Samson came to my bed, told me that my hair was red...Told me that I was beautiful, and went right back to bed. I cut his hair myself one night, a pair of old scissors in the yellow light…He told me that I'd done alright, and kissed me til the morning light.

There were periods of waking up and assessing the situation, of listening to Regina's breathing without meaning to. Often times, Emma found that when she awoke, Regina was awake too, her eyes slits staring into the darkness around them. No other signs present. She was used to listening, the both of them were.

"Did you sleep with him?" Regina asked when Emma awoke again, and had shifted to make sure they were still interlocked. Her voice didn't crack. Whatever wound she had about this, she didn't want to show.

"Who?"

"Daniel. Did you sleep with him?"

A jolt of electricity through her mind, as though more pieces were fitting in. Had she wondered about this for twelve years? Had this been her concern since his passing? Had she thought of this whilest holding Henry?

"No! No, Regina..."

"Then Henry was a result of…"

"Cassidy. Neal Cassidy. He was…He was our CO…"

The sound she was met with was steady breathing, which was much better than the other option. Regina didn't draw in closer, though to be truthful they were so close already it felt as if their cells would merge. As if every space between them would be filled.

"Daniel was just so protective…When he wrote me about you…"

"He was of everyone. But we had the same background, so I think…I think he wanted to take care of me because no one else ever had." The tension in the room was starting to go away, for it had stayed longer than it should have. "He was in love with you. On the ground, when he took that bullet, that's all he was thinking of. He told me that if anything happened, he didn't know what he'd do, he started to panic. Stabler never panicked."

We have shit to do, Emma, I need to get back to the States, please, please, fix this…

Yeah, sir, I know. You aren't dying today, alright?

Tourniquet and tears. He was in a hospital bed for a short time after, but then he was back in the field. Emma sometimes wondered what would have happened if instead, he'd been sent back home. She would have been screwed, surely, as he couldn't have guided her. But he would have still been alive, and there was so much that could have happened in that time.

In a different place, in a different time, Emma might have been a friend to this family instead of a lover of his wife.

It was twelve years ago, Emma told herself, and shut her eyes. She'd have to convince herself that it mattered a great many times over.

Regina had finally shut her eyes again, relaxed into the woman. Like children, they stayed close together. Two war torn females, two different wars. Perhaps that was the point. Coming together after tragedy in an attempt to fix each other.

There was no fixing, but there was an attempt.

"This changes everything, doesn't it?" Regina asked. "I tried not to think about everything when he was growing up, but I did. And I thought about it when I realized…When I realized who you were, all I wanted to do was ask, but you crawled in and you made me care about you. And I don't know how to feel about that."

"Why?" Emma would have propped herself up, but she felt good here, even though she knew there was more conversation to be had that she didn't want to touch.

"Everyone I care about gets hurt, one way or another."

"That's being human…"

"But I fear it will be my fault, this time. I'll hurt you and Henry. Because I let you get to close, and I can't bear to pull away."

Time in this world was so delicate, so easy to destroy. One moment you're around, the next you're dying, and who knows how many years or seconds you have before your time is up. But Emma didn't want to think of it, didn't want to dwell. There was so much stupidity in this world, but she didn't want to linger on that, though of course she would have to face it soon.

"Did someone tell you that you're dying?" She wanted to punch that person in the face and tell them to shut the hell up. Wanted to tell them to go to hell, and to fuck off. Because what did they know, what did they understand about the human spirit, the need to survive? Regina had to survive, because that's what she'd been doing her whole life, and how ironic would it be if the one that had dedicated their whole life to saving lives would die because of something stupid?

"Whale. Not dying, per say. But I'm not getting any better. And I know how these things go."

Declining health, inability to keep up. Emma had seen COPD patients in New York, and how often had she asked if the mask and the oxygen being forced down their throat was worth it? She had seen heart failure, the bubbling at the mouth, such an ugly thing. Fixing it for them was driving faster, but she'd tried not to think of what happened when they dropped the patient off. Tried not to think of family mourning or patients attempting to stay swimming.

Why do bad things happen to good people, Stabler?

Because, Swan. We're animals. And nature does not give one fuck about whether we're good or bad.

"Why did you tell me? Why me?"

There was a long, drawn out silence, as though Regina was picking her words out carefully. And perhaps she had to. This had been a lot to drop on Emma, and she wasn't sure if she could hold it all on her shoulders alone. Part of the load they could bare together, but this last part, the part about dying and all that other bullshit, the stuff that Emma didn't want to face, that was her load. And she wanted to carry it, she did, but she didn't know if she could haul it up a mountain.

"Because if anything happens, I need to know you're alright. And that my son is as well."

Another hundred pounds, a straw on the camels back, and she felt as though she would collapse under the weight of it.

"You want me to take care of Henry if anything happens to you?" she asked, her voice suddenly very thin and weary.

"I don't expect you to. Just to check in on him once and a while. He's grown fond of you, Emma."

And there was another line under there. He can't loose both mothers, even if he's unaware that she is one. Emma felt as though she were running with no clear destination, or a destination in mind with no clear path. It was a foggy road, and slowing down wouldn't help it. Because there was no way of telling how fast time was going on this route.

"Will he ever know? That I am who I am?"

"That's you're call. I don't really care how you go about it, so long as you don't hurt him. Don't tell him and run away. On the same card, don't keep getting closer to him if you don't plan on staying."

To not get closer to him was to not stay by Regina, and as much as this whole thing terrified her, as much as it struck flight into her bones, she was still rooted here. And she couldn't sprint away, no matter how much she wanted to.

"You aren't going to die, Regina. So that won't be a problem."

"You're still in his life so long as you're in mine. So either way, you'll have to decide."

Emma placed a hand on her chest, feeling Regina's heart beneath the skin. Feeling it rise and fall, still breathing, still alive. Decisions were not her strong suit, at least not in life. On the field, Cassidy had said she'd be a fine officer should she decide to pursue it, but here, in the real world, it was harder. The decisions on a field were primal, made fast. Here she had time to think, and thinking was her worst enemy.

It gave her time to second guess herself.

Fuck.

"You don't have to decide tonight. I know it's a lot to take in."

No shit.

"Let's just stay like this for a little while. Okay? Is that okay?"

A slow nod.

"Okay…"

And there was a pause in this run, a catching of breath. A pause that would last a while, at least. That would last for tonight.