I write from the ruins of Ostagar. I had to tell Cailen my father was dead. He said he'd bring the army to kill him as soon as he was finished with the Darkspawn. I think I may have been a bit to harsh to him. But he took it in stride. Whatever else they say about him our King is a good man. His Majesty told me that Fergus and Highover Cavalry are out scouting in the wilds. I won't be able to talk with him until after the battle is over.
Honestly I was not eager to see him. How do you tell a man his wife and child are dead. Will he feel the same hole in his heart that I've felt? In a way it's almost like I'll be wounding him. I felt this deep pain in my chest. I never thought heartbreak could be so literal. And the way he'll look at me. He won't scream at me, call me a failure, or ask why I was fucking Dairen instead of protecting his wife and child. But he'll think those things and I'll know it.
Dam it here I am wallowing in self pity instead of being greatful for having survived. Nan would have whacked me over the head and told me to stop moping around.
Ostagar is beautiful in a cold, ruined, desolate sort of way. Oriana would have wanted to make a painting of it. It's fitting we face the Darkspawn here, given that it's the Vints dam fault the Darkspawn exist at all.
The Circle of Magi are here , as is also fitting, and accompanying them are of course the usual horde of Templars. The Grand Cleric is here as well. You can't swing a cat and not hit somebody important in Ostagar.
I talked to one, a woman by the name of Wyne. She was nice, I imagine my Grandmother would look like her, had she lived to see that age.
Duncan wants me to complete a secret ritual called "the joining". Suposedly it is quite dangerous. It would be sort of funny for me to survive all this and then die now. Then again we are staring death in the face just across the valley. Odd that an army about to face Darkspawn is the safest place for me right now.
The King wants to end the Bligh with a single decisive battle. Teyrn Logain is not convinced nor is Duncan, who wants to wait for reinforcements from the Grey Wardens of Orlais, or even just Redcliffe's men. But our monarch is confident of victory. But the Ash Warrior scouts speak of a vast horde. Hopefully the walls of Ostagar will protect us. Maker I hope Fergus is alright.
It is rumored that the King and the Teyrn quarrel over more than just battle strategies. I spoke with Logain. He seems harried, almost tired. He doesn't seem to think as highly of the Wardens as Maric did. I have to agree with him about strategy, based on history the idea of ending a Blight in one day sounds rather foolish. He doesn't seem to be aware that Duncan shares most of his concerns. Were the two to join forces I am almost certain they could sway the King.
A soldier with a fabulous beard, by the name of Hawke,flagged me down. Apparently they locked up some poor bastard for deserting, but forgot to send the guards anything to feed him with. I had to go convince the man guarding him to give the poor sod his lunch. Is this the kind of drudgery they'll expect of me as a Grey Warden?
Duncan wanted me to speak to a Warden named Alistair about the joining, but I couldn't find him, so I was stuck wandering around the camp, which as you can see from above hasn't exactly been boring. I also ran into the two other recruits in my "class." Daveth is a street tough from the capital who Duncan saved from execution. The very fact that in happier times I would have even considered fucking him fills me with repulsion. He thinks that Duncan intends to send us out into the wilds. Maker this day gets more and more eventful.
The other was Jorry, who I would never under any circumstances at any point of my life considered fucking. He's a Knight from Redcliffe, one of Arl Eamon's Knights. Unlike Daveth he appears thrilled at the prospect of being a Warden. So much so that he left his pregnant wife, a Highover girl by the name of Helena, who he adores, in Redcliffe to join the cause. To be fair he says he will return to her when the war is done. I think Helena was the name of one of the daughters of Ser Jacen Forth, the Master of arms at Highover until he retired a few years ago.
I have never heard of Wardens leaving the order in any circumstances that didn't involved their death. Jory doesn't seem like the brightest bulb on the tree, but he is committed to the cause, and I suspect, a good soul. Plus he won the grand mele of Highover, so he must have some talent. Fergus would have won if he hadn't been to sick to compete.
I still haven't been able to find Alister so I've stopped for a bit to have lunch with some Ash warriors and write. I'll go talk to Duncan about this when I finish my meal.