It went like this for a while.
Come back from one of two jobs. Stop in to see Henry and Regina. Stay with Henry while Regina went off to work an hour or two, a slow transition back into the world she had been so accustomed to. Worrying about Regina. Playing video games with Henry. Watching a movie with Henry. Letting him fall asleep. Staying for dinner. If there was no work that night, staying with Regina. Morning came. Wash, rinse, repeat.
There was a slow dance in the way that they did this. If Regina came back to her house with dark rings around her eyes, Emma would offer to cook or, more than likely, pick up something to eat. If Emma came to the house stumbling, exhausted from a long drawn out fire or rowdy bar goers, Henry would pick up on it and grab a movie right away so that they could sleep, and Regina would halt her steady movements for the night. Focus on that.
If they were both in bad shape, Henry took the lead and called in pizza. These were the best nights by far, despite that it meant earlier in the day it had been bad. These nights were full of laughter and stories. An attempt to move each other, impress one another.
And then it came to a grinding halt when Henry was back in school.
Perhaps not a grinding halt. It did change, but only because Emma had less of an excuse to go then. Regina would drop Henry off before her shift and then go to the station, and Emma found herself going earlier to the fire hall. She drifted back into the old routine of laying in bed in the morning and hoping for something, anything, to liven up the day.
But there was nothing. She found herself going back to that house not five blocks down the road, found herself sitting next to young Henry trying to finish up homework. She found herself smiling between the two of them and watching Regina much closer than she ever had, listening to every word. And there were some complex ones in there, so Emma felt pretty damned accomplished.
She didn't know what this was. What it was supposed to equate. But she did know that whatever it was, it was good. It was good enough that she could take it in and enjoy it. She didn't know if they were courting each other or already courted. She didn't know whether Henry was somehow becoming a part of her life or not. She didn't know how this was all going to work out.
But she was alright with whatever 'this' was.
She didn't know when another change started to happen. When Regina started to pull away again. When Emma would wrap her arm around the woman and Regina would shrug it off before sighing and reluctantly repeating Emma's last gesture. She didn't know when she started to fall asleep before even a mere kiss had been placed upon lips. It almost seemed like it had been another tide to come in, as though it had switched so seamlessly that there hadn't been a catch, a notice.
Henry noticed. The clever little boy. He noticed but didn't bring it up.
He was trying to patch up something that had started before he had even been born, was trying to fix something that kept tearing because of weak strings.
Emma almost wanted to mourn for him.
And that's what he was attempting when he suggested the park. Emma realized it, and she was sure by the spark in Regina's eyes, in her hesitance, that she realized it too.
"Henry…"
"It'll be fun! We're all off, right Emma?"
He was trying, but pitting them against each other was not the winning strategy. Emma looked over at Regina, who looked so warn out. Her body was slow, her movements equal to what Henry's had been when he'd first gotten home from the hospital. Dark circles. At night, Emma could swear she heard the softest rasping, and oh if that didn't make her body ache for the woman. The mere effort of keeping the ramrod posture seemed to be far too much.
"It'll be like a vacation," Emma offered, smiling a little in her direction. Henry perked up, looking at his mother expectantly.
"I hardly…" Regina started, until her attention was back on Henry and she resigned. She smiled a little at the boy and reached forward, touching his shoulder. "We'll see. Alright, hijo?"
They both knew that 'we'll see' was basically a yes. And she hadn't dismissed Emma, which was certainly better than what could have happened. She allowed her into her bedroom that night, even attempted to be intimate once more, moving her hand under Emma's shirt and trying, trying so damned hard that it hurt. Emma was the one that stopped it.
"Hey. You're tired. Get some sleep."
"I'm next to the amazing flip flopper. You expect me to sleep?"
Emma chuckled. "Yes. Go for it."
Regina sighed but relaxed. Emma found herself wrapping her arms around the woman, humming softly in an attempt to help the process along. Until finally she felt the last resistance go, and sleep fall onto Regina. In it's own way, this too was poetry. A fighting woman who would fall back into rest.
Lord knew she needed it.
The next morning, they both slept in, though Emma occasionally woke to the sound of Henry walking about, his footsteps loud and clomping despite his best efforts to stay silent. Like an elephant that could be heard throughout the jungle. He was hardly a lion cub.
