Sharon shifted the strap on her shoulder, wincing slightly at the weight. Hannah was getting bigger, and Sharon knew she needed to work on the straps of her carrier. It had been great on this trip, and she remembered when she had been almost worried Hannah was so small she could slip out of it. It was crazy to her to believe that now, Hannah was so big, she was putting a strain on Sharon while in the carrier.
"Angela, hi," Sharon gave her a soft smile when the door opened. It was late Saturday afternoon. Sharon and Andy had parted ways earlier in the day after their night at the hotel with Hannah. Nothing had happened, nothing in the bedroom, specifically. It felt odd, but okay to Sharon that Andy had stayed with her and with Hannah all night, and then, this morning, he'd left. The two had talked a long time, and that is why, perhaps it felt odd that nothing more had happened. With Andy, something always happened, and when it didn't, she had been left feeling confused and unattractive. She didn't feel that way today; it was an odd feeling, but she felt okay right now. She felt like they had talked, and then, they had slept together, but just in the idea of next to each other, Andy's arm looping around her. This morning, the three of them had enjoyed a normal, quiet morning. It was still odd, though, the idea that he was staying overnight without more happening. Yes, he'd stayed the other night the first night of her trip, but even then, the intentions had been there. Just when things had started to get heated, Angela had called and then, Hannah had interrupted them too. Had those things not happened, the two would have slept together just as they had plenty of other times. Last night, though, it was different; Andy had stayed all night to sleep-to be with Sharon and Hannah, and he'd left without the two even attempting more.
"Sharon," Angela returned the small smile, "please, come in. Andy's not here yet."
Sharon looked up to Angela in surprise as she stepped into the older home and followed Angela inside. She glanced around, nodding at the surroundings. From the outside, she could tell it was an older home, two stories, just one in a long row of homes all with a similar look. There was a small front porch on the house, and there was also a small front yard. It was not what she'd pictured. She thought maybe Angela lived in a brownstone type of home or even one right on the street, but this one had more of a suburban feel to it.
"I'm sorry," she shook her head as she ran her hand over Hannah's foot that was now kicking at Sharon to keep moving. "I thought Andy would be here by now. He told me to stop over around 4:00," she said, checking her watch and nodding that it was exactly 4:00. "I wouldn't have come now had I known he wasn't here. I don't mean to intrude."
"Nonsense," she patted Sharon's arm. "He should be here soon, and it was my idea to have this little well," she shrugged, "gathering. You're welcome here, Hannah too. She's my niece, after all, and you shouldn't have to ask permission to visit an aunt."
"As long as you are sure I'm not bothering you," Sharon looked to her, a slight question in her tone.
"Sharon, come in and stop asking," Angela smiled as she gestured. "Besides, this gives us a few minutes to talk before Andy gets here. I can tell you all the things he did as a child when he lived here."
"Oh," Sharon's eyes widened as she looked around, "Andy grew up here, in this house? I didn't know that," she winced again when Hannah tried to move.
"Here, come in and let's get Hannah out of that thing," Angela gestured into her living room. Sharon stepped inside, and her eyes widened. "Yes," Angela continued, "this is where we grew up. My dad still owns the house, but after we moved him into the assisted living, Andy and I talked about this house. My dad will never be back here. Honestly, I liked this house better than my own. I decided to move back in here and sell my old place. It was much smaller. Andy told me to keep the house; he doesn't want it, and it's just the two of us now. Then, I started renovating the house, room by room, before I got sick. After I got sick, that was put on hold, but I'm hoping to continue my renovations soon. Luckily, I finished most of the downstairs. I haven't done the half bath down here, but otherwise, it's done. I will then have to do the bathroom down here and the two bathrooms upstairs, along with some flooring, painting, and just general updating upstairs in the bedrooms. Then, I'll be done."
"It looks lovely, very modern," Sharon nodded. "I wasn't really expecting that in a house like this."
"Yes, it's old," Angela chuckled as she spread out a small blanket on the floor. "I should have added that I want to update the outside too eventually, but the inside, it's my taste. Will Hannah be okay on this?"
"Oh, yes," Sharon shook her head, almost missing that Angela had put down a blanket on the hardwood floors. She gave her another small smile, "You did not have to buy her a few toys."
"Ahh, sure I did. It's not much, but I had fun buying a few things for today. Please, sit," she added.
Sharon sat in the chair by the blanket on the floor. She undid the straps on her carrier to free Hannah while Angela sat across from her and watched.
"There you go, my darling," Sharon said as she pulled out Hannah. Hannah started to buck and kick as she was freed. Sharon kissed her head and then put her on the floor. Hannah grabbed for one of the toys and instantly tried to put it in her mouth. Both women laughed.
