~Rows of houses, all bearing down on me
I can feel their blue hands touching me~
-Radiohead

~SH~

"What the hell, who the fuck are you?" he exclaimed, scaring me in the process.

He had a very rough voice, raspy and dry.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do now, or how I should act.

It was obvious to me that I wouldn't answer him, that I wouldn't utter a single word. But he couldn't know that, just as I didn't know a single thing about him.

And that's why I choose to just stare at him and cower further into the wall.

Noticing that I was afraid of him and the whole situation, he said "Shit, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I don't mean you any harm. I just was startled when I suddenly saw you there on the ground. What are you even doing here all by yourself?"

I wonder what he expected me to say if I would have spoken.

That I liked to spent my nights all alone on my own in a dark cold alley? That I had fun nearly freezing to death?

I continued to stare at him, clearly making him uncomfortable.

He shifted from foot to foot and started speaking again.

"Not much of a talker huh. That's cool, I guess. Mind if I stay here for a while?", he asked.

"It's not like, that you own this alley or anything, so technically you don't have a right to deny me. But I try to stay polite, you know? So I'm just gonna sit down, hide from those crazy fuckers that chased me down here and mind my own business. So you better don't mind me. I'm just going to lay down and not let anything bother me."

He sat down a few feet away from me at the opposite wall.

Bending one knee, he laid his arm on it, leaned his head back and closed his eyes. His expression and posture relaxing immediately.

I wish I could be able to let myself loose as he did in a matter of mere seconds. But that's impossible for me. I always need to be aware of my surrounding.

At all times. Period.

My carelessness, however short it may be, could potentially mean my ending.

I won't even think about the evil and corruption that is lingering on these streets.

To be honest, I didn't know what I was supposed to do now. This was something that totally threw of my daily routine. He came to my sanctuary.

He invaded my 'personal' space.

It was the first time in a long while, that I didn't sleep all alone.

I was still tired and wanted to go back to sleep.

Since the sky was still dark I guessed that I had only slept for around an hour, more or less. But I was afraid of what would happen if I'd continue my slumber.

Although my belongings were not much, they meant a great deal to me. My bag contained a crumbled water bottle I found in a trash bin, that I fill up at public toilets so I could always have water with me.

I also had a spare hoodie, that was in pretty good condition, only spotting a couple of holes and that was overall clean. I had gotten it a couple of months ago at a charity place I sometimes visited when they had their monthly event where they handed out clothes for the poor and homeless.

Yet, the most important thing I had was a cheap silver-ish necklace my mother had gotten me at a store, that sold everything for a dollar. I was maybe five and we had already been living on the streets. I can't really remember a time when we didn't. The necklace may not have much material value, but more so an ideational, spiritual meaning, that meant more to me than anything else.

I cried when the thin chain broke as I tried to comb through my hair and it got stuck on my finger as I pulled. The two small heart pendants were scratched and the once shiny material had turned matt over time. But I still protected it with my life as a prized possession. It was the only reminder of my mother I had before she disappeared out of my life and went to heaven.

Let's not forget about the many pizza slices I had in my bag. I didn't count when I put them in my knapsack, but I guess that I got around six in there.

So you see, I couldn't leave my bag unprotected next to a stranger I knew nothing about while being asleep.

Letting out a sigh, I decided not to test the waters and stay awake for some hours. He had to leave at some point.

Hearing that I was still awake, he started to shift and opened his eyes. He stared at me for a long time and asked "You can't sleep either, huh? It's hard to on this cold-ass ground. If I had the means, and a dog that I don't have, I wouldn't even let my dog sleep here. How can I sleep this way? I need a fucking bed." he whined, complaining about the circumstances.

While I wasn't sure before, when I studied his appearance, I now knew for sure from his behavior, that he definitely wasn't homeless or used to the lifestyle.

"How do people like you do this? I mean, sleep on the floor every day. My back is killing me and it's only been a couple of nights. I'm gonna buy a freaking mattress for nights like this. Getting a job isn't as easy as I thought."

I should have told him that it was hard, sleeping on the floor every night. That you never got used to it but learned to endure and live with the pain. I should have told him that buying a mattress was a waste of money. That the local bums would take it from him as soon as they got wind of it. And most importantly, I should tell him that getting a job was not only not easy, but it was also nearly impossible. If you wanted a job, you needed an address, a home. That no job meant no money. That no money meant no food, no mattress, no home. It was all a vicious, never-ending circle.

But I didn't. After all, I couldn't help him. I guess he would have to find out the hard way, of how the things out here worked.

But as of for the sleeping problem, I may show him the way. He obviously was new to all this and it hurt me to see someone share the share the same fate as me.

I moved a little and showed him what laid under me. Those who live on the streets know the value of a cardboard piece very well. Those people knew that it was the only thing out here, that we could use as a poor substitute for a bed.

"Oh. Any idea where I can find a cardboard like that? You would know, wouldn't you?"

