but now, he was up talking to the kids. They'd told the table there were friends of Sharon's from L.A., and that had been the only explanation necessary. It was fine. Sharon and her dad were walking around, talking to the different tables, Hannah right there with them. As he watched them, he realized Hannah was a good distraction. She made Sharon smile, and the guest couldn't happen but smile at Hannah too.
The last couple days had gone well, even if he hadn't had much of a chance to speak to Sharon. This wasn't about speaking to Sharon, though. It was about offering support in whatever way he could. That seemed to mean support from a distance, and he was more than okay with that. After his time with Hannah, he'd gone downstairs to the hotel restaurant, where he'd enjoyed a quiet meal. Gavin hadn't returned until much later in the evening, and when he did, he'd told Andy Sharon was doing as well as to be expected. She and the kids were together, along with her dad. He'd spent some time with her dad looking through legal paperwork and bank documents. More needed to be done, but it had been a start. Sharon, he said, had expressed her thanks for everything, for taking such good care of Hannah and for staying in the background. Now, here today, Andy was trying to do the same.
He knew he needed to leave soon. Others were starting to do so, and he wanted to go before Sharon and her dad made their way over to his table. She knew he was here; their eyes had met a few times during the luncheon, and he was glad to see she wasn't bothered by his attendance. In fact, she'd nodded, almost in agreement he should be there for the luncheon. He'd held up his promise. He'd kept their drama out of the funeral, but he'd tried to remain close, to offer support. He'd mingled with a few friends, staying clear of her family, just as he knew she'd want right now. She had enough going on that she didn't need to worry about explaining who he was and what place he had in her life.
As he sat there with his glass of iced tea, he thought back over the funeral. It was now Saturday just after 1:00. It had already been a very long day, but it had really started, at least for him, last night. Sharon and family had been going longer than that, but he and Gavin had gone over to the funeral home last evening, toward the end of the calling hours. Andy really didn't want to walk through the line; Sharon, her dad, the kids, and a couple of extended family were in the line. He wanted to offer his condolences, but he was afraid Sharon would get too upset seeing him there as she scrambled to explain who he was. So, he'd let Gavin go through the line, while he'd walked around the sitting room area looking at the family photos that had been put on display. Gavin told Sharon Andy was there, and when Gavin finished, almost an hour later, Andy was sitting outside on a bench.
"Sharon said she'd like to talk to you," he looked to Andy. "She appreciates you not coming inside with everyone."
"I hope I didn't upset her by coming," Andy said. "I mean, we can leave if she would rather."
"No," Gavin shook his head. "She asked if you would stay. They are almost done inside. We came at the right time. The line is thinning. Most of their friends have gone home. Hannah is asleep on Emily, and I think everyone is exhausted. As I was leaving, they were figuring out car arrangements to go home."
As he finished talking, the door opened, and both men looked to it. Sharon stood there, her hands clasped in front of her, wearing a black dress. It was simple, but elegant. She had on a long silver necklace over it, and the cut hit just at her knee with a loose fit. Like always, she was in heels, tall ones at that. Andy had a feeling she was self conscious of her weight from Hannah, but no matter what she thought, he thought she looked beautiful, even at her mother's funeral. Her makeup was light, and she looked tired, very tired.
"Gavin, thank you," Sharon said in a whispered breath. Gavin gave her a small smile and stood. He nodded to them, "I'm going to check on your kids."
"Dad and the kids are getting into my car because it has the car seat. Ricky is driving them home. I told them I'd be right behind them in Dad's car. We drove over here at different times today. Thank you," she nodded a single nod.
"I'll check on all of them. Andy, I'll just wait at the car for you," he nodded to Andy. Andy returned the nod and stood to face Sharon.
"Hi," he said quietly and put his hands in his pocket as he gave her a small smile.
"Hi," she said, her voice wavering. She shook her head, "Thank you for coming, not just tonight, but for coming at all. Jack didn't even do that-or call or anything, and he was married to me for what, two decades? You, I barely know in some ways, but thank you."
"Of course," he shook his head. "Look, I didn't want to upset you," he told her, as she started to wipe her eye.
"I'm okay," she nodded at him. "It's just been a long day. I wanted to speak to you because I know I've kept you hidden away. I appreciate you not causing a scene."
"That's not why I'm here. I've told you I just want to help, whatever that means. I would have watched Hannah tonight," he said.
