Not All Perfect

AJ woke up the next morning in her bed, lifting her head as she looked at the empty space beside her. She couldn't remember falling asleep. She remembered lying down with the girls watching a movie and listening to every little noise in the house. She hadn't felt this way in a long time and she was surprised she even fell asleep.

She got out of bed and immediately headed downstairs where she assumed the girls would be, walking into the kitchen where they were sitting. She noticed the bottle of whiskey which she had sat on the table was now gone and she immediately questioned the girls.

"There was a glass bottle here." AJ said as they looked at her, "Did you guys touch it?" She asked them.

"We were playing hide and seek with it." Raimy nodded.

"Where is it?" AJ questioned, not amused as Raimy looked at her.

"I can't say." Raimy said, "Viv has to find it." She said.

"Tell me where it is right now." AJ said sternly as Vivian looked at her sister worriedly. It wasn't often they heard their mother speaking serious and tough with them, but when she did, it sure scared them.

"Under the couch." Raimy mumbled as AJ walked off into the living room, crouching down and taking the bottle from under the couch, walking back into the kitchen holding it.

"You don't touch this. Do you understand me? Both of you." She warned as they both nodded.

"Why not?" Vivian asked, watching her mother sit it away in one of the high cupboards.

"Because it's not for you and you just shouldn't touch it because I say so. Ok?" AJ said as they both just nodded, "Have you… have you guys had breakfast?" She asked them, rubbing her hand over her forehead tiredly.

"No." Vivian answered right away, "What will you make us?" She asked her.

"Why don't I make you guys something special and you go into the living room and wait?" AJ asked them, "Stick on the TV or something." She nodded.

"Ok." Vivian hummed, jumping off her chair and running off into the living room whilst Raimy took a little longer. Even though she was still little, she sensed things more than her sister did for sure.

"Mommy." Raimy said.

"What, baby?" AJ looked at her.

"Are we in trouble?" She wondered.

"What?" AJ shook her head, "No… no of course you're not." AJ shook her head, "No, I'm just… I just don't want you guys touching that bottle, ok?" She nodded, "Adult stuff." She made a funny face as Raimy smiled and nodded, "Go on, go get your sister." She said, leaning down and kissing her head as Raimy left the kitchen and headed into the living room.

Once she had disappeared AJ had picked up her phone. There was no way she could keep this to herself.

"How do you know it's from them?" Coleen asked, sitting at the kitchen table, looking at the bottle of whiskey.

"Because that's their company name." AJ said, "And who else is gonna leave a bottle of whiskey on my door step?" She shook her head as Coleen looked at her.

"What are you going to do?" She asked as AJ shook her head, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"I… I have no idea. I haven't felt like this in so long. I forgot how it felt to be scared." She shook her head, "I used to just blank it out but I can't do that with two kids." She sighed.

"Why now?" Coleen shook her head, "It's been like… what? Almost six years?" She shook her head.

"I don't know." AJ shook her head. Not knowing was the worst part about all of this.

"Are you gonna call Phil?" Coleen asked her.

"No, I'll wait until he's home." AJ nodded, "If I called him and told him he would come home and… I don't want that. It's not urgent. It's not like we're in danger."

"Well you don't know that." Coleen pointed out as AJ looked at her, "What? You said it yourself, you have two children. It's not just you anymore."

"I know that." AJ said, "I can protect them and myself." AJ nodded, "Phil is home in a few days, I'll tell him then." She said, "We've kept an eye on them. Up until last year. And everything was fine. Teresa, Johnny's wife, she was running the company and… and it was fine." AJ said, "We didn't have to worry."

"Well you gotta watch with these families, April." Coleen said, "You especially should know how people plot out things." She said, "What could they want?"

"I don't know, Coleen. Maybe to kill me?" AJ questioned, "Or Phil. Both of us?" She sighed, "I don't know."

With settling down and retiring from the life she used to live where she knew everything that was going on around her, it meant she was almost in the dark. She didn't keep tabs on people like before, she didn't keep a gun in their house, she didn't do any of that stuff because she thought they were safe.

"Well when Phil gets back, what are you gonna do?" Coleen asked.

"I don't know." AJ sighed, running her hand through her hair, "We could try taking them down before they get a chance to get at us." She shrugged.

"You look flustered." Coleen admitted.

"Yeah well mom April doesn't know how to deal with this stuff anymore." AJ shook her head. She'd spent the past five, almost six years enjoying her life with her family, reaching new goals, creating fond memories, starting her business and doing so much great things. Having this negativity back in her life like before was hard to deal with.

"Mom April is just as badass as April before." Coleen nodded, "And you got this. Maybe they're just trying to scare you." She said, trying to reassure AJ.

"I don't know." AJ shook her head, "I cancelled the girls today. We were supposed to go to the movies but I just… I don't want to leave the house." She rolled her eyes.

"Hey, you can't do that to yourself." Coleen said, "You can't stop living your life."

