Some of the following one-shots will be non-canon (AKA Lexa lives). How this happens is briefly explained at the beginning of this particular story, but take it as you will. That being said, assume that this is the situation for any following non-canon in-universe one-shots that follow this one.
Along with that, please note that current chapters will include bits, pieces, and foreshadowing for future pieces, but all will be made clear with time.
This one is a bit longer. Trigger warnings for physical abuse towards the end and verbal abuse. Please take care of yourselves!
Nomon
(Mother)
"Are you nervous?"
"No."
"You're nervous."
"I am not nervous, Clarke!"
"Uh-huh."
Lexa rolls her eyes, but Clarke can tell she's not mad. She's playfully annoyed. There's a noticeable difference. They're walking down the hall to Arkadia's med bay. Somewhere in the structure, Pike is serving the last few days of his prison sentence before his banishment. After the massacre following the election and the subsequent uprising, most of his followers had been temporarily locked up, but he was the only one to receive the banishment verdict, though Bellamy himself had come very close to the same fate.
Clarke looks over at Lexa. There was a quiet unease that still brewed on both sides due to the hundreds of live unnecessarily lost in the conflict, but for now, there was peace between their people. This visit was an attempt to help nurture that peace, and aside from the occasional suspicious look or muttered phrase, the trip had gone surprisingly well. To her credit, Lexa had taken it in stride, giving glares where they were needed and words of peace and encouragement where they were appropriate. This small trip to the med bay is an attempt at the latter.
However, there are perks to this "trip." Lexa had met Clarke's mother several times, but as Clarke had only recently learned, the two had never exchanged words directly, which she found hard to believe. Regardless, Clarke figured it would make the situation easier, and anyways, she wanted to be sure of the situation, especially if she and Lexa were truly seeking long-lasting peace. When Clarke brought the subject up to the Commander, she had simply shrugged.
That was how they found themselves stepping into the med bay on their second day in Arkadia. The room is lined with cots and IVs. Clarke immediately takes quick stock of the room. Six of the cots are full, mostly with what looks to be broken bones, with one stray middle-aged man who looks to be extremely ill. Clarke takes a mental note of that.
Lexa nudges her with her elbow. "Clarke." She motions to the farthest corner of the room, where one of the examination tables stands. Clarke's mother is there, peering into the ears of a teenage boy. Clarke nudges Lexa in return and makes her way towards the back.
"-ear infection," her mother is saying as they approach. She glances over at them and nods before turning back to the boy. "You'll just have to deal with it until it heals. Press a warm washcloth to your ear to help with the pain. That's all I can do."
The boy on the table sticks out his lip and stands. "Thanks, doc," he says, somewhat sarcastically. He pushes past Clarke and leaves the med bay, grumbling the whole way.
Abby rolls her eyes and turns to the two of them. "Clarke. Lexa." She wraps Clarke in a hug and smiles briefly – if somewhat uncomfortably – at Lexa. "I had heard you were in Arkadia but between helping Kane and taking care of the med bay, I've been busy."
"Where's Jackson and the other med techs?" Clarke asks, partly for nervous small talk, partly because she is genuinely curious.
"Jackson is in Tondc helping with the sick Grounders that Pike banished." Abby's eyes flick towards Lexa. "He took most of the med-techs with him."
"And let me guess. You told him you could take care of the Ark while he was gone."
"I did."
Clarke shakes her head, exasperated. "Mom, you can't do that. You'll run yourself into the ground."
Abby cocks her eyebrow. "Clarke, do you really think you should be lecturing me on something that you do yourself, quite often, might I add?"
"She isn't wrong, Clarke," Lexa pipes up.
Clarke shoots her a look. "You're one to talk!" Lexa's mouth is curled up the tiniest bit at the corners. She's trying very hard not to smile. Clarke glances towards her mother to see a smirk on her face as well. "Whatever," she brushes it off. "That's not why we're here."
"You're not here to lecture me," he mother remarks. "That's new."
"Oh my God, mom!" Clarke buries her face in her hands. It's bad enough that her mother is treating her like a teenager, not to mention she's doing it in front of Lexa.
"Praim-de skai prisa laik tot op kom emn nomon," Lexa teases, voice amused.
Clarke glares at her. "Shof op, yu."
Abby clears her throat, and they both look at her. "You said that wasn't why you were here."
"Yeah." Clarke shoots one more glare at Lexa before focusing back on her mother. "I need to-" She stops. "We need to tell you something."
