The next day, we went back to school and I warned Sora not to leave my sight unless he was in a class that I wasn't. I told him to wait inside each class for me to meet him and escort him safely to his next class. By the third period, I realized we got lucky and for whatever reason, Seifer didn't shower up. Maybe he was lying low after what he did to Sora, maybe it was a surprise of good luck, but whatever the reason, I was grateful. When school ended, Sora and I walked home as I tried to think about what tomorrow would look like, assuming Seifer wouldn't be absent again.
"What if he transferred schools?" Sora sounded like he wanted to be hopeful, but I couldn't be so naïve.
"It wouldn't be that easy." I shook my head.
"But what if he did?" Sora insisted as I sighed loudly.
"He didn't Sora, so let's stop dreaming and start planning." I scolded, not really in the mood for his ignorance.
"Kay," Sora shrunk back within himself as I mentally kicked myself for hurting his feeling.
"Sora," I stopped walking as we waited for the traffic lights to signal that it was safe. "I'm sorry I was so harsh. I just want to be prepared. I know it isn't over, and I want to find a solution to this, to protect you."
"I know Roxy," Sora nodded.
"It will get easier, I promise." I made one of my many blind promises that tend to help get Sora through our rough experiences.
When we got home, Cloud was still at school and Leon was most likely at work. Sora and I did our homework, ate dinner, and watched TV until bedtime. Cloud came home at one point but didn't even acknowledge us as he passed us in the living room.
"Do you think Cloud is mad at us?" Sora asked me as we sat in our room, too early to sleep but getting ready.
"He seems mad at everything all the time." I muttered.
"I get the feeling like he doesn't want us to be here," Sora whispered as if Cloud were right outside our door.
"I don't care what he wants, we're here so sucks for him." I rolled my eyes at the possibility of Sora being right.
"It'd be easier to adjust if we felt welcomed." Sora said as I realized that perhaps I didn't take into consideration how he felt about Cloud's negativity.
"He's probably just jealous that we're still dating when he and Leon broke up."
"You think so?" Sora asked and I shrugged.
"Could be. Either way, as long as we have each other, we'll be fine." I encouraged my twin before we went to bed.
The next day at school went much differently than I had expected. Seifer showed up, but he too was playing the game strategically and he kept his distance. He eyed me continually, and once again I insisted that I walk Sora to each and every class. I wanted to find an opportunity to single Seifer out and show him what I'm capable of, but he never went anywhere without two of his main posse members. I even debated beating up those two as well, but in the end, I decided to play it smart. I knew it was only a matter of time before I'd get Seifer alone, and like a game of chess, strategy is key. I had to be patient to be victorious, but it wasn't easy. I wanted to kill him with my glare alone, and I did my best to make him feel as guilty and as threatened as possible. He ignored me for the most part, keeping his eyes on Sora, who commented several times throughout the day that he felt awkward and that he wanted to go home. I reminded him that we only had a few more hours left, but the impact that Seifers silent threat had on him really seemed to wear him down.
I expected things to change completely by the next day, but no. All through Friday, Seifer remained in the background just using his presence as a scare tactic. It really bothered Sora, and I could tell that each day that passed only made him more and more frightened. It was like a ticking time bomb, watching the way that Seifer kept his eyes glued on my twin, as if to promise a second encounter. By the time that Friday came, Sora was beyond paranoid.
"I can't take it anymore, Roxy," he whined as I tried to work out a plan. I had told myself that by Monday, if Seifer hadn't made a move, then I would have to make it for him.
"It's strange how he hasn't said or done anything." I wondered to myself.
"I feel like anywhere I go, I'm not safe. I feel like it's only a matter of time until he attacks me again and I can't take it." Sora looked like he was about to cry as we sat at home alone.
"Maybe he's just a one hit wonder?" Even I couldn't believe that, but Sora needed some sort of positivity.
"What if he stalks me until the last day of school and then he beats and rapes me?" Sora looked like he was about to have a heart attack as I felt like I had been slapped by the possibility of that actually happening.
"Shit," I thought to myself. Even I couldn't lie to him and say that that would never happen. Just in time, Cloud came home.
"What are you two doing?" Cloud asked as he saw us sitting on the couch after the awkward silence that followed our conversation.
