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"What are you feeling?"

"Nothing. I'm feeling…Nothing."

The crackle of phone static. They didn't have a lot of time to spare, minutes counted when Daniel had just barely been able to get a hold of a phone. But he seemed unsure of what to say and she could barely think anymore.

She'd thought she could handle the loneliness. She thought the shallow aching in her heart would go away with time, that knowing that Daniel would be back in a mere month and a half would make everything easier.

"I said I'd make all your dreams come true, Regina. And I will."

"All I want is for you to be home. That's the only dream I have anymore, Daniel…"

Their conversation was gone, but in the background she could hear the sound of other men talking loudly. She wondered if it was like the movies, where the soldiers would rough house as if they were little boys again. She wondered if this was real, if Daniel took part or simply moderated.

"I'll be home soon. My contract is coming up. We can talk about me getting out or going back in when I get back."

"You'll come back to me?"

"Always."

"Come on, sir, I got a kid to talk to." The sound of another man. A man as hopeless sounding as she was sure she did.

"Regina…I have to go."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I love you, too…"

Always.

This scene always played through her mind when exhaustion set in. She didn't know if it was proof of an afterlife, of Daniel fulfilling his promise. Of him coming back to her when she most needed him. Perhaps it was just her minds way of coping. It didn't matter. Even if he came to her in her dreams, it wasn't truly coming back.

She'd never truly forgiven the Army for taking away her husband. Her partner, her first friend. Truly, she hadn't forgiven most of the world. For all the monitory wealth she'd had as a child, so little love had been in it. Except for Daniel.

When Henry had been young, he often talked highly of his father. A man he didn't know. He'd say proudly at school that his daddy was a hero, and sometimes when he'd see sadness in Regina's eyes, he would cling to her and tell her that it was okay, she was a hero too. And he said that he was sad that Daddy was gone, but that it was okay, because he had her.

Oh, but he didn't know Daniel. He hardly knew how he'd died. All he knew of his the man were pictures and medals. There was adoration and there was sadness of never knowing a person, but then there was mourning, and Henry didn't know that. He knew mourning of his grandfather, but even that had been brief.

He understood things that no little boy should. He understood that 'tired' for her didn't mean that she was sleepy, but that her breathing was difficult today. He knew medication locations after Maverick, their family dog and her own personal trained helper, had led him to them once. He'd understood that sometimes monsters weren't so much the physical things but the things in your head. And he'd known that not all could be chased away.

Waking up from exhaustion was not a clawing thing for her anymore. It was a slow settle, pondering on dreams and memories and letting herself resurface. It was a gradual move, like floating along the water's edge to shore.

And surfacing was hardly ever painful anymore.

Resurfacing that day was no different. She felt another person head against hers, heard the soft and gentle snoring noise that wasn't a bother. For a moment, she could believe that the last twelve years had simply been a dream, and that she was against Daniel again. That the memories were nightmares that had passed.

The hope was gone rather quickly.

She opened her eyes to realize that Emma Swan was besides her, not Daniel. The urge to push away, however, was not present. It was as though she couldn't bear to part, even if it was an illusion.

Human bodies, after all, are meant to share in each other's space. It's a part of instinct.

Even if she lingered on the moment far longer than she should have, she moved her head and then her body to go against the couch instead. The movement triggered something in Emma, who reacted by jerking awake. Daniel had often done the same thing.

Sleeping in a group will do that to you. Anything changes and you feel like you have to move. Make sure they're okay.

Emma looked around, bleary eyed and confused, until her eyes met Regina's.

"Miss Swan. Welcome to the world of the living."

She sat up further, rubbing her eyes.

"If I remember right, you're the one that almost died, aren't you?"

"Not 'almost died'. Just in duress."

"Well. That could have changed pretty damn quickly."

Regina chuckled softly, and Emma relaxed. They were still where they had been when they'd fallen asleep, and the change between the two of them seemed like a good thing. Even if it didn't last forever, it was a change for the better, and Emma would take it.

Even if the 'Miss Swan' crap was back.

Emma looked at her watch and then cursed under her breath, starting to get up before looking at Regina apologetically.

"What's wrong?" The older woman asked, starting to get up.

"No, it's nothing. I just. I was on shift when you called, and so I had Ruby cover for me. But we had a meeting tonight and, uh…Well, Chief's probably going to kick my …Butt."

"You certainly didn't need to come here, Miss Swan."

"Yeah. Yeah I did. And I'm glad I did. But, uh. I gotta try and play patch up before I get fired." She paused for a second. "You need me for anything?"

A shake of her head. Regina stayed silent while Emma gathered a large amount of her things, until she spoke up a few moments later.

"If you find yourself needing a place to work, we're always hiring committed EMT's. I'm sure I could find a place for you."

Emma gave a hesitant smile and nodded. "I'll try and keep what I got. But yeah. I'll remember that."

She let herself out the door, and Regina found herself feeling lonely again for the first time in ages.

