Chapter Sixteen: Reflections

I moved down the corridor, to the room that he had disappeared into moments ago. Already, images swirled through my mind, possibilities of what could have happened in the short span of time that we were apart from one another. Each of them, more ghastly then the last, made my stilled heart tremor. An odd pain settled there- one that I'd never quite be able to describe.

An ache, perhaps? A small, throbbing sensation that, while near to nothing in my chest, radiated throughout the whole of my body.

I braced myself at the door, but pushed it open with no hesitation.

Audrey wasn't there.

"Alec?" I called, taking care to keep my voice low. I stepped further inside. A full-sized bed had been positioned in the center of the primary wall. It sat adjacent to a wall made nearly entirely of windows.

"Get the fuck away from me, Saoirse." He hissed from the bathroom. "Don't you fucking act all sweet and innocent. Don't you dare."

The throbbing grew stronger. Brow furrowed, I leaned my forehead against the closed door.

"I've never claimed to be innocent," I said. "But I don't know what you mean. Why did you scream?"

"You didn't think to tell me?" He demanded.

"Tell you what?"

Before I realized what'd happened,he ripped the door open with such aggression that the door handle nearly got torn off.

He motioned to himself with a jerk, jaw clenched and chest heaving. "You didn't feel like telling me how fucked up my face is?"

I looked him over, trying to find some flaw. His face was scarred, of course, but how could I consider that a flaw when mine was certainly as bad as his?

"It's not as bad as it seems, I promise." I breathed, taking a step closer, but he instantly moved backward. "It's just a shock because you haven't seen yourself for a long time."

"It's not just my face." His shoulders quivered as he spoke. For a moment, he turned towards the mirror, eyes narrowed as he scrutinized himself. "It's everything."

"Well you and I have nearly the same injuries… at least, of a certain kind." I finished, dumbly. I'd be an idiot to mention the other type of horror Audrey had committed against only him. "You never said anything about my face. I'm sure it's scarred, too, isn't it."

"I hadn't noticed," He answered, but he didn't look to see, either. He tore his eyes away from the mirror after another few minutes. "You still should have told me. You should have let me prepare. God, I knew there had to be something but I never thought it would be… "

He let out a strangle snarl and reeled back. With a distinct shatter, the mirror fell from its frame, crushed into a thousand pieces.

"I can still feel it, you know?" He began, his voice rapid and breathy, "I don't mean I still feel emotionally upset by it, no. I mean I can feel it still, standing here, talking with you. It never went away. Never stopped. The pain was enough. How the fuck am I supposed to deal with looking at myself when it only serves as a reminder for what she did?"

"I know," I murmured, playing with a lock of hair. I knew I couldn't touch him, but I needed something to do with my hands. Energy tore at my fingertips, desperate for release. "I'm not going to pretend to fully understand everything you've gone through. I can imagine it. I can sympathize, but… I think it would be selfish to say I understand. But I'm your friend. We got out of there together."

He sank down onto the edge of the bathtub, resting his head in open hands. "I can't handle this. I can't. Jane might not survive so what was the point in getting out? Audrey'll just hunt us down. Demetri probably already knows where we are."

Tentatively, I stepped into the room, kneeling next to him. "We're not letting her win. We aren't letting any of them win."

He gave me a sideways glance. "I don't know if I can believe in that."

"Believe in it, please?" I implored, gingerly resting a hand on his knee. He gave a small, surprised jerking motion, but didn't cringe away. "It might be the only thing we have right now. If we can nullify Audrey's gifts, then won't we have a chance?"

"Maybe." He answered, straightening up. "Even without her powers, though, she's an incredible fighter. I told you that before."

"Then we'll learn to fight." I shrugged. I wasn't exactly trained by the finest, but I wasn't horrible, either.

Alec rose, pushing my hand off of him. "You forget one vital factor- what if Cullen refuses to help us? She hasn't exactly gotten over the incident from a couple of years ago. She and Jane have always been at odds with one another, and she and I don't exactly have an amicable relationship."