"I know." AJ sighed, "It's just until Phil gets home. And plus I promised them we'd watch movies here. I think they prefer it." She said.

"I can stay with you if you like." Coleen nodded.

"Yeah, the girls would like that. Plus I might… go into the CIA offices and… see if I can get anything on Teresa." She nodded.

"Is that a good idea?" Coleen questioned.

"I can't just sit and do nothing, and not know anything." AJ shook her head.

"Ok, but this is where you still need to be mom April and not silent assassin April." Coleen said.

"I won't be long." AJ assured her as Coleen just nodded.

"Ok." Coleen nodded.

"My head is killing me." Dean groaned, walking out of the bathroom in his and Punk's hotel room whilst Punk sat on the edge of his bed.

"One too many beers?" Punk questioned.

"Maybe." Dean grumbled, "Who were you speaking to so early on this morning?" He asked.

"Those little things called my children." Punk nodded, "They facetimed me when they woke up. Must have gotten a hold of AJ's phone." He said, "Said they were playing hide and seek with a bottle." He rolled his eyes.

"Sounds fun." Dean scoffed, "What's it like being a dad?" He questioned as Punk turned to him.

"Why? Who'd you get pregnant?" Punk shook his head.

"No one." Dean laughed, "I'm just wondering. You make it look easy but, some other guys in the office look miserable when they say they're going home." He said, "What's your secret?"

"The secret is… me and April are happy. I love her and I love raising the girls with her." He shrugged, "They're my kids, I'd do anything for them. Anyone who doesn't feel that way about their kids just… shouldn't have them." He shook his head as Dean nodded.

"You ever think things would turn out this way between you and April? I mean… when we first met her." He said.

"No, I couldn't have predicted any of this." Punk laughed a little, "We've come a long way."

"She's come a long way." Dean nodded, "She's definitely changed over the years."

"You think?" Punk asked, "She hasn't really." He shrugged.

"She has." Dean said, "I don't know if it's the kids or if it's the new business she has… but she's not that same girl we met in Russia all those years ago. Definitely not."

"She's got family now, she trusts people, she loves people… she wasn't able to do that before. To be honest, I don't think I was either. I guess we… we helped each other." Punk nodded. It was nice to reflect on how far they'd come in their relationship and how genuinely happy they both were together.

"Well I'm always rooting for you both." Dean nodded, "How has she been since… since the miscarriage?" He asked hesitantly as Punk looked up.

"She's been fine." Punk nodded, "It's coming up to a year now since it happened."

"She spoke about having another one?" Dean asked whilst sorting out his folders.

"No, I don't think she wants to now." Punk said, "I think she's worried it'll happen again." He nodded.

"You guys got through it really well." Dean nodded.

"Well we sort of had to. We had Raimy and Viv to take care of and… we just had to keep going. We had each other." He nodded.

"It's a common thing, right?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, I guess so. Well that's what the nurse said." Punk nodded, "You ready to go?" He asked, standing up from the bed as Dean nodded.

"Yeah, man. Let's go." Dean nodded.

Although they had been very happy in life, they of course had their challenges and their difficult times, individually and as a couple.

"We can try again." Punk whispered, sitting on the bathroom floor beside AJ, leaning against the wall as she curled into him, "It's nothing to do with you. It's not your fault." He assured her.

After spotting during the night, they headed into the hospital where they got the news they had unfortunately lost their baby at 10 weeks. They had just gotten home and AJ felt disorientated and not sure how to feel or what to really say. She felt guilty for some reason, but she supposed that was normal.

"I don't want to." AJ shook her head, resting her head on his chest, "Not if this is gonna happen." She said.

Even though their nurse was lovely and assured them it was something that unfortunately happened, that it wasn't uncommon, AJ was still put off the idea of having any more children. It became a scary thought now.

"You can't think that way." Punk whispered, "It's nothing you did. Look at Raimy and Viv, you sailed through those pregnancies." He said, "These things… they just happen." He sighed, "And it's horrible and I know it's gotta be worse for you but… you'll feel better and we'll get through it."

"I was… I was really looking forward to another baby." She sighed as Punk nodded, "I uh… I thought it was maybe gonna be a boy." She smiled to herself, "And the girls would be excited." She nodded, sighing to herself as she realised her wishful thinking and dreaming had come to a sad stop.

"We can try again, baby. In a few months, in a year… whenever you want." He nodded.

"I can't think about it just now." She admitted. It wasn't something she'd ever felt before. Such horrible loss. She was quite far along too which made the process of miscarrying a lot harder and traumatic. And it was even more difficult having to come home and take care of their children, when all she wanted to do was lie in bed all day.

"I'll take a week off." Punk nodded.

"No, you don't have to." AJ sniffled.

"I want to." Punk said, "You're not going through this alone." He said, kissing the side of her head as she sighed, hugging into him tightly as she cried quietly into him, "It's ok." He sighed, caressing her head softly, painfully listening to her cries, doing what he could to comfort her whilst developing tears in his own eyes.