"I know," she pursed her lips. "I wanted her close to me. I hope you know that was just for me, for what I'm feeling about my mom right now. People wanted to meet her, and I know she's the bright spot in this."
He nodded and looked to the ground, "The offer stands, for Hannah or anything else, for tomorrow. If you want me to watch her, I will."
Sharon looked up and shook her head, "Thank you, but again, I just want her close to me. My mom would want her at the funeral. I want her there."
"I'd like to come too," he added. "I mean, I'm not going to be a problem, but I was planning to come, to sit in the back of the church. If it's too much of a problem or too much stress on you, I won't come, but I would like to offer my support."
Sharon started to fidget with her hands, but she nodded at him, "That's going above and beyond, but thank you. I won't stop you."
"I care about you, Sharon, about your family, your kids, and I just want you to know that," he said. He saw her hands now, almost trembling, and he reached for them and squeezed them. Sharon looked at the gesture and nodded. She, then, looked up at him, his hands still giving hers a squeeze.
"Would you like to walk inside, to pay your respects?" she asked him.
He eyed her, and then, she pulled her hands back, "I don't want to raise questions for your family, but yes, I would be happy to step inside. I looked through the pictures of your mother in that side room. She looked like a wonderful woman and very loving."
"She is, was," Sharon corrected herself and frowned. She shook her head, "I still can't get over that she's gone."
"Are you walking inside with me?" he asked.
Sharon met his gaze, "I thought I would. Everyone should be gone for the night, well, except for the staff here, but if you would like to go inside, I will walk with you, and then, we can both leave."
Andy nodded and turned to open the door for her. Both were quiet as they walked, side by side. He fell in step with her, Sharon, still wearing her high heels. He had worn a dark gray suit for tonight, his favorite suit, saving his best black suit for the funeral tomorrow. He had on a white shirt and black and gray tie. He glanced at her as they walked, her focus directed on the casket that sat at the end of the room. As they approached, Andy glanced around the room. It was filled with flowers. It was evident her mother was loved. Somewhere, in all the flowers, he knew the flowers he'd ordered were there too. He had wanted to send something, but he'd kept it simple, a bouquet of lilies, his favorite. The card he had included had been vague enough, reading, "Lt. A. Flynn, LAPD." That had been it, and anyone looking at it, would give the card to Sharon, assuming it had been a friend from work. He knew she wouldn't necessarily see the flowers or card for a couple of days, and that was okay with him too. It wasn't about being recognized.
They both stopped just short of the casket. Andy had never met her mother, would never meet her mother. He looked at her in her peaceful state and glanced over at Sharon. Sharon was just staring at her mom, shaking her head. She wasn't crying. Andy knew that would come later, but she looked alone and in need of a friend. She looked like all she wanted was a hug from her mom. He reached behind her back and put his arm around her, just lightly, in a comforting way. Sharon didn't flinch; she didn't turn away, but instead, she just let out a long breath.
"Your mom is really beautiful," he said quietly. "She looks like she was very kind and loving."
"She really was," Sharon bit her lip as they stood there. "I hate Hannah won't know her."
"I'm glad Hannah met her, that your mom got to spend time with Hannah. That's important," he told her. She just nodded, and they stood there. "How is your dad holding up with all of this?"
She shook her head, "He's putting on a brave face, but deep down," she sighed.
"I don't think he's the only one doing that," Andy gave her a soft smile. "It's okay to let out your emotions."
She gave a small roll of her eyes, "Later," she nodded. "I need to be strong for Dad, for Emily, Ricky, Hannah, for everyone," she sighed. "Later." The moment seemed to pass, and Sharon stepped forward, now out of the gentle grip Andy had on her back. He dropped his hand to his side, where he then clasped his hands in front of him. Sharon stood now next to the casket, and Andy just waited. He had a feeling this was the first time she had been alone, well, without her dad or kids next to her, with her mom. He was quiet while she took her few moments.
"I'll go and leave you," he said finally after a few moments of silence. Sharon then turned and shook her head.
"I'm sorry. No, you were fine. I just wanted a moment to be with her. I'm ready to go home," she said. She started to walk away, and before she got too far, she turned and looked at her mom one last time for the evening. Andy waited, and when she turned around to him again, he gestured with his hand for her to walk in front of him. They walked out in silence, and when they walked into the foyer, the funeral home director was there waiting for them.
"Mrs. Raydor," he said and gave a single nod to Sharon, "I didn't want to bother the two of you in there."