"Just talking." I shrugged, hoping to change the mood of everything that Sora and I had been talking about.
"Well I want to watch TV, so go upstairs and talk in your room." Cloud ordered as Sora cleared his throat.
"Can we watch TV with you?" He asked and I smiled at the way that Sora had tried to stay positive.
"If you promise not to talk." Cloud grunted.
"Oh," Sora seemed a bit sad, and it bothered me.
"Why do you have to be such a dickwad?" I shook my head at my older brother.
"A what?" Cloud turned his head to face me as I stood up.
"You're such a fucking shitbag! He's had a rough week at school and just wants to watch TV with you cause you're his older brother, and you respond by being a shitface brother."
"Look whatever drama you two are having at school is all your fault so don't blame me for your stupidity!"
"My fault!?" I stood up as I screamed at him. "Just because you aren't strong enough to keep Leon doesn't mean you have to blame him, or me!" I yelled as Cloud's eyes went wide.
"Shut up! You don't know anything about what happened, so don't think you do! You're just as ignorant as Leon, you dumb fuck!" Cloud stood up too.
"Excuse me?!" We all turned to see Leon in the doorway. Great, now it was a yelling party.
"Look what you did!" Cloud turned to me as I was about ready to lose it.
"Oh my fucking, you know what?" I couldn't even finish my sentences. "You're a real shitshow, you know? I have no idea why Leon finds anything in you! You're a sad pathetic excuse of a miserable and bitter sack of shit!" I became creative with my insults. "You can't even take responsibility for your own failures!"
"Me? A failure? The only failure in this room is you two!" Cloud pointed to Sora and I, causing me to look to Sora, who had tears in his eyes.
"That is enough!" Leon's voice boomed as he yanked Cloud by the arm roughly. "Apologize! Do it now!" Leon commanded as Cloud's face was coated with fear.
"I'm sorry." Even Cloud could feel the severity of Leon's anger.
"All of you to your rooms. GO!" Leon shoved Cloud roughly and started walking towards me as I snatched Sora's hand and bolted up the stairs. Sora and I went in our room and I shut the door behind me, as if I expected it to keep my eldest brother out.
"You okay?" I looked to my twin, who nodded despite the tears swimming in his eyes. He sniffled as he gulped and I was so angered by the devastation on his face that I was about to go find Cloud and kick his ass, or at least try to.
"Sora," Leon entered our room and shut the door behind him. "Sora, you okay?"
My twin said nothing as he looked away.
"Tell me you aren't letting Cloud get away with what he said." I folded my arms in front of my chest.
"I will deal with him once I'm sure you two are okay." Leon didn't even look at me.
"I won't be okay until you deal with him." I growled.
"Would you knock it off? I'm trying to help Sora, no thanks to you."
"Me? You can't seriously be taking Cloud's side on this!" I became angered all over again.
"I'm not taking anyone's side. I'm trying to glue both sides together and make one family." Leon said calmly, causing me to actually think.
"I just don't want Cloud to hate me, or Roxy." Sora said shyly as I frowned.
"He doesn't hate you two. He's just, he's still dealing with the shit from dad, and that's not your fault, do you hear me?" Leon made it clear and I was glad to have his help.
"Kay." Sora agreed, but I could tell he didn't believe Leon's words.
"Alright, I'll be back. For now, just stay in here and I'm going to go get some burgers. I might even go get some desert," Leon smiled. "I was thinking we could rent a movie? Watch it on the couch tonight? It is the weekend after all." My big brother ran his fingers through his hair as I nodded, for Sora's sake.
"I hear that one actor came out in that new movie, it's supposed to be super funny." I said, hoping it'd cheer us all up.
"Oh yeah!" Leon snapped his fingers. "It got great reviews." Leon and I both looked to Sora, but he kept his back to us. "I'll be back soon." He said before he left.
"Sora?" I walked up to my twin and put my hand on his shoulder.
"This is so hard." Sora frowned. "Between Cloud, dad, and Seifer. I can't handle it all." Sora shook his head.
"Cloud didn't mean it."
"Dad did. So did Seifer."
"Dad's a dumbass. And Seifer is going to get his, I promise."
