~Hard days, cold nights
Staring down at an empty cup like
I'ma fill, I'ma fill it up
All day, all night
Ten feet down nearly my whole life
But I'll be rising, rising up~
-NF

~SH~

I shoved the invading thoughts into the back of my mind and concentrated on happier things.

For instance, the food that would be in my hands, as soon as a worker from the pizza place threw out their soggy slices of heaven into the trash bin.

How people could just throw away perfectly good food was beyond me.

People were so wasteful; they didn't value what they had. It was sad really, seeing them grow more and more ignorant each day.

I always wondered why people were so oblivious to everything. They just chose to ignore. Ignoring was always the easy way out.

But they knew homeless people were out there.

They saw me and others pass the streets in our insufficient clothing, unprotected from the harsh temperatures.

They saw our emaciated faces, our hopeless eyes, which once held the hopes of a better life. They knew we existed, and I asked myself how people could be cruel enough to deny us our only source of food. They always called the cops when they saw me going through their trashes and, I was not the fastest runner with my limping leg.

So I had to be very careful each time to not get busted. Every time I got caught they'd take me to the police station, only to let me go on my merry way a few hours later.

I just wished they'd place the leftovers next to the trash as the chicken place did for street cats with the bones of their eaten chicken wings, so I didn't have to dig in the garbage. They should know by now, that I'll just keep coming back.

They always had the most edible food in the area and didn't soak their pizzas with dishwashing water. I used to go to the soup kitchen a few miles from here, but it was always full. The chances of not getting something to eat were high. With my limp, it took me around one hour to get there. However, the part of the town of the soup kitchen wasn't very safe for an unprotected girl like me, and I couldn't stay there. So I tried to stay clear of that district as much as I could.

I liked busy streets, with lots of restaurants or shopping malls nearby. They made me feel safer. They were also the best places to beg for money, especially when they were full and everyone was in the spirit of the holidays, as they were this time of year. Christmas seemed to make people more generous than usual and I guess they pitied me more. But I didn't really 'beg' in the literal sense. I just sat down at some corner and looked at the ground for hours. I didn't look them in the eye or make them notice me and I most certainly didn't ask them.

I didn't speak.

With anyone.

Ever.

Period.

I haven't had a reason to in all the years since I'd been on my own.

I came to the conclusion that the ones that really wanted to spare me a few bucks would do so and otherwise there was no need to make myself seem more desperate or pathetic than I already was, or for them to feel uncomfortable when being asked for money by a stranger. Begging never really sealed the deal.

Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by the creak of the old rusty door. I didn't dare look up from my place on the ground as I heard the footsteps of someone coming nearer. Even though I knew I was safely hidden from the view of whoever was standing on the other side, my pulse started to quicken.

When I saw the silhouette of a person's shadow, I felt my heart jump into my throat. I held my breath and watched as the shadow lifted up its arms and threw what I assumed to be a garbage bag into the dumpster. While I listened to the retreating sound of shoes, my heart started to slow down and endorphin started to spread in my body.

Finally, salvation!

Once I made sure that no one would come back out, I slowly crept from my hiding spot. Leaning over the dumpster I saw a variety of pizza slices, some still intact, while others had some bite marks. I took the first one I could grab and stuffed it into my watering mouth like an animal. Everything tasted like heaven, after going without food for a long time. Even some cold pizza.

Moaning from the amazing taste I took as many as I could and stuffed them in my beat-up knapsack. I didn't care about the sauce ruining anything inside my bag. It was all dirty anyway.

After having found enough food to keep me going for at least a couple of days, I started to slowly make my way towards my favorite alley. It was secluded, dark, and didn't attract any attention. And most importantly I was alone there. Not many homeless choose to linger in some suburb of New York. Nevertheless, I always tried to be as cautious as possible, so I kept my eyes open for any potential threats.

