She kept her hand on her bag, unsure of what she wanted to do. She watched as Andy said goodbye to Hannah; it was time to go back to Arizona. The trip had been eye-opening on so many levels, yet, she still had this mess on her hands, no real closure or solution in front of her. Sharon focused, a small smile as she looked at Andy holding Hannah close, his hand on the back of her head. She listened as he spoke softly to her like she was able to understand and comply.
"Now, you be good on the plane. Don't stress out your mom or be a problem. Flash that gorgeous smile so everyone wants to sit by you. Be good for your grandpa too when you stay with him tonight. Know I love you, and I will think of you every minute until I see you again," she heard him tell her. She almost teared up and shook her head to shake away those feelings, the taxi ready and waiting to take her to the airport. Jack had never been like that with Emily or Ricky, and here was this man, Andy, a many she barely knew on a personal level before all of this, a man now, who still perplexed her and raised so many concerns with her. She cleared her throat, and Andy glanced at her. Andy. The man in front of her stirred up so many emotions, many of which she truly couldn't identify or grasp at the moment. It had been a good trip for her, for Hannah, and she though, or rather, she hoped she had been of some help and comfort to Andy. He turned to her, Hannah in his arms.
"I know you need to go," he sighed. She glanced at the taxi, parked here in front of the hotel, waiting, but clearly ready to go. Had she been flagging on down just on the street, it would have left by now, but thankfully, this one had been called by the hotel. It had taken a moment for her to put in Hannah's car seat, but she had, and Andy had those few seconds to say goodbye to Hannah. "I'll put her in her seat," he said and moved to the car. Sharon walked up behind him while he secured Hannah. Her hand stayed on her purse, and when he stepped out of the car, Sharon nodded to him.
"I hope we have been helpful and not hurtful on this trip. I'm sorry introducing Hannah and even me to your father has caused so much turmoil," she nodded to him.
He gave a slight shrug. One almost might think he didn't care, but she knew otherwise; she knew the toll this had taken on him just these last few days. She almost couldn't imagine a lifetime of it. She looked into his eyes, "It needed to be done. It's my life to live, and you and Hannah, like it or not, are part of that. He liked you both; he just added all of this to the list of disappointments with me. I'm really glad you came. It meant a lot, Sharon, really. Be safe going home," he said as he lightly put his hands on her shoulders, his thumb running over each shoulder. "Please, if you don't mind, call me or at least let me know when you land."
She nodded and looked to the ground, the lengthy eye contact almost hard to do. When she looked back up at him, she gave him a small smile, "I will. I need to go."
He nodded again and stepped back to allow her to move into the car, "Look, in all this time we had here, all the time we had to talk, we still never discussed a time I could see Hannah again. I want that. I want to see both of you."
As she was about to step into the car, she nodded again and let out her breath, "Okay, right," she shook her head. "I know you want to see Hannah." The last weekend in July," she started and pursed her lips, "that's always ahh, ahh, a rough weekend for me; it was my anniversary. I try to push it out of my head, but it's hard to wipe that out, years later. Still," she shrugged, "I don't know if you are free."
He closed his eyes and lightly shook his head, "You're kidding, right?" Sharon's eyes widened, and he opened his eyes to explain, "My anniversary was July 26."
"July 29," she nodded and pursed her lips.
"Doesn't surprise me," he sighed. "I'll clear it with work, but thank you," he nodded. "Sounds like a good reason for a visit," he said with a small smile. "We can work out the details."
Sharon nodded again, her eyes searching his. She decided quickly, without another thought and pulled out the envelope from her purse. She handed it to him, "I hope you have a good day today and don't have to deal with your dad, even with it being Father's Day," she gave a slight roll of her eyes. "This is just something you can look at later."
He eyed the small envelope, took it, and he gave her a small smile. "Thanks."
"I have to go," she repeated and looked to the taxi. She turned back, and without a second to prepare, Andy kissed her on the cheek. "Be safe with Hannah."