"Why Roxy?" Sora sniffled as I looked away, unable to face such innocent sorrow. "I don't get it," Sora pouted with a pain I couldn't acknowledge.
"I don't know," I whispered, unsure of what to say or do.
"Why were we never good enough? What's wrong with me?" Sora seemed genuinely concerned and curious as I looked at him with confusion.
"Sora, nothing is wrong with you." I felt like I couldn't say it enough.
"Then why does no one want me?" Sora bit his lip, holding back tears as I let out a sigh. Sora can't handle rejection, not after what our dad did to us.
"It's not you, or me," I explained, afraid of the words that I knew I was about to say; the words I needed to say. "It's us."
"Us?" Sora tilted his head, so naïve and lost.
"Being gay is bad enough here, but to be related on top of it, I don't see how it could get much worse." I sighed in annoyance.
"But that's not our fault!" Sora whined.
"I know, but we have to accept our fate in our circumstances, or change our circumstances." I shrugged; it was so simple yet so difficult.
"Our circumstances?" I could tell that Sora wasn't following, but only because he knew better than to try to understand the unfortunate news I was hinting at.
"Sora I can't do this anymore," I decided to cut the bullshit and just admit it all. That talk with Leon all came back in one thought and I realized what I needed to do. I love Sora, maybe enough to let him go.
"Do what? Are we, are we moving back?" Sora was clearly in denial.
"No, Sora, mom doesn't want us either!" I yelled angrily. The idea of my planned actions was getting to me, and in my hatred of myself, I took it out on Sora.
"Roxy?" Sora whispered, his hand over his mouth in fear.
"Sora please, this isn't easy for me either." I put my hand on my forehead.
"What's going on?" His eyes leaked silently before I sighed.
"I'm breaking up with you," I muttered, unwilling to say it any louder or clearer.
"What?" Sora's shoulders started to quake as I looked away.
"We're through Sora. I'm done being the cause of your hurt." I tried to explain as best and simple as I could.
Sora chocked on the tears he tried to keep down in his throat before he reached for my hand. As badly as I wanted to take it, caress it, and kiss it, I pushed it away. If I planned on keeping him safe, I had to keep him away from me.
"Why doesn't anyone want me?" Sora asked with a pained look on his face before he ran downstairs. I only sighed, knowing that if I followed him, I'd be pitied into taking it all back, and then we'd be back where we started with the black eyes and bruises.
My body literally ached and I felt like puking from all the guilt and blame that I placed on myself. It seemed that no matter what I did, I would be losing Sora. To continue dating him would only put his safety in jeopardy, yet dumping him destroyed his entire emotional well being. I stayed in my room, hoping that I could make a deal with Cloud or Leon to switch rooms with one of them.
Author's Note: Wow okay so I feel like I've been gone for forever, the past few months have been heaven and hell all mixed into one giant mess. So as some of you may know from my profile, my ex is really upset that I'm leaving him and tried to deactivate my Fanfic account. He unposted all my stories (thank goodness for the Recovery button). He also got rid of my laptops so I lost ALL of my writing. Luckily I had most of it on USB's, but they were all quite outdated. So for about two months now I've been so down about losing so much writing (which is all my life) that it's been hard to write/post. BUT I just remembered that I had sent this story to one of my friends for advice on the plot not that long ago, so luckily I have almost all that I had originally written. Thank you all for your patience and support in following this story. Killing Loneliness is going to be delayed because I lost A LOT of writing on that story in particular.
Reader Responses:
Xillia: Thank you so much! Reading your review really was amazing and uplifting and its incredibly encouraging to know that someone enjoys reading my stories. This story really is…a bit….dramatic to say the least; even for me, which is saying A LOT if you've read any of my other 50 stories. I'm hoping that now I have all of this story back on my laptop I'll be able to write often and update regularly. Thanks again for your lovely review and reader support!
The Dark Flair: I'm glad you see the conflict that I was really hoping to get across with Leon and Cloud, as if it's a reflection for what Sora and Roxas will inevitably face. YAY I'm also team Roxas, so I'll be rooting for him with you!
Thank you all once again for your patience and support with this story!
Living Legacy, Silent Sacrifice, Sarabellum