"Both of you have a common enemy now, don't you?" I perched on edge of the toilet, proving him with a bit more space as he paced back and forth. "You can find common ground for long enough to handle Aro- then you can all go back to hating each other."

"We'll see." He murmured. Stooping, he began to gather up the shards from the mirror. "What about you?"

My forehead creased. "What do you mean?"

"What are you going to do after all of this is done with?"

I cocked my head, biting at the inside of my cheek. "I haven't thought about it. I guess I'd just go on my way? Do some traveling? I haven't been to a lot of places."

He smirked, and even if he did tease, it made my heart relax. At least he seemed to be in a fairly better state of mind, compared to earlier. "You were a shit nomad. Aren't you supposed to move around all of the time?"

"I did," I answered, crossing my arms over my chest. "I just stuck to a somewhat small region. I usually traveled around western Europe. Never to Italy, of course. I stayed in Germany for a couple of years and did some schooling there. I played the part of a fourteen year old girl rather well."

His lips curled up, and he gave a hesitant smile. Reluctant as it was, the fact that it was there at all made me feel as though someone had lit a light on inside of me.

"You've made quite the adventure out of your life, haven't you?" He asked. I laughed.

"I'm not sure if ambling from place to place and generally being an ass to the locals is an "adventure." but I'll take it."

I took a gradual step to him, nearly closer to him, practically closing the space between us entirely. "I know they hurt you. How could I not? I was right there. But one day the pain will go away. Every kind of it."

He pressed his lips into a tight line. "I'll believe it when it happens."

"Good." I beamed, leaning up against the wall for another second before kneeling on the ground with him, carefully working to pick up the shards from the mirror. I caught a bit of my reflection in one of the larger pieces.

I'd been right about the word Audrey carved into my forehead. Remnants of the letters S-L-U-T remained there, fainter and a bit smoother, only standing out from the rest of my skin by a few shades.

Humans wouldn't be able to detect them at all, but for a vampire, they'd be the first thing they lay eyes on.

"You would think she would have found a more accurate word." I mused. "Something better suited for a virgin."

"She thinks that every pretty girl in the world keeps their legs open," He replied, taking the shard out of my hand before I could stare at it too long.

"You think I'm pretty?" I asked, brow scrunched up. He rolled his eyes.

"All vampires are meant to be aesthetically pleasing to the eye, Saoirse." He grinned, dumping the pieces into a waste bin by the toilet. "But yes, aside from those factors, I do think you're pretty."

I played with a bit of my hair, internally relieved that Audrey had allowed me to keep one of few parts I favored about my appearance. "Thank you. That's really kind of you to say. And, for the record, I think you look perfectly fine."

"'Fine'" He repeated, "As in 'decent' 'not terrible.'"

"No," I protested, before he could continue on with his list of adjectives. "Fine as in 'handsome' as in 'pretty' as in 'attractive'"

He gave me an odd sort of sideways glance. "Still, I think I'll be avoiding mirrors for a while now. At least… until I can handle everything."

"I understand," I replied, "Do you want me to take down any other mirrors in the house? Just in case?"

.

"No." He answered, before the question had so much as left my mouth. "That'll just raise questions and I'm not about to go over it again. Especially not with any of the Cullens."

I gave a quick nod, but said nothing else of the subject. Without a word, he finished up with the last of the mirror and headed out of the door.

"Do you want me to give you some space?" I asked, this time choosing to stay in the same spot, lingering in the doorway between the bedroom and bathroom.

He turned around, and appeared to consider the offer for a second before nodding. "I'll be out after a while. I just need some time."

"Of course," I smiled. If he needed space, who was I to force myself upon him? If he needed someone there...who was I to deny him that, either? I could be anything that he needed me to be, for as long as that was. "I'll let them know that you're alright. You know where to find me if you need anything."

