Chapter 4

You're lying on the couch playing with your phone when I come home the next afternoon. You must've left early because you've already taken your nighttime uniform of a giant worn-out T-shirt of mine, sleep pants, and huge socks to the next level and you're stuffed inside this blue hooded fleece onesie thing known to the QVC crowd as a forever lazy.

My stupid brother, a notorious drunk infomercial shopper, gave it to you for Christmas a few years ago. He says he's getting you a blankie tail this year, which considering your love of all things mermaid is so perfect I'm kind of jealous. There's no way I can top that.

I set down my work stuff and loosen my tie.

It's fucking hot outside, but winter has definitely come to our apartment.

You still haven't acknowledged my presence after I've gotten a beer from the fridge and taken a swig.

"Bella?" I say, trying to get your attention.

"Yeah," you respond, distracted. You're totally on facebook….I can always tell. Your mouth hangs open slightly and you get this glazed look in your eyes and nothing short of a natural disaster can sidetrack you from your stalking.

"Quit it," I say.

"Quit what?" you ask as your finger continues to swipe across your phone screen. You're still not paying attention to me.

"Stalking," I answer. "That douche is not worth stalking."

Your eyes never leave your screen but I do at least get some reaction when you screw up your mouth in disgust at my accusation. "Geez, Edward, I'm not stalking. I'm trying to figure out which dog breed I am. Lay off."

"Huh?

"Yeah and my results say I'm a Chihuahua. Can you believe that?" Your eyes dart over to mine searching for mutual shock I suppose. "Total bullshit. If anything, I'm a loveable golden retriever or, oh oh, an elegant Irish setter."

I press my lips together, trying to hold it in, but I can't help the snort that escapes at your logic. Only you.

"Definitely," I agree in an effort to appease you.

"And why would I be stalking Tyler? That whole thing was soooo not a big deal," you say like I'm stupid for thinking you were ever upset over him.

My eyes almost bug out of my head at your total about-face. "Really? That's good….'cause I could've sworn that like 48 hours ago you were crying into your drink about how you were going to be alone forever after the demise of your epic…..I'll be generous and say month long relationship."

"Shut up."

"You gonna make me, abominable snowman?" I swear with all the layers you've got on I'm going to have to roll you off the couch next time you need to get up.

You stick out your tongue at me and keep scrolling on Facebook…..probably taking another stupid quiz.

"That's not very ladylike, Ms. Swan," I say as I sit next to you on the couch and pull your feet into my lap.

"And?"

"And I don't think I can take anything less than a lady to see my family at either of the two illustrious events to which I've so graciously invited you. After all, wasn't it you chastising me just a few nights ago about how Lauren the bartender was not the take home to your mother type?"

You look up at me and actually put your phone down. I think you're about to either lay into me or say something profound until I realize you just need to adjust the pillows you're propped on while you respond.

"Whatev, first off, invite? I think we both know I'm going under duress. I mean I love your fam and all, but I avoid these big family functions with you for a reason and you know why." I do know why. It's the reason I wish I could avoid them, too, and the reason I want you with me. "And anyway, I don't count as a girl you're "taking home"…. we've been friends so long and you're so….well, you….that no one would ever believe us if we said we were together-together."

I hate when you remind me how very nonthreatening and friend-zoned I am to you. It's depressing. And besides, I think you're wrong.

"Wanna bet."

A/N

I have a forever lazy, my dog has her own snuggie, and I'm working on the blankie tail because they are just the coolest.

Also, according to FB, I'm a pug.