Hi, just want to say thanks for the support, and i have actually decided to make this a trilogy. Let me know what you think!
The aliens were gone, the hostages returned safely home, and everyone was safe, which meant it was time for some goddamn questions.
The Justice League, sans Batman, huddled in a group across the conference room from the group of similarly costumed teenagers. Each group seemed to be conferring about things, one group much more jovially than the other. Batman and Catwoman stood against the wall, watching both factions.
"Selina, really?" Bruce asked her with a pained look.
"I have no idea what you're talking about" She smirked in response.
"You know full well that you only brought Terry to embarrass me."
"Bruce, are you saying you're embarrassed of our child? I would have thought better of the man that brings colourfully and scantily dressed nine-year-olds to meet super criminals."
He gave her a look. This only seemed to please her.
"Look, Batman, we need to talk." The Justice League approached, Superman and Wonder Woman in the lead, John having retired as representative now that the others were able to talk again.
Seeing the action, the other group sidled over, creating a casing, trapping Batman in the middle of his worst nightmare. All of his children, and the Justice league. In front of him.
"We think you have a problem." Joked Wally, trying to defuse the situation.
"Are these actually all of your children?" Asked Clark, still slightly incredulous.
"Not biologically, but yes, except for Oracle and Batwoman, as they made clear earlier." He finished, before the aforementioned women could even interrupt. This answer was met with a slight sigh of relief.
"Ok, right. So, they're all adopted then? Except for that one, uh , Robin, and that baby." He said gesturing at the unimpressed 13-year-old.
"Technically only some of them have been legally adopted." Batman conceded, met with sounds of exasperation from the League.
"Then they are not your children, Batman! What did you do, grab them off the street corner?" Wonder Woman shouted.
"I mean, he did with me." Red hood unhelpfully added, to shocked faces.
"Ok, no, that is a literal crime Batman, what the heck?" Superman looked genuinely angry, but of course not angry enough to start, (God forbid), Swearing.
"Hey, no, ok, It was actually fine, he asked me if I was hungry, and he bought me burgers, and I was technically homeless at the time. It was less of a 'Hey kid get in my van, I've got burgers', and more of a 'Hey kid, wanna live in luxury?'"
"That's still creepy, man." Reasoned Nightwing
"Oh yeah, how'd he get you then, Mr. Perfect?"
"He came to my parents' funeral and asked me to live him."
"And how is that not creepy again?"
"Ok look," Said Superman, cutting through the argument, "Batman, have you just collected every orphan you've come across?"
Batman shifted slightly.
"Not every single one."
"No, some of us are only unofficially adopted." Black Bat chimed in.
"Actually darling, he's got the papers for the rest of you, he just hasn't gotten around to asking yet." Selina decided to add. Batman gave her an irritated look. "looks like he doesn't have to now."
"Actually, that's another thing, Batman. Really?! Catwoman? Talia Al Ghul? Are there any more you'd like us to know about?" Wonder Woman looked quite angry as she asked this. He wasn't oblivious, and he knew she had been flirting with him for a while now.
"That whore, Silver St. Cloud. But that was when he was a teenager." Catwoman answered casually, in an extremely disdainful tone.
"Phantasm. She was actually a woman." Nightwing added.
"Nocturna." Joined Red Robin.
"Jezebel Jet, undercover agent of the Black Glove." Damien stated. Everyone looked at him in confusion.
"Mother monitored the entire relationship." He explained to the confused faces.
"Jesus Christ Batman." Superman looked as though his world was crumbling before him. " We were joking when we said you had a problem, but this is insane."
"Just 'cus you've only slept with one person in your entire life." Bluebird mocked.
"What?" He asked, looking worried and embarrassed. "How the hell-" He stopped, looking at the rest of the league, his face turning red.
"Oh, we know who all of you are. It's on the Batcomputer. Red Robin hacked it." Huntress explained.
"And how did you…" He turned to Batman.
"Really Superman? Glasses?" He asked, totally unimpressed.
Superman looked as though his entire world view was changing, as Wonder woman stepped up. What a fun little tag team interrogation.
"That is a total invasion of our privacy!" She seemed truly angry now.
"Well, try hiding your faces when you fight, at least Flash gets it." Nightwing advised.
"We have never attempted to find out your identity, Batman!"
"Then you're far too trusting for your own good." Batman informed them.
"Yeah, who trusts some freak dressed like a bat to know exactly what they're doing?" Red hood laughed, receiving unamused glances from everyone in the room except Catwoman.
"I still don't-" Clark started, but was cut off by a transmission coming from Batman's wrist.
"Sir, Terry has awoken from his nap and he is hungry, I believe he wants his mother." Came the British-accented voice of Alfred over the comm.
"That is another, goddamn thing!" John yelled, sick of his silence, "This is not a good environment for a baby, you are not good role models for a child! You're a criminal, and you're insane! This is not ok! There's a fucking cow, and a fucking Turkey, and a fucking BABY! THIS IS NOT FUCKING OK!"
"Ok. Then come to the Batcave." Batman said, the entire room having gone silent, smiles turned serious.
"What?" asked Nightwing, surprised for the first time.
"They aren't sure about the environment Terry is being raised in. They don't think we can look after him. They want to know my identity. Let's help them feel comfortable. With your permission of course." He looked the entire Batfamily.
They all nodded.
"Come." Batman gestured. "Terry needs feeding anyway." Everyone followed him to the teleporter room.
The bat family teleported down first, then Batman input the coordinates, and the Justice league felt themselves being teleported down.
"Oh, my, gosh." Superman said, looking around the giant cave.
The others looked around, seeing none of the Batfamily around. Batman appeared beside them.
"Yes," John said sarcastically, "This is the perfect environment for a child!" He gestured to the bats hanging from the ceiling.
"Upstairs." Batman said, ominously. For a second, Wally thought maybe this was a trap designed to kill them.
The league ascended the stairs, looking around the room they had made up stories about. Once, they had even held a small competition to design the Batcave, the creepiest one won. (It was by Hawkgirl)
Superman pushed open the door, only to see a stark constrast from the cold, dark cave.
It was a warm lounge, fire lit, three red, comfortable looking couches, two of which were occupied by group of people. Looking closely, they realised that these were the previously costumed teenagers. They were sitting around, talking casually. (How the hell did they change so fast?)
On the edge of one of the couches, a very pretty woman sat, bottle-feeding Terry the baby. It actually took them a moment to recognise her as Catwoman, she looked so relaxed, without the air of maliciousness that her costume lent.
The walls were covered in books, it was a very large room, with a high ceiling.
"Okay…" Superman said, taken aback at the complete difference in character, and moreover, the identities of the costumed teens.
They turned to the door as a familiar woman wheeled in.
"Hey, aren't you commissioner Gordon's daughter?" Wally asked, having worked with the man once before on a forensics case.
"Yes, Hi, I Barbara, or Oracle as you met me before. Sorry I'm late, but that's what happens when someone decides to hold an impromptu meeting at their mansion." She explained.
They turned to Batman, only to see Bruce Wayne in his place.
Wally actually fell over.