Chapter Twenty: Confessions

Swan raised a brow, arms crossed over her chest, "What do you mean?"

I resisted the urge to grown- to roll my eyes- to scoff, and contented myself with a low sigh, "Listen, Swan, I can already sense that the two of you have some less-than-pleasant history with one another, so I don't think I need to be the one to tell you what's happened with him and Aro."

"Is that because he hasn't told you?"

I shake my head, "He told me. I know the basics of why Aro initially became angry with him, but I haven't asked for the details. I feel it's better not to pry. When he's ready, he'll tell me."

"Are you sure of that?" She asked, her head cocked. I could feel her bitterness practically radiating off of her. "Perhaps he's just holding back information because he wants you on edge. What do you really know about him?"

Fingers twitched at my sides. I so wanted to smack her across the face, but, still, I held myself back.

"I spent over half a year in a cell next to his." I growled my voice that deadly calm tone that always terrified me, "I listened to him scream. Cry. We talked about where we'd go when we escaped. I listened to him give up again and again. I listened to-"

"To what?"

"No. That's too much." I straighten, allowing my arms to fall to the side. "Is there anything else you want to ask? I won't promise to answer but,"

"I'm satisfied for now," She nodded back towards the house and gestured me forward with her hand.

Not out of politeness, I quickly deduced. She was afraid I'd snap her neck from behind, the second she made herself vulnerable.

Three people had arrived in the time we'd been outside.

The first, a burly man that towered over me and the twins. He leaned against the doorway between the living room and deserted kitchen. At his side, a blonde woman with a stunning face, even in the company of vampires.

Standing behind the couch, the third vampire had familiar burgundy eyes and long, sandy hair tied back into a ponytail. He wore layers of clothes, as though he were a backpacker.

"Saoirse," Carlisle rose and motioned to a couple of vampires by the doorway, "These are Emmett and Rosalie, two of my adopted children," and to the vampire behind the couch, "And this is Garrett,"

"Hello," I gave a quick smile and moved to sit on the edge of the other couch, inches away from Alec and Jane. "Thank you for coming,"

"The rest of the Denali's haven't been so easy to convince," Rosalie said, "Garrett's forgiving, but the others haven't forgotten what the Volturi did,"

"We aren't the Volturi," I declare, "I've never been,"

"Carlisle told us all of that," Emmett added, and despite his size, his voice was impossibly calming. "If he trusts you, then so do I."

"Unfortunately, Tanya thinks we're all insane and being led into a trap," Rosalie supplied, running a hand through a section of her gorgeous hair. "Garrett volunteered to come on ahead and assess the situation."

"Kate wasn't happy with it," Garrett stretched his arms over his head. "But as Emmett said, we trust Carlisle and he seems to trust you, so… here we are."

"Will you report to your coven that it's safe for them to come and help?" I pressed. We had a decent amount of people so far, but Aro had thousands of soldiers at his disposal. We needed as much firepower as possible.

"I'll call Kate tonight and see if I can convince her to talk to Eleazar and Carmen," He explained, and I had to pretend like I knew who the hell any of those people were. "Tanya's going to be the hardest to convince. Her and Irina were close as sisters for a thousand years. Losing her as- well, I guess it would feel the same to the twins if they lost one another,"

Jane and Alec exchanged glances and held each other's hands just a little tighter than before.

"We can be patient. If they want any questions answered, I can help you there," I smile. I hated to have to be so sweet and mediating, but if we wanted to form alliances, I was going to have to suck some metaphorical dicks.

"Just don't go telling people things that aren't your business, Saoirse," Alec huffed, and he said my name in a strange way. He pronounced it right, yes, but it was so harsh that I almost didn't notice that it was my name at all.

I tensed, "I have more sense than that,"

"Of course. I forgot," He pushed himself up and leaned into his hands, "You always know exactly what to do and what to say,"

My jaw clenched. "May I speak with you? Alone."

I rose and stalked into one of the spare bedrooms. To my surprise, he followed and closed the door behind him.

"What?" He demanded.