Abby raises her eyebrows, waiting. Her face is neutral, so Clarke can't tell what she's thinking. Clarke glances at Lexa she nods encouragingly. Somehow, she seems less nervous than Clarke. She always does.
"Mom, Lexa and I…" Clarke takes a deep breath. "We're… together."
"I can see that."
"No!" Clarke is frustrated. "That's not what I mean. I mean, well… I don't want to call it dating but that's basically what we're doing."
Lexa looks at her. "What is dating?"
"I know."
A beat.
"You do?" Clarke and Lexa say in unison.
"Yes." Abby sighs and looks the two of them over, this time together rather than individually. "I know you, Clarke. I'm also your mother. It's hard for me to miss."
Clarke gapes at her. "How long have you known?"
"Long enough," her mother replies, voice weary.
"Abby-" Lexa starts.
Abby holds up a hand. Clarke has never seen anyone silence Lexa with a hand before. But Clarke's mother just did. "I've known for long enough," she repeats. "I just wish I hadn't needed to figure it out on my own."
"I'm sorry," Clarke apologizes. "But I wasn't sure when the time was right, how you'd react. I don't know if-"
Abby shakes her head in exasperation. "Clarke, I'm not going to disown you for being with a certain person, much less another woman. We have bigger things to worry about." She looks hard at Lexa. "I have my doubts." She locks eyes with Clarke. "But in the end, this is your choice. I can't control that. It isn't my place."
Clarke's shoulders slump. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders. The tight knot in her stomach loosens. She feels like sighing in relief, but Lexa isn't done yet.
"Abby," she says. "If there is anything I can do to ease your doubts…" Clarke looks over at her and sees that her face has softened the tiniest bit, the way it does when she discusses something politically delicate with Clarke.
"You can't ease my doubts," Abby answers immediately, looking Lexa right in the eye. "But there is something you need to know."
Lexa nods.
"If you betray us again, you will pay for it. I will make sure of that." Clarke's mother has no trace of doubt in her voice. She points right at Lexa, finger only inches away from her face. "And if you betray Clarke again, I will find you and I will kill you myself, even if it kills me."
"Mom-" Clarke can hardly believe what she's hearing.
"Clarke." Lexa subtly shakes her head at Clarke before meeting Abby's gaze. Clarke is sure she's about to watch her mother and lover brawl, but then Lexa drops down onto her knees. She is looking up at Abby.
"I have sworn fealty to your people, Abby," she says, her voice soft. "Skaikru took the brand. Your people are now my people, and I will protect them as such. You know already that I am willing to do anything for my people. Now, your people are part of the Coalition, and that means I am willing to do anything for them. I believe I have demonstrated this in my bids for peace."
I have sworn fealty not only to your people, but to your daughter as well. The night that Skaikru took the brand, she bowed to me in order to give me strength, and it was only fitting that I do the same. Together, Clarke and I hope to achieve peace, and I believe that together, we can. We are both willing to sacrifice much for that peace, but it will be worth nothing if she is not by my side to see it. Abi kom Skaikru, I will not betray Clarke again. I cannot betray her again, and if swearing fealty once more is what I need to do in order to prove that, I will do it as many times as I need to."
Clarke and Abby both stare at her. Abby blinks several times before finally stating, "No need." Lexa simply nods and gets back to her feet. Clarke's mother lets out a breath. "I still don't entirely trust you, Lexa. But if what you're saying is true-"
Just then, Kane's voice crackles through the radio at Abby's hip. "Abby, do you mind coming to the council room?"
Abby sighs and grabs the radio. "On my way." She looks at Clarke and Lexa. "Thank you for coming clean. I hope the rest of the trip goes well." She hugs Clarke. "I'll see you later. I love you." With that, she leaves the med bay.
Clarke lets out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. She glances at Lexa, who looks back with wide eyes.
"Well," she says. "That was…interesting."
Clarke laughs. "I can't believe you did that! You're so dramatic!"
Lexa lowers her eyebrows so she looks almost grumpy. "I am not."
Clarke laughs again and tips her head so it is resting on Lexa's shoulder for a moment. Then, she straightens, feeling as if they can take on the world. Together.
"Come on," she says. "We have more work to do."
"Clarke…"
"Yeah?" Clarke looks over at Lexa. Her riding cloak is draped over her, the hood shielding her head from the rain. Despite all of the clothing, they're both soaked. They had left Tondc two hours ago and had been riding in the storm since.
"You must understand that my mother is not entirely…hospitable," Lexa says.
"You told me that already," Clarke replies. "I can take whatever comes my way."
