Hello all...um I'm Melody... and yeah okay so this chapter is a little longer than normal but I just kept writing so I hope you like it. Tell me what you think. I really love that people like it so yeah. Also I was thinking that next chapter would be from Dean's POV. Oh btw I don't own anything from Supernatural I just own Lou.

I sat in the library, sipping on coffee, reading a book on the greek gods when Sam walked in and smiled at me. "Some things never change," he chuckled as he beheld me sitting on the table, not the chair, my legs crossed under me.

"As far as I can tell, my body still remembers things, it's just a nice little block in my head that's making life hard." I said returning his smile. It had been a couple weeks since I got to the bunker from the hospital. Sam and Dean had gone out on a job, and left me here for a few days. I learned my way around the bunker and found that I still remembered how to drive a car. I drove into town every few days now to grab food and supplies for the bunker.

Since they got back a week ago Dean had barley said two words to me. Which was fine. I was fine with being ignored. I was fine with feeling a slight tight pain in my chest everytime I looked at him and he refused to meet my eye. I was fine. Awesome.

Sam on the other hand, was happy to talk to me. He was the one who answered all the questions I had about what I think was real in my head. I sometimes got flashes of images, and no matter what time he was always there to tell me the context of them.

"What are you looking at there?" He asked looking over at the book in my lap.

"I'm looking at the greek gods." Last night he told me that along with monsters, we had also fought gods, one of which dragged Dean to 1944.

He smiled to himself. "Be careful or you'll become the next Bobby." He warned.

I looked at him but I saw instead a house filled with books and and older man in a ratty baseball cap sitting at a desk. "Who's Bobby?" I asked. I expected the typical answer of another hunter, but Sam's face fell and he didn't look me in the eye. "Sam?" I tried.

He finally looked at me. "This isn't something I want to tell you Lou." That was all he said before he left the room. I sighed. Maybe Cas would tell me if he ever answered my calls. I called him a lot, but after the first time, radio silence.

I slid from my spot on the table onto the floor, aiming myself towards the kitchen. Food. I didn't know much but I did know that in this world there were two things I needed, coffee, and a burger with fries. Dean usually made a lot of burgers and left them deconstructed so that I could make my own, so that I didn't have to ask him, so he didn't have to talk to me.

I strode into the kitchen to find Dean. I slowly started to back out of the kitchen (okay so maybe I was avoiding him as much as he was avoiding me) when he turned around. He had a mouth full of food and a shocked look on his face. "Damn it Lou!" He cursed with his mouth full. He swallowed and looked at me with those eyes. Those green tired eyes. "Put on some pants." I looked down at myself. I was in a too big flannel that I stole from Sam.

"I don't like pants. Plus I wasn't planning on going anywhere today." I tucked some hair behind my ear, tilting my head down so that my bangs covered my eyes.

"Fuck! Lou!" Dean slammed a cabinet shut. I jumped at the sound.

"What!?" I yelled back.

"I know Sam talked to you." That was all he said.

I lowered my voice, putting a leash on my temper, "He said that you liked me as I was before. He said I'm a virgin. He said that me not having a memory changes things. You avoid me. I avoid you. So fuck off Dean." I felt small in his presents. It wasn't like when I was around Sam and was actual dwarfed by the giant man, it was more that his presents exceeded mine in such a way that would make anyone feel small.

"I'm not avoiding you," was all he said. He started to walk out but I grabbed his arm to stop him, my socked feet sliding on the floor. He looked down at my hand on his arm as if he was expecting my hand to burn from the contact.

"You are. So either treat me like an actual person or just kick me out." I didn't know where that had come from but I said it and there was no taking it back. He looked at me for a very long time. I watched his chest move up and down under the grey shirt he was wearing.

"I want you here." The way he said "you" gave me pause.

I looked at him, stubbornness coating my features, "I am here. I'm just not the me that you want me to be." I stormed out, determined to lock myself in my room. I heard steps behind me.

"That's not what I meant." Dean said softly, almost gentle. He grabbed my arm but not in a forceful way, just enough pressure to make me stop and hear him out. "I know that you're in there Lou, I just miss you."

I'm sure he meant that to sound nice and sweet but all I heard was that I wasn't good enough or trying hard enough or that I wasn't me anymore. "Sam has no problem with me. He helps me when I can't remember things. He lets me ask questions. He has meals with me, goes shopping with me. He tries. What have you done lately?" I snapped. Dean looked like I had slapped him. I shook of the stunned expression and opened his mouth to counter the argument but then closed it quickly. "I get that this blows for you Dean, but did you ever thank that maybe, just maybe, it blows for me too?"

"You're right." Those two words said to me, those two words slipping from his mouth, diving off his tongue and hitting the ground, forgetting their parachutes, those two words stopped my heart. Then it started again, beating faster than before as if to make up for time lost. "I'll try harder, maybe it will help with the memory thing," he suggested rubbing the back of his neck.

