63
They went home triumphant, smelly and tired.
The SUV was toast and Jack was glad of the help as several Predators picked through the remains with him and packed them into another vehicle that had 'arrived' and he was not about to question them as his eyes hungrily drank in the green space hopper. Ianto was not so subtle, already sitting in it playing with switches, gods that boy has a thing for buttons. Jack straightened up and grunted with surprise as it suddenly struck him that Ianto was like the Doctor.
Run, stab it with a stick, laugh and say something witty, run some more.
Blame someone else. Run.
Look fuckable in a suit that never seems to get tired either.
Well I never!
Jack strode over and grabbed Ianto's face, kissing him lustily and Ianto went limp with delight as Jack claimed him.
Bix huffed softly from the jump seat and slid form the hopper as it was made clear that it was Jack's seat, not his.
"I know" Maddy said to him softly, "But you can clearly see that Rumtuck has made his decision in this. Their wee bug should have been the warning."
"Can't hurt to play" Bix hissed back and she huffed softly, knowing that it would take time for him to get over the rejection.
What really amused her was that her brother, as always, had totally been oblivious to the Predator's advances, in this new self he was harder to read but still a little devil at times. Speaking of which, her eyes narrowed as she spied the Claw and she cleared her throat as she pointed.
"Aw, come on Mads, it's my Claw!" Ianto wailed a mega pout that he knew would win as she shrugged and turned away.
"Epic" he said softly to Jack, "Andy is gonna love scaring the shit out of Rhys with that later."
"Ianto!" Jack scolded, "You aren't ….shit. You little bastard, you are going to slip it to him."
Ianto's laugh was evil as he looked down at the controls again.
Gods how Jack loved him, his very soul seemed to twist inside as he watched his beloved's face shine with delight.
A kid at Christmas.
"Well, gonna see if you can fly this thing?" Jack asked softly, "I know this model. I think you can fly it better than me given pract …aaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH FUUCKKKK"
Ianto had slapped the button for power and pushed down on the stick, hurtling them forward along the tunnel and Jack held on for grim life as they banked and swooped before he opened his eyes and found them back where they started with Martha standing there with a crate to put in the back. She had turned around as they came to a halt and hadn't heard the silent running machine leave so she looked down at the Captain who was crammed in the leg space with his arms at odd angles and frowned, "Cut it out. And you say Ianto is being a bugger!"
Ianto sniggered softly as he watched Jack slowly unfold and slide back into the seat to glare at him. Then Jack started to giggle too, the absurdity of it not lost on him, Ianto's instinctive knowledge of how to fly coming from Rumtuck as was the evil glint in his eye as he once more checked that his Claw was in the side pocket of the door.
"I love you" Jack blurted out, "All of you. Any of you. Whatever I can reach with my tongue and beyond, I love you."
Ianto blinked and Jack knew he was imagining how far a tongue could go, his face serene as he computed and Jack started a soft chuffing laugh, pulling Ianto in for a kiss.
"I'm hungry" Ianto said happily, "Really want some KFC. Reckon this will fit through drive-through?"
Martha laughed as she climbed in the back and Jack turned to face her, "Don't encourage him, my Holdfast means it."
"Yep" the P was popped as the button was pushed and they were off, Jack's girly scream drowned out by Martha's whoop of joy as her own Doctor-like tendencies came through and Jack was soon laughing along with the other two maniacs.
It was a slow night at KFC and Ianto sedately manoeuvred the beast though the forecourt and up to the window, smiling politely as he waved his debit card at the machine and hummed happily, scenting the air like a wild animal.
The young boy leaned out the window to take a god look at the Hopper, "Shit, cool ride dude!"
"Yeah, a pressie from my sister" Ianto said happily, "Cool huh? So Star Wars!"
"Awesome, a hoovercrafty kinda thing. Fucking brills, can I get a pic with ya?"
"Sure" Ianto grinned and Jack looked on with shock as the kid leaned out the window and Ianto gently swung the ship so he had it in frame and as the kid clicked the Claw was held up with a maniacal sneer.
The kid was laughing as he struggled back into the window, "Jeez man, you can have extra nuggets for that. So fucking cool. On your way to a convention?"
"Going home" Ianto nodded, "Just killed some Aliens and shit."
"Cool" the kid nodded knowingly, "Like Ripley ones?"
"Yeah. Fuckers!" Ianto huffed. "Xenomorphs."
"Cool!" the kid disappeared and reappeared with bags and a bucket, "You know …I have a Han Solos outfit, my girlfriend made it for me. So cool. Gonna get married in it."
"Awesome" Ianto agreed, "I always wanted a Commander Adama one…you know off Battlestar Galactica? Now I'm happy with Predators and Aliens."
"Yeah, Predators are way cooler than Aliens though" the kids said knowledgably as the last of the drinks came out, "Night man. Ta for the pic."
"Have a safe evening citizen" Ianto said grandly and they both laughed as they pointed at each other though the window, the hopper gliding slowly out of sight.
Only Ianto could blow smoke up someone's arse while looking them in the eye.
Epic as Owen would have said.
Bloody Epic.