The Private Chef Max

by ya-fic

What if Fran was the rich one with kids and Maxwell was the underdog looking for a job? What if Niles was the Broadway producer and C.C. was the maid? When a chandelier falls on Fran and Maxwell, the knock to the head has them dreaming of just that scenario. This story is script style and meant to mimic an episode of the show. Please share your feedback!

3. Act II

ACT II

INT. KITCHEN - DAY - LATER

Maxwell backs into the kitchen from the back door. He hauls
a vacuum and a duffel bag. C.C. watches a moment.

C.C.
(shouting)
Miss Fine! Your sucker is here!

Maxwell turns back to face her.

MAXWELL
Pardon me?

C.C.
Oh, sorry, I can't. You've already
been sentenced.

MAXWELL
Meaning?

C.C.
Miss Fine has designs on you.

MAXWELL
As a sales man?

C.C.
Well, you're half right.

Maxwell raises his eyebrows.

MAXWELL
So you're telling me a rich,
beautiful woman is interested in
me? I'll take ten to life.

He laughs to himself.

C.C.
Oh, she's interested. Until she's
not. Then you'll be kicked to the
curb quicker than you can say
conjugal visit.

Maxwell frowns.

C.C. (CONT'D)
Miss Fine! Yoo-Hooooo-ver.

Another knock at the backdoor sounds.

C.C. (CONT'D)
Oh, that'll be the new chef.

MAXWELL
Chef? You need a new chef?

C.C.
No. Because we have one.

She moves toward the door. Maxwell stands in her way.

MAXWELL
Hang on. I'm a chef.

C.C.
Of course, you are.
(beat)
You need to leave.

MAXWELL
But why?

C.C.
She hires you. She sleeps with
you. She fires you. Let's just cut
out the middle man-that would be
you-And we'll just go straight to
the other guy outside.

She side steps him and opens the door to a rotund and
smiling man in chef whites.

MAXWELL
We'll need you to cook everything
in the microwave.

The chef scowls and does an about face. C.C. turns back to
him, frowning.

MAXWELL (CONT'D)
Just give me a shot. Let me cook
something for you.

Fran walks in.

FRAN
A detachable hose and he cooks?

Maxwell walks over to her.

MAXWELL
But mostly, he cooks.

FRAN
I'm confused. I thought you were
the hunky vacuum sales guy.

MAXWELL
Well, you're half right. Er, a
third right? One out of four words
so more like...

FRAN
Twenty-five percent.

MAXWELL
Beautiful and she does math?

FRAN
But mostly, she's beautiful.

She gives him a flirtatious Fran giggle. C.C. scoffs.

MAXWELL
Look, the point is, I cook. I'm a
cook. A chef. I'm just selling
vacuums to make ends meet while I
look for a job here in New York.
See, I was working for my
girlfriend in a Bethnal Green
bakery, but she dumped me for
another pastry chef and-

FRAN
Well there's that down-and-out
part Gracie mentioned. I wonder if
we can get her reading tea leaves.

MAXWELL
Please, Miss Fine. Just let me
cook something for you.

FRAN
Sure. I could use a little nosh.

MAXWELL
Oh, thank you. Thank you. You
won't regret it.

He goes to the fridge.

C.C.
No, but you might.

Maxwell opens the fridge, but it's empty.

MAXWELL
Why, it's empty.

He goes to the cupboards and opens them. Niles enters.

MAXWELL (CONT'D)
And the cupboards are bare.

FRAN
Yeah, well, the personal chef is
also the personal shopper.

MAXWELL
And what exactly does she do?

He thumbs toward C.C.

NILES
Oh, we've been trying to figure
that out for years. Now, what's
going on here? And who turned the
vaccum cleaner guy into old Mother
Hubbard?

FRAN
Oh, Niles, listen to this. It
turns out Mr. Sheffield here is a
personal chef.

NILES
Uh oh.

FRAN
He's going to cook a little
something for us.

C.C.
A very little something
considering the contents of the
cabinets... and the size of this
guy's hands.

Maxwell looks at her condescendingly.

MAXWELL
We can't all have large, strong
man-hands like you..

NILES
Oh, yes, he'll fit right in.

MAXWELL
Okay, plan B. If you don't have
ingredients. Let's go with
flavors, okay?

He goes over to his bag and starts digging out a lunch bag.
He pulls out a few items and moves over to the table. He
waves her over.

Fran looks at him curiously, but takes a seat. He sits next
to her and lays out a few item: a sliced green apple, a jar
of honey, some brie wrapped in wax paper.

Niles and C.C. watch from across the room.

MAXWELL (CONT'D)
The secret to the culinary arts is
flavor. A little bit of bitter, a little
bit of sweet... and just a tad of
funk.

He cuts off a chunk of the brie.

NILES
(to C.C.)
Is he talking about you?

C.C.
Aw, you think I'm sweet?

Niles glances at her, but says nothing.

Maxwell holds up a slice of apple with the brie. He
drizzles it with honey.

MAXWELL
Uh, may I?

He holds it up toward Fran's mouth.

FRAN
Yes, you may.

She giggles again a he moves the treat toward her mouth.
She takes the bite sensuously. He stares at her a moment,
but then blinks and takes a deep breath.

MAXWELL
What do you-

FRAN
Oh, honey, you are hired.

NILES
He's not going to hand feed you
every meal, you know.

FRAN
You haven't seen the contract.

Maxwell arches a nervous eyebrow.

FADE TO:

INT. DINING ROOM - MORNING

The gang is gathered around the table, eating a luxurious
breakfast.

FRAN
Ya see, kids. This guy's a keeper.

Grace
(simultaneous)
Until you fall in love with him.

NILES
(simultaneous)
Until you fall in bed with him.

Grace
What'd you say?

NILES
What'd you say?

FRAN
Look, both of you. I'm not falling
in love with him...
(eyeing Niles)
Or the other thing.

Maxwell enters with another plate of food.

MAXWELL
Now, I've never made latkes so I
hope you'll be forgiving.

He serves one to Fran first then makes his way around. She
takes a bite and clearly loves it.

FRAN
What I said about the thing...
(to Niles)
And the other thing...
(through another bite)
I may have to reconsider.

She continues eating happily.

BRIGHTON
These are so good, I may have to
reconsider.

MAXWELL
Thank you Master Brighton.
Reconsider what?

FRAN
Never mind. The point is, Mr.
Sheffield, we want to keep you
around for a very long time. And
none of us are going to do
anything to screw that up.

MAXWELL
I hope I won't either, Miss Fine.

Fran and Maxwell look at each other for a long beat.

FADE TO BLACK.

END OF ACT