Regina came back into the world slowly, and then so did Emma, their movements triggering one another to get up. Dressing was slow, but Regina eventually found something to wear, and Emma wasn't nearly as picky for a trip to the park.
The drive would have been silent, had it not been for Henry's constant chatter. He was trying, he was trying so hard, and it seemed like it should exhaust him more than it did. Emma simply smiled and chimed in whenever she got the chance, but Regina stayed mostly silent. Which wasn't too weird, Emma supposed. She was exhausted, even if she didn't want to show it. She'd handed Emma the keys without so much as a protest when she had offered to drive. There was still distance, despite the exhaustion, and a blind man could see that.
Perhaps I want to see if you'll stay. If you think I'm worth it.
Emma was determined. She was determined to stay as long as Regina would allow.
That didn't make it any easier. Especially when she couldn't pinpoint exactly what was wrong. Maybe it was just exhaustion, but then there was the drawing back that drove her nuts.
Things you have to understand before dating someone in public service. 1. They will be exhausted many nights.
But that only explained half of it. Regina had worked in this field for so long, no doubt she understood the toll it took on them. She was trying, sure, maybe even trying as hard as Henry was, but there was still the reluctance at touch, there was a reluctance that Emma didn't understand.
Well, she did understand it. But it was usually her that was reluctant, not the other way around, and it was strange.
When they parked, Henry was already climbing out, grabbing bags of food and jabbering away. He had a soccer ball, he wanted to see how well Emma could play. In his words, he was most definitely the best soccer player in the city, and thus had to make sure he could beat her too.
She'd probably let him win.
"I can grab something," Regina offered, despite the fact that by the time she had actually exited the car she and Henry had grabbed almost everything. The need not to fight won over concern, and she handed the smallest of the pile and shrugged.
"There isn't that much."
Not really the truth. Henry seemed to have packed enough for a month here, when they'd only be there for a few hours at most. She was still trying to figure out how he'd managed to get himself in the car with all the stuff. She opted not to grab half of the things in the car anyways.
Emma attempted to grab for Regina's hand, but she pulled away again. There was a hint of annoyance pinging in Emma's brain, one she didn't want to reside there. It wasn't fair to be annoyed, of course, but it also wasn't fair to Emma. She was doing her best, too.
That withdrawn attitude managed throughout the day, and Emma felt her stomach churn as Henry started to pick up on it. He ended up in the soccer field alone for a while, kicking it to himself while Emma made the slow walk back to Regina. Sitting on a small bench with her head in her hands.
"What's up?"
Regina shook her head in a reply.
"Because you're kind of acting weird. Weirder than usual. And Henry's noticed."
"I know."
"Then why?" She tried to keep hostility out of her voice, it didn't have a place here, but there was the small hint of it. When Henry was involved, Regina became more aware, more like herself. But not now.
"I'm tired, Miss Swan."
"Emma. You started to call me Emma. Why aren't you doing that right now?"
She was met with silence.
"Well?"
"Emma. I'm tired, Emma."
"Is it…" she glanced down, as though indicating her chest, though the act may have been strange to anyone looking upon them. Regina shook her head, not reacting in a way that would tell Emma that she was lying. She'd almost be happier if that was why, because at least Emma could understand that. She could figure it out better.
"Then…"
Regina didn't speak for a long moment, and pushed herself up with far too much effort.
"When we get to the house."
"Why not now?"
Emma wanted to talk about it now, far away from Henry and close enough to the woman so that she knew she wouldn't run away. But this conversation was done. Regina was already walking out to the field and holding up a hand to indicate that Henry should pass it. Henry lit up instantly, grinning and kicking it much softer than he had ever done with Emma. The passes to her had been harsh, challenging. This was a simple game, and he was protecting Regina by making it slower.
He wouldn't admit it if you confronted him about it. Far too much like his mother in that way.
And on its own? The rest of the day wasn't so bad. There was a sour taste in her mouth from whatever they were going to talk about at the house, a bad feeling in her gut, but she wasn't about to ruin the look on the boys face and the almost serene look on Regina's.
The sun set not long after they ate, and Emma didn't even comment when Henry hopped up front after Regina crawled in the back. Her head turned, trying to sleep.
Perhaps that's all it was. Exhaustion.
But they still had to talk.