It starts with that song, i hate that song. every morning wake up, brush teeth, take pills, breakfast with dad, then off to demo my game.

the only reason i even bother with this whole routeine is colin ritman. every day i introduce myself and he says" we've met before."

dad says hes gonna take me to the pub for some lunch, but we end up at dr. hayne's place. good thing i see colin, so i have a reason to escape. he asks how my game is going and i say not good, then he takes me to his appartment.

honestly if i have to go through another day of this i'm just gonna kiss him. he hasn't yet, and im getting tired of it. i know it's okay because after about a week i figured out that Kitty is actually his sister and that pearl was from an ex-girlfriend who just up and left.

colin introduces me to kitty and she says," we've met before."

then she takes pearl back to her house for the weekend. only it never is the weekend.

i've lost count of how many times i willingly do lsd versus how many times colin spikes my tea, either way it's the same effect. we get high and make bad choices.

sometimes i jump,

sometimes colin does.

today, however, i'm determined to change that. he tells me to sit and all i can think about is how badly i want him to take me on that couch.

today i do the drug willingly, still not used to the smoking, though. colin goes through his usual rant.

"People thinks there's one reality, but there's loads of them, all snaking off, like roots. And what we do on one path affects what happens on the other paths. Time is a construct. People think you can't go back and change things, but you can, that's what flashbacks are, they're invitations to go back and make different choices. When you make a decision, you think it's you doing it, but it's not. It's the spirit out there that's connected to our world that decides what we do and we just have to go along for the ride.

"Mirrors let you move through time.

"The government monitors people, they pay people to be you relatives and they put drugs in your food and they film you.

"There's messages in every game. Like Pac-Man. Do you know what PAC stands for? P-A-C: "program and control." He's Program and Control Man the whole things a metaphor, he thinks he's got free will but really he's trapped in a maze, in a system, all he can do is consume, he's pursued by demons that are probably just in his own head, and even if he does manage to escape by slipping out one side of the maze, what happens? He comes right back in the other side. People think it's a happy game, it's not a happy game, it's a fucking nightmare world and the worst thing is it's real and we live in it.

"It's all code. If you listen closely, you can hear the numbers. There's a cosmic flowchart that dictates where you can and where you can't go. I've given you the knowledge. I've set you free. Do you understand?

"I'll show you what I mean. Come with me. We're on one path. Right now, me and you. And how one path ends is immaterial. It's how our decisions along the path affect the whole that matters, do you believe me?"

he takes me out to the balcony but before he can start again, i grab his hand and pull him back in.

"i can prove i-"

"Colin. shut the fuck up," i say," can i kiss you?"

he nods so i go for it. I'm a little bit nervous at first but then i realize that it doesn't matter, if i fuck up, i'll just start over.

the kiss grows more passionate, he pushes me hard against the wall and i find that my hands are moving themselves from his waist to up under his shirt as he does the same.

he breaks the kiss, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards his bedroom. the light's shifting colours dance across his face prompting him to remove his glasses. he sets them on the bedside table and shoves me down onto the bed.

i like it when he's rough, though ive never experienced him being soft, i've never experienced any of this before. he pushes my shirt up, then decides to pull it back down and unbutton it the proper way.

He lets me stare at his bare chest for a second before pushing me back onto the bed and quickly pulling off my pants.

starting at my neck, he began kissing then sucking and biting. it hurt but it felt so good i stifled a moan. he worked his way down to my nipple, biting lightly on one and then unexpectdly hard on the other.

"oh!" i moan.

he calmly replies," you like a little bit of pain, don't you?"

i nod, causing him to smirk. he continues the trail of kisses down to my boxers, licking at the skin before pulling them all the way off.

He looks down at me hungrily, but before he does anything he asks," are you sure about this?"

"yeah, yes. i've never done this before though..." i say stupidly, then decide to keep talking for some reason," i mean, i've never done anything with a guy before. not that i have with a girl, either, i never really took much interest in them."

he kisses me before i say something even dumber," thats alright, i've had tons of experience. you don't have to worry about anything." He repies reassuringly.

i know that he keeps lube in the drawer next to the bed, so i go for it, handing him the small bottle. it was cherry scented and i had no excuse for knowing that. choosing to stand, he pulled me to the edge of the bed on my stomach, and placed himself behind me.

before i knew it, his first finger was tracing my hole. i wanted him so badly that without thinking i said," don't bother."

he swallowed," are you sure?"

i nodded, hearing the click of the bottle opening again. he placed the tip of his cock at my entrance, so i nodded again telling him to go ahead.

i bit my lip as he pushed in, it hurt. a lot. though i didn't mind too much because it also felt amazing. he didn't wait or ask if i was okay before setting quite a fast pace.

he grabbed my ass, pulled all the way out and then slammed himself back in, gaining a loud moan from me. he probably left bruises where his fingers were, but that was fine. he went a few strokes before slamming into me again, this time grabbing my hair.

"oh, god, im gonna cum" i moaned. he said nothing, but grabbed my dick and slipped his thumb over the slit, causing me to moan louder.

He slammed into me with the whole weight of his body a few more times before finally reaching orgasm and letting go of me so that i could also cum. it was late, so we didnt bother cleaning up, and instead fell straight into bed.

i awoke to kitty asking me," wheres colin?"

the sentence i had heard so many times, having to see him die. it brought back so many horrible memories. i didn't want to open my eyes, but i would have to face the day if not now, then tomorrow.

slowly opening my eyes i realized that my alarm hadn't gone off, and that i was in colin's room still. relif washed over me when he came into the room, smelling of pot and rain. mostly pot. i was so happy that i had finally done it right, that i had moved on to the next day.

"kitty, i thought you were taking pearl this weekend." colin stated.

she responded with," yes, i left her favourite binky here and she was fussing all night, have you seen it?"

he shook his head and she left us alone in the room, but not before eying the cum stain i had left on the side of the bed. I went to throw my legs over the side of the bed and get up, but instead i was met with an extreme pain.

i groaned. colin laughed," have fun last night?"

thinking about last night made me happy, and waking up to a new day, and colin being alive. i threw a pillow at him anyway.

"I have to get home." i stated.

"good luck with that," was his response.

"my dad is gonna kill me! and i have to take my medication, and i have a meeting with- shit what time is it?"

"Why don't you stay here, at least for today, you can rescedule your meeting and i'll help you program." colin suggested. i finally agreed and we spent the day working on bandersnatch.