Happy 20th Ed, Edd n' Eddy, have an update to a 10+ year old fanfic, it's even older than what the published date is on here.
Ed and Eddy made their way back to the ship. A machine was loading new cargo into the back of the ship, labels on the boxes looked like they were going to be shipping deodorant.
"What's wrong Eddy?" Ed said, with a concerned look.
"You know how much a fucking jawbreaker costs here in space?"
"5 space-solarises?"
"I wish. They cost over 9 fucking billion Space-Solarises."
Ed stopped walking for a moment.
"Do we make that much Eddy?"
"Who do you think we are, Bill Gates? We're nobody! We only made 25,000 for all that damn toilet paper."
"Ah man Eddy, I want a jawbreaker now."
A light bulb appeared over Ed's head.
"Oh wait Eddy! I got an idea! We have that food machine in the ship! We can use that to make jawbreakers!"
"Are you kidding me?! Why didn't I think of that?"
The two of them went running for the ship and got on board. Meanwhile Double-D was making adjustments to ship to install the new holoprojector they were given.
"Hi Double-D!" Ed yelled as they entered the cockpit.
"Hi Ed, what are you two in a hurry for?"
"Eddy saw jawbreakers for sale in the market but they're too expensive so we're going to use the machine to make us some to eat."
"Ed is right." Eddy said walking in. It's jawbreaker time!"
He looked at the pile of goo sitting in the dispenser.
"Who replicated toothpaste?"
He hit the return button. The goo vanished and he hit the order button.
"Hey machine, make us three jawbreakers."
"Uh guys," Double-D replied. "The food machine can't make them."
"Why can't you use this machine to make a jawbreaker?" Eddy said slapping the food making machine.
"Just try it." Edd said while sighing.
Eddy pressed the start button, and the machine went to work. Thirty seconds later a pile of goop appeared and started oozing out of the machine.
"The heck is this?!"
"Just what I said Eddy. The material of the jawbreaker cannot be made."
"But...but it's just a ball of sugar." Eddy moaned.
"I guess it's best to change the subject then. Did the cargo get exchanged?"
"Yeah. We have a full load of deodorant in our cargo bay. I seriously don't get why we're hauling bathroom junk around and nothing interesting."
Eddy stared at Ed.
"Ed fire up the engines, its time to go."
"Roger walnut, Eddy!"
The ship undocked and departed for the next market station.
In a window on the station, Sarah looked at the ship as it departed.
"Me and them... The last survivors of the human race... Unless they can do something to stop it."
She sighed and walked back to her room.
"If its anyone who can stop them, its those guys... They have what it takes, and they don't realize that ship is probably the most powerful ship in existence next to the snake fleet."
She turned back and looked at the ship now disappearing into space through the window.
"They don' t have much time left before the invasion starts."
Back on the ship…
"So, what is the next place we have to take this deodorant to?" said eddy.
"This clipboard the alien lady gave you guys reads a planet called Ngqmork 7."
"These places sure have weird names."
"You have to remember Eddy, these are their planet names in their native languages. I'm sure Earth sounds unusual to them too."
"Yeah, whatever."
Ed stood there with a dumb look on his face."
Edd looked back at him.
"What is wrong with you Ed?"
"Oh nothing Eddy! Did you guys say Ngqmork 7?"
"Yes Ed, I did."
"Did you know that that is the name of the planet in this comic book?"
Ed pulled out a comic book entitled evil zombie aliens.
"It's a comic book about zombie aliens who weaken their prey with bad body odor."
Edd sighed and turned back to the screen he was reading from... It was instructions on how to set up the holograph projector given to them.
"Uh, I think I will just go set this thing up that Sarah gave us... I have a feeling it might be of use to us later."
Edd opened a hatch on the floor and entered a crawl space below.
Meanwhile:
A dark figure with red-ish eyes is staring at a screen. On the screen is the three Eds ship flying towards him.
"I think its time to pay the dorks a visit… Bawhahahhahahaha!"
The figure looks at his hands.
"This body might be a little weak, but it should take them out fine."
Back to the Eds...
Double-D finally set up the projector. The other two Eds are watching him close the hatch on the floor.
"Here it comes!"
He pushed a button on a control panel next to Eddy and a naked brown haired girl that looked like Nazz appeared.
Eddy couldn't help but stare at her breasts.
"Mommy! Come to popa!"
Edd turned around and looked at Eddy.
"Um… that's a maid program.. No use to us since the ship cleans itself."
"She can clean me though. Hey hey hey…."
Edd pressed a button and the figure disappeared.
"...fuck you Double-D"
Double d pressed another button and a nuclear warhead appeared. Ed started drooling.
"Cool… It's a nuke!"
"I think we need to get some settings programmed I guess." Double-D said.
He yet again pressed the button and it vanished. As he went to press it again, a loud bang could be heard on the front. It knocked him off balance and into Eddy's chair.
"Um, guys, did we hit something?"
Eddy turned towards Ed.
"I don't know, Ed, what's going... Oh shit!"
A figure looking like Kevin in a space suit was punching the front window.
"Time to die, dicks!"