At least, that was somewhat true. It was only this morning that Clarke had decided to take this trip with Lexa. The Commander had already told her of the plan to visit Tondc as they continued to rebuild, but when Clarke had offered to come with her, Lexa had reluctantly admitted that there was a second part to the trip. She was visiting her mother. Almost immediately, Clarke had leaped on the chance. She had simply assumed that Lexa's parents were dead. She had never mentioned them before. But upon seeing her discuss her mother, Clarke realized why. She wasn't sure Lexa wanted Clarke to know she even had a mother, not to mention meeting her. Despite all of her protests and quiet misgivings, Clarke had insisted, and Lexa had eventually given in, deciding it wasn't worth the fight.
"Clarke-"
"Lexa." Clarke catches her eye and tries to find an expression between sternness and gentleness. "Maybe you don't trust her, but at least trust me. I can do this."
Lexa looks away. "That's not what I'm worried about."
"Then what-?" Clarke stops.
Oh.
Lexa isn't worried about Clarke. She's worried about herself. Despite everything that has happened, Lexa still doubts her own strength, especially when it comes to those things which she cares about. Clarke knows she's found a spot within her heart, The Commander doesn't think Clarke can't do this. She thinks that she herself can't do it.
"Lexa," Clarke says again. Lexa looks back up. "It's okay. You're safe here." Clarke motions to the guards around them but she can tell the real meaning gets through to Lexa. The Commander's lips twitch into a small smile.
"Heda," one of the guards up front calls out. "Oso laik hir."
They crest the small hill and the path on which they'd been riding abruptly narrows. It winds down to a small cottage a few hundred yards away. There is a thin trail of smoke coming from the tiny chimney and rain patters against the two small windows on either side of the door. One of them is ajar, letting the rain inside.
Clarke hears a heavy sigh to her right. She looks over. Lexa is looking down at the cottage as if she is already tired of being here. She bites her lip and glances at Clarke, who gives her an encouraging nod. Lexa starts her horse down the hill and towards the cottage. When they reach the side of the building, Lexa gets off her horse and hands it off to one of the guards. Clarke follows suit, landing with a splash on the muddy ground. Lexa stares at the open window for a moment, and turns to Clarke.
"You are sure?"
Clarke nods.
Lexa lets out a quiet breath. "Very well." She looks at the guards. "You know what to do. The stables are in the back. If Arthur shows up, let him in and I will have him bring you warmth." They nod. With that, Lexa pushes open the door and Clarke follows her indoors, eager to be out of the rain.
The inside of the cottage is only slightly warmer than the outside. The small fireplace in the farthest corner is lit, but the flames are beginning to die out. Rain patters the wooden floor and table beneath the open window. The door opens into the main room, with two smaller rooms branching off. There is a chamber pot in one and a tattered mattress in the other. Clarke can see no decoration whatsoever, not even a single pelt for a carpet.
"Leksa?" a craggy voice says, not quite in surprise.
"Heya, nomon."
Clarke peers over Lexa's shoulder. A few feet from the fireplace is a rickety wooden chair. In it sits a frail woman. She has long dark hair and beady black eyes. Her worry lines and wrinkles are deep, and though Clarke guesses that she can be no more than fifty, she looks to be reaching her seventies. Clarke can see the similarities between her and Lexa, but only just barely.
"It's been a while," Lexa's mother observes.
"Sha," Lexa replies.
"It took a long time," her mother repeats.
"Sha."
"Is that all you're going to say?"
"Na yu beja chich op en Trigedasleng, nomon?" Lexa sighs. Clarke thinks she's hoping that the only Skaikru in the room won't be able to follow the conversation very well if they don't speak in English.
Lexa's mother snorts. "No. You may be in charge everywhere else, but not here."
Lexa bites her lip and looks incredulously at the dying fire. "Where is Arthur?"
"Out."
"Hm." Lexa nods at the nearly-bare spot beside it, where Clarke assumes the kindling should be. "Is he getting wood?"
"How the hell should I know? He was gone when I woke up."
"I see." Lexa moves to the far corner of the room and kneels down before the fire place. She begins to toss the last few slivers of wood into the dwindling flames before glancing back at Clarke. "Can you close the window please?"
Clarke reaches out to do so but stops short when the woman snaps, "No! Leave it open!"
Lexa stands with an exasperated sigh. "You are letting the cold air in. Let her close it."
"No," her mother repeats. "It's stuffy in here. I want it open." She peers at Clarke suspiciously, eye narrowed. "Who is this, anyways?"