"Bye," she said quietly, returning the kiss to the cheek, and then, she slipped into the taxi. He closed her door, and she gave him a small wave as the taxi pulled away. She glanced slightly back as the car moved, and his eye caught hers. He gave her another small wave. She sat back in her seat and let out a long sigh; she was drained. She looked over at Hannah, so awake and alert for this early in the morning. It was 6:30, and they had a flight to catch. Their flight was just after 10:00, but with traffic and a baby, she needed time to get there, get situated, and get something to eat. Besides, it was Father's Day, and she didn't want to deal with that awkwardness with Andy more than necessary. She'd left him with a card of sorts, and for now, she couldn't handle more. She sighed again and grabbed Hannah's foot, playing with it so the baby started to giggle. She had a lot of frustrations, and she also still had a lot of questions.
She sat back and started to reflect on things. While some areas had more clarity, others had more questions. A simple sleeping arrangement with Andy had blow up on them to create this crazy mess. She glanced at Hannah, a product of the sleeping arrangement, and she smiled at her daughter. Oh, that child looked so much like Andy. Sharon thought about that, about what Angela had said, "He looks to her and wants to see you, the woman he finds himself drawn to more and more, the woman who brought this beautiful little girl into the world and will raise her alone if you shut him out. Sharon, he sees that, and knowing my brother, he just wants to see that, the woman he adores, in that beautiful little girl."
Sharon thought more about that, about how Andy didn't want to see himself in Hannah. She understood that, and honestly, she hadn't wanted to see him in her either, but she did. She saw Andy, and on this trip, she saw another side of Andy, one that made her respect him more. He was a good man. She'd told him that often these last few days, and she believed it. After everything the two had gone through together, she knew he was a good man. He loved Hannah, and she was slowly seeing she could trust him more and more, maybe to the point of trusting him completely around Hannah. She wasn't there yet, but he was trying, more than any man she'd met, and she respected that.
On a side note, she wasn't sure what was going on with him, with them, really, in the bedroom. That was frustrating her, not that they hadn't enjoyed themselves on the trip, but she could feel things had changed in that area. She wasn't sure what she felt about it now. She wondered if Andy was having some mixed feelings too because it hadn't gone well the night before. After a lovely evening at his sister's place, she had invited Andy back to the hotel room for the night, promising to help him relax. He'd helped her plenty of times, and she wanted to help him too. Plus, it was enjoyable for both, and that was always okay with her. It was also their last night together, at least for awhile, and she wanted to take advantage of that, knowing that she didn't have this arrangement with any other man. She didn't want that; Andy was safe, comfortable. The three had gone back to the hotel, and Andy had been great tending to Hannah. He'd helped with her bath, had sat with her while she finished her bottle, and the two had stayed there in the dark room while Hannah drifted off to sleep. It was the plan, at least so Sharon thought, that they would then have some time together. While waiting for Hannah to fall asleep, both Sharon and Andy had stretched out on the bed. When she was sure she heard Hannah snoring, she'd reached for Andy and had moved closer to him, rolling toward him to start kissing him. He'd reciprocated, and the two had gotten into a rather heated make-out session there in the room. Things had started to get more and more intense; she'd noticed that lately. Something was different with that, and she couldn't put her hand on it. The mood was right. The room had been really dark, with just the sounds of Hannah's snores and the two kissing audible in the room. Just as it was about time for clothing to be removed, Andy pulled back from Sharon.
"I can't do this. I'm sorry; it's just not happening," he told her and rolled to the side where he sat up and looked away from her. It was hard to see, and she moved to wrap her arms around him from behind, kissing his neck.
"Andy, it's okay. Look, this is whatever you want. I thought you would enjoy this, that we would enjoy this," she said and kissed his neck again. "We always do. This, this is good between us, easy for us." Her hands moved up under his shirt, and he stilled them, shaking his head. "It's just not happening, Sharon," he sighed. "It's not you. It's just the timing, just not now, maybe later."
