Author's note: Writing style changes a bit in this story.
In some dark room far away from the Eds:
A dark figure slams his fist on a table.
"Arrgh!"
"What's wrong master?"
"Those pathetic humans defeated their rival, someone who always wins against them. That means they are smarter than I thought."
"So what do you have planned?"
"Drastic actions."
On the Ed's ship:
The Eds are zooming back to the station they just came from as fast as they could. Excluding Ed, who's flying the ship, the other two are sitting in chairs in the cockpit reading books and magazines. A buzzer goes off on the console next to Edd. He puts the book he was reading down.
"Ugh, what now?" said Eddy, looking up from his magazine.
"We're receiving a message from the station." Edd said from his seat. "Looks like it's high importance."
"I guess put it through."
Ed pressed a button on the controls in front of him. A holograph projection appeared. The alien on the projection looked like a bouncing ball with tentacles.
"Greetings from the Feta-chi." the alien said. "A violent uproar on Ngqmork 7 has occurred between some of the living and undead there so the planet is now off limits at the moment."
Eddy looked at the projection of the spherical looking alien that was appearing in front of them.
"So... What does that mean for us?"
The alien yawned and thumbed a pad it was holding.
"Your delivery is on a delay for now. Bring it back to the station, and we'll get you another. We have another you can get, after that, we suggest you take a few days off and go back home for a bit. New species out here take a bit for adjustment, whether you realize it or not."
"Oh yeah, another question, where's the nearest space hospital?" Double-D asked.
"Why? One of you get hurt?"
"No, but it's someone we know."
"Nearest one is orbiting our sun here... Just bring them by there on your way back here to drop off the supplies. We will see you soon."
The projector cut off.
"Hm, space hospital?" Eddy said.
"Guess aliens have everything accessible, probably a requirement or something."
"It's space guys, aliens have everything we don't have." Ed butted in.
A few hours later, the Eds arrived at the space hospital.
"Holy shit, Ed." said Eddy. "You hauled ass here."
"Well I don't think any of us want to be responsible for Kevin dying..." Edd replied. "If we ever went home after that.. The consequences would be tremendous!"
"I don't want to think how mom would act if I killed someone!" Ed said.
The ship entered a large opening in the side of the station and landed on the pad inside. This bay was different compared to the trading station, tubes didn't hook up to the ship from the outside, and the air was breathable once the ship passed through the forcefield in the opening. They landed the ship in what looked like a parking spot.
Ed opened the door to the hatch on the cargo bay and the door opened down in front of them. The three watched as the door opened and they could see the docking bay appear before them. A few small aliens that looked like slime could be seen walking to the ship.
"Hey Ed." Eddy yelled. "Can you get Kevin out of the capsule?"
"Sure thing Eddy!" He proudly said back . "Get Kevin I will." He started singing over and over again.
A grunting could then be heard as Ed dragged the capsule down to the ramp off the ship. Double-D ran up to help.
"Oh Ed, we said bring him. Not move the capsule and scratch the floor!" Edd sighed. "It will take days to clean up that mess."
As they were talking, a small alien walked up to the three of them.
"what's zhe problom guyse?" The alien said with a huge accent.
"Chinless here had to shoot someone we knew." Eddy said.
"Wherat?"
"In the chest. Several times might I add. He was possessed by some kind of snake or worm creature." Double D said.
"Do yoh have ze creature?"
The Eds were realizing that the translator they all had was starting to better translate the accent the alien had to something they could understand. Eddy grabbed the jar.
"This motherfucker right here."
"Hmm…" The alien said. "I recognize it, snake people, are cartel traders. Traders called snake fleet. They take bodies for physical activity. Why attack you species, I not know. You keep snake creature in freezer, make it sleep for while, ask it questions later."
Eddy opened the capsule with Kevin in it and put the jar in the capsule next to him. Ed pulled Kevin's frozen body out of the container and held him by the knees.
"Ah yes, you injured person?"
"Yes, that's him." Double D answered.
"Lay him on float pad outside your ship. We take him for surgery. We may need donor blood of your species, look like massive blood loss. You three come with me."
The Eds walked off the ship with the alien leading the way. As they exited, Eddy pulled a keyfob out of his pocket and pressed a button on it. The ship chirped like a car being locked and the cargobay door closed.
"I have a request," Edd asked the alien. "Can your doctors keep him sedated the whole time? There's only 4 of us who know anything off our planet, and he's not one of them. I'd rather not let him know for now."
The alien laughed.
"Of course, we use tranquilizer, make him sleep for week after blood transfer. That work?"
"Think that's more than enough."
"Other thing, our people have different blood types, is that a problem?"
"No problem at all, we alter DNA during transfer, body never know difference."
They enter a room that looks like some kind of operating room. There's three chairs at one end, and an operating table in the middle. Looking above, there's tons of seating viewing the operating room, like people watch this for fun.
A pink haired human like alien with a tail walks over to the Eds. She has an obnoxious voice that sounded like it came from an anime.