"Heya," Clarke greets, holding out her arm in the Grounder greeting. "Ai laik Klark kom skaikru."
Rather than grip her arm, Lexa's mother leans back in her chair. "So you're Wanheda," she muses, and Clarke has to work hard not to let that ever-present flicker of revulsion show on her face.
"Nomon," Lexa warns.
Her mother studies Clarke for another long moment. "Briar," she finally says, but she does not take Clarke's arm, so Clarke lets it drop. Lexa sighs again, and Clarke can only imagine how painful it must be for her to watch this awkward exchange. Despite Briar's previous protests, she moves to the window to close it.
"Don't you dare," Briar warns.
Lexa stops, but not because of that. She seems to be looking out the window, peering through the rain at something. After a moment, she does shut the window and turns to Briar. "Arthur is here."
"Bah, lock him out," Briar replies. "He left me here by myself."
"He's doing his job, looking out for you," Lexa insists. "And I'm not leaving him out in the rain."
There's a soft knock on the door and Clarke, being the closest, opens it. In comes a young man with sandy brown hair and brown skin. He's dressed in a dripping cloak and lugging a pile of wood in his arms. He grunts when he sees Clarke and Lexa and carries the wood to the space beside the fireplace. He dumps it onto the floor and turns to them.
"Heda," he greets, bowing slightly. He looks at Clarke. "And…?"
"Klark…kom Skaikru."
The young man's eyes widen. "Wanheda!" he bows hurriedly, deeper than before. This time, Clarke doesn't hide her reaction, letting her upper lip curl in disgust. The poor boy pales.
"It's okay, Arthur." Lexa waves at him. "She's not angry at you. You went out to collect wood?"
"Yes, heda," he replies. "The fire was running low." At remembering that, his eyes widen and he looks back at the all but dead fire. "Wigod ai op!" he cries to both Lexa and Briar. "Wigod ai op!" He scrambles to start the fire.
"Enough, Arthur." Lexa's voice is weary. "I will take care of the fire. Don't worry about it, you are doing your job." Arthur's shoulders slump in relief, but he is still glancing nervously at Briar, who is glowering at him in return. Lexa continues, "My men are out in the stable caring for the horses. Take them some blankets, please."
Arthur bows quickly. "Sha, heda." He hurries into the room with the mattress, rustles around a little bit, and comes back out with a bundle of pelts in his arms. Clarke opens the door for him and he all but runs out.
"Useless grunt," Briar mutters.
"Whatever you say," Lexa groans, obviously tired of being civil. She makes her way back to the fireplace and begins to nurse it back to health.
"You're one to talk," Briar snaps, and Lexa's shoulders stiffen. "I haven't seen you in a year!"
"It's been ten months," Lexa answers without turning away from the growing fire.
"That's too long," Briar insists.
"I've been busy."
"Yes, I'm sure." Briar shoots a look at Clarke. "Negotiations with the puny Sky People?"
"Nomon." Lexa's voice holds a warning.
"Ha, as if they posed a threat." She spits at Clarke's feet. "Don't make me laugh."
Lexa turns on her crouched legs with her mouth open, ready to say something, but Clarke simply shakes her head at her. This is an uncomfortable enough visit as it is, and Clarke has heard plenty of Grounders insult her people. This particular fight is not worth it. Lexa turns back to the fire.
Briar lets out a nasty laugh. "Pathetic. Look at you. You're like a dog, following its master."
"With all due respect," Clarke pipes up, because this is a fight she's willing to take part in. She hopes she can make herself clear to this woman. "I like to think of Lexa as an alpha wolf rather than a dog."
"Shut your mouth, sky girl," Briar snarls. "You know nothing, and you've made her weak."
For a moment, Clarke feels like she's been punched in the chest, not because of the insult, but because of what it means. If Lexa had been hearing about her own weakness since she was a child…
"Nomon." Lexa is standing now, turned towards them. "Clarke has far from made me weak. I believe she has helped me become stronger."
"Oh, yes, I forgot," Briar snarks. "You were weak from the very beginning."
"Together, we have done much more than I would have ever dreamed possible before." Lexa ignores that statement. "Clarke and I are moving towards peace, and it's working. Our people are seeing more peace now than we have in the past one hundred years."
Briar is shaking her head. "You still haven't learned your lesson, Leksa. Peace cannot be found here. You tried it once before and it didn't work. Nothing will change this time, it will only be a different death."
Tried it before…? Clarke looks at Lexa. Her expression is angry, boiling almost. She takes a step towards her mother. "Clarke will not die. I will not let her. She will not let herself."