"Okay but I have rules," I said. He looked down at me, a smile playing at the edges of his mouth. "Rule #1: We don't talk about me losing my memory. Rule #2: You have to answer any question I have. Rule #3: You can't just shut me out. Rule #4: I have the power to amend, add, or remove any rule." I said counting them out on my fingers.

"Yeah okay," Dean said. "Did Sam agree to these rules?" He asked looking at my legs, forcing me to take a step back.

"I didn't make rules with him," I answered crossing my arms. He didn't smile at this. "I didn't need to. He offered to help." I added.

"You and Sam seem awfully friendly." He grumbled slightly. I rolled my eyes.

"If you mean he's my friend then yes, we are friendly." I felt the sudden urge to touch him arm, I got a flash of a picture. A scar in the shape of a handprint on his shoulder. "I want us to be friends too Dean," I added. He just nodded. I nodded too and started to walk away.

"Wait uh," he started, making me spin slowly on my heels, "maybe we could go out tonight or something, get something to eat?" He suggested. I smiled at him and nodded.

"I know just the place," I said and bounded towards my room.

At six o'clock there was a knock at my door. I opened it, seeing Dean smile down at me. "Hey Dean. One minute while I put on shoes." I said, leaving the door open so he could come in if he wanted. He moved into the room with ease as he did the first time when I had discovered the room. As far as I could remember, this was only the second time he had ever been in this room, but of course that wasn't true. He had probably been in this room dozens of time, I just couldn't remember.

It wasn't like I hadn't tried. I did, all the time. I would wander around at night, when I was sure the boys were asleep, reading books, looking through the things in the bunker, sitting in Baby (which I learned was what Dean called the black Impala.) I tried to trigger memories everywhere I went, but there was nothing. I would reach into my mind to find think black glass that I couldn't really see through.

"So where do you want to go?" Dean asked, his hands in the pockets of an old leather jacket. He looked like he always looked, but there was something about it that jacket that just felt, like maybe, like he hadn't worn it in a while.

"Well I found this place while you guys were working a few weeks ago." I grabbed for the pink converse in my closet. I looked at him as I sank down onto the floor to put them on, he looked somewhat confused. "Oh um, it's a bar, I hope that's okay," I added quickly.

"That sounds just about perfect Sunshine." He smiled at me but I couldn't help thinking something was wrong.

"What?" I asked. It wasn't too sharp or too soft, just a simple question. I had to practice keeping my voice that way so that I wouldn't scare the boys or make them pity me when I asked about something I couldn't remember.

"Oh uh, nothing." He rubbed the back of his neck. "You ready?"

I stood, my hands on my hips. I wore a pair of ripped jeans that I rolled up at the ankles and a black tank top that said whatever and showed off my tattoo. Apparently, it was an anti-possession tattoo that we all had. It kept demons out of our bodies, yay. "Dean, Rule #2," I reminded, "you agreed to answer any questions."

He loosed a breath, took a beat, and then said, "You haven't put your shoes on like that since we were kids after I made fun of you for it." Then it hit me how long we really had all known each other.

"Oh well, I don't remember that and I doubt I'll be swayed to put my shoes on any differently from now on," I breathed leading the way out of my room. I shut the door once Dean was out and locked it behind us. I saw the look that crossed Dean's face but he didn't say anything and I didn't ask, I already knew what he would say. I didn't use to lock my door.

We walked to the garage in silence and when I reached for my car's driver's side door Dean grabbed my wrist like he's been doing just that all his life. "We'll take Baby so you don't have to drive." I think he meant it as a kindness, but it didn't all around feel like one. It felt like I was being handled with kid gloves. He opened the passenger door to Baby for me and I climbed in. In all reality with car was huge, like sex-in-the-backseat-wouldn't-be-too-hard huge. Thinking about that got me thinking about how I had never had sex in the backseat, or anywhere for that matter.

"Dean," I started as he climbed in behind the steering wheel, "why am I a virgin?" He made a small choking noise at this. "I mean," I continued before he could answer, "I'm an attractive person right? People must have wanted to have sex with me. I mean even really unattractive people have sex, so why haven't I?" I looked over to the man next to me and if I didn't know better I would have said that Dean was blushing. Of course that couldn't have been because of my question, the topic of sex was something that someone like Dean would be very comfortable with.

Dean finally met my eyes and realized that I was waiting for an answer. "It's your choice. Uh you actually wanted to keep your uh the uh…." he was stumbling on his words, "there are monsters and gods and crap out there that take a liking to virgins so you kept it so that you could trap them when need be." He rubbed the back of his neck. Then he turned the ignition and drove out of the bunker. I gave him simple direction, turn left out of the bunker, one street past the Quickie Mart take a right, take a right at the big taco, and look for the sign that said Rose Ranch in red lights.