"Thank you," Sharon returned the nod. "This is a friend of mine," she gestured to Andy. "We are leaving for the night."
"Everything will be at the church tomorrow, and we will bring your mother over for the funeral," he explained. "It's all as we discussed."
"Thank you again," she said. "My family is very grateful for everything."
"Get some rest," he gave her a soft smile. "Again, I am very sorry for your loss."
Sharon nodded and started for the door. Andy followed, and he gave a nod to the director as they walked outside. They walked in silence across the walkway, and when they got to the parking lot, Andy gestured to her car, "That your dad's car?"
"It is," she returned the nod. "Looks like Gavin is waiting in your car."
"Are you okay going home?" he asked.
"I'll be fine," she gave a small smile. "The silence is welcome. Thank you again for coming tonight. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Get some rest, Sharon," he reached for her hand and squeezed it. "You will need it tomorrow."
Now, as he continued to watch the family and friends, he could see the strain of the last few days on Sharon. She looked really tired, and he had a feeling she would crash soon. He needed to get going before he had to explain his presence. He'd spoken to the people at his table; he'd been very polite and kind to everyone today. Nothing else was asked of him when the people noted he was sitting with Gavin. Most suspected the two were a couple, and right now, that was fine with him. Andy stood and nodded to the few people who remained at the table. People had kept to themselves; it was a funeral, after all. He walked over and threw out his trash, and he gave another quick glance around the room. Sharon was talking to an older couple with her dad. Hannah, he'd been checking on her often, was with Emily and drinking a bottle. It had been nice to see Sharon's kids. He hadn't spoken to either one, but he'd observed from afar. Emily was a good big sister, but she and Hannah didn't look much alike. Emily, in his opinion, looked like Jack. Ricky, he thought, looked like his grandfather. After putting eyes on Hannah and Sharon, Andy glanced around and made eye contact with Gavin. He gave him a nod, as he continued to speak with Ricky, and he stepped outside, expecting Gavin to follow. He did, just a few moments later.
Andy turned to him, "I'm going to get going. I don't want Sharon to have to explain who I am."
Gavin nodded in reply, "I am sure she will appreciate it."
"You need a ride?" Andy asked.
"No, I'll be fine. I'll get one from someone in the family. I have to fly out really early, and her dad wants to go over a few legal things. I'm not even his attorney, but he said he trusts me," Gavin explained. "I'll be back to the room later when I get everyone settled at the house. One of the kids can give me a ride."
"Okay," Andy told him. "Look, tell Sharon she is welcome to call me later, if she wants, whatever she wants," Andy said.
"I will," Gavin stated. "You did a good job today."
Andy raised an eyebrow, "I sat in the back of a church, drove to the cemetery, where I stood in the back, and then, I sat here off to the side. I watched my daughter as she was cared for by family, most of her family, except for me. I appreciate you saying that, but right now, I feel like a dirt bag."
Gavin gave his shoulder a squeeze as he turned to go back inside, "Andy, you are treading though choppy waters here. There is no right answer, no one way to do this, but I have to say, you have impressed me. I'll tell Sharon you left; I'll pass along your message. You," he nudged him, "go back to the hotel. Try to relax. The day has been a rough one, and I'll be back later."
"Thanks, Gavin," Andy patted his shoulder. He walked away, toward his car, not sure if he'd done anything right the whole weekend.
When Andy returned to the hotel, he decided to sit and get a drink in the bar, not that he was drinking at a bar. Yes, it was almost odd that sounded like the perfect place to go, or the worst place for a recovering alcoholic, but it seemed safe and comfortable. He ordered a cranberry juice, found a table, and he sat. He sat and started to think about his day and about his life. He lost track of time sitting there, not that he really had anywhere else to go. He didn't feel right driving back to California now. It was mid-afternoon, and he was drained. Gavin was paying for the hotel room, so really, there was no reason to rush home. He'd leave in the morning and call his kids on the way. If anything, he realized this weekend he needed to keep plugging away with his kids. He needed to put fort the effort to make things right with them. He couldn't force them, but he would try, try harder than he'd been before now. Work would always get in the way, but he needed to stop letting it be a crutch or an excuse. Finally, after he'd been sitting there awhile and was just tired of sitting, he stood, gathering his tie, which he'd pulled off after he'd sat down. He made his way back to his room, intent on finding something to watch on one of the several sports' channels the hotel offered.