"That's what you said about Costia, too."
Oh.
"Clarke is different." Lexa's voice is calm and confident in this, and Clarke feels a pinch of mixed sadness, pride, and gratitude.
"But you are not," Briar jeers.
That seems to hit Lexa like a slap to the face. Her expression goes blank and her eyes shut down. Clarke can all but hear her defenses slamming up. She takes a deep breath and stares back blankly at her mother, the same way she did when Clarke called her a liar that day that seemed so long ago.
"Neither are you."
Smack!
Lexa's head snaps to the side, a red mark on her cheek where Briar had struck her. Clark almost lunges at the older woman, who is now standing, but Lexa gives her a look with her eyes, and she holds herself back.
"How dare you?" Briar hisses.
Clarke knows there is much more going on in this moment than she is privy to, but Lexa simply looks at her mother, expressionless. She says, "I will do as I wish. You may be my mother, but I am your Commander." She pauses for a moment, the two of them glaring at each other, neither backing down.
…
Finally, Lexa again breaks the silence. "Clarke and I have many matters to attend to-"
"I'm sure you do."
"-but I will have my men help Arthur gather up the rest of the wood before we leave. I'll send him in once we are finished." A beat. "Goodbye, nomon."
With that, Lexa moves to the door, opens it, and is gone. Clarke doesn't bother to say anything to Briar, and instead follows after Lexa. The two of them trudge silently through the mud. Lexa is quiet, and Clarke isn't sure what to say. When they make it to the stable, they find the guards standing in a loose circle, wrapped in pelts and guffawing at something Arthur had said. When they see Clarke and Lexa, they all scramble to attention.
"I want all of you to help Arthur gather the remainder of the wood he has cut down," Lexa tells them, and Arthur's eyes widen. "Bring it to the door of the cottage. Once you are done, we will leave for Polis. I want to be back by sundown."
There is a chorus of, "Sha, heda," and the guards all look to Arthur, who bows to Lexa. "Mochof, mochof, heda," he murmurs, before taking off. The guards follow, and soon, it is just Lexa and Clarke in the stable. Lexa moves to begin readying the horses.
"Lexa-" Clarke starts.
"Clarke." Lexa stops, turned away from Clarke. "Not right now. Please."
"Okay," Clarke says. "But at least let me see your face." When Lexa still won't look at her, "Leksa."
Finally, Lexa turns around. Clarke reaches out slowly, but Lexa still flinches. She lightly turns her face to the side so she can see where Briar's hand made contact. There is already a welt forming. She gently presses on the area and Lexa winces. After a moment, Clarke takes a step back.
"I'm sorry, Lexa," is all Clarke can think to say.
Lexa simply nods. She does not say that it is okay. It is not okay. Instead, she just turns back to her horse and checks the straps on the saddle. Without thinking much about it, Clarke steps forward and slowly wraps her arms around Lexa's middle, burying her nose into the crook of her neck. Lexa is stiff for a long moment before she slowly slumps back into Clarke. She puts her hands over Clarke's arms and leans her head back against Clarke's shoulder.
"I'm sorry," she breaths.
"Don't apologize," Clarke mumbles into his neck. "It's not your fault. You have no control over what your parents are like. No one does."
"I know, but-"
"Sssshhh." Clarke draws her head back and leans it against Lexa's ear.
"Clarke," Lexa whispers. "What she said… I…"
"I'm not going to die, Lexa," Clarke says. She's not sure of it, but she can sound like she is. "I'm not Costia, and that's okay. But I'm strong. I can look out for myself. I want you to trust yourself. But if you can't sometimes, then trust me, okay?"
"…okay."
They stay like that for a while, but eventually, they separate. When the guards return, the horses are ready, and they leave almost immediately. Lexa says goodbye to Arthur, but she does not say goodbye to her mother. They start for Polis.
They do not get back quite before sundown, but by the time they do, there is some brightness back in Lexa's eyes, and that is enough for Clarke.
"Praim-de skai prisa laik tot op kom emn nomon." - The great Sky Princess is being lectured by her mother.
"Shof op, yu." - Quiet, you.
"Oso laik hir." - We're here.
"Heya, nomon." - Hello, mother.
"Sha." - Yes.
"Na yu beja chich op en Trigedasleng, nomon?" - Will you please speak in Trigedasleng, Mother?
"Ai laik Klark kom Skaikru." - I am Clarke of the Sky People.
"Wigod ai op!" - Forgive me!
"Mochof, mochof, heda." - Thank you, thank you, Commander.