Anonymous asked: 19. "Just breathe, okay?"

Brittany's been dating Santana for nine months when she catches a break in the flower shop robberies case; it's been eleven months since she got the case, and she is ecstatic to finally have a lead, and her and Mike grin at each other across their desks as soon as their sergeant drops new files in front of them. Santana's on the other side of the city right now, staying with her mom for a couple days to help her move into her new townhouse, so Brittany doesn't mind staying and working late, not like she would mind if Santana was waiting at home for her (they haven't broached the subject of moving in together yet, but Brittany can't remember the last time they spent a night apart, and Brittany can't help but think of Santana's apartment as being home, even if it's only in her thoughts).

Brittany texts Santana and tells her that she'll be staying late anyways, because she knows that Santana worries about her, and because she misses her already even though they said goodbye just this morning. Santana's response make her smile and gives her exactly the pick-me-up Brittany needed, and she bounces out of the evidence room with a motivation that had just been starting to die. Mike high fives her as she passes him to drop into her desk across from his, and they start pouring over files with new vigour now that they have a tiny lead.

Brittany goes home around eight in the morning to have a quick shower and change her clothes, and Brittany's apartment is lonelier than she ever remembers it being; and far more dusty because it's been a such a long time since she's spent a night here, and even longer since she's spent a night alone here. She doesn't linger, even though she could go for a nap or a cup of coffee before she heads back to the precinct, because it's so lonely and it just makes her miss Santana more than she ever thought she would.

The string of robberies was a pretty big case when they first got it, but it quickly becomes even bigger than they ever expected in just a couple days, and it quickly becomes even more personal than they ever wanted it to be.

The phone call comes in around two the next afternoon, day three of missing Santana, and for the first time since she met her, Brittany regrets getting so close to Santana because all of this new development in the case is definitely her fault. If she wasn't assigned the case and if she never met Santana and if she never fell in love with her and if the head of this operation didn't realize her and Mike were getting close to them and if the perps didn't realize she is dating Santana then—

Brittany remains professional all throughout the phone call and throughout her sergeant's sympathetic looks when she reads the report he gives her; she remains professional all the way until she escapes to the evidence room, and then the tears start to spill from her eyes before she even realizes it. The door opens a couple minutes later, and whoever walks in the room remains silent until Brittany's ready; she knows it's Mike, because Mike is her partner and he is always there, silent and waiting, for her.

"How am I going to do this?" Brittany finally croaks.

Mike shakes his head wordlessly. "I don't know, Britt," he sighs. "You have to go and talk to her, in person. You know you have to question her."

Brittany tenses. "She didn't do this," she snaps, and she's never felt more angry in her entire life. Her body is heavy and tight and she feels like she's about to be torn apart; she starts pacing because that's the only thing she can think to do to get this anger out.

Mike just watches her with steady, patient, knowing eyes. "I know she didn't. But it's protocol."

"Fuck protocol," Brittany mutters darkly, stopping her pacing. She faces away from Mike and wipes her eyes before she turns to him. "I'm taking myself off the case after this," she says, and Mike barely even looks surprised; he just smiles faintly as he nods, his dark eyes bright with understanding. "It's not worth it. It's not worth her."

"Hey, I know, Britt," Mike reassures her, "I know. I'll come with you, that way I can cover for you, no matter what."

Brittany breathes deeply and offers Mike a small smile. "Okay," she whispers, "Thank you."

Mike gives Brittany a quick hug. "Of course, partner."

They drive to Santana's mom's new place in silence, the radio low and Brittany staring blankly out the windows. They get to the townhouse far quicker than Brittany wants too, and despite the almost forty minute drive, Brittany still has no clue what she's going to say. Mike waits in the car, and Brittany's legs grow heavier and heavier with every step she takes up the small townhouse. She knocks on the door, and an older woman with a stern face but kind eyes surrounded by laugh lines opens the door.