It had been a long while since she had allowed herself to feel much of anything.

Emma had tried to sneak into the back of the room when James wasn't looking, tried to grab a seat without making a noise. Oh, she was almost successful, too, but the slight creaking brought attention to her, and Chief was quick to turn to her.

"Swan. How nice of you to join us."

She attempted a surprised look, as though she couldn't believe that he hadn't seen her earlier, as though, obviously, she had been here, where else would she be.

"You. Back. Now."

She was almost surprised. She had assumed that, at the very least, she could avoid his wrath until after the meeting. Humiliation seemed his target today, and she went without her head bowed. Killian gave her a sympathetic look as Chief stalked past them and went into the back office.

When Emma joined him, he reached back and slammed the door behind them.

"What. The. Hell. Is going through your head, Swan?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You were scheduled to work today. Hell, I was damn right excited, because you suddenly showed up on time for the first time in…What, months? Since that damned fire at the school? And then you just dart off to god knows where, without a mention to me, might I add. The wasn't even the worst part. Jones finished off your paperwork, so I didn't really mind. I said I'd let it slide so long as you showed up on time tonight. And you didn't."

"I'm sorry, I got a call and it was an emergency."

"Yeah? I think there's a procedure for that. It's called talking to me, your boss. When I hired you, I thought for sure you understood that. I thought, oh, a soldier. So they understand the importance of being here on time and getting things done. I thought, oh, New York. Where professionalism is no longer a thing of the past. What great credentials. What the hell happened to those things, Swan?"

She didn't realize it, but she was standing stock still, her hands behind her back as she received the verbal assault. For a moment, she thought she was back in basic, the drilling about to lead to physical punishment, a run, pushups, anything other than a firing.

"It's been hectic, sir."

"No shit. What the hell's going on, Swan? Should I be worried?"

"What?"

"Should I be worried?"

"Sir, I've been doing my job. I've showed up to every call, I finished my paperwork every day but today. I wash the rigs."

"Yes. Except today. I was waiting for today to come, because if today suddenly becomes tomorrow? Or the next day? What happens then, Swan? What happens when we need you and you don't show? It's accountability. This isn't a job where I should find out my people aren't accountable."

Oh and there it was. He thought she wasn't going to do her job.

"Sir, I can assure you, that won't happen."

"Can I take the risk, Swan? Am I sure you have a steady enough head on your shoulders to make things happen?"

He thought she was losing it. That the reason why she'd been late was because of something going on in her head, and maybe it was, but it wasn't what he was thinking.

"I know what happened over there, Swan, you told me, and I don't want to think that if it's interfering with your work-"

"It's not, sir." She cut him off without thinking about it and then shut her mouth. Closed her eyes. Took in a deep breath so that there was no anger behind her words. "It's got nothing to do with that. There's nothing…There's nothing wrong with me. There's just a lot going on since that fire."

"Like what, Swan?"

A little boy who talked about superheroes. That had somehow managed to crawl into her heart without a solid reason or effort. A boy who wanted to chase monsters away without knowing what on earth that meant for him. A woman that she didn't understand but was trying oh so hard to get. A woman whose life she'd saved today. A woman that Chief disliked a lot, for reasons she didn't know.

"I've just been trying to look out for my own. And it hasn't been a problem until today, and it won't be a problem again. I'm sorry."

Silence.

"I need to know that I can count on you, Swan. I'm not trying to be the bad guy here, but I will be if I need to be. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir. I understand perfectly."

"You need to tell me if something is wrong."

There was something wrong, but she didn't know if it was something that Chief would understand, if he would get that she couldn't feel out what was happening inside of her head and that it had nothing to do with over there. If she voiced what was going on in her head, if he'd think she was crazy or simply push it off as part of being human. If he would point out the obvious, like Killian would, or if she would be told to pull her head out of her ass and figure out where she was going with all of this.

Because she didn't know where she was going.

"Nothing's wrong, sir. I'm sorry I was late to the meeting. It won't happen again."

He gave her a once over.

"Alright. If anything changes, I'm not kidding. I need to know."

"Yes, sir…"

He left, leaving the door open wide for her to join the rest of the department. Emma slumped down in a chair in the office, feeling the need to take a deep breath in before she joined everyone else, before she went back out into the world that she had learned to call her own.

This was never supposed to be my life, Stabler…

A written letter to a friend, a long dead friend, left on a stone plague years later.

I should be with you…I had nothing. And now I have half of what you had. And I'm guilty.

She wondered if the family had ever seen it. If they'd hated her. If they'd rejoiced in the fact that he had brought something to her life or if there was resentment over the fact that it could have been her and it wasn't.

I won't waste it. The life you gave me.

A promise to that long dead friend. An empty one, because she felt like she wasted it so many days, felt like her life in New York was without purpose. The one thing she felt like she'd done right, slipping through her hands.

I'm sorry. Thank you.

No. Nothing wrong with her head. Just confusion.

Wondering if not wasting it meant that this was all she would ever know.