"Are those things comfortable?" Angela asked, nodding to the carrier Sharon was now folding up to put with her diaper bag.
"Ahh, they are okay. I don't have the expensive, fancy one, and I've read people think those are more comfortable. Honestly, I didn't know if she would like it or if I would like it. It is useful, but I still prefer a stroller when possible. For here, traveling, and for even sometimes on walks, this is better. She's just getting heavy. I can feel it in my shoulders," Sharon explained.
"Well, she sure is beautiful," Angela smiled at her. "I can't believe she will be one before we know it. I've only just met her."
Sharon met her gaze, "I'm glad you met her, that Andy told you about her. I don't have siblings, so there isn't a lot of family on my side. I have my other kids, but they live their own lives. I know Andy told you my mother recently died, and that leaves my dad. I have a dear friend, Gavin, in California, but that's about it, as far as people I'd consider close like family. You are her aunt; that is a fact."
"I know Andy messed up," Angela said and gave Sharon a slight frown. "I know you had, have even, your reasons for having him sign away his rights. I know you don't consider him Hannah's father, but I hope you will maybe reconsider his being in her life. He loves her. I know that, and I'm sorry," she shook her head. "I didn't invite you here to grill you about that. I just know my brother, and while in a way, I'm not surprised he did that, I am surprised too. I believe he was doing what he thought was right at the time. He carries a lot of guilt from our dad."
"Yes," Sharon pursed her lips and nodded. "I did meet your dad, and I saw that. I hope Andy isn't having to endure more of that now."
"Oh, he is," Angela nodded. "Look, I'm not going to sugar coat it. Dad is who he is. He isn't going to change. I'm sure that is why Andy is late now, he's getting an earful from Dad. He told me he was going to check on him, and I just knew he'd go rounds with Dad again. Dad can't see Andy has changed. He probably is using today to chew him out more about Hannah. I try to be honest, so yes, that is more than likely why Andy is late. Be glad you only had to see it yesterday."
"It really opened my eyes," Sharon said as she smiled at Hannah. Hannah started to move around on the floor, a sort of hybrid craw with her one leg up, as she tried to drag the other. The two women laughed at Hannah moving, and Sharon looked back at Angela. "I don't want to do the same, to continually punish people for the past. I realized I've been doing that, and it's not what I want. I also never want to be like that with my kids. I hate he has to deal with that on a constant basis."
"He does," Angela nodded. "He takes the brunt of it. I get the never married type of comments, but those are nothing compared to Andy getting comments about being a drunk loser. That's probably saying it mildly."
Sharon nodded and looked to Hannah, running her hand over her hair. She let out her breath, "Meeting your dad, it gave me some insight to Andy, to why he views himself like that. I see why he was so willing to sign and walk away from Hannah initially. It's almost as if he had told himself-and he had-that it was for the best. I thought that too, that she was better with just me."
"Thought?" Angela asked, hinting to Sharon it sounded past tense.
Sharon met her gaze, "I'm not sure what I think. I know your brother is a good man. I've told him that. Figuring out this," she gestured to Hannah, "is more complicated. It's not just Hannah at stake."
"You mentioned another man in California," Angela eyed her. "Was it serious with him before you got involved with Andy. Maybe involved isn't the right word. I'm not trying to say you are jumping from one man to the other. I know people break up, but you mentioned him," she nodded to Sharon.
Sharon tried to hide her smile, but then, she broke into a full smile, "No, Gavin, ahh, that's not a problem. Gavin will always be a good friend, nothing more. He is definitely not interested in me like that."
Angela smiled when she understood, "Oh, I see. I'm glad you have a good friend like that." She and Sharon chuckled a moment, and then, both looked to Hannah for several seconds.
"I know he cares for both of you, Sharon," Angela told her. "Look," she sighed, "I didn't invite you over here for heavy, deep conversation. I promise you that. Let's try to find a lighter topic. I'll just leave it with this-I know he's physically attracted to you. That's obvious. I mean, to start, Hannah is here. He has been tight-lipped about a lot, but it doesn't take a genius to notice he hasn't come home most nights. So, whatever, it's not my place to judge, and I'm not. I know he's sleeping with you still, and you two will deal with that. Friends, friends with benefits, whatever you two want to call it, it is what it is. I also know you are both smart enough to not want to make this a mess for Hannah, so just know that I like you. I love my brother. I hope you can figure out a solution that works best for you, all of you, and there's no judgement on what that is. Just putting in my two cents that I'd like to be involved in Hannah's life, as her aunt, even if my brother isn't legally her father."