"Why are you-? Why have you-? What's…?" I let out a long groan. For someone who supposedly had perfect brain cells, it took me a fucking long time to get my words together, "Why are you in such a bad mood? Why do you keep snapping at me?"

He raised a brow and I wanted to smack him for looking so stupidly beautiful. "Snapping? Saoirse, I've been nothing but calm. If you want to see me snap, I can fucking show you."

"You're clearly upset about something, Alec. I'm not an idiot-"

"Shocking."

"You're being a fucking dick," I hissed. "We've been through so much at this point. Don't you think I deserve a little bit of trust?"

He scoffed, throwing his head back as though I'd just told the joke of the Goddamn millennium. "Trust? After what you told Carlisle?"

I swear I could feel the non-existent blood drain from my face. "Listen… I… I know that wasn't my place to tell but you were...you were suffering so much. I just wanted to find someone who could help."

"And you didn't think to ask if that's what I wanted," His voice dipped a few octaves, quivering. "You didn't because you only wanted to be the hero. You wanted to feel good for reaching out. Saoirse. I don't want people to know what happened. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want Jane or Carlisle or any other fucking person to know."

"You would have rather gone through it alone?" I asked, my stomach knotting.

"Yes," He insisted, "Because then it would only be my memory. And maybe one day, it would fade to the point that I didn't want to scream every time someone touches me. When more than one person has the same memory, it lasts forever."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Was it truly better to suffer alone, to wait until you could forget it ever happened?

"It's fine," He took a step closer. "But next time you want to try to be the hero, you need to ask me about it first,"

He was quite close, now. I could see little flecks of white on his skin. Remnants from a smattering of freckles, I deduced. "Think the Denalis or whoever will end up showing up?"

"Yeah, if they can pull their heads out of their ass and realize that we're trying to take down the people that ripped off their sister's head."

"They sound obnoxious," I roll my eyes and flop down on the edge of the bed, "Maybe I'll cut the sweet and generous act for them,"

"You mean you aren't a doe-eyed little mediator? Was it an act? I am shocked and betrayed,"

He lay down on the bed, stretching his arms over his head.

"I'm very sorry for your suffering," I snort, swatting at his side, "C'mon, get up. Your sister's going to be pissed if she was to stay outside without you."

"Shhh, I'm sleeping," He rolled over his side and made a shushing motion.

With a sigh, I yanked one of the pillows out from under him and whacked him in the side.

"You can't sleep. Get up."

"I sure as fuck can't with you hitting me."

"Alec. Come. On. We can't just stay in here all day."

He pried the pillow out of my grasp and tucked it back under his head.

Resigned, I plopped down next to him. He popped an eye open, looking me up and down.

"What the hell are you-?" I pressed a hand to his mouth.

"Shhh, I'm sleeping," I smirked. He rolled his eyes and drew a blanket over both of us.

Even if we couldn't truly sleep, it did feel nice to rest and forget the rest of the world for a while.

And when he pretends to be asleep, he seems sweet and innocent; it's hard to imagine how much of a smart-ass he is.

We lay in silence for a while. An hour- maybe two or more. I could the rhythm of his breathes and the way he shifts in his pseudo sleep.

"Do you forgive me?" I whispered, my fingers hovering above his face as I leaned on my elbow. "For telling Carlisle?"

He half-shrugged, snuggling against the pillow as though he truly was about to fall asleep. I gingerly brushed a strand of hair away from his eyes and I feel him lean into the touch- but that could have only been my imagination.

"Yes," He replied, "I know you meant well enough by it,"

"Do you think you're feeling better?" I asked settling back down on my side. I rest a hand on his cheek and bite my lip.

He doesn't pull back as I'd expected. Only a month ago- possibly less- he cringed away at my very presence, commanded that I not come any closer. So, perhaps he was getting better?

Or just repressing the memory as well he could.

"A little," He admitted, "To be honest, if you weren't here, I might have found a way to end it, anyway."

Somehow, his words stab through my heart. "Don't. Please don't ever fucking say that."