I looked down as I started to blush when he once again reminded me of my homeless status. He had made a similar comment before, but I had tried to let it slide by. Yet, I couldn't ignore it this time.

Seeing that I was ashamed he quickly replied "Fuck, shit! I shouldn't have said that. But honestly, I need one of those. I can't know how long I'll have to stay like this. How long have you been on the streets? You don't look that old to me."

He didn't seem to have caught on to the fact that I didn't speak. Was he really still asking or using rhetorical questions to kill the silence with?

"If I would have to guess, I'd say you're about sixteen-ish. I'm seventeen. Oh and I'm Edward by the way. If you decide to ever talk to me, I'd have to kill you when you call me Eddie or Ed. Just Edward. Plain and simple, got it? Good."

"Hey, you know what? We can share your cardboard. I can lay down next to you. That way you and I will be able to get some sleep. That alright for you?"

I imagined my eyes were as big as saucers when he finished speaking. He couldn't be serious. It had been years that I had let someone physically get close to me oy my own free will. I couldn't even remember the last time since I was so young then.

And for the first time, I gave him a direct answer to something he said and quickly shook my head no.

"Why, carina? I won't hurt you. I won't even touch you. I swear. If I'd wanted to you definitely would have known, I can assure you that. Just move a little. I'm cold as fuck and if you don't want to wake up next to a dead body the next morning, you'll just have to make a little space for good old me. You're not even that large, and thin as a stick. Come on. Move."

He was starting to exaggerate and became commanding. I knew that if he wanted to, he just could have shoved me aside and taken it from me. But he didn't and actions spoke louder than words.

He was obviously desperate for some shelter from the cold at this ungodly hour in this dirty little alley and I started to wonder if this was some kind of test from God. I wondered if I was being watched right now and my compassion and mercy for others were put on a test.

"I swear to God and all that is holy, that I won't harm or touch you. Promise."

He may not have been aware of it, but he said the right thing at the right moment. God had my endless trust and somehow, I took that as a sign.

It may sound crazy, but I strangely got the feeling that I could trust him. That he didn't mean any harm and truly just longed for a warmer place.

I shifted to the left and made space on the right side from me, signaling him with my head that he was welcome to accompany me.

He stood up and was next to me in a matter of seconds, sitting down next to me.

"Want to snuggle up? That way we'll be warmer."

I moved to stand up immediately, trying to get away from him, as soon as possible.

Suddenly he pulled on my arm and jerked me back. Startled, I cowered away from him on my knees. My heart was pounding in my ears.

"Shit, sorry. Hell, I was just joking. Alright, carina. I got the message, no touching."

I nodded rapidly. After a couple of moments, I started to move closer to him and sat back down where I was before. I pressed my bag close to my chest, bent my knees and put my arms on them. Hiding my head in between my arms I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on my breathing to get my mind off things and fall asleep faster.

A lot of time went by and I wasn't able to fall asleep. My body was exhausted and longed for some sweet hours of sleep, but my thoughts were loud in my head, demanding my attention and didn't go away.

I thought Edward had fallen asleep, but I was proven wrong when a loud grumble broke the silence. And for once, it didn't come from me.

"Man, I'm hungry. Hey over there skinny, you got anything to eat? "

My small selfish-self wanted to lie and deny my possession of food.

He called me skinny. So shouldn't he come to the conclusion that I didn't have any means to feed myself on a daily basis?

And now he's asking me if I got anything to eat.

Today was an exception and probably his lucky day.

Or not, considering him being here.

I was aware of the effort and chances it took me, to get to the food I had in my possession now.

I should be selfish right? I had a right to be.

But my consciousness also told me, that I of all people, should know that hunger wasn't a feeling that you ever got used to. That it only got worse as time passed. That it wouldn't let you sleep, till you fed the monster.

So again, I did something totally out of character to me and started to open my bag. When I pulled out a slice of pizza he immediately sat up straight and looked at me with huge eyes.

I thought his expression to be pretty funny but didn't let my emotions show and looked at him through neutral eyes.

"What? I didn't expect you to actually have anything, much less give me something to eat. I can't accept. I was kidding. Keep that to yourself. You have already given me a place to stay, eh." he said, smiling a crooked smile.

"I mean, why would you even do that. You should just send me away. Or run away yourself. Something, right? You know that your reaction is not normal right? Don't you have any self-preservation? You need to watch out. It's dangerous out here, you know?"

Oh, how he didn't know that I have been here longer than I'd like to ever admit.

I held out the food in front of his face and urged him with my eyes to just take it.

After hesitating a moment, he took the slice from me without touching my hands.

After debating with myself for a couple of minutes, I showed him the full content of my bag and that I still had enough for myself and that it was perfectly acceptable for him to take one.

So while he started to eat, I moved to my earlier position so I could go back to sleep. As far away from him as possible in this situation.

I closed my eyes and started to slowly drift into oblivion. That's when I heard a quiet

"Thanks." in the back of my mind, before finally being pulled into peaceful darkness.

He sure did talk a lot.

~SH~

A/N:

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love, melli :)