The reason that you avoid my big family functions and I wish I could is staring right at me.

Alice.

Motherfucking Alice

She's my mom's brother's miserable stepdaughter.

Since Grumps is not even her stepfather's biological father, she doesn't always feel obligated to make it to such events. In fact, we are, on occasion, spared her awful, soul-sucking presence…..unfortunately, today is not one of those beautiful days.

To make matters worse, my mom, or Esme as we'll be calling her from here on out, swore up and down that Alice had a conflict and wouldn't be here. Her guilty expression tells me she is a bigger sellout than John Mayer.

And why is what I want to know? It's not like I would've skipped the old man's party. 85 is a big birthday and even if he is a little on the cantankerous side, Grumps and I are pretty tight. It just would've been nice to have time to prepare myself and to tell you so at least one of us could've avoided this drama.

I feel your hand slide around me and begin to rub my back.

"Drink up," you whisper.

You then go to town on the cutesy paper straw sticking out of your cup and I follow suit.

At least I can tell by your actions that you don't think I knew and didn't tell you.

That would've been bad. Really bad.

As I guzzle my drink like a 16 year old at spring break, I think back to the days when we were all friends….

We all started U Dub the same year and as people tend to do when they get out in the big, scary world of college, we clung to the few people we knew. You, Jasper, and I all went to high school together and Alice was my cousin. She and I had never been particularly close, having not spent much time together ever, but my mother had made me promise to be nice to her.

I had no idea I was bringing Satan's handmaiden into our crew.

At first, the materialism, multiple boyfriends, and snobby behavior were sort of funny and she was funny. We made fun of her for her expensive jeans and dating shenanigans and she called us peasants while she ran her perfectly manicured fingers through her hair extensions and batted her specially cut fake eyelashes.

But then the lying started and a clusterfuck of epic proportions ensued.

My thoughts are interrupted by everyone clapping for Grumps, who has successfully blown out his one candle.

You tug on my shirt and I bend down so you can reach me. "I got away with not talking to her in the kitchen, but I felt her staring at me the whole time. She's just waiting for her moment."

I had no doubt. Alice loves to be the center of attention…to make a big splash. And she delights in making others uncomfortable.

.

Esme makes her way over to us as Nana passes out pieces of cake and everyone takes their turn congratulating Grumps on 85 years.

"You are a lying liar who lies," I accuse under my breath, trying to keep my volume down so I don't make a scene.

"I'm sorry, honey. I really didn't know until yesterday and by then, you'd already told me that both you and Bella were coming and I didn't want to mess that up."

"You should've told me. You know -"

"Edward, don't you think-," she begins reproachfully, but my side eye stops her midsentence.

I know she wasn't about to suggest that it was time we let bygones be bygones. My grudge against Alice was….forever. Family or not. Her manipulations had caused the only real fight Bella and I had ever had. We didn't speak for a month. It was the worst month of my life.

"Okay, okay," she sighs in defeat. "I'm going to rescue your father before your Nana talks him into a 2nd piece of cake. At least go….mingle and try not to be obvious."

You smile at my mom and give her a wink. "Don't worry Esme, we got this."

Considering your feelings towards Alice are way more violent than mine, I'm kind of annoyed that you've succeeded at looking like the rational one.

That annoyance quickly fades when you snuggle up under my arm and rest your head against my chest.

I'm pleased because I love to touch you, to be affectionate with you, but given our little wager, I'm surprised you're helping me this much. I assumed I would have to initiate everything.

I glance down at you trying to catch your expression…to get some idea of where your head's at, but you're focus is straight ahead.

On Alice.

Making her way over to us.

Ugh.

As she steps around Nana, you slide your hand from my waist into my back pocket and squeeze my ass.

It's a miracle I don't yell "A-ha!" out loud...because all the sudden I get it. Your unexpected little grope flipped the light switch on. I'm picking up what you're putting down.

You want Alice to think we're a couple.

I can't help the smug smile that spreads over my face.

Who would've thought opportunity would knock and answer to the name Alice?

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