"Why not? It's only the truth." He shifted closer, "It helps to have someone who just knows, without me having to explain it to them. I said before that I didn't want anyone to know but...maybe not. Maybe it'd be too much, then. If you weren't there, behind the wall, telling me to keep holding on, I'd have given up to Audrey long ago."

I swallowed my pride and steadied my voice, "Even if we'd never met, I don't want to live in a world where you're not around,"

"Saoirse…"

"Because I love you," I breathed out, the words tumbling from my lips before my brain had a chance to regulate what they were, "Dammit, Cariad, I love you, and I don't know when I started to love you but I know that I do. I always thought that love was so fucking stupid. I thought it was useless and only brought trouble."

"Listen, Saoirse, I-"

"It doesn't. It makes people stronger. It brings them together." My eyes closed. I can't bring myself to look at his face. "It breaks down walls. And, I realize that you might not feel the same way towards me, but I needed you to know."

His arms wrapped around me, drawing me closer. "If you'd shut up for eight seconds, you might have heard that I love you, too."

I opened my eyes. He wore the most obnoxious, self-satisfied grin. Relief floods through my body.

I'd been prepared for a few weeks of unrequited love, followed by an eternity of disgustingly over dramatic pining.

Settling myself against him, I reached up against to smooth my fingers across the planes of his cheeks, carding through his hair at every chance. I feel his hands running up and down my back, drawing circles, and lines with the tips of his fingers.

"We've been in here for almost three hours," He mentioned, slowly pushing himself up. "At this point, I'm surprised Jane hasn't broken down the door,"

"I guess we do have to interact with everyone else at some point," I grinned, slipping off the bed and adjusting my shirt. "They'll probably be suspicious- given how long we were in here for,"

"Let them," He winked and I found myself caught between snorting and swooning. "They can be jealous,"

He entwined his fingers with mine and we head back into the living room.

Esme beamed at the sight of our locked hand. Alice looked as though she was seconds away from throwing confetti at our faces.

"Fuckin' finally!" Emmett cried. "I mean, shit. The sexual tension between the two of you was palpable. Rose and I could feel it the second you came back from talking with Bella,"

"Well, Jasper did read your emotions," Alice smiled, resting her chin on the palms of her hands, "He could tell you were rather fond of each other. In fact, its that bond he noticed that made it so easy to convince Rose and Emmett and Carlisle and Esme and Edward and Bella to come,"

I grimaced. Apparently, everyone knew how I felt for him before I'd admitted it to myself.

"It's finally happened, so you can all relax," I sighed.

"Just don't do anything stupid," Jane declared, "You wouldn't want something to happen to you, Saoirse,"

An ominous threat, but better than her clawing my face off, as I'd expected. We sit on the couch next to her, Alec in the center. I release his hand and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

They hold a silent conversation, and I almost want to believe that they're speaking telepathically with one another.

I drew my knees up to my chest, leaning against the edge of the couch.

"You look tired, Sao,"

I looked up. Renesmee sat on the edge of the coffee table, swinging her legs back and forth.

"Do you want to go on a walk?" She asked, jumping to her feet. She held out her hand expectantly. I looked over my shoulder.

"I'll be back," I said, rising to my feet.

Renesmee lead the way down a little path through the woods until we reached a miniature creek that ran through the ground. At the edge of it, she dropped to her knees and kicked off her shoes and socks.

"Why did you want me to come with you?" I asked. She waded into the water until it came up past her ankles.

She cocked her head to the side, brow furrowed. Then, the expression broke and she clapped her hands together, "Oh! I just thought you could use some fresh air. It can be hard to think properly with everyone around, all crowded into the same room."

"You aren't at all like your mother," Barefoot, I stepped into the water

"You're the first person to say that," She grinned, "Mama will learn to trust you soon, though. Please don't think she's horrible, okay? She's just scared of something happening with me or my dad."

"I understand," I promised. The thought of losing someone you loved- especially after it had nearly happened before- was enough to drive someone insane.

I understood that now, better than I had before.