He flopped on his bed and quickly drifted off to sleep. He sat up later, thinking he'd heard something. He glanced at the clock, and it was now 5:00. Knocking. Gavin. He was back. Andy got up, grumbling as he did and needed to stretch as he almost stumbled to the door. He was tired. The last few weeks were catching up with him too, and the silence of the hotel room had been good for him. He felt better, now, a little tired, but better. He was hungry and would see if Gavin wanted to get dinner.
"Sharon," he said, visibly surprised to see her standing there. He wiped his hand over his face, still trying to wake up, making sure it wasn't some dream, but yes, she was standing there still in her black dress with a lace overlay, from today's funeral. He glanced around the hall, "Did you bring Hannah? Does Gavin have her?"
She shook her head, "No, I, ahh," she paused and then let out a long breath. She looked to him, "I came by on my own. I just needed to get out of my house, my dad's house," she corrected herself. "Everything there was too much. I came here to thank you for today. I know you left so I didn't have to explain anything to my family, and I wanted to speak to you before you go home. It didn't sit well with me, just leaving you here to quietly go home. You made quite an effort to be here, and I wanted to thank you."
Andy put his hand on the door, feeling ridiculous for standing there, for making her stand there. He gestured to the room, "Do you want to come in? Gavin rented this ridiculous suite. It's massive, bigger than my first apartment," he chuckled. "We can sit a moment if you have a minute to spare. I didn't know if you had Gavin and Hannah downstairs."
She shook her head again to explain the situation, "Hannah is at home. Ricky and Emily are with her. Both of them fly home early tomorrow, first flights out for their destinations. Hannah was exhausted and was asleep. They are enjoying her as a distraction, but they are also exhausted. Gavin is there with my dad. The two are discussing all of the legal matters to sort. Everything goes to my dad, but still," she shrugged, "there is a lot to do. Life insurance has to be addressed, all of that."
Andy nodded, and he gestured inside again, "Well, again, if you want, please, sit, take a rest. I'm sure you are exhausted too. I've got a mini-bar area if you want. Gavin has been in it."
Sharon pursed her lips and then nodded into a small smile, a faint one. She looked up and shrugged, "Okay, a drink doesn't sound too bad right now. Honestly, anything. It doesn't bother you, does it?"
"No, not at all," Andy stepped aside to let her enter. "I'll see what is there. Actually, I think he ordered a bottle of wine yesterday."
"Wine would be great. Thank you," she gave him a small nod. She walked to the couch and sat down. He eyed her, and as he did, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes.
Andy just left her in silence. He was pleasantly surprised to see her, but he also knew it would have been weird for both of them had nothing more been said after the funeral. This was good; he was glad he'd stayed in town this afternoon because they could talk for a few minutes, and he could again make sure she was going to be okay. He didn't say anything as he poured her a glass of wine from Gavin's bottle. He walked back to the couch, and he only cleared his throat to hand it to her when he reached her, and only then, did she open her eyes and look up at him.
"Oh, thanks," she nodded and accepted the glass. She sipped it while he sat at the end of the couch, slightly turned toward her. "I needed that."
"I know you've had a rough few days. You don't have to say anything at all. Look, I get it that it's quiet here. You're welcome to just relax. You aren't bothering me at all. I mean, Gavin rented the suite, and I know he'd want you to use it to relax if you need it," Andy explained.
Sharon's eyes met his, and she suddenly let out a choked cry. The tears followed. It was unexpected. Neither saw that coming. Andy had a feeling she wanted to look like the strong one through all of this. She was, but he had a feeling she wanted to save her tears for when she was alone. Her tears couldn't wait. Andy moved quickly, grabbing for the box of tissues on the bathroom counter around the corner. He brought them back and offered them to her.
"Thanks, and I'm sorry. I'm not going to fall apart," she said between sobs. She took a few deep breaths while he sat back down and just waited. She shook her head and finally looked back at him.
"I'm okay," she gave him a single nod.
"I don't need an explanation," he frowned. "Cry, scream, whatever. It doesn't bother me. You have grief, a life lost, and you don't have to explain anything."
"I just needed to go somewhere I didn't see my mom everywhere I turned. As I also said, I wanted to thank you too. I realize you looked like the castaway, and I hope you know your presence was noted-by me. I appreciate the support today, last night, all of it," she gave him a small nod.
"You're welcome. I wish I could have done more. I need to thank you again for letting me watch Hannah. I enjoyed that very much, and not today, but one of these days, I'd like to talk about me coming to see her again. I don't want to take her away, but I'd like to visit. We all know life is precious."
