There was nothing about tonight that should have been special. Except, it was, because instead of lying on top of each other, instead of embracing each other, Emma was listening to the soft hum of a machine, watching Regina lay there. They weren't in a hospital, far from it, they were still in her (Their?) room. It was simply that Regina had been given a machine to help her breathe at night. Emma knew it well. It was called a CPAP machine, but she was used to seeing it on old people. And despite the constant bickering between them, despite Emma calling Regina old, it didn't suit her.
"You can stop staring, Emma," came a low grumble. "Sleep. You don't do any good with both of us sick."
"You're not si-,"
"Shut. Up."
It was enough for the blond to close her mouth. She could see the shadow of Regina slowly lifting the mask off of her face, throwing it to the side as though it were nothing more than tissue. She could see the shadow of the woman move to stretch, to move her neck. "I swear, that thing will be the death of me."
"Not funny."
"I wasn't laughing."
They fell into silence again, the hum of the machine quieted with the flip of a switch. Neither of them wanted to acknowledge it, that since it's introduction their nights had been fading into nothing more than silly sleepovers. Neither wanted to acknowledge their worry for the other.
"I have to work in an hour," was the awkward break in silence that Emma put forth, and she was kicking herself the moment it came out of her mouth. She could see Regina move again, and despite her weakening state, she was still fluid. Still a member of the night. "We could….You know?"
"You've never been one for subtlety, have you?" Despite the slight annoyance in the words, the tone was more playful than Emma had heard in days, and she welcomed it. Her heart sunk when she heard the next words come from Regina's mouth, however. "I'm very tired, Miss Swan. I'm very tired indeed."
"Then sleep," Emma said, but she knew better, just as Henry knew better. There was a hint of amusement in Regina's eyes, though it faded rather quickly. "I mean. That's gotta be better, right? Than us just…"
"Staring at each other?" Regina took in a deep breath, and Emma did not take for granted how smooth it sounded. How normal it was. "I'm not dying, you know. I'm not dead."
"I know you're not dead, Regina, I-"
"Listen. I'm not. Dying. Stop looking at me like I'm a sick fool. Henry's noticing."
She wasn't wrong, but then, Henry had noticed long before. Emma knew better than to bring this up, however. The silence in the room was once again present, pressing against her ears, and she needed to break it. Break it before it was too late to break it.
"That machine isn't for healthy people, Regina, you know that."
"And it's not for the dying, either. It's just to help me through the night."
Emma moved slightly, pushing herself up off of the bed. Regina had moved to the edge, and though Emma couldn't see it, she was certain the woman was chewing nervously on her fingernails. This was something she had noticed. When Regina became nervous, she would chew on her fingernails. The only thing not regal about the woman. Even as they sat there, even as Regina admitted she was tired, she sat as though a bar had been shoved through her spine. Yet, her she was. Emma was right.
"I'm sorry."
For so much. For the way life had treated her. For the sickness that consumed her. For the fact that she couldn't help but worry.
No. She wasn't sorry for that one.
"Get ready for work, Miss Swan."
"I can stay home," she offered weakly, but with a wave of Regina's hand she knew better. "We can have a picnic tomorrow. Just like last time, it'll be-"
"Magical?" Regina questioned, amusement again in her tone.
"Magical," Emma confirmed. "Henry can bring his comic books, you can bring your boring novel, whatever you want. I just…I want to see you smile again, Regina, I want to see you…"
"Alive," Regina finished for her, taking in another smooth, deep breath. There was hesitation before Emma answered back.
"Yes. Alive. And Henry does too."
"I'm alive, Miss Swan. I'm very, very much alive."
"Okay. Let's keep it that way."
There was a moment where Emma hesitated, where her hand brushed against Regina's. Where her fingers lingered just a moment too long, like a teenagers fearful date night. But finally she leaned in and kissed the woman.
"I have to get ready for work."
"Well, Miss Swan, better 'bring home the bacon', as you say."
She chuckled as she got up.
"Aye, aye, Chief."