"Okay you three, can you sit over here and sign this disclosure notice for us? After that we will take some of your blood before the procedure starts. "
Eddy has a surprised look on his face.
"A what?"
The alien chirps back. "We have the lowest medical bills in the sector because we televise life threatening issues like your friends. He would be okay with it, right?"
Eddy snickered. "Hah, like he'll ever know."
The three signed the pad and the pink haired creature picked up three syringes with her tail. In a quick moment, each of them had them put into their arms, one right after the other. Both Edd and Eddy winced at the pain but kept from saying anything, not knowing if they were being recorded yet. A minute later, small bags were full and they were disconnected. The tailed female came back with a tool and sealed the poke holes in each of their arms then blew a kiss towards Eddy.
"My name is Momo. What are your three's names?"
"I'm Eddy."
"I'm Eddward."
"And I'm Ed!"
"Okay. Just checking. Here's some popcorn."
A cart rolls out and she hands the three of them bags of popcorn. She then began to yell at a door nearby.
"I think we're ready to start!"
Author's note: I switched to a script style for this part just to make the dialog easier to read. I almost was about to remove this whole part but reading it back, it's too damn funny for me to even try and remove it.
As the alien yelled that, the lights began to dim. Looking up, the Eds could see a packed audience above watching the operating room. Some had banners with stuff written in languages none of them could understand. The signs appeared motivational, like they were chanting for something. A voice began to rumble from a loud speaker at the top of the room, way above the audience.
Voice: Suliban Television Productions and the Feta-Chi Doctors Guild would like to present to you...Saving a life!
The words rumbled with a loud bass. The crowd started cheering.
The voice sounded like a narrator for a monster truck show.
Voice: Tonight, we have… a new species in the sector, introducing Kevin from the Terran System!
An alien rolled Kevin into the room and placed him on the operating table in the center.
Voice: Only 5 of this species, has ever left their planet, Earth. We hope that one day, they will be willing to join the Galactic Trade Federation.
The crowd cheered again. A voice could be heard yelling "We hope you have good booze!"
Edd: I feel like we're in one of those wrestling shows you steal from pay-per-view Eddy.
Eddy: What, the WWE?
Ed: The undertaker is awesome!
A spotlight appeared on the three Eds.
Voice: Introducing, the first, third, and fourth Humans to ever leave their star system: Ed, Eddward, and Eddy!
Crowd: *cheers*
The spotlight turned to Kevin and a display lit up above the loudspeaker in a language the Eds couldn't understand. They did notice the diagram that looked like Kevin next to the words.
Voice: Our patient tonight, Kevin, was unlawfully possessed by a parasite and ended up sustaining several shots to the chest with a laser pistol, damaging his primary heart, digestive system and his liver by his friends in order to save themselves from danger. He currently has taken a 50% blood loss and has about 5 hours to live. Can our surgeons save him? Let's find out!
The crowd cheered again. A spotlight appeared towards the door they entered in.
Voice: First off, our lead surgeon tonight, Doctor Holian Bakiar!
Fireworks went off on both sides of the door as a blue haired doctor in what looked like a surgical gown walked in. His hands were up in the air waving at the crowd as he entered. The crowd got even louder in terms of cheering as he entered.
Voice: Next off, an expert in heart regeneration and mending, Bobulian's own… Doctor Cleckerly Crushfed!
A red haired purple skinned female alien walked into the room with the same firework display and cheering as the first person.
Voice: The third of our four surgeons tonight, an expert in bone growing… Crenlak's famous Menloy Bakoy!
Fireworks went off again and an older doctor walked out into the room. He looked more human then the others, except his skin was yellow like a lego person.
Voice: And the last of our four tonight, famous for growing liver from toenails…. Introducing Doctor Clox!
A alien with a turtle like head walked out with the same fanfare as the others. The pink haired alien walked over to the four surgeons holding a microphone.
Momo: Before we begin, do any of you four have anything to say to the audience?
The lead surgeon leaned forward to the microphone.
Bakiar: We will save him!
Pink haired walked away from the four and off to the side.
Momo: Alrighty! Let's begin!
The four aliens put on surgical masks and their gloves. The walked over to Kevin on the table and several assistants rolled up carts with tools on them.
Bakiar: Looks like what we have here is significant damage to the heart. Think we should remove his heart and use an brain stimulator to keep his brain alive until we repair all the damage. Probably should just regrow all his other damaged internal organs.
Crushfed: I agree, let's start by removing the skin and bone around his heart, we can grow it back when we're done.
The four surgeons began to pick up tools and started cutting away at his flesh with laser scalpels. An announcer with a different voice started narrating what they were doing.
Announcer: Looks like they're beginning by cutting a larger hole in his chest to start removing and mending organs. While they're prepping, lets get this crowd going.