"I can't think about that now," she waved her tissue.
"I know," he nodded. "That's a topic for later, "he said and looked at her. "You and Hannah, you looked good today, strong," he said. "You really carried your family, and you did it with such class and grace. You really looked amazing in so many ways, and I would have never known you had a baby a few months ago."
"Hmmm," she closed her eyes and shook her head. "No, most people didn't know that. Today, I spent a lot of the day explaining that I was Hannah's mother, not her grandmother. That's a real blow to the ego," she rolled her eyes. "While their close friends knew Hannah was mine, many people thought Emily was her mother, not that I was capable of having adult children and an infant. So, there, I was, explaining my kids while I also explained my lovely ex-husband," she shook her head and took another sip of wine. "Anyway, at least the drama ended there. Thank you for not making it worse."
She sipped on her wine again, and the two settled into a comfortable silence. Andy didn't mind. He knew she had a lot on her mind. Finally, he smiled and looked at Sharon, "I bought that as an Easter dress, or I guess I envisioned it for Easter."
Sharon narrowed her gaze and then nodded, "Thank you for her dress. Gavin brought it over last night."
"Yeah, I went a little crazy at the store the other day," he chuckled. "I didn't look at that dress, though, and say to myself that it looked like a funeral dress."
Sharon gave a small shrug, "I did. My mother loved flowers. Loved them. You saw how many sent flowers, right? She would have enjoyed that very much. The dress, the Easter dress, it is pink, covered in small flowers. My mom would have loved that dress on Hannah. I could have seen her buying it. I knew it wasn't from Gavin because it wasn't designer, and I don't mean that in a negative way at all. Gavin only buys designer, and that's not needed, especially on a baby. No, it was perfect. He brought over the clothing you bought, and when I saw the dress, I just knew she had to wear it today. So, yes, was it odd for a baby to wear a pink dress to a funeral? Maybe," she shrugged. "My mom would have loved it."
"I'm glad to have done something to make you think of your mom. Hannah," he chuckled softly, "she was gorgeous with you today, Sharon. You just carried her around and kept your head high. Everyone was staring at you two. You really did a great job today, considering all things."
Sharon gave him a small nod, and she started to cry again. This time, Andy looked at her, her delicate form, slightly bent as she tried to dab her eyes. He shifted to comfort her, putting his arm on her back while he sat at a respectable distance. He softly patted her back while she worked through her emotions. She finally looked to him.
"Thanks again, for coming here, for being so kind," she gave him a small smile.
"If you need anything, you let me know. I'm going back to L.A. tomorrow," he explained. She nodded and gathered her tissues in her hand and stood. Andy stood too. She seemed to be telling him she was ready to go home now.
She looked up at him and shook her head. She looked to the ground. He looked to the ground too, almost expecting to see something there. Their eyes met when they looked up again. Sharon took a step toward him and leaned up, kissing him squarely on the mouth, her intention clear. Andy, slightly surprised, almost stepped back, and as he did, Sharon gripped his arms, pulling herself toward him. Andy quickly pulled her closer, as she was trying to do, and he wrapped his arms around her, the two locked in a kiss. When they pulled apart, Andy looked to her stunned.
"I'm sorry, Sharon," he said quickly. "I'm sorry."
Her eyes looked into his, and she shook her head, "I didn't come over here with intentions," she gestured to the room, "for this."
"For?" he asked.
"I didn't come over here thinking about this, for what's about to happen," she said in a low tone as she looked to him and quickly to the floor.
"What's about to happen, Sharon?" he asked, trying to catch her gaze. She looked up, and quickly, her lips were on his. He started to rest his hand on her hip as they kissed, and she put her hand over his, moving it lower, to her backside. They broke apart, and Andy, now breathless said, "I can't take advantage, Sharon."
"That's not what this is," she whispered back to him and kissed him again, keeping his hand where she'd moved it.
"Gavin?" he asked between kisses.
"Gavin would be the dumbest person on the planet to come back to this room knowing I am not at home," she said quickly. "I need this, Andy. I need to forget the pain right now. Please."
Andy gave her a nod as they continued to kiss. Sharon tugged at his dress shirt, pulling him with her back to the couch. One more time. One last time. It was always one more or one last time. Neither wanted to argue it now. For now, the two just wanted the silence and the closeness. Semantics-one more time versus one last time-that could be debated later.