Well, this has been a long time coming! Since it's been four and a half years since i last *actually* updated this fic (not just posted an assurance that I would continue that I then turned into a footnote in the previous chapter), it's probably important to remind everyone that canon for me ends at S4E9, and that this is the fifth installment in a series, the previous four being "REaDy or Not, Here I Come", "Bleeding Hearts", "Ruby Crown" (a crossover with Criminal Minds), and "Red Dawn Light", in that order, plus three adjacent fics that add more depth to certain characters but also contain MAJOR SPOILERS.

This series has been both my greatest pride and greatest shame as a fanfic writer. Looking back, I realize how much I stretched things, how incredibly cheesy every part of this series has been; but on the other hand, there have been genuine fans, and it is for those fans that I am returning today. I hope any of you are still here, that you see this; to each of you, if you're still here, I apologize for the wait from the bottom of my heart. The truth is, I didn't think I could write this chapter, as it was going to be a sex scene. It takes real mastery of storytelling to write a sex scene that doesn't cheapen or detract from the relationship it's meant to portray…mastery I may strive for, but can never be sure I will actually attain. And so, after all this time, I've decided to work around it. There are some snippets of the chapter that I did manage to write, which I will give to you here. First, how it was supposed to begin:

They broke apart after a minute but didn't pull back, resting their foreheads together. They looked into each other's eyes; neither of them spoke. They didn't need to.

They never had.

Going home was so easy, so simple, almost reflex. How many times had he gone home with her, spent the night in her apartment? Months' worth of nights. It didn't feel in any way unusual or even noteworthy.

But back then he had been there because she needed his help. Tonight was different. Tonight, she just needed him - as he needed her.

They barely made it through the door before their lips locked together again; neither of them wanted to wait, stop, slow down, anything.

Then there was going to be a part where they're undressing each other and Lisbon sort of pulls away, and then this happens:

She stiffened. He pulled back, meeting her eyes questioningly, though they didn't need words. What he saw in those green eyes was fear.

Fear? Why…?

And then he remembered.

He kissed her again, gently, taking his hands back and moving to take off his own shirt. She kissed him back, her own hands coming up to help him with the buttons of his vest and shirt, pushing the fabric off, a half-moan at the back of her throat. When the clothes dropped to the floor and his upper body was bare, he took her right hand in his left, still kissing her, and brought her hand to the back of his left shoulder.

She followed his guidance, and almost immediately found a lump of flesh that felt all too familiar. She traced her hand over the left side of his back, finding an enormous, starburst-shaped scar that covered essentially his entire left shoulderblade. It was far larger than any of hers, even the one Red John had given her out of rage.

"…his body should heal with significant scarring…"

She remembered, then, how close he himself had come to death, how her abuse hadn't been the only suffering he'd been through after getting shot…and slowly, she relaxed into him. It was okay. They both had scars. If there was anyone she would feel comfortable baring hers to, it was Patrick Jane.

And then after the fact, there was going to be an equally-long scene of them talking, which was the part that was really important but I still only managed to write a bit of:

"I love you."

"It's about time you admitted it."

Lisbon shifted so she could look him in the eye. "Hmh?" she questioned.

Jane chuckled. "Come on," he teased, stroking her bare arm, "you've been in love with me since the first time we closed a case together."

Lisbon groaned. "Why does everyone think that?" she asked exasperatedly.

"Maybe because it's true?" Jane suggested, grinning.

"Do you always answer a question with a question?"

Jane laughed. "That wasn't really a question," he pointed out.

"Whatever."

Jane took only a moment to chuckle before pulling her closer and kissing her deeply. Despite her words, she didn't even try to pretend that she wanted him to stop, instead kissing him back, as she had all night.

"I love you, too," Jane said when at last they broke apart again.

I wouldn't even be giving those snippets if not for the fact that I know the fans have been waiting for this for a long time.

There was an important thing that I couldn't manage to write, so I'll give a summary here: Lisbon comments on how she's going to be fired, and Jane very seriously tells her that no, he's not going to let that happen. She points out that she's his boss, and he gives her three counterpoints: One, no one has to know about them (to which she protests that it's wrong); two, he's Patrick Jane, he can get away with whatever (to which she protests that she doesn't want special treatment just because of his fame); and three, that if worst comes to worst and there must be consequences, HE will take the fall for it, not her, because he knows her job is everything to her and he absolutely will not cost her it.

I never forgot this series, nor did I ever forget the fans who were on the edge of their seats over it and for whom I could never get chapters out fast enough. I just wanted to do this relationship justice, and I think it's clear that I will never feel that I can, so I won't try. Instead, let's move on. The next chapter is written, but I'll leave this up for a week before posting it to give the fans a chance to return. I still (mostly) remember how I planned for this story to go, and though I cringe at the cheese levels of this series in hindsight, for the fans, I will write the rest of it as it was originally intended. Let it also be known that there is going to be one more installment of the series after this one is done, and there may be more if the fans are still here and ask for it.

Thank you everyone for your support and patience, if you still have any. On with the show!