We pulled into the Rose Ranch parking lot that was half full. It was only 7 and there was a live band coming at 9. "I've never been to this place," Dean remarked looking at it through my window. I hopped out and waited for him to meet me.

"That's weird. It's only a few miles from home." Dean looked at me sidelong but didn't say anything. "I've been here a lot," I said off handedly.

"Really?" He looked down at me as we walked through the doors.

The bar itself was kind of small, there was a round bar in the middle with a few tables scattered throughout. There was a pinball machine in the corner next to a modern jukebox machine. The bartender Larry looked up from pouring a guy a drink. "Hey Lou!" He called. "What are you drinking tonight honey?"

I looked back at Dean, an I-told-you smile plastered on my face. He just nodded, his jaw clenched. I didn't quite understand why but I figured that understanding would come in time, like my memories. I looked back at Larry and said in a sugar sweet voice, "Let's make it something sweet enough I can't taste the liver failure." He smiled at me and chuckled slightly. He looked at Dean was was standing directly behind me, a little too close. Larry's smile faded.

"You with Lou?" He asked almost accusingly at Dean.

"Hey don't worry about tall dark and moody over here. He's a friend," I told Larry placing a hand on top of his.

Larry didn't look too convinced. "Yeah? And what will Friend have to drink?" He asked pointedly. I rolled my eyes. Dean had a way of pissing people off just by entering a room.

"I'll have a whiskey sour," Dean replied in a flat tone that told me he didn't really care whether or not Larry liked him.

Larry didn't answer him, he just looked back at me. "Alright honey take a seat anywhere and I'll bring you out your food and your drinks." He turned to start typing in the order. Dean and I walked to my favorite table over by the back wall where you could see everything. I heard Larry call into the kitchen, "Make it for Lou!" I smiled to myself.

"How many times have you been here?" Dean asked almost like he was angry but then again it seemed like anger was his default emotion.

I shrugged, "When you and Sam aren't home I come here almost every night." It was true. I knew most of the regulars and all three bartenders. The kitchen knew my order and the owner Johnny always let me stay past closing if I was still too drunk to drive home. They'd feed me coffee and fries until I wasn't a danger to the public anymore.

Dean just nodded as Larry brought us our drinks. "This is a strawberry daiquiri," Larry declared as he dropped the red drink down in front of me. I smiled up at him. "Now I am only giving you two of these because I don't need you coming in here tomorrow night yelling at me for giving you the worst hangover of your life… again," he added with a smile.

Dean watched as Larry walked away. "You sure make friends fast," he commented.

I glared at him under my bangs. "Not everyone likes to pretend I don't exist."

"Okay, I deserved that," Dean said throwing up his hands. I just nodded. Waiting for my food was a long awkward silence. Then Larry arrived with my cheesy fries extra cheesy, my large side of chopped bacon and my large side of ranch. No silverware, no plates, just a stack of napkins. Dean laughed slightly. "If I didn't know it, I'd say you had your memory."

"What do you mean?" I asked, shoving fries into my mouth.

"This is what you have always ordered in bars ever since I can remember," Dean said, taking one fry from the plate. I glared at him but didn't stop him.

"So," I started, "I was thinking that I want to lose my virginity." Dean nearly spit out the fry in his mouth. I laughed. "Oh come on Captain. You can't be that surprised."

"First off, you don't even remember why you call me that. Second," he coughed a little, "maybe you want to think this over some more." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh come on. I'm 21. I don't think most 21 year olds are virgins," I quipped. "I'm not holding on to it for any religious reason or because I'm waiting for the right person, I'm using it as a way to get killed." I ate a pinch of bacon, hating this conversation that I brought up. I took a sip of the drink that Larry brought me. Yep, it was going to hurt in the morning.

"Have you thought about uh… you know?" Dean asked sipping his drink like he actually cared if he was clear headed or not.

"Thought about what?"

"Who you're gonna lose it to." It was a simple question really. Who was I gonna lose my virginity to. It's something that is supposed to matter to some extent right? Though, with my luck, I'd forget who it was.

"Oh yeah um, maybe just pick someone up here. Bathroom works fine. Quick and dirty, no feelings, no strings." I took another drink. This strawberry thing was going to kill me and I was going to laugh as it did. It was that good.

"Real romantic there," Dean snapped, downing his drink. It looked like it burned. He got up from the table and strode over to the bar to talk to Larry. I understood where he was coming from I guessed. I was wearing the face of someone he cared about but I wasn't that person, not anymore. We all pretended like I was the same but I wasn't.

By the time Dean came back with a bottle of Jack and a glass for himself I had finished my drink. Tonight was a night that I would spend focusing on something other than that fogged up past of mine. Tonight I was just a girl in a bar, a girl who needed another drink. I waved at Larry and he nodded and smiled. A few moments later I had another drink and then the night got… worse.