Nic didn't leave Conrad's side, no doctor could seem to figure out why this way happening to him, she knew if he was well and this was someone else he would have it figured it out by now and that made this even harder for her. Everyone was trying to tell her to rest and to try not to worry but that didn't help her it just made her feel more alone so she distanced herself from everyone and spent all her time with Conrad or at baby check ups which she had to go to alone. This was supposed to be an exciting time but instead she was miserable. She missed her job, she missed her friends, she just missed her old life. She watched from Conrad's room as everyone else got on with their lives, she watched as her work replacement made her absence hardly noticeable.
After more time under observation doctors decided to discharge Conrad, explaining to Nic that he had a complex TBI so a long recovery was to be expected. Really she had no idea of what the future might hold for either of them and that was truly terrifying but worse than that she didn't really know if she was going to be able to handle having Conrad in her life if he didn't get any better and that made her feel all the more guilty
Late one night it all just came down on her and she broke down, she called Jessie, the only person she still talked to anymore. Of course Jessie was happy to be there for her since Nic had helped her through so much. She walked in carrying some bags. "I brought comfort food" she said as she placed the bags down on the counter and took out a tub of ice cream, handing it to Nic.
"Thanks for coming" Nic said quietly, it was obvious she had been crying. Jessie sat down with her.
"What's going on with you? Conrad is doing better, you're doing better that's all good news right?"
"I can't do ir Jess...i just can't do it. i just want to be his girlfriend again not his babysitter, it's not fair"
Conrad had gotten up to get some water but stopped when he heard the conversation, he knew things were hard but he never realised that Nic saw him as a problem. That hurt him more than any words could possibly describe. He walked back to bed and laid down just staring at the ceiling, he thought back to the time before all this when they were happy, when they had a life. Really he didn't even want to live anymore but he knew that even his death would be a burden, there was no real escape. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the door open as Nic walked in, he realised he must have been thinking for a very long time. He quickly closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep, he didn't really want to talk to her. She got into bed beside him but didn't lie down just yet, he could feel her eyes on him, then he felt her hand gently stroke his hair. "Please...just get better for me. I need you" she whispered, her voice shaky as tears burned hot in her eyes. She then kissed his head gently and laid down resting her head on his chest. She listened to the steady beating of his heart as she drifted off to sleep, he looked down at her. He felt a burning sadness that was so intense he felt that he might breakdown and cry himself but he didn't let himself, he just shut his eyes and tried to drift off
Early the next morning when Nic woke up Conrad was already up, he had a bag paced and he was dressed ready to go. She sat up slowly "What are you doing?" she was really worried that maybe he was out of it again.
"I'm leaving" he explained as he zipped up the bag.
"Leaving? Where are you going?" she got up quickly, possibly too quickly as she had to grab the bedpost to steady herself. Conrad handed her a brochure for a TBI recovery centre. Her hands shook slightly as she looked at it.
"My dad has been wanting me to go" he said as he sat down on the bed, he just looked so defeated, this isn't what she wanted for him she knew he would hate that place.
"That doesn't mean you need to go. i can take care of you"
"Don't you get it? I don't want you to take care of me. We're supposed to be in a relationship. I know you miss your job but you're not my nurse"
Those words had really stayed with her bur she knew he was right. "I'll drive you then" she said quietly after a moment. The two headed to the car once Nic was ready and she drove in silence
A few days had went by and Nic had tried to visit Conrad but it was clear he didn't wamt any visitors So she tried to handle dealing with things alone. After her third attempt to visit Conrad the receptionist gave her an information for a support group, she wasn't going to go but after a particularly difficult week and with her due date fast approaching she finally decided to go. She sar at the back of the room and watched as people shared their stories and hardships, she struggled to hold back her tears
"Let me guess it's your first time here?" a man sitting beside her asked, she nodded and blinked away her tears before turning to face him "It doesn't get easier but it does get better" he said genrly taking her hand in his, she smiled a little she was grateful for the support and something about him made her feel calmed.
As the meeting concluded and people filef out the man who had been talking to her earlier had stopped her. "Do you maybe wanna grab a coffee and talk?" he aksed
"Sure" she replied and they left together. Nic didn't know it at the time but this was the start of a big change, not just for herself but for her relationship with Conrad too...