"Thanks." That was the last word I heard for him for the rest of the day.

When I came back into the living room, Alice and Jasper tore away from one another, their heads previously bowed in serious, quiet conversation.

"Is everything alright?" Alice asked, her voice sweet with concern, but I couldn't tell if it was genuine worry.

"Yeah," I answered, slipping around to the couch that Jane lay on. As far as I could tell, no one had touched her. "It's fine, don't worry."

"I heard something break," Jasper added, glancing up from a document of some sort.

"It was a mirror," I said, barely glancing over at him. If Alec needed some time to himself, I didn't want Jane to wake up around people that considered her an enemy. "He….he went through a lot more than I did. Audrey claimed to have nothing personal against him, but she...tended to get extreme when it came to him."

"I suppose even Aro's finest aren't worth more than his power," Jasper murmured. He pushed the document across the table in my direction. At first glance, I read that it was a list of names.

"That's everyone that came to stand with us against the Volturi a few years ago," He explained, noting my befuddled expression. "I think if we have a chance to create an uprising, there are dozens who will come to stand with us. If we have Jane and Alec on our side, along with Bella, we could stand a chance against Aro."

"I don't know," I answered, scanning over the list again, committing the names to memory. None of them stood out to me. Then again, I never tended to interact with a lot of people. "I'm not going to be the one to watch dozens of us fall."

"I'm not suggesting that we go storm the castle." He explained, his lips curled into a small, reassuring smile. "I just think its something to consider."

"Storming the castle wouldn't be very wise, true," I agreed. I remember the moment they'd caught me. The terror that bubbled up in my mouth then still lingered to this day. I'd been that cell for a week before I'd realized there was someone next to me. After that, it took me at least three days to speak to him. "Aro has too much of an upper hand in his own territory. We'll want to draw out the guard. Take them out little by little-"

"No," Alec leaned against the doorway, a peculiarly tired look about him, as though thousands of years with no sleep had finally caught up with him. "There's a small chance that some of them won't side with Aro."

He caught my eyes for a second, before continuing. "When we were imprisoned, Corin came down to speak with us. She told us that Chelsea had been injured. The bonds she created between Aro and the guard have started to weaken. The guard have taken note of Aro's irrational tendencies."

"But not everyone," I added, "Those like Audrey and Tamsin...Kiersten never had to be bonded with him. They'll stay loyal until they no longer have any use for what Aro can offer them"

His eyes lit up. "If the majority of the guard were to abandon him… that would dwindle his power a great deal, and then he would have nothing to offer those who were loyal by choice."

"Yes, but it's not as though Chelsea had some kind of mind control over everyone," Jasper said, retrieving the list from the table and storing it away into a filing cabinet. "We can't just assume they'd leave because Chelsea's power has gotten weak. It would be a death sentence to approach one of the guard right now."

"Perhaps," He agreed, "The circumstances would have to be in our favor, but if we could figure out a way to maintain the upper hand, then it might be something to consider."

Jasper's brow knitted together as he came back to settle next to Alice, his arms draped easily around her shoulder. "Bella could protect you and Jane from a mental attack, and you would be able to use your gifts things got out of control."

"We just have to hope that she's gotten over her grudge enough to actually help," He pointed out, his lips curled into a kind of sardonic grin.

"She will," Alice said, leaning her head against Jasper's shoulder, "Bella trusts us. She knows we wouldn't ask her to help if we thought you two had ulterior motives."

"We'll see." Alec said, moving to sit next to his sister. Without hesitation, his hand slipped into hers. "Has she woken up at all?"

"No," Jasper began, "I think it's better that she remains "unconscious." so to speak until Carlisle gets here."

Alec nodded, his eyes ever lingering on Jane's face, watching for any change….anything at all.

I wondered, how many times they'd seen one another get hurt? Thousands? Just a few? Or had the fear merely lingered in his mind from the moment they were turned?