"Well, thank you for that," Sharon listened and nodded at her. "I don't have an answer either. I suppose all I can say is that I never expected any of this. He and I were just in it for a good time from the start. Neither saw the harm in that. Hannah threw me for a loop, and yet, I was fine with her just being mine to raise alone. Now," she grew quiet and just shrugged. The two looked at each other, the only noise coming from Hannah. Angela nodded at Sharon, and Sharon dropped her gaze.
"Let me show you around the house," Angela stood and gestured. "We can take a tour with a stop in the kitchen for a glass of wine. How does that sound? I made my homemade spaghetti for dinner if you are okay with that. Andy enjoys it too, and I have that with a salad. I will throw in the noodles after Andy gets here."
"Oh, I was going to bring dessert!" Sharon suddenly exclaimed. "I know you said not to bring anything, but I had thought I would pick up something."
"I already have Andy stopping at the local bakery," she winked. "What's dinner without a local cheesecake? Now, I have pictures to show you, blackmail pictures," she winked. "Andy will kill me."
Sharon scooped up Hannah as she stood, "This, I need to see."
It was still another half hour before Andy arrived at the house, his face strained, but with cheesecake in hand. He walked in where the two women were sitting again in the living room, talking and laughing over a few pictures. Hannah was back on the floor, enjoying her freedom, as she played with her toys.
"Hey," he called to them as he stepped inside and closed the door. Sharon watched him put down his things, and Angela stood to walk to him. Sharon continued to sit by Hannah. She sipped on her wine, as both women had been doing, and Angela walked to her brother.
"Thanks for getting the cheesecake," she smiled at him. "How is he?"
"His mouth is just fine, still hurling insults," he smirked. "Physically, otherwise," he shrugged, "okay. He's in a little pain, but they have him in physical therapy; it's to be expected."
Angela took the cheesecake from him, "I'm sorry you had to listen to that again. More of the same?"
"Nah," he shrugged, trying to play it off as he explained, "let's see," he put his hand to his mouth. "Oh, today, he shoved a $10 bill in my hand and told me if I would have bought condoms in the first place, I wouldn't be stuck in this 'disaster' as he called it. Now, he said Hannah was sweet, but told me this all could have been avoided. Sharon, you'll love this part too. He said that it could have been even worse, at least with you. You get a lot of credit for being older and having a career. He said he half expected me to have knocked up a dancer or worse-just anyone I fell into bed with at random, someone let's just say not my age range, and well," he nodded, "it got nasty then. So, if I get any points, it's because Sharon is who she is. He said you must be good at your job, your old job, because you gave it right back to him, which reminds me exactly what did you two discuss?"
"Hello to you too," Sharon nodded at him.
Andy closed his eyes and dropped his head. He looked over at them again, "I'm sorry. Thanks for coming Sharon. It's good to see you and Hannah. I appreciate you coming here for dinner."
"I know you are upset," Sharon told him from the living room. "I just wanted you to pause for a moment and breathe. As for your dad, I didn't get into anything in particular. We talked, and I held my ground with him. That's it."
"Well, he likes you and likes Hannah, but he thinks I'm an idiot and caused this mess with you. He also questioned if I had been honest with you about my past, claiming that the only way he believed you would have done anything with me is if I'd lied, so there you go."
"I know about your history," she said.
"It's just more of the same with him," Andy waved off and looked to Angela. "You're visiting Dad tomorrow, not me."
"I will," she squeezed his hand. "Let me put this cheesecake in the refrigerator and get you something to drink. Go in there and sit down. Hannah has been crawling up Sharon, so I'm sure she is ready to play with you."
Sharon and Andy watched Angela walk down the hall, and then, both looked at each other. Andy dropped his head slightly, almost in defeat from his dad, and he walked into the room. Sharon started to stand, and he waved her off.
"Just stay there," he said. "I'd rather sit on the floor by Hannah, near you," he explained.
"Sit on the chair here and relax," Sharon moved quickly, gesturing for Andy to sit there. She moved closer toward Hannah on the floor, and she nodded to the chair. The couch was available, but it was not as close to Hannah. Andy eyed Sharon, and she nodded again. He sank into the chair. Hannah stuffed another toy toward her mouth, and Andy gestured to it.
"My sister get her that?" he asked.
"Good guess," Sharon told him. Andy put his hand up to his face and rubbed it. Sharon watched him, and she slid over toward him, now next to his chair. She put her hand on his knee and squeezed it. He opened his eye and looked down at her sitting there.
"I'm sorry about your dad," she said again. He sighed and sat forward slightly to speak to her. Sharon tilted her head toward the kitchen, and after a moment, she moved toward Andy, now on her knees between his knees. She braced her hands on his knees and leaned toward him, "You are a good man, Andy," she said quietly, her eyes meeting his.