Momo: Yes, Amton. We have four tickets for an all expenses paid trip to Barp 3. This trip includes luxurious beaches, free massages by beautiful creatures, and all the carbonated deliciousness you can drink exclusive from the Barp Beverage Emporium on Barp's fourth and fifth planets. Reach under your chair now! If your ticket smiles back, and your home planet is a member of the Galactic Trade Federation, you're a winner!
The Eds decided to reach under theirs and look to see if they had any.
Eddy looked at his. A big X appeared with the words in English "Sorry, your species isn't a member of the Trade Federation. Try again in the future!"
Eddy: Aw damnit!
Eddy looked at the others, Double-D just shook his head.
Edd: Maybe someday, Eddy.
A voice could be heard in the back screaming.
Voice: I won! I won! I won! I love me some Barp Cola! What a great day!
The pink haired alien started jumping up and down cheerful.
Momo: Woo Hoo! Congratulations audience member! Someone will be on their way with the paperwork you need!
Meanwhile the surgeons were hard at work. One of them was removing Kevin's heart.
Crushfed: There's his heart. Nurse, bring me the heart regenerator.
The announcer returned.
Announcer: Ooh! They just removed his heart, look at the burn damage on it. That will need a few minutes to heal in the regeneration machine. Meanwhile looks like Clox and Bakiar are hard at work mending his liver and digestive organs. Ooh, and it looks like Bakoy noticed some lung damage while they're in there and and mending that also! At this rate, he might walk out even healthier than he was before the parasite got inside him!
The crowd cheered again.
Watching all of this, Eddy and Ed were eating their popcorn. Double-D on the other hand didn't appear hungry. Ed tilted his head back and ate his remaining popcorn in one gulp, chewing with his mouth open. He turned to Double-D.
Ed: Double-D, are you going to eat that?
Announcer: Well that was fast, the patient's heart has fully regenerated. Record time of 3 minutes 15 seconds! This beats the torture victims of Remulian 6 by 5 whole minutes!
The crowd starts cheering again, not as loud as at the start, but louder than earlier.
Announcer: And they're putting the heart back in now. The moment of truth is coming ladies, gentlemen and absorbents! Will his heart start back up again? Will he survive? Let's find out.
The surgeons reattached the heart back to the arteries in his chest. With another tool, they shoot a beam at it. Kevin's heart began to beat.
At that moment unexpectedly, Kevin started waking back up.
Kevin (sounding groggy and raising his head): Ugh, where the hell am I?
Crushfed: In a dream, now go back to sleep.
The surgeons point a device at his head and he immediately passes back out. The crowd began to laugh as his head went back to where it was before.
Kevin: Dorrrrkkksss...
Bakiar: Well that was unexpected. Guess that's from the blood transfusion. That should keep him under for a week or so. I think that's everything, lets seal him back up.
The bone doctor now takes a tool and points it at part of his remaining ribs. Pushing a button, his ribcage starts to reform as if never ever happened. Within a few minutes, all his bones were back as they were.
A machine is brought over and placed on top of Kevin next. Pressing a few buttons, and viewing through the glass, they could see his skin and muscle grow and fill back in over the exposed region.
The alien nurses scramble in and then start taking the tools out of the room. The surgeons take their gloves and masks off and start washing their hands. While this happens, another nurse puts Kevin's shirt back on him, burn mark missing. The table rotates upright, putting Kevin standing up, but not on the ground, The four surgeons stand around him and pose for a picture.
All four of them: We saved him everyone!
The crowd cheers, with a loud roar, and people start clapping. The Eds join in, impressed with what they saw. The voice of the original announcer comes back again.
Voice: Another life saved, another victory for our brave surgeons! This concludes tonight's episode of SAVING A LIFE!
The crowd cheers again then the spotlights go out. The doctors high-five each other and walk out of the surgical room. The pink haired alien comes back to the Eds with another pad.
Momo: So based off of tickets sold tonight, the total cost of the surgery was 1.2 million Space-Solarises, but you only have to pay 2,000. Just place your thumbprint here and you can take him home.
Eddy: Holy shit, that's it? Fuck yeah I'll pay that.
Eddy presses his thumb on the pad and the DNA reader registers it and completes the transaction.
Kevin is placed on a wheelchair and rolled up to them.
"You can keep the wheelchair. It'll make it easier to get him back on your ship. Thank you and come again for any medical problems sweeties!"
Eddy blushed and the three of them wheel Kevin back to the ship.
Back on the ship, they roll Kevin into an empty storage room and leave him sitting in the chair. Pressing a button turns the chair into a bed, filling the room with no room to stand up in.
"We might have saved his life, but fuck giving him one of our bedrooms." Eddy said as he closed the door.
Double-D sat down at his chair in the cockpit.
"I guess we should at least take turns keeping an eye on him and feeding him until we get back to Earth. Hopefully the next load isn't as far and we can have him back before he wakes up."
"I hope so, if he wakes up, we're screwed. Hey, Ed..."
"Yes Eddy?" Ed replied as he sat down himself."
"Let's get flying to the station to get our next load."
"Your wish is my toaster."