Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.
A massive thank you to my readers and reviewers.
Dear Voldemort,
Last night I contacted your mother again via Ouija board she told me to tell you that she's proud of you and it's time to settle down an get a wife you are not getting any younger. I tried telling her that she's dead and doesn't get a say in your life, but what can I say she is a very argumentive woman. I talked to your father for a while too, but I am too much of gentleman to repeat the message he gave me. I don't think he has forgiven you for the whole killing him thing.
I also took the time to contact Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor, which was rather interesting because apparently Salazar didn't have a problem with Muggleborns in fact he married one and he has no idea,where people got the idea that he he and Godric never fell out the reason he left Hogwarts was to go on holiday and the reason he didn't return was because he died a tragic but hilarious death that I promised never to reveal.
So basically the majority of the problems of the wizarding world is because of something that isn't true.
Harry Potter.
Dear Potter,
Tell my mother, I'll do whatever I want and tell my father, I wish he were alive so I could kill him again.
Yeah, I already knew the truth about Salazar and Godric I just didn't say anything because basically I just didn't want to.
The Dark Lord.
Dear Voldemort,
I'd say I'm surprised that you would say nothing and choose to use the lie as a way to get others to follow you, but after speaking to your parents nothing anything anyone in your family does shocks me.
Anyway, I'm off to help the pineapples defeat the lemons so they can take back mash potato mountain.
Harry Potter.