While I walked the dark streets of New York City on my own, I longed for someone to be by my side at moments like this. Or better yet, any moment. However, I, never in my life, would approach anyone. Homeless couldn't be trusted and mostly kept to themselves just like me. The 'normal ones' saw me as an abnormality and mostly decided to steer clear of me. Others thought it necessary to make my life harder than it already was and point out that I was basically worthless. As if I didn't know that already. I understood it though. Judging was part of humanity.

One time, when I was 14 years old, some older boys followed me wherever I went, always close behind me, bashing me for my looks and calling me a 'whore'. I must admit, I have no idea what that means. My mother used to call me that too, so I guess it wasn't anything nice, but I was always too scared to ask and after deciding to stay mute, the opportunity just never arose. They even asked me why I didn't just kill myself.

But how could I, without finding the true purpose of my life. God sent me on this earth for a reason. I know there has to be one. I didn't survive all this time just to give up at the end of the day. When my end was near, I'd accept it, but I'll never commit suicide and interfere with Gods plan for myself. There has to be something. I know it.

Arriving at my destination, I quickly let myself be welcomed by the shadows of darkness that the alley provided. Sitting down at the far corner, I took out another slice of pizza and started to devour the stale food. I had to remind myself to eat slowly, in order to not to get sick and let the tastes linger on my tongue. It wasn't every day, that I ate a feast like this. Mostly I just ate the peels of oranges or some other fruit, that I could find in public trash bins.

After I finished my second slice, I resisted the urge to take another one. I had to be reasonable. You never knew what could happen between today and tomorrow. I may need it later. At least the awful cramps had disappeared, to some extent.

As I laid down on the cold, hard ground, I couldn't help but think that I never understood this crazy world of ours. There were so many things wrong in it. There was so much pain, so much agony. For everyone.

With these thoughts I drifted into a light sleep, praying for everyone to get what they longed for in life. For a better life for myself and anyone else who needed it.

I was woken up by fast footsteps coming my way. Opening my eyes, I saw a tall figure run into my alley and crouch down on the ground, obviously hiding from someone. While my place in the back gave me privacy, I knew the tall figure would spot me as soon as it turned its head to the left. Although I knew there was a small chance, I hoped that whoever it was would leave without noticing me.

Once the rapid breathing of the person started to slow down, he started to stand up and move down the alley. He turned his face into my direction. I could see his silhouette now. He was tall but thin. His proportions had already given away that he was a male. But that didn't really matter. Men didn't scare me more than women did. When it came to identifying a threat, gender wasn't really important for me. I had seen harm from both. Men just had the advantage of being more muscular.

I curled in on myself and tried to make myself as small as possible, crossing my arms on my bent knees and hiding my head in between them.

I observed the man, as he did me. Each trying to figure out the next move of the other. Couldn't he see that he scared me? I just wanted to lay here and get some hours of sleep, only to start the next day the same way, as I did for all my life.

Moving towards me, he started to retreat from where the light hit him in the back, making it impossible for me to see his face.

Once he was only a few feet from me, I stayed as still as I could, not even moving an inch. I couldn't scream. Who would come anyway? See, all pointless. And I couldn't run with my useless foot. Walking already was a difficulty by itself.

He was beautiful. He had brown hair I think, but it was hard to see in the dimmed light. The highest cheekbones I had ever seen. His eyes were either a light blue or green, not dark like mine. He spotted a light beard but appeared to be young nevertheless. Must be around my age I think. I was eighteen, I knew that. I had to keep track of something out here after all. He was too, I think.

He was dressed in a thick jacket, some jeans that probably got ripped when he threw himself on the ground a few moments ago and wore brogue shoes. He looked clean, most importantly. He didn't strike me to be homeless. He obviously was clad appropriately for the season.

I don't know how much time had passed while I started watching him, but it must have been a while since he was now nearer than before.

Realizing that I wouldn't say anything, he started to open his mouth, ready to solve some of the mystery that involved his very presence.

A/N: I would like to thank everyone, that took his or her time to look at my story so far and to the few, that PMed me.

Special thanks to justfandomwritings, who has beta-ed this chapter for me.
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