69

Ianto couldn't believe it.

They were on their way back to the party with the cakes in the back, the extra savouries and the balloons.

And now this.

"Stay in the vehicle" Ianto snarled as he slid out the passenger side and took a quick glance back at his sleeping son before stalking towards the roadblock and Rhys leaned forward over the steering wheel with his face screwed up as he tried to see what was wrong ahead.

Ianto passed several cars, some honking and one where the woman was applying makeup to approach the barrier "excuse me?"

Ah.

The UNIT soldier eyeballed the thin pale man in the three pieces suit and sneered, "Got back to your vehicle sir, we have it all under control."

The large metallic roar as the praying mantis the size of a house reared up with a man in its mandibles, the screaming horrific before being cut off viciously as he was ripped in half.

Ianto turned to look at the young solder with a calm mask, "Yes. So I see."

"Shit" the young man took a step back, "What the fuck it that?"

"Devornat Mantodea" Ianto replied calmly, "From the Devorax sector I think. Strange, they usually travel in ….ah..pairs."

Another one made a bellowing noise as it slammed through the tree line and dropped the cow it had been favouring, "She looks pissed."

"She?" another voice asked nearby and Ianto shrugged.

"Bigger, stronger and more agile. The fellas don't really do that much except wait to copulate and die. She is the one who is going to kill everyone. Only way to sort it is to take his head off. She will go off searching for another mate since that red shine on her abdomen showed that she is ready to breed. Also, the three men she ate whole poor bastards. You realise they are probably still alive in there?"

"How do you know all this?"

Ianto turned his head to stare at the General, and his twitching moustache.

"Ianto Jones, Torchwood" Ianto said with a clipped tone, "Seen these before. We had an infestation back in….er…92? 93?"

"Welsh…Cardiff? You one of Harkness' team?" he growled as he stepped forward, "Wait, I remember you from Thames House. Shit, you died."

"Yeah, happens in this job" Ianto shrugged, then squinted into the sun as he considered. "Look, I am kind of retired but I could take care of this for you, if ya want but I'm not cleaning up the mess."

"Done" The General grinned, then it slid as the large black SUV broke thought the barriers and Jack swung out as it was still moving, the sonic cannon on his hip.

"Go for the male, I'll go for the bitch" Ianto called out as he took off with glee and they watched as he ran into the field and between the creatures. They reared back with surprise and the new entertainment as the female took a swipe at him, her pincer falling with a dull thud as Ianto swung the sharp blade on the end of his staff, swinging it like he was about to lead a marching band, that the whooping as he ducked between her legs and deftly opened her gut, letting everyone out.

Jack was firing at the male who was slower and less energetic like Ianto had said, removing limbs and finally getting the lower mandibles with a roar.

"Nice shot Cariad" Ianto called out then squeaked as he was reminded of a small fact, the males had wings and the injured Mantis rose into the air to fly away from Jack it was moving towards the UNIT team who were trying to net it.

Idiots thought they could keep it like a pet.

Fuckwits.

Ianto spun as he ran up the back of the female and seemed to fly as well, his body elongating as he twisted in the air and the baton shot out either side to become a long staff that slammed into one of the wings, shredding it and the bug fell to the ground, rolling over top of Ianto who was still trying to retrieve his staff.

"IANTO!" Jack screamed as he started to run towards him and a roar had him looking over his shoulder in time to see the SUV bouncing over the uneven ground, Rex gritting his teeth as he aimed for the Mantis and Martha leaned out the side door with her husband still buckled in, hugging her with glee as she opened fire with a full auto, screaming like a banshee.

Now they were cooking.

Ianto popped up and stood brushing himself done as he shot his cuffs and Jack walked over to the male as it crawled along the ground and he grabbed Ianto's' staff, severing the head from the thing's long neck with rage.

"Well done!" Martha crowed as she started to run towards them and the Female shuddered, it's legs scrambling as it died, it's depths throes flinging up dirt turning the sunny day into dirt rain.

"Shit!" Ianto panted as he reached down to pick up a severed mandible and he looked at the sharp edged blade, "That would smart if it took your arm off."

As they saluted the awe struck UNIT solders, Rex calmly drove the SUV back up onto the road and smashed back through the barriers, making another hole in the wooden barriers about a meter from the one they entered through.

Ianto hung out the moving vehicle watching as Rhys followed suit and he hoped the cakes hadn't been jostled too much.

The wee horses on the cupcakes were going to make Jack squeal.

Ianto swung back in and placed the shrunken baton on the floor.

He checked his watch and hoped they were not off schedule too much.

A birthday to get to ya know.