"Ms. Lopez," Brittany greets, and the way that Santana's mom's eyes dart down to the badge on her hip and grow tight with defensive concern makes Brittany's heart sink. This definitely wasn't how she intended to meet her girlfriend's mom for the very first time, and despite how heavy her heart is and the situation, she can't help the tiniest smile that cracks her lips when she realizes that Santana has the exact same dark, deep eyes as her mom. "I'm Detective Pierce," she introduces, "I'm looking for your daughter."

Ms. Lopez's eyes immediately shutter closed with defensiveness in a look so familiar that Brittany's heart aches. "What's this about?" she demands.

Brittany tries to stifle her sad sigh, but based on the aching in her heart and how Ms. Lopez's eyes shift and turn shrewd, she doesn't quite succeed. "It's about the shop," she says, and she can feel the weight of the world heavy on her shoulders, curving them inwards and making her feel small.

Ms. Lopez's face falls at Brittany's dejected posture, and she's calling for her daughter before she even realizes it. Santana appears quickly, and she lights up when she sees Brittany on the porch, and that, more than anything else in this entire, awful day, breaks Brittany's heart. She's wearing one of Brittany's NYPD hoodies, and Brittany knows how the sleeves fall past her fingers so she has rolled them up to her elbows, her eyes are bright and her cheeks are dimpled deep and she's never looked more beautiful; she's standing barely three feet from Brittany and Brittany still misses her.

"Britt?" Santana asks in confusion, and Brittany wonders if her eyes look as dull as they feel. Santana's eyes dart down to her badge like her mom's did just minutes ago, and the realization that Brittany's on duty is quickly covered by sudden, bright worry. "What's going on? Why are you here? On duty?"

Brittany swallows and chews on her bottom lip, her heart already breaking even more. "It's protocol," she whispers.

"Britt," Santana breathes, and she looks like she's bracing herself for a knock out blow; Brittany suddenly hates herself because she's the one who has to deliver it.

Brittany shakes her head, and tears spring to her eyes. She looks up at Santana; Santana her girlfriend and her best friend and her family and the only person who gets her all rolled up into one person, Santana the most amazing and hard-working person she knows, Santana with the infinity eyes and the forever smile, Santana who Brittany's pretty sure she'll love for the rest of her life and even after. Brittany's heart breaks and she takes a deep, steadying breath in through her nose.

"I'm really sorry, honey," she says, and even though it's breaking protocol she doesn't care, she doesn't care because she's going to have to take herself off this case once she gets back to the precinct, she doesn't care because her captain will look at her with those understanding eyes and tell her to go spend time with her girlfriend, she doesn't care because she's breaking the heart of the girl she promised to love forever even though she swore she never would be the one to hurt her. "There's been a fire," she rasps, and Santana's eyes shatter and her face breaks open. "At the shop," she clarifies because she has to get through this protocol before she can take herself off the case, "I'm so sorry."

Ms. Lopez looks between them with wide, anguished eyes, quickly putting two and two together before she fades back into the house; her daughter and Brittany don't notice, standing there across a threshold and, somehow, Brittany's never felt so far away. "How bad?" Santana croaks.

Brittany just shakes her head. She hasn't seen the shop yet, she couldn't bring herself to without Santana, but the report— The report looked pretty bad. Santana sucks in a breath when Brittany doesn't say anything and Brittany realizes she's trembling, but she has to get through this protocol, she has too—

When tears slip down Santana's cheeks and she slaps a hand to her mouth to stifle a sob Brittany's only thought is fuck protocol as she instantly steps forward and pulls Santana across the threshold and into her chest. She trusts Mike, both with her life and with her job, and she knows that he'll never tell a soul about this; and even if he did, she can't bring herself to care. Santana sobs into her neck and Brittany can do little more than rub soothing circles across Santana's back and pressing gentling kisses to her head, trying to console the inconsolable. "Just breathe, okay?" Brittany murmurs into Santana's hair, and she's never felt more helpless in her entire life. "Just breathe. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere," she promises, "Not ever."