He dropped his head in a sad nod, and she moved her hand to his face. He looked up, and she leaned up to kiss him. Andy let her kiss him a few moments before he returned the kiss, his hands moving to her back to pull her closer. Sharon ran her hands down his chest, and he had his hands up the back of her shirt momentarily before the two pulled apart, their breathing heavy, and they met, their foreheads touching.
"Thank you for saying that," he sighed. "I'm sorry for getting crazy there for a moment," he said, his hands now resting on her hips. "I just have a lot of emotions with my dad."
"I know," she said, the two still very close to each other. She twisted to kiss his neck. "I've had plenty of my own moments, and you've helped relieve that tension. I can help too."
He nodded, his head lowered. She kissed his neck again, and he ran his hands up her back before he looked at her. "If circumstances were different, I might take you upstairs right now," he admitted. "I've about had it today with my dad. I want more out of life. Thank you for coming here today, to my sister's place for dinner. You didn't have to do that."
"Not just your sister's place," she said quietly as she ran her hands along his thighs as she looked at him, "but she told me you grew up here too. She has been showing me old pictures. I can tell you are stressed. You have good reason to be stressed, and I will help you with that later tonight if you want to come by the hotel. You know I'm leaving in the morning. You've really helped me when I've needed it. Let me help you tonight."
He groaned and dropped his head again, nodding at her as she spoke. Andy was about to say something when the two heard, "Andy, want ice with your cranberry juice?"
"Ahh, yeah, thanks, Ang," he called to her. Sharon froze momentarily before she kissed his neck again. Then, Sharon moved from her position, leaning up to Andy from where she was sitting between his legs and back to sitting next to Hannah on the floor. Andy stood to pace the room, his eyes locked on Sharon and Hannah.
Andy just walked, his hands on his face. Sharon watched while he tried to calm himself down. She played with Hannah, and finally, Andy stopped, almost like the frustration was gone, and he focused on them.
"How is she? Did you two have a good day?" he asked, kneeling down to sit on the floor beside them. He sat back against the chair where he'd just been sitting, and he leaned his head back on it, his eyes on Sharon. Hannah moved toward him, and he scooped her up and put her in his lap.
"That's better, much better," he sighed. He reached toward Sharon, his hand running on her knee, and he gave her a soft smile. He used the hand holding Hannah to turn her in his lap.
"Kiddo, what have you been doing with Mom, hmm?" he asked. "Tell me about your day."
"We spent time with Emily," Sharon gave him a soft smile. "I hated saying goodbye to her, but with my early flight, it was for the best. She's at work now, and it will be a late night."
"I get what it's like to say goodbye," he said, leaning over to kiss Hannah's head. "It's never easy; you always want more time. Mmmm, lavender," he sighed. "You've been close to your mom. I can smell her lavender." He looked to Sharon. "I'm glad to see you. This helps take my mind off Dad." He looked at her, their eyes meeting, and neither said anything for a few moments. Finally, she cleared her throat.
"I'm enjoying my visit, here, with your sister. This was a nice idea. I've learned a lot about you," she chuckled. Andy groaned and dropped his head in his hands.
"Ahh, are you telling Andy all the stories I just told you?" Angela asked as she walked into the room. They looked to her as she handed Andy his cranberry juice, and she nodded toward Sharon. "I brought the bottle of wine. I figured we could both use a refill, especially if we are going to tease Andy about his childhood."
"Let's not," he sighed. "Let's just play with Hannah."
"Well, that's fun, but telling stories about you is even better," Angela winked at Andy. "Sharon, I found a picture of him when he was about her age," Angela stood and walked back into the kitchen.
"I'd love to see it," Sharon stood quickly to follow her.
"I'm sure she will bring it here," Andy called to her.
"Hmm, well," she shrugged and followed Angela.
Angela turned to see Sharon, "Oh, I was going to bring the photo. It's hanging down the hall, but he isn't much older than Hannah in it. I forgot it was here." She pointed to the picture on the wall, and Sharon started to shake her head and chuckle.
"I keep saying she looks just like him," Sharon crossed her arms and shook her head. "That's been hard, actually," she admitted and continued, "looking at her constantly and seeing Andy. He doesn't see it."
Angela turned to Sharon, "What does he say-that she looks like you? Sharon nodded, and Angela continued, "Sharon, that's what he wants to see," she reached over and squeezed Sharon's hand. "He looks at her and wants to see you in her. She looks like he does, and he can't see that. He sees himself as a failure. You and I know he's not. He looks to her and wants to see you, the woman he finds himself drawn to more and more, the woman who brought this beautiful little girl into the world and will raise her alone if you shut him out. Sharon, he sees that, and knowing my brother, he just wants to see that, the woman he adores, in that beautiful little girl."