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"So this guy dressed in red comes down your chimney, eats your food and drinks you milk then leaves a small gift as some sort of calling card?" the deep voice rumbled, "Like a serial killer's calling card?"
Ianto froze in the doorway as he stared at the huge predator who was daintily holding a teacup, it's head canted to the side as Anwen nodded and held up the teapot, "More?"
"No thank you, this is sufficient Anwen Williams" it replied, "Tell me, do his gifts exceed the costing of the pillaging?"
Anwen looked up at it and screwed her face up, then sighed theatrically, "Look Blue, I will explain once more but then you have to give it up if you can't get it, OK?"
"OK"
"First, the kids get gifts." She said slowly and it nodded, "We leave the cookies and milk as a thank you, he is not eating them to be naughty."
"OK."
"The spaceship is a sleigh and the reindeer are animals sort of like horsies like horns."
"Oh" the Predator was now listening intently, "Do they glue them on or use straps?"
"Huh?"
"To secure the horns"
"Tucker and I have been good so we get a gift each" she said slowly and ignoring the blatantly stupid question, "Santa will sneak in, put them under the tree over there."
A shiny head swivelled to stare in that direction and a single digit tapped against the cup.
"Then he will eat the cookies and drink the milk because it is hard work and shoot off to the next place" Anwen finished, "I don't think you will get anything because you are an Alien but maybe he is too. I never did ask. Maybe Santa is an alien, that's why he can go all over the world in one night."
The Alien blinked slowly and then noticed Ianto, rising politely, "Brother Yan. I came to ask if you wanted to go hunting but it had been explained to me that it is the time of Santa's Stalking of your lands and you must stay to protect your family."
Anwen huffed and shook her head, "I don't know! So silly."
Ianto smiled and leaned in to kiss her little head, then he walked over to check Tucker who was still asleep where he had left him sprawled out on the rug in the sun. He had only left the room to hang out the washing and returned to this weirdness.
"Brother Rumtuck, is this Santa Claus safe around the little bug?" the predator asked with a wave at the baby and Ianto snorted with mirth then asked Anwen to go outside and ask her Uncle Jack to stop chasing the goat and come inside for something to eat.
Yeah. The goat stayed.
He watched the screen door slam shut then explained to Heddor exactly what Christmas was and the creature now found the funny side of his concerns. He settled on the large sofa the predators liked, already with a curve in the seat from their bonny arses.
"So a celebration? Food and friendship" he said and Ianto nodded.
"You are all able to come if you wish, it is an open door. I know Maddy will be visiting with a gift each for the kids, especially wee Tucker." Ianto offered of Rumtuck's old friend, now his beloved friend it seemed.
"I see your mate gave the little bug that pincer" he pointed and Ianto looked over with a sigh.
"Yeah, I boiled it to make sure it was sterile though, they could have any number of diseases or something. Tuck does like to chew on it, his teeth are worrying him a bit." Ianto agreed.
"We do not have teeth" Hoddor said with wonderment, "No need when we tear everything part. A lot of work, chewing."
"Yes, but we like taste, flavour. Chewing affords more time to savour the different tastes of food" Ianto explained and Hoddor nodded with interest. "Food is important, not just for fuel but also enjoyment."
"Why some are so fat" Hoddor muttered and Ianto laughed, not scolding as he knew the creature did not understand.
"Santa is a big fat man but that doesn't mean he is greedy" Ianto giggled and Hoddor seemed to consider.
"No brother, most likely it is all the cookies and milk" Hoddor said after a while, "He should exercise more."
Ianto giggled softly as he saw his friend out, shaking his head at the weirdness of some aliens.
It wasn't until he was sinking to his knees to gather his little one into his arms that he realised he had opened a can of worms.
Predators were tricksters and the thought of stalking someone appealed to them.
Shit.
Santa might have competition this year if he wasn't careful.
And they wouldn't have reindeer that's for sure.