"What the! How the fuck did Kevin get this far out in space?!"
"I don't believe that's Kevin, Eddy."
Ed stood up and pointed at Kevin.
"Look at his eyes guys! It looks like he's possessed by demons!"
Ed jerked the steering wheel in front of him, thinking it would knock him off. It didn't."
Eddy looked at the glass, which had began to crack now.
"Um guys... We need to do something about this now…"
Edd turned and looked at Eddy.
"Its highly unlikely that a human being can force himself through that material. After the next hit he'll break the bones in his hand."
He was right. Although in a vacuum, you can't hear screaming, you could look at Kevin's face and tell he was in pain. Some blood came out of the space suit around his fist.
"See, we have nothing to worry about Eddy. As long as we are on this ship, he can't break in."
A thump and then some grinding sounds began. Eddy looked back at the window. Ed, meanwhile kept jerking the steering wheel around and accelerating and decelerating the ship to get him off the front. Eddy turned Double-D's head towards the window.
"Well that's all nice Double stupid, but you didn't realize he has a laser powered drill in his other hand, now did you?"
"Still not possi-"
An alarm went off in the ship.
"Warning! Warning! Hull breach detected in front window, sealing window."
"Huh, the hell?" Eddy said.
A metal curtain appeared out of nowhere and began to cover the front window.
On the outside…
"Ugh, this ship is not a piece of junk. Guess I'll have to do this the old fashioned way."
The Kevin like alien started climbing across the underside of the ship and found his way to the cargo bay hatch. He began to rip off the panel holding the controls to open the door and started ripping wires out.
Meanwhile:
"He disappeared, think he gave up guys." Ed said to the others.
"See, this ship is safe."
A voice went off on the ship again.
"Intruder alert in cargo bay! Intruder alert!"
"Fuck!"
"I never knew you to swear Double-D!" Ed said.
"Well now what?" Eddy yelled in a panic.
"I think I have an idea," Double-D said as he grabbed a tablet. "Come with me Eddy."
"I'll keep flying the ship guys!" Ed yelled back as they left the cockpit.
"No, you're coming with us." Eddy yelled grabbing him by the ear. Get your gun too.
###
Kevin started running towards the staircase that led up to the living quarters of the ship... But stopped.
"Who's the dork now, motherfucker?!"
"Who's the dork now, motherfucker?!"
This repeated 5 times and when Kevin turned around, he was surrounded by Eddy's.
"One of us is real, and the rest of us are fakes. Too bad you won't know what hit you!"
The Kevin-like alien pulled a rifle out of his suit and spun around firing at all of them.
"Ha ha! Miss me, you lose!"
"What the fuck dorks! Come out and fight like a man!"
"Too late!"
"Wha?"
Ed jumped off the railing from above.
"Prepare to die alien scum!"
Ed pulled a small pistol out and nailed Kevin three times in the chest with the blast. He fell to the ground.
Double-D came out of the shadows.
"See, Eddy, I told you it would come in handy."
"Whatever."
Edd walked over to Kevin who was slumped on the floor bleeding.
"Fuck! Ed! I told you to use stun! Not kill! You killed him!"
"Whoops, sorry."
"He's not dead." Double-D replied as he looked over Kevin's body. "but we have to do something fast before he does."
An worm like creature began to come out of Kevin's nose. Kevin's skin color began to start returning to normal. Eddy caught the worm creature with a jar that came out of nowhere.
"Where'd you get that jar from Eddy?" Ed said.
"I kept it with me because I thought I could get some scamming in." He screwed the lid on the jar. The worm creature started hitting the side of the jar and hissing, trying to get free.
"Hah, fuck you worm!" Eddy said, staring straight at the jar. Edd got down and started trying to get the space suit off of Kevin. Meanwhile the puddle of blood began to grow.
"We really need to do something about Kevin. The ship's medical kit won't be able to do much about that gaping wound in his chest."
Ed pointed to a tube at the end of the cargobay, towards the front of the ship.
"Oh Oh! Lets put him in the freezer!"
Double-D perked up at the suggestion.
"Hmm... Ed is actually right. We can vacuum seal him in very cold temperatures and it might be possible to bring him back."
Ed dragged Kevin to the tube.
This should do. Let me set the environmental controls to -150 and vacuum seal it."
The Eds went back up to the bridge area and sat down.
"Now I wonder where we need to go..." Ed said scratching his head as he sat back down in the pilots seat.
"Ed..." Eddy said as he sat down in his seat. "I think we need to turn the ship around to get Kevin medical attention. I can't allow someone I know die even if he despises us."
Double-D walked back into the cockpit.
"Before we do, how far are we from our destination?" He asked.
Ed started pushing buttons on the console.
"We're two thirds of the way there."
"Maybe we should see if they have a medical facility there first."
Sitting down at his console, Double-D started pushing keys to see if there was one. There wasn't.
"Looks like there isn't. Do what Eddy says. I need to go take a shower and wash my clothes. I got blood everywhere! Such a messy biohazard."
Edd walked out and down the corridor. Ed jerked the steering wheel around and started mashed the gas full throttle back to station Feta-Chi.