Andy stood and walked around the room. Sharon pursed her lips and watched as he turned on the light and moved into the bathroom. She looked around the room now, the dim light from the bathroom illuminating some of the room. He'd had a rough day; she knew that, and maybe he just needed time to process everything. She moved off the bed, intent on getting her things for bed. If this wasn't going to happen, she was going to get some sleep. She didn't know if Andy was staying or going, really if he'd come over to help with Hannah or be with her-or both, but this wasn't what she'd thought. She heard Andy running the water and assumed he was brushing his teeth, and with that assumption, she figured he was staying the night. Sharon started to ruffle through her bag. She paused when she heard Hannah moving, hoping she hadn't been too loud to wake her. After Hannah seemed to settle again, she looked through her bag and found the new lingerie she'd bought, not with Emily, but yes, while in New York. She really hadn't traveled here with Andy in mind, the trip coming up as she was already in Phoenix. She quickly slipped into the simple, navy blue chemise. It had a slight pattern to it and had a lower cut that she normally would have bought, but she'd bought it because it made her feel attractive and seemed to hide her extra weight well. Andy had said maybe later; she still had hours before her trip, so she was hopeful this would be appreciated later.
Several minutes later, Andy opened the door as she was folding her clothing. She turned to him, and he eyed her. She could see it and feel his eyes grazing over her, every inch. The light was still just enough from the bathroom she could see him raise an eyebrow at her. She gave him a small shrug, "Yes, it's new. I bought it here," she said, almost answering an unspoken question. He walked to her and rested his hands on her hips, running his fingers over the silky material.
"I'm sorry; I think the stress of everything is just getting to me right now. I'm exhausted in more ways than one," he admitted.
She grasped his arms and nodded, "I just want to help. I thought that might help."
He nodded, and their eyes met again. Both moved to each other and kissed, his hands running up and down her side. He pulled away again, "Being here helps. It does."
She nodded and gestured to the bathroom, "I'm going to get ready for bed, then."
"I'm glad to be here with both of you tonight, Sharon," he said. She squeezed his arms and disappeared. Andy was almost asleep when she came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. She patted his arm when she climbed into bed, and he, on his side away from her, reached over and squeezed her hand. It took her a long time to fall asleep as she listened to the two snoring right near her. Finally, she drifted off, but not for long. She sat up and glanced at the clock just after 4:00 AM, surprised that when she did that, Andy reached over for her.
"I didn't mean to wake you," she told him quietly as she got resettled. He shifted and moved closer to her, putting his arm around her waist. He kissed her shoulder.
"Been awake for awhile," he grumbled. "I have a lot on my mind."
Sharon shifted, rolling to her side, to look at Andy, even though it was dark. He put his hand up in her hair and brushed it out of her face. Andy leaned in and kissed her tenderly, and she returned the kiss. They repeated that for the next few minutes, until things started to get heated again. As Sharon started to shift, Andy tugged at her, and she rolled toward him, her chest on his. They continued to kiss, and again, Andy stopped her as things started to progress.
"This is a disaster," he said, clearly irritated, as he moved away from her again. He sighed and stood up before Sharon knew what was happening. "This isn't how I wanted the night to go."
Sharon just nodded, not sure what to do after being rejected again. He'd even been the one to initiate it this time, which left her more confused. She cleared her throat, "Ahh, I'm going to just try and sleep a little more before my alarm goes off." She rolled to her side, away from him.
"Yeah," he sighed. "Get some rest. I think I'll get a shower. I've been up this long," he grumbled. Sharon watched as he turned on the bathroom light. She slumped back onto the bed and closed her eyes. She wouldn't sleep either; she'd analyze every movement and wonder what had gone wrong.
Now, on her ride to the airport, she was still doing that, analyzing every moment. They had a complicated relationship, putting it mildly. They were hot and cold, hot again, hot again, and then cold. Andy had wanted to stay with her last night. She didn't understand it. Both knew what the night's expectations were. That was always assumed, always even clear to them. It was their relationship. Even the night before, when he'd stayed, he'd been clear about the expectations-nothing happening, just sleep. Last night, she'd suggested more, and he'd come back to the room. Two attempts and nothing. She didn't know what the problem was, and she didn't want to ask. She told herself he had a lot on his mind, but still. He'd told her he was having trouble separating feelings from just a good time, yet, he'd come to the room. She knew she needed to address this with him, but it wasn't the time, not when she had an early morning flight and on Father's Day even. All she knew now was that she was glad she'd come to New York. Her goal had been to support and help Andy, in all ways possible. She'd done that. Somewhere, though, in all of that, signals were still getting crossed. What she wanted didn't seem to be what Andy wanted, even though he'd come back to the room with her. She was trying to be open with him; it was hard, but she was trying. They'd talked the night before, and she'd admitted she knew he was trying to be a solid man for her, a man who didn't walk away. She knew that, and she thought that even with all of their complicated mess, they still could share their time in the bedroom. Perhaps, she had it all wrong.
Her phone alerted her to a text, and as she opened it, she saw it was from Andy. It was a new message, and before she read that, she ran her hand over the picture he'd texted her the night before. It was a picture of the three of them together, a rare picture indeed. She didn't have pictures with Andy and Hannah. He'd wanted to take one of the three of them last evening before leaving Angela's house. Angela had been in the kitchen, and they were in the living room playing with Hannah. Angela had insisted they spend time with Hannah, and he'd eyed Sharon.
"I want to remember this," he smiled at her. "Let's take a picture, the three of us."
"I'll get one of the two of you," Sharon offered instead.
"Nah, all three of us," he shook his head. "No big deal. Ang is busy, just us."
So, he'd taken one, and as she looked at it again now, she could see it was a decent picture. Hannah had been caught in a laugh, standing on Andy's legs, and Andy had his arm up behind her on the chair they were leaning against. She looked at the picture a few more moments before glancing at his text.
"Really appreciate the note and the things from the hospital. You have no idea what that means to me. Be safe. Thanks again for coming here. You helped me a lot," he told her. She nodded reading that. The note. She didn't want him to open that around her, so she'd waited until she was in the car to hand it to him. The note was just that, a note. She couldn't find any card appropriate to the situation, and she'd tried to be prepared because originally, he had planned to visit her in Arizona this weekend. So, she'd agonized over what to do, what sort of card to get. She'd finally decided on a simple, blank card with a handwritten note, and she'd had that silly note in her purse for over a week now. She wasn't sure why, but apparently, it was meant to be.
"Andy, I realize you don't have anything from her birth or know anything about it. Here's a copy of her footprints taken in the hospital, along with her hospital baby picture. I thought you might like to have these things. -Sharon," she had written to him.
Now, it was obvious he'd read the note and was happy with what she'd given him. To try and put some closure to the trip, she called him quickly.
"Sharon," he said. "Is everything okay?"
"Fine," she waved her free hand and then rested it on Hannah. "Listen, about the note-" she let it hang there, now suddenly not sure why she'd called.
"Thanks," he said. "It means everything." She let out her breath, and Andy spoke again "Today, today is a day, hard for many people for so many different reasons. Listen, I'm really glad I was able to see you both this morning. You focus on your flight, on seeing your dad. Enjoy your dinner with him tonight. I'm already working on my plans for the end of July."
"Okay," she said, almost breathless and sighed. "If something gets in the way, it's okay; you don't have to worry about the trip."
"I'll be there, Sharon," he said.
"Okay," she nodded to herself, aware the taxi driver was listening to every word. She rolled her eyes at herself as she said the next thing, "Ahh, do you want to stay at my place, my apartment, I mean, with us?" She felt like an idiot, stumbling over her words, but she wasn't sure what he was thinking or feeling now. She continued quickly before he could even answer, "You're welcome to stay with Hannah and me. It's small, just the two bedrooms, hers and mine. I know you've stayed at the hotel before. I don't know what you want to do or if you are interested-" she stopped because he interrupted her.
"Sharon, yes, thank you. I'd really like that, to stay with both of you. I'll be there, just as long as I can confirm with work. I'm really looking forward to the weekend, and we can work out the details later," he said.
"Okay," she said, again, letting out a long sigh. "I'll let you go, then. Try to enjoy your day even with your dad, there. I hope he gets back on his feet soon."
"Thanks for calling, Sharon," he said.
She looked at Hannah, and she looked up at the taxi driver, who didn't seem interested in her conversation. Hannah was dozing, and Sharon leaned her head back and closed her eyes. He hadn't turned her down for the trip. He was coming to see them, and she felt that putting it out there, the bedroom situation, made it clear her intentions. He'd been okay with that, so she needed to let the night go; it was a fluke, just Andy stressed about too much. He'd visit. They would spent time with Hannah during the day, and at night, she hoped they could get back to their original arrangement. More was at stake, yes. She was trusting him more and more. She didn't know what that would mean for the future, but she knew